GRACE
Abounding
to
the
chief
of
Sinners
:
OR
,
A
Brief
Relation
Of
the
exceeding
mercy
of
God
in
Christ
,
to
his
poor
Servant
John
Bunyan
.
IN
this
my
relation
of
the
merciful
working
of
God
upon
my
Soul
,
it
will
not
be
amiss
,
if
in
the
first
place
I
do
in
a
few
words
give
you
a
hint
of
my
pedegree
,
and
manner
of
bringing
up
;
that
thereby
the
goodness
and
bounty
of
God
towards
me
,
●ay
be
the
more
advanced
and
magnified
before
●he
sons
of
men
.
2.
For
my
descent
then
,
it
was
,
as
is
well
known
●y
many
,
of
a
low
and
inconsiderable
generation
;
●y
fathers
house
being
of
that
rank
that
is
mean●st
,
and
most
despised
of
all
the
families
in
the
●and
.
Wherefore
I
have
not
here
,
as
others
,
to
boast
of
Noble
blood
,
or
of
a
High-born
state
according
to
the
flesh
:
though
all
things
considered
,
I
magnifie
the
Heavenly
Majesty
,
for
that
by
thi●
door
he
brought
me
into
this
world
,
to
partake
o●
the
Grace
and
Life
that
is
in
Christ
by
the
Gospel
.
3.
But
yet
notwithstanding
the
meanness
and
inconsiderableness
of
my
Parents
,
it
pleased
God
to
put
it
into
their
heart
,
to
put
me
to
School
,
to
learn
both
to
Read
and
Write
;
the
which
I
also
attained
,
according
to
the
rate
of
other
poor
mens
children
,
though
to
my
shame
I
con●ess
,
I
did
soo●
loose
that
little
I
learnt
,
and
that
even
almost
utterly
,
and
that
long
before
the
Lord
did
work
hi●
gracious
work
of
conversion
upon
my
Soul.
4.
As
for
my
own
natural
life
,
for
the
time
that
I
was
without
God
in
the
world
,
it
was
,
indeed
,
acco●ding
to
the
course
of
this
world
,
and
the
spirit
that
now
worketh
in
the
children
of
disobedience
:
it
was
my
delight
to
be
taken
captive
by
the
Devil
at
his
will
,
being
filled
with
all
unrighteousness
;
the
which
did
also
so
strongly
work
,
and
put
forth
it self
,
both
in
my
heart
and
life
,
and
tha●
f●om
a
childe
,
that
I
had
but
few
Equals
,
(
especially
considering
my
yea●s
,
which
were
tender
(
being
few
)
both
for
cu●sing
,
swearing
,
lying
and
blaspheming
the
holy
Name
of
God.
5.
Yea
,
so
setled
and
rooted
was
I
in
thes●
things
,
that
they
became
as
a
second
Nature
to
me
;
the
which
,
as
I
also
have
with
soberness
considered
since
,
did
so
offend
the
Lord
,
that
even
i●
my
childhood
he
did
scare
and
affright
me
wit●
fearful
dreams
,
and
did
terrifie
me
with
dreadfu●
visions
.
For
often
,
after
I
had
spent
this
and
th●
other
day
in
sin
,
I
have
in
my
bed
been
greatly
a●flicted
,
while
asleep
,
with
the
apprehensions
o●
Devils
,
and
wicked
spirits
,
who
still
,
as
I
the●
thought
,
laboured
to
draw
me
away
with
them
of
which
I
could
never
be
rid
.
Also
I
should
at
●hese
years
be
g●eatly
afflicted
and
troubled
with
●he
thoughts
of
the
day
of
Judgement
,
and
that
●oth
night
and
day
,
and
should
tremble
at
the
●houghts
of
the
fearful
torments
of
Hell-fire
;
still
●earing
that
it
would
be
my
lot
to
be
found
at
last
●mongst
those
Devils
and
Hellish
Fiends
,
who
are
●here
bound
down
with
the
chains
and
bonds
of
eternal
da●kn●ss
.
6.
These
things
,
I
say
,
when
I
was
but
a
childe
,
did
so
distress
my
Soul
,
that
when
in
the
midst
of
my
many
sports
and
childish
vanities
,
amidst
my
●ain
companions
,
I
was
often
much
cast
down
and
afflicted
in
my
mind
therewith
;
yet
could
I
not
let
go
my
sins
:
yea
,
I
was
so
overcome
with
despair
of
life
and
heaven
,
that
then
I
should
often
wish
,
either
that
there
had
been
no
Hell
,
or
that
I
had
been
a
Devil
;
supposing
they
were
onely
tormentors
;
that
if
it
must
needs
be
,
that
I
indeed
went
thither
,
I
might
be
rather
a
tormentor
,
then
●ormented
my self
.
7.
A
while
after
,
these
terrible
dreams
did
leave
me
,
which
also
I
soon
forgot
;
for
my
pleasures
did
quickly
cut
off
the
remembrance
of
them
,
as
if
they
had
never
been
▪
wherefore
with
more
greediness
,
according
to
the
strength
of
Nature
,
I
did
still
let
loose
the
reins
to
my
lusts
,
and
delighted
in
all
●ransgression
against
the
Law
of
God
:
so
that
until
●
came
to
the
state
of
marriage
,
I
was
the
very
ring-●eader
of
all
the
Youth
that
kept
me
company
,
in●o
all
manner
of
vice
and
ungodliness
.
8.
Yea
,
such
prevalency
had
the
lusts
and
fruits
of
the
flesh
,
in
this
poor
Soul
of
mine
,
that
had
not
●
miracle
of
precious
grace
prevented
,
I
had
not
onely
perished
by
the
stroke
of
eternal
Justice
,
but
●ad
also
laid
my self
open
even
to
the
stroke
of
those
●aws
,
which
bring
some
to
disgrace
and
open
shame
before
the
face
of
the
wo●ld
.
9.
In
these
days
the
thoughts
of
Religion
wa●
very
grievous
to
me
;
I
could
neither
endure
it
m●
self
,
nor
that
any
other
should
:
so
that
when
I
hav●
but
seen
some
read
in
those
books
that
concerned
Chistian
piety
,
it
would
be
as
it
we●e
a
p●ison
to
me
.
T●en
I
said
unto
God
,
Depart
from
me
,
for
I
desire
not
the
knowledge
of
thy
ways
,
Job
21.14
,
15.
〈◊〉
was
now
void
of
all
good
consideration
;
Heave●
and
Hell
were
both
out
of
sight
and
minde
;
an●
as
for
Saving
and
Damning
,
they
were
least
in
my
thoughts
.
O
Lord
,
thou
knowest
my
life
,
and
my
way●
were
not
hid
f●om
thee
.
10.
Yet
this
I
well
remember
,
that
though
〈◊〉
could
my self
sin
with
greatest
delight
and
ease
▪
and
also
take
pleasure
in
the
vileness
of
my
companions
;
yet
even
then
,
if
I
have
at
any
time
seen
wicked
things
by
those
that
professed
goodness
,
i●
would
make
my
spirit
tremble
.
As
once
above
al●
the
rest
,
when
I
was
in
my
heighth
of
vanity
,
ye●
hearing
one
to
swear
that
was
reckoned
for
a
relious
man
,
it
had
so
great
a
stroke
upon
my
spirit
,
as
it
made
my
heart
to
ake
.
11.
Presently
after
this
,
I
changed
my
condition
into
a
married
state
;
and
my
mercy
was
,
to
ligh●
upon
a
Wife
whose
Father
was
counted
godly
▪
this
Woman
and
I
,
though
we
came
together
a●
poor
as
poor
might
be
,
(
not
having
so
much
as
a
Dish
or
Spoon
betwixt
us
both
)
yet
this
she
had
for
her
part
,
The
Plain
Mans
Path-way
to
Heaven
,
and
The
Practice
of
Piety
,
which
her
Father
had
left
he●
when
he
died
.
In
these
two
Books
,
I
should
sometimes
read
with
her
,
wherein
I
also
found
som●
things
that
were
somewhat
pleasing
to
me
:
(
bu●
all
this
while
I
met
with
no
conviction
.
)
She
als●
would
be
often
telling
of
me
what
a
godly
man
he●
Fat●er
was
,
and
how
he
would
reprove
and
correct
Vice
,
both
in
his
house
and
amongst
his
neighbours
;
what
a
strict
and
holy
life
he
lived
in
his
day
,
both
in
word
and
deed
.
12.
Wherefore
these
books
,
with
this
relation
,
though
they
did
not
reach
my
heart
to
awaken
it
about
my
sad
and
sinful
state
,
yet
they
did
beget
within
me
some
desires
to
Religion
:
so
that
,
because
I
knew
no
better
,
I
fell
in
very
eagerly
with
the
Religion
of
the
times
,
to
wit
,
to
go
to
Church
twice
a
day
,
and
that
too
with
the
foremost
,
and
there
should
very
devoutly
both
say
and
sing
as
others
did
;
yet
retaining
my
wicked
life
:
but
withal
,
I
was
so
over-run
with
a
spirit
of
superstition
,
that
I
adored
,
and
that
with
great
devotion
,
even
all
things
(
both
the
High-place
,
Priest
,
Clerk
,
Vestments
,
Service
,
and
what
else
)
belonging
to
the
Church
;
counting
all
things
holy
that
were
therein
contained
;
and
especially
the
Priest
and
Clerk
most
happy
,
and
without
doubt
greatly
blessed
,
because
they
were
the
Servants
,
as
I
then
thought
,
of
God
,
and
were
principal
in
the
holy
Temple
,
to
do
his
work
therein
.
13.
This
conceit
grew
so
strong
in
little
time
upon
my
spirit
,
that
had
I
but
seen
a
Priest
,
(
though
never
so
sordid
and
debauched
in
his
life
)
I
should
find
my
spirit
fall
under
him
,
reverence
him
,
and
knit
unto
him
;
yea
,
I
thought
for
the
love
I
did
bear
unto
them
,
(
supposing
they
were
the
Ministers
of
my
God
)
I
could
have
layn
down
at
their
feet
,
and
have
been
trampled
upon
by
them
;
their
Name
,
their
Garb
,
and
Work
,
did
so
intoxicate
and
bewitch
me
.
14.
After
I
had
been
thus
for
some
considerable
time
,
another
thought
came
into
my
mind
,
and
that
was
,
Whether
we
were
of
the
Israelites
or
no
:
for
finding
in
the
Scriptures
that
they
were
once
the
peculiar
People
of
God
;
thought
I
,
if
I
were
one
of
this
race
,
my
Soul
must
needs
be
happy
.
Now
again
,
I
found
within
me
a
great
longing
to
be
resolved
about
this
question
,
but
could
not
tell
how
I
should
:
at
last
,
I
asked
my
father
of
it
,
who
told
me
,
No
,
we
were
not
:
wherefore
then
I
fell
in
my
spirit
,
as
to
the
hopes
of
that
,
and
so
remained
.
15.
But
all
this
while
I
was
not
sensible
of
the
danger
and
evil
of
sin
;
I
was
kept
from
considering
that
sin
would
damn
me
,
what
Religion
soever
I
followed
,
unle●s
I
was
found
in
Christ
:
nay
;
I
never
thought
of
him
,
nor
whether
there
was
one
or
no.
Thus
man
,
while
blind
,
doth
wander
,
but
wearieth
him●elf
with
vanity
:
for
he
knoweth
not
the
way
to
the
City
of
God
,
Eccles.
10.15
.
16.
But
one
day
(
amongst
all
the
Sermons
our
Parson
made
)
his
subject
was
to
treat
of
the
Sabbath
day
,
and
of
the
evil
of
breaking
that
,
either
with
labour
,
sports
,
or
otherwise
:
(
now
I
was
one
that
took
much
delight
in
all
manner
of
vice
,
and
especially
that
was
the
Day
that
I
did
solace
my self
therewith
)
.
Wherefore
I
fell
in
my
conscience
under
his
Sermon
,
thinking
and
believing
that
he
made
that
Sermon
on
purpose
to
shew
me
my
evil-doing
;
and
at
that
time
I
felt
what
guilt
was
,
though
never
before
,
that
I
can
remember
;
but
then
I
was
for
the
present
greatly
loaden
therewith
,
and
so
went
home
when
the
Sermon
was
ended
,
with
a
great
burden
on
my
spirit
.
17.
This
for
that
instant
did
cut
the
sinews
of
my
delights
,
and
did
imbitter
my
former
pleasures
to
me
:
but
behold
,
it
lasted
not
;
for
before
I
had
well
dined
,
the
trouble
began
to
go
off
my
minde
,
and
my
heart
returned
to
its
old
course
:
but
Oh
how
glad
was
I
,
that
this
trouble
was
gone
from
me
,
and
that
the
fire
was
put
out
!
Wherefore
when
I
had
sat●sfied
nature
with
my
food
,
I
shook
the
Sermon
out
my
mind
,
and
to
my
old
custom●
of
sports
and
gaming
I
returned
with
great
delight
.
18.
But
the
same
day
,
as
I
was
in
the
midst
of
a
game
at
Cat
,
and
having
struck
it
one
blow
from
the
hole
;
just
as
I
was
about
to
strike
it
the
second
time
,
a
voice
did
suddenly
dart
from
Heaven
into
my
Soul
,
which
said
,
Wilt
thou
leave
thy
sins
,
and
go
to
Heaven
?
or
have
thy
sins
,
and
go
to
Hell
?
At
this
I
was
put
to
an
exceeding
maze
;
wherefore
leaving
my
Cat
upon
the
ground
,
I
looked
up
to
Heaven
,
and
was
as
if
I
had
with
the
eyes
of
my
understanding
,
seen
the
Lord
Jesus
looking
down
upon
me
,
as
being
very
hotly
displeased
with
me
,
and
as
if
he
did
severely
threaten
me
with
some
grievous
punishment
for
these
,
and
other
my
ungodly
practices
.
19.
I
had
no
sooner
thus
conceived
in
my
mind
,
but
suddenly
this
conclusion
was
fastned
on
my
spirit
,
(
for
the
former
hint
did
set
my
sins
again
before
my
face
)
That
I
had
been
a
great
and
grievous
Sinner
,
and
that
it
was
now
too
too
late
for
me
to
look
after
Hea●●n
,
for
Christ
would
not
forgive
me
,
nor
pardon
my
transgressions
.
Then
I
fell
to
musing
upon
this
also
;
and
while
I
was
thinking
on
it
,
and
fearing
lest
it
should
be
so
,
I
felt
my
heart
sink
in
despair
,
concluding
it
was
too
late
;
and
therefore
I
resolved
in
my
mind
,
I
would
go
on
in
sin
:
for
thought
I
,
if
the
case
be
thus
,
my
state
is
surely
miserable
;
miserable
,
if
I
leave
my
sins
;
and
but
miserable
,
if
I
follow
them
:
I
can
but
be
damned
;
and
if
it
must
be
so
,
I
had
as
good
be
damned
for
many
sins
,
as
to
be
damned
for
few
.
20.
Thus
I
stood
in
the
midst
of
my
play
,
before
●ll
that
then
were
present
;
but
yet
I
told
them
●othing
:
but
,
I
say
,
I
having
made
this
conclusion
,
●
returned
to
my
spo●t
again
;
and
I
well
remem●er
,
that
presently
this
kind
of
despair
did
so
possess
my
Soul
,
that
I
was
perswaded
I
could
never
●ttain
to
other
comfort
then
what
I
should
get
in
sin
;
for
Heaven
was
gone
already
,
so
that
on
that
I
must
not
think
:
wherefore
I
found
within
me
a
great
desire
to
take
my
fill
of
sin
,
still
studdying
what
sin
was
yet
to
be
committed
,
that
I
might
taste
the
sweetness
of
it
;
and
I
made
as
much
haste
as
I
could
to
fill
my
belly
with
its
delicates
,
lest
I
should
die
before
I
had
my
desire
;
for
that
I
seared
greatly
.
In
these
things
,
I
protest
before
God
,
I
ly●
not
,
neither
do
I
feign
this
form
of
speech
:
these
were
really
,
strongly
,
and
with
all
my
heart
,
my
desires
;
the
good
Lord
,
whose
mercy
is
unsearchable
,
forgive
me
my
transgressions
.
21.
(
And
I
am
very
confident
that
this
temptation
of
the
Devil
is
more
usual
amongst
poor
creatures
then
many
are
aware
of
,
even
to
over-run
thei●
spirits
with
a
scurvie
and
seared
frame
of
heart
,
and
benumming
of
conscience
:
which
frame
,
he
stilly
and
slyly
supplyeth
with
such
despair
,
that
thoug●
not
much
guilt
attendeth
the
Soul
,
yet
they
continually
have
a
secret
conclusion
within
them
,
tha●
there
is
no
hopes
for
them
;
for
they
have
loved
sins
Jer.
2.25
.
&
18.12
.
)
22.
Now
therefore
I
went
on
in
sin
with
grea●
greediness
of
mind
,
still
grudging
that
I
could
no●
be
so
satisfied
with
it
as
I
would
:
this
did
continu●
with
me
about
a
moneth
,
or
more
.
But
one-da●
as
I
was
standing
at
a
Neighbours
Shop-window
and
there
cursing
and
swearing
,
and
playing
th●
Mad-man
after
my
wonted
manner
,
there
sat●
within
the
woman
of
the
house
,
and
heard
me●
who
though
she
also
was
a
very
loose
and
ungodl●
Wretch
,
yet
protested
that
I
swore
and
cursed
〈◊〉
that
most
fearful
rate
,
that
she
was
made
to
tremb●●
to
heat
me
:
And
told
me
further
,
That
I
was
t●●
ungodliest
Fellow
for
swearing
that
ever
she
heard
in
〈◊〉
her
life
;
and
that
I
by
thus
doing
,
was
able
to
spoile
all
the
Youth
in
a
whole
Town
,
if
they
came
but
in
my
company
.
23.
At
this
reproof
I
was
silenced
,
and
put
to
secret
shame
;
and
that
too
,
as
I
thought
,
before
the
God
of
Heaven
:
wherefore
while
I
there
stood
,
and
hanging
down
my
head
,
I
wished
with
all
my
heart
that
I
might
be
a
little
childe
again
,
that
my
Father
might
learn
me
to
speak
without
this
wicked
way
of
swearing
:
for
thought
I
,
I
am
so
accustomed
to
it
,
that
it
is
but
in
vain
for
me
to
think
of
a
reformation
,
for
I
thought
it
could
never
be
.
24.
But
how
it
came
to
pass
I
know
not
,
I
did
from
this
time
forward
so
leave
my
swearing
,
that
it
was
a
great
wonder
to
my self
to
observe
it
;
and
whereas
before
I
knew
not
how
to
speak
unless
I
put
an
Oath
before
,
and
another
behind
,
to
make
my
words
have
authority
,
now
I
could
speak
better
,
and
with
more
pleasantness
then
ever
I
could
before
:
all
this
while
I
knew
not
Jesus
Christ
,
neither
did
I
leave
my
sports
and
play
.
25.
But
quickly
after
this
,
I
fell
in
company
with
one
poor
man
,
that
made
profession
of
Religion
;
Who
,
as
I
then
thought
,
did
talk
pleasantly
of
the
Scriptures
,
and
of
the
matters
of
Religion
:
wherefore
falling
into
some
love
and
liking
to
what
he
said
,
I
betook
me
to
my
Bible
,
and
began
to
take
great
pleasu●e
in
reading
,
but
especially
with
the
historical
part
thereof
:
for
as
for
Pauls
Epistles
,
and
Scriptures
of
that
nature
,
I
could
not
away
with
them
,
being
as
yet
but
ignorant
either
of
the
corruptions
of
my
nature
,
or
of
the
want
and
worth
of
Jesus
Christ
to
save
me
.
26.
Wherefore
I
fell
to
some
outward
Reformation
,
both
in
my
words
and
life
,
and
did
set
the
Commandments
before
me
for
my
way
to
Heaven
:
which
Commandments
.
I
also
did
strive
to
keep
;
and
,
as
I
thought
,
did
keep
them
pretty
well
sometimes
,
and
then
I
should
have
comfort
;
yet
now
and
then
should
break
one
,
and
so
afflict
my
Conscience
;
but
then
I
should
repent
,
and
say
I
was
sorry
for
it
,
and
promise
God
to
do
better
next
time
,
and
there
get
help
again
.
27.
Thus
I
continued
about
a
year
,
all
which
time
our
Neighbours
did
take
me
to
be
a
very
godly
man
,
a
new
and
religious
man
,
and
did
marvel
much
to
see
such
a
great
and
famous
alteration
in
my
life
and
manners
;
and
indeed
so
it
was
,
though
yet
I
knew
not
Christ
,
nor
Grace
,
nor
Faith
,
nor
Hope
;
and
truly
as
I
have
well
seen
since
,
had
I
then
died
,
my
state
had
been
most
fearful
:
well
,
this
I
say
,
continued
about
a
twelve-month
,
or
more
.
28.
But
upon
a
day
,
the
good
Providence
of
God
did
cast
me
to
Bedford
,
to
work
on
my
calling
;
and
in
one
of
the
streets
of
that
town
,
I
came
where
there
was
three
or
four
poor
women
sitting
at
a
door
in
the
Sun
,
and
talking
about
the
things
of
God
;
and
being
now
willing
to
hear
them
discourse
,
I
drew
near
to
hear
what
they
said
;
for
I
was
now
a
brisk
talker
also
my self
in
the
matters
of
Religion
:
but
now
I
may
say
,
I
heard
,
but
I
understood
not
,
for
they
were
far
above
out
of
my
reach
,
for
their
talk
was
about
a
new
birth
,
the
work
of
God
on
their
hearts
,
also
how
they
were
convinced
of
their
miserable
stare
by
nature
:
they
talked
how
God
had
visited
their
souls
with
his
love
in
the
Lord
Jesus
,
and
with
what
words
and
promises
they
had
been
refreshed
,
comforted
,
and
supported
against
the
temptations
of
the
Devil
;
moreover
,
they
reasoned
of
the
suggestions
and
temptations
of
Satan
in
particular
,
and
told
to
each
other
by
which
they
had
been
afflicted
,
and
how
they
were
born
up
under
his
assaults
:
they
also
discoursed
of
their
own
wretchedness
of
heart
,
of
their
unbelief
,
and
did
contemn
,
slight
and
abhor
their
own
righteousness
,
as
filthy
,
and
insufficient
to
do
them
any
good
.
29.
And
me
thought
they
spake
as
if
joy
did
make
them
speak
:
they
spake
with
such
plea●antne●s
of
Scripture
language
,
and
with
such
appearance
of
grace
in
all
they
said
,
that
they
were
to
me
as
if
they
had
found
a
new
world
,
as
if
they
were
people
that
dwelt
alone
,
and
were
not
to
be
reckoned
amongst
their
Neighbou●s
.
30.
At
this
I
felt
my
own
heart
began
to
shake
,
as
mistrusting
my
condition
to
be
naught
;
for
I
saw
that
in
all
my
thoughts
about
Religion
and
Salvation
,
the
New
birth
did
never
enter
into
my
mind
,
neither
knew
I
the
comfort
of
the
Word
and
Promise
,
nor
the
deceitfulness
and
treachery
of
my
own
wicked
heart
.
As
for
secret
thoughts
,
I
took
no
notice
of
them
;
neither
did
I
understand
what
Satans
temptations
were
,
nor
how
they
were
to
be
withstood
and
resisted
,
&c.
31.
Thus
therefore
when
I
had
heard
and
considered
what
they
said
,
I
left
them
,
and
went
about
my
employment
again
:
but
their
talk
and
discourse
went
with
me
,
also
my
heart
would
tarry
with
them
,
for
●
was
greatly
affected
with
their
words
,
both
because
by
them
I
was
convinced
that
I
wanted
the
true
tokens
of
a
truly
godly
man
,
and
also
because
by
them
I
was
convinced
of
the
happy
and
blessed
condition
of
him
that
was
such
a
one
.
32.
Therefore
I
should
often
make
it
my
business
to
be
going
again
and
again
into
the
company
of
these
poor
people
;
for
●
could
not
stay
away
;
and
the
more
I
went
amongst
them
,
the
more
I
did
question
my
condition
;
and
,
as
still
I
do
remember
,
presently
I
found
two
things
within
me
,
at
which
I
did
sometimes
marvel
,
(
especially
considering
what
a
blind
,
ignorant
,
so●did
and
ungodly
Wretch
but
just
before
I
was
)
the
one
was
,
a
very
great
softness
and
tenderness
of
heart
,
which
caused
me
to
fall
under
the
conviction
of
what
by
Scripture
,
they
asserted
;
and
the
other
was
,
a
great
bending
in
my
mind
to
a
continual
meditating
on
them
,
and
on
all
other
good
things
which
at
any
time
I
heard
or
read
of
.
33.
My
mind
was
now
so
turned
,
that
it
lay
like
a
Horseleach
at
the
vein
,
still
crying
out
,
Give
,
give
;
yea
,
it
was
so
fixed
on
Eternity
,
and
on
the
things
about
the
Kingdome
of
Heaven
,
that
is
,
so
far
as
I
knew
,
though
as
yet
God
knows
,
I
knew
but
little
,
that
neither
pleasures
,
nor
profits
,
nor
perswasions
,
nor
threats
,
could
loosen
it
,
or
make
it
let
go
its
hold
;
and
,
thou●h
I
may
speak
it
with
shame
,
yet
it
is
in
very
deed
a
certain
truth
,
it
would
then
have
been
as
difficult
for
me
to
have
taken
my
mind
from
heaven
to
earth
,
as
I
have
found
it
often
since
to
get
it
again
from
earth
to
heaven
.
34.
And
now
me
thought
I
began
to
look
into
the
Bible
with
new
eyes
,
and
read
as
I
never
did
before
;
and
especially
the
Epistles
of
the
Apostle
Paul
were
sweet
and
pleasant
to
me
:
and
indeed
I
was
then
never
out
of
the
Bible
,
either
by
reading
or
meditation
,
still
crying
out
to
God
,
that
I
might
know
the
truth
,
and
way
to
heaven
and
glory
.
35.
And
as
I
went
on
and
read
,
I
lighted
on
that
passage
,
To
one
is
given
by
the
Spirit
the
word
of
wisdome
,
to
another
the
word
of
knowledge
by
the
same
Spirit
,
and
to
another
Faith
,
&c.
1
Cor.
12.
And
though
,
as
I
have
since
seen
,
that
by
this
Scripture
the
holy
Ghost
intends
,
in
special
,
things
extraordinary
,
yet
on
me
it
then
did
fasten
with
conviction
,
that
I
did
,
want
things
ordinary
,
even
that
understanding
and
wisdome
that
other
Christians
had
.
On
this
word
I
mused
,
and
could
not
tell
what
to
do
,
for
I
feared
it
shut
me
out
of
all
the
blessings
that
other
good
people
had
given
them
of
God
:
but
I
was
loath
to
conclude
I
had
no
Faith
in
my
soul
:
for
if
I
do
so
,
thought
I
,
then
I
shall
count
my self
a
very
Cast-away
indeed
.
36.
No
,
said
I
with
my self
,
though
I
am
convinced
that
I
am
an
ignorant
Sot
,
and
that
I
want
those
blessed
gifts
of
knowledge
and
understanding
that
other
good
people
have
,
yet
at
a
venture
I
will
conclude
I
am
not
altogether
faithless
,
though
I
know
not
what
Faith
is
.
For
it
was
shewed
me
,
and
that
too
(
as
I
have
since
seen
)
by
Satan
,
That
those
who
conclude
themselves
in
a
faithless
state
,
have
neither
rest
nor
quiet
in
their
Souls
;
and
●
was
loath
to
fall
quite
into
despair
.
37.
Wherefore
by
this
suggestion
,
I
was
for
a
while
made
afraid
to
see
my
want
of
Faith
;
but
God
would
not
suffer
me
thus
to
undo
and
destroy
my
Soul
,
but
did
continually
against
this
my
blinde
and
sad
conclusion
,
create
still
within
me
such
suppositions
,
That
I
might
in
this
deceive
my self
;
that
I
could
not
rest
con●ent
until
I
did
now
come
to
some
certain
knowledge
whether
I
had
Faith
or
no
;
this
always
running
in
my
minde
,
But
how
if
you
want
Faith
indeed
?
but
how
can
you
tell
you
have
Faith
?
38.
So
that
though
I
endeavoured
at
the
first
to
look
over
the
business
of
Faith
,
yet
in
a
little
time
,
I
better
considering
the
matter
,
was
willing
to
put
my self
upon
the
tryal
,
whether
I
had
Faith
or
no.
But
alas
,
poor
Wretch
!
so
ignorant
and
brutish
was
I
,
that
I
knew
to
this
day
no
more
how
to
do
it
,
than
I
know
how
to
begin
and
accomplish
that
rare
and
curious
piece
of
Art
,
which
I
never
yet
saw
nor
considered
.
39.
Wherefore
while
I
was
thus
considering
,
and
being
put
to
my
plunge
about
it
(
for
you
must
know
that
as
yet
I
had
in
this
matter
broken
my
mind
to
no
man
,
onely
did
hear
and
consider
)
the
Tempter
came
in
with
this
delusion
,
That
there
was
no
way
for
me
to
know
I
had
Faith
,
but
by
trying
to
work
some
miracle
,
urging
those
Scriptures
that
seem
to
look
that
way
,
for
the
inforcing
and
strengthening
his
Temptation
.
Nay
,
one
day
as
I
was
betwixt
Elstow
and
Bedford
,
the
temptation
was
hot
upon
me
to
try
if
I
had
Faith
by
doing
of
some
miracle
;
which
miracle
at
that
time
was
this
,
I
must
say
to
the
puddles
that
were
in
the
horse
pads
,
Be
dry
;
and
to
the
dry
places
,
Be
you
the
puddles
:
and
truly
one
time
I
was
a
going
to
say
so
indeed
;
but
just
as
I
was
about
to
speak
,
this
thought
came
into
my
minde
,
But
go
under
yonder
Hedge
,
and
pray
first
,
that
God
would
make
you
able
:
but
when
I
had
concluded
to
pray
,
this
came
hot
upon
me
,
That
if
I
prayed
and
came
again
and
tried
to
do
it
,
and
yet
did
nothing
notwithstanding
,
then
besure
I
had
no
Faith
,
but
was
a
Cast-away
,
and
lost
:
Nay
,
thought
I
,
if
it
be
so
,
I
will
never
try
yet
,
but
will
stay
a
little
longer
.
40.
So
I
continued
at
a
great
loss
:
for
I
thought
if
they
onely
had
Faith
which
could
do
such
wonderful
things
,
then
I
concluded
that
for
the
present
I
neither
had
it
,
nor
yet
for
time
to
come
were
ever
like
to
have
it
.
Thus
I
was
tossed
betwixt
the
Devil
and
my
own
ignorance
,
and
so
perplexed
,
especially
at
some
times
,
that
I
could
not
tell
what
to
doe
.
41.
About
this
time
,
the
state
and
happiness
of
these
poor
people
at
Bedford
was
thus
in
a
Dream
or
Vision
represented
to
me
:
I
saw
as
if
they
were
set
on
the
Sunny
side
of
some
high
Mountain
,
there
refreshing
themselves
with
the
pleasant
beams
of
the
Sun
,
while
I
was
shivering
and
shrinking
in
the
cold
,
afflicted
with
frost
,
snow
,
and
dark
clouds
;
methought
also
betwixt
me
and
them
I
saw
a
wall
that
did
compass
about
this
Mountain
;
now
thorow
this
wall
,
my
Soul
did
greatly
desire
to
pass
,
concluding
that
if
I
could
,
I
would
goe
even
into
the
very
midst
of
them
,
and
there
also
comfort
my self
with
the
heat
of
their
Sun.
42.
About
this
wall
I
thought
my self
to
goe
again
and
again
,
still
prying
as
I
went
,
to
see
if
I
could
find
some
way
or
passage
by
which
I
might
enter
therein
,
but
none
could
I
find
for
some
time
:
at
the
last
I
saw
as
it
were
a
narrow
gap
,
like
a
little
door-way
in
the
wall
,
thorow
which
I
attempted
to
pass
:
but
the
passage
being
very
straight
,
and
narrow
,
I
made
many
offers
to
get
in
,
but
all
in
vain
,
even
untill
I
was
well
nigh
quite
beat
out
by
striving
to
get
in
:
at
last
with
great
striving
,
me
thought
I
at
first
did
get
in
my
head
,
&
after
that
by
a
side-ling
striving
,
my
shoulders
,
and
my
whole
body
;
then
was
I
exceeding
glad
,
and
went
and
sat
down
in
the
midst
of
them
,
and
so
was
comforted
with
the
light
and
heat
of
their
Sun.
43.
Now
this
Mountain
and
Wall
,
&c.
was
thus
made
out
to
me
;
the
Mountain
signified
the
Church
of
the
living
God
;
the
Sun
that
shone
thereon
,
the
comfortable
shining
of
his
mercifull
face
on
them
●hat
were
therein
:
the
wall
I
thought
was
the
Word
●hat
did
make
separa●ion
between
the
Christians
●nd
the
world
:
and
the
gap
which
was
in
this
wall
,
I
thought
was
Jesus
Christ
,
who
is
the
way
●o
God
the
Father
.
But
for
as
much
as
the
passage
was
wonderful
narrow
,
even
so
narrow
,
that
44.
This
resemblance
abode
upon
my
spirit
many
dayes
,
all
which
time
I
saw
my self
in
a
sorlorn
and
sad
condition
,
but
yet
was
provoked
to
a
vehement
hunger
,
and
desire
to
be
one
of
that
number
that
did
sit
in
this
Sun-shine
:
now
also
I
should
pray
where
ever
I
was
,
whether
at
home
or
a
broad
,
in
house
or
field
,
and
should
also
often
with
lifting
up
of
heart
,
sing
that
of
the
fifty
first
Psalm
,
O
Lord
,
consider
my
distress
:
for
as
yet
I
knew
not
where
I
was
.
45.
Neither
as
yet
could
I
attain
to
any
comfortable
perswasion
that
I
had
Faith
in
Chirst
,
but
instead
of
having
satisfaction
,
here
I
began
to
find
my
Soul
to
be
assaulted
with
fresth
doubts
about
my
future
happiness
,
especially
with
such
as
these
,
Whether
I
was
elected
;
but
how
if
the
day
of
grace
should
now
be
past
and
gone
?
46.
By
these
two
temptations
I
was
very
much
afflicted
and
disquieted
;
sometimes
by
one
,
and
sometimes
by
the
other
of
them
.
And
first
,
to
speak
of
that
about
my
questioning
my
election
,
I
found
●t
this
time
that
though
I
was
in
a
flame
to
find
the
way
to
Heaven
and
Glory
,
and
though
nothing
could
beat
me
off
from
this
,
yet
this
question
did
so
offend
and
discourage
me
,
that
I
was
,
especially
at
sometimes
,
as
if
the
very
strength
of
my
body
also
had
been
taken
away
by
the
force
and
power
thereof
.
This
Scripture
also
did
seem
to
me
t●
trample
upon
all
my
desires
,
It
is
neither
in
him
that
willeth
,
nor
in
him
that
runneth
,
but
in
God
th●●
sheweth
mercy
,
Rom
9.
47.
With
this
Scripture
I
could
not
tell
what
to
do
for
I
evidently
saw
that
unless
the
great
God
of
hi●
infinite
grace
and
bounty
,
had
voluntarily
chos●
me
to
be
a
vessel
of
mercy
,
though
I
should
desire
and
long
,
and
labour
untill
my
heart
did
break
,
〈◊〉
good
could
come
of
it
.
Therefore
this
wou●●
still
stick
with
me
,
How
can
you
tell
you
are
●lected
?
and
what
if
you
should
not
?
how
then
?
48.
O
Lord
,
thought
I
,
what
if
I
should
not
indeed
?
it
may
be
you
are
not
,
laid
the
Tempter
:
it
may
be
so
indeed
,
thought
I.
Why
then
,
●aid
Satan
,
you
had
as
good
leave
off
,
and
strive
no
further
;
for
if
indeed
you
should
not
be
Elected
and
chosen
of
God
,
there
is
no
talke
of
your
being
saved
:
For
it
is
neither
in
him
that
willeth
,
nor
in
him
that
runneth
,
but
in
God
that
sheweth
mercy
.
49.
By
these
things
I
was
driven
to
my
wits
end
,
not
knowing
what
to
say
,
or
how
to
answer
these
temptations
,
(
indeed
I
little
thought
that
Satan
had
thus
assaulted
me
,
but
that
rather
it
was
my
own
prudence
thus
to
start
the
question
)
for
that
the
Elect
only
attained
eternal
life
,
that
I
without
scruple
did
heartily
close
withall
▪
but
that
my self
was
one
of
them
,
there
lay
all
the
question
.
50.
Thus
therefore
for
several
dayes
I
was
greatly
assaulted
and
perplexed
,
and
was
often
,
when
I
have
been
walking
,
ready
to
sink
where
I
went
with
faintness
in
my
mind
:
but
one
day
,
after
I
had
been
so
many
weeks
oppressed
and
cast
down
therewith
,
as
I
was
now
quite
giving
up
the
Ghost
of
all
my
hopes
of
ever
attaining
life
,
that
sentence
fell
with
weight
upon
my
spirit
,
Look
at
the
generations
of
old
,
and
see
,
did
ever
any
trust
in
God
and
were
confounded
?
51.
At
which
I
was
greatly
lightened
,
and
encouraged
in
my
Soul
;
for
thus
at
that
very
instant
it
was
expounded
to
me
:
Begin
at
the
beginning
of
Genesis
,
and
read
to
the
end
of
the
Revelations
,
see
if
you
can
find
that
there
was
any
that
ever
trusted
in
the
Lord
,
and
was
Confounded
.
So
coming
home
,
I
presently
went
to
my
Bible
to
see
if
I
could
find
that
saying
,
not
doubting
but
to
find
it
presently
,
for
it
was
so
fresh
,
and
with
such
strength
and
comfort
on
my
spirit
,
that
I
was
as
if
it
talked
with
me
.
52.
Well
,
I
looked
,
but
I
found
it
not
,
only
it
abode
upon
me
:
then
I
did
aske
first
this
good
man
,
and
then
another
,
if
they
knew
where
it
was
;
but
they
knew
no
such
place
:
at
this
I
wondered
that
such
a
sentence
should
so
suddenly
and
with
such
comfort
,
and
strength
seize
and
abide
upon
my
heart
,
and
yet
that
none
could
find
it
,
(
for
I
doubted
not
but
it
was
in
holy
Scripture
.
)
53.
Thus
I
continued
above
a
year
,
and
could
not
find
the
place
,
but
at
last
,
casting
my
eye
into
the
Apocrypha-Books
,
I
sound
it
in
Ecclesiasticus
;
this
at
the
first
did
somewhat
daunt
me
,
but
because
by
this
time
I
had
got
more
experience
of
the
love
and
k●ndness
of
God
,
it
troubled
me
the
less
;
especially
when
I
considered
,
that
though
it
was
not
in
those
Texts
that
we
call
holy
and
Canonical
,
yet
for
as
much
as
this
sentence
was
the
sum
and
substance
of
many
of
the
promises
,
it
was
my
duty
to
to
take
the
comfort
of
it
,
and
I
bless
God
for
that
word
,
for
it
was
of
God
to
me
:
that
word
doth
still
at
times
shine
before
my
face
.
54.
After
this
,
that
other
doubt
did
come
with
strength
upon
me
,
But
how
if
the
day
of
grace
should
be
past
and
gone
?
how
if
you
have
over-stood
the
time
of
mercy
?
Now
I
remember
that
one
day
as
I
was
walking
into
the
Country
,
I
was
much
in
the
thoughts
of
this
,
But
how
if
the
day
of
grace
be
past
?
and
to
aggravate
my
trouble
,
the
Tempter
presented
to
my
mind
those
good
people
of
Bedford
,
and
suggested
thus
unto
me
,
That
these
being
converted
already
,
they
were
all
that
God
would
save
in
those
parts
,
&
that
I
came
too
late
,
for
these
had
got
the
blessing
before
I
came
.
55.
Now
was
I
in
great
distress
,
thinking
in
very
deed
that
this
might
well
be
so
:
wherefore
I
wen●
up
and
down
bemoaning
my
sad
condition
,
counting
my self
far
worse
then
a
thousand
fools
,
for
standing
off
thus
long
,
and
spending
so
many
years
in
sin
as
I
have
done
;
still
crying
out
!
Oh
that
I
had
turned
sooner
!
Oh
that
I
had
turned
seven
years
agoe
;
it
made
me
also
angry
with
my self
,
to
think
that
I
should
have
no
more
wit
but
to
trifle
away
my
time
till
my
Soul
and
Heaven
were
lost
.
56.
But
when
I
had
been
long
vexed
with
this
fear
,
and
was
scarce
able
to
take
one
step
more
,
just
about
the
same
place
where
I
received
my
other
encouragement
,
these
words
broke
in
upon
my
mind
,
Compell
them
to
come
in
,
that
my
house
may
be
filled
,
and
yet
there
is
roome
,
Luke
14.22
,
23.
These
words
,
but
especially
them
,
And
yet
there
is
roome
,
were
sweet
words
to
me
;
for
truly
I
thought
that
by
them
I
saw
that
there
was
place
enough
in
Heaven
for
me
,
and
moreover
,
that
when
the
Lord
Jesus
did
speak
these
words
,
he
then
did
think
of
me
,
and
that
he
knowing
the
time
would
come
that
I
should
be
afflicted
with
fear
,
that
there
was
no
place
left
for
me
in
his
bosome
,
did
before
speak
this
word
,
and
leave
it
upon
record
,
that
I
might
find
help
thereby
against
this
vile
temptation
.
57.
In
the
light
and
encouragement
of
this
word
,
I
went
a
pretty
while
,
and
the
comfort
was
the
more
,
when
I
thought
that
the
Lord
Jesus
should
think
on
me
so
long
agoe
,
and
that
he
should
speak
them
words
on
purpose
for
my
sake
,
for
I
did
then
think
verily
that
he
did
on
purpose
speak
them
to
encourage
me
withall
.
58.
After
this
,
I
found
by
reading
the
word
,
that
those
that
must
be
glorified
with
Christ
in
another
world
,
Must
be
called
by
him
here
.
Called
to
the
partaking
of
a
share
in
his
word
and
righteousness
,
and
to
the
comforts
&
first-fruits
of
his
Spirit
,
and
to
a
peculiar
interest
in
all
those
Heavenly
things
,
which
do
indeed
fore-fit
the
Soul
for
that
rest
and
house
of
glory
which
is
in
Heaven
above
.
59.
Here
again
I
was
at
a
very
great
stand
,
not
knowing
what
to
doe
,
fearing
I
was
not
called
;
for
thought
I
,
if
I
be
not
called
,
what
then
can
doe
me
good
?
But
oh
how
I
now
loved
those
words
that
spake
of
a
Christians
calling
!
as
when
the
Lord
said
to
one
,
Follow
me
;
and
to
another
,
Come
after
me
and
oh
thought
I
,
that
he
would
say
so
to
me
too
!
how
gladly
would
I
run
after
him
.
60.
I
cannot
now
express
with
what
longings
and
breakings
in
my
Soul
,
I
cryed
to
Christ
to
call
me
.
Thus
I
continued
for
a
time
all
on
a
flame
to
be
converted
to
Jesus
Christ
,
and
did
also
see
at
that
day
such
glory
in
a
converted
state
,
that
I
could
not
be
contented
without
a
share
therein
.
Gold
!
could
it
have
been
gotten
for
Gold
,
what
could
I
have
given
for
it
!
had
I
had
a
whole
world
,
it
had
all
gone
ten
thousand
times
over
,
for
this
,
that
my
Soul
might
have
been
in
a
converted
state
.
61.
How
lovely
now
was
every
one
in
my
eyes
,
that
I
thought
to
be
converted
men
and
women
?
they
shone
,
they
walked
like
a
people
that
carried
the
broad
Seal
of
Heaven
about
them
.
Oh
I
saw
the
lot
was
fallen
to
them
in
pleasant
places
,
and
they
had
a
goodly
heritage
.
But
that
which
made
me
sick
,
was
that
of
Christ
,
in
Mark
,
He
went
up
into
a
Mountain
,
and
called
to
him
whom
he
would
,
and
they
came
unto
him
,
Mark
3.13
.
62.
This
Scripture
made
me
saint
and
fear
,
yet
it
kindled
fire
in
my
Soul.
That
which
made
me
fear
,
was
this
,
lest
Christ
should
have
no
liking
to
me
,
for
he
called
whom
he
would
.
But
on
the
glory
that
I
saw
in
that
condition
,
did
still
so
engage
my
heart
,
that
I
could
seldome
read
of
any
that
Christ
did
call
,
but
I
presently
wished
,
Would
I
had
been
in
their
cloaths
,
would
I
had
been
born
Peter
,
would
I
had
been
born
John
,
or
would
I
had
been
by
,
and
had
heard
him
when
he
called
them
,
how
would
I
have
cryed
,
O
Lord
,
call
me
also
!
but
oh
I
feared
he
would
not
call
me
.
63.
And
truly
the
Lord
let
me
goe
thus
many
months
together
,
and
shewed
me
nothing
,
either
that
I
was
already
,
or
should
be
called
hereafter
.
But
at
last
,
after
much
time
spent
,
and
many
groans
to
God
,
that
I
might
be
made
partaker
of
the
holy
and
heavenly
calling
,
that
word
came
in
upon
me
,
I
will
cleanse
their
blood
that
I
have
not
cleansed
,
for
the
Lord
dwelleth
in
Zion
.
Joel
3.21
.
These
words
I
thought
were
sent
to
encourage
me
to
wait
still
upon
God
,
and
signified
unto
me
,
that
if
I
were
not
already
,
yet
time
might
come
I
might
be
in
truth
converted
unto
Christ.
64.
About
this
time
I
began
to
break
my
mind
to
those
poor
people
in
Gedford
,
and
to
tell
them
my
condition
:
which
when
they
had
heard
,
they
told
Mr.
Gifford
of
me
,
who
himself
also
took
occasion
to
talke
with
me
,
and
was
willing
to
be
perswaded
of
me
,
though
I
think
but
from
little
grounds
;
but
he
invited
me
to
his
house
,
where
I
should
hear
him
confer
with
others
about
the
dealings
of
God
with
the
Soul
:
from
all
which
I
still
received
more
conviction
,
and
from
that
time
began
to
see
something
of
the
vanity
and
inward
wretchedness
of
my
wicked
heart
,
for
as
yet
I
knew
no
great
matter
therein
,
but
now
it
began
to
be
discovered
unto
me
,
and
also
to
worke
at
that
rate
for
wickedness
as
it
never
did
before
.
Now
I
evidently
found
,
that
lusts
and
corruptions
would
strongly
put
forth
themselves
within
me
,
in
wicked
thoughts
and
desires
,
which
I
did
not
regard
before
:
my
desires
also
for
heaven
and
life
began
to
fail
;
I
found
also
,
that
whereas
before
my
Soul
was
full
of
long●ngs
after
God
,
now
my
heart
began
to
hanker
after
every
foolish
vanity
;
yea
,
my
heart
would
not
be
moved
to
mind
that
that
was
good
,
it
began
to
be
careless
both
of
my
Soul
and
Heaven
;
it
would
now
continually
hang
back
both
to
,
and
in
every
duty
,
and
was
as
a
clog
on
the
leg
of
a
Bird
to
hinder
her
from
flying
.
65.
Nay
,
thought
I
,
now
I
grow
worse
and
worse
,
now
am
I
further
from
conversion
then
ever
I
was
before
;
wherefore
,
I
began
to
sink
greatly
in
my
Soul
,
and
began
to
entertain
such
discouragement
in
my
heart
,
as
laid
me
as
low
as
Hell.
If
now
I
should
have
burned
at
a
stake
,
I
could
not
believe
that
Christ
had
love
for
me
.
Alas
,
I
could
neither
hear
him
,
nor
see
him
,
nor
feel
him
,
nor
savor
any
of
his
things
:
I
was
driven
as
with
a
Tempest
,
my
heart
would
be
unclean
,
the
Cananites
would
dwell
in
the
Land.
66.
Sometimes
I
would
tell
my
condition
to
the
people
of
God
;
which
when
they
heard
,
they
would
pity
me
,
and
would
tell
me
of
the
Promises
;
but
they
had
as
good
have
told
me
that
I
must
reach
the
Sun
with
my
finger
,
as
have
bidden
me
receive
or
relie
upon
the
Promise
,
and
as
soon
I
should
have
done
it
,
all
my
sence
and
feeling
was
against
me
,
and
I
saw
I
had
a
heart
that
would
sin
,
and
lay
under
a
Law
that
would
condemn
.
67.
(
These
things
have
often
made
me
think
of
that
Child
which
the
Father
brought
to
Christ
,
Who
while
he
was
yet
a
coming
to
him
,
was
thrown
down
by
the
Devil
,
and
also
so
rent
and
torn
by
him
,
that
he
lay
and
wallowed
foaming
:
)
Luke
9.42
.
Ma●●
9.20
.
68.
Further
,
in
these
dayes
I
should
find
m●
heart
to
shut
it self
up
against
the
Lord
,
and
against
his
holy
Word
,
I
have
found
my
unbelief
to
set
as
i●
were
the
shoulder
to
the
door
to
keep
him
out
and
that
too
,
even
then
when
I
have
with
many
〈◊〉
bitter
sigh
cried
,
Good
Lord
break
it
open
;
Lord
break
these
gates
of
brass
,
and
cut
these
bars
of
iron
asunder
.
Yet
that
Word
would
sometime
create
in
my
heart
a
peaceable
pause
,
I
girded
thee
,
though
thou
hast
not
known
me
.
69.
But
all
this
while
,
as
to
the
act
of
sinning
,
I
never
was
more
tender
then
now
;
I
durst
not
take
a
pin
or
a
stick
,
though
but
so
big
as
a
straw
;
for
my
conscience
now
was
sore
,
and
would
smart
at
every
touch
:
I
could
not
now
tell
how
to
speak
my
words
for
fear
I
should
mis-place
them
:
O
how
gingerly
did
I
then
go
,
in
all
I
did
or
said
!
I
found
my self
as
on
a
miry
bog
,
that
shook
if
I
did
but
stir
,
and
as
there
left
both
of
God
,
and
Christ
,
and
the
Spirit
,
and
all
good
things
.
70.
And
though
I
was
thus
troubled
and
tossed
and
afflicted
with
the
sight
and
sence
and
terrour
of
my
own
wickedness
,
yet
I
was
afraid
to
let
this
sence
and
sight
go
quite
off
my
minde
:
for
I
found
that
unless
guilt
of
Conscience
was
taken
off
the
right
way
,
that
is
,
by
the
Blood
of
Christ
,
a
man
grew
rather
worse
for
the
loss
of
his
trouble
of
minde
,
than
better
.
Wherefore
if
my
guilt
lay
hard
upon
me
,
then
I
should
cry
that
the
Blood
of
Christ
might
take
it
off
:
and
if
it
was
going
off
without
it
(
for
the
sence
of
sin
would
be
sometimes
as
if
it
would
die
,
and
go
quite
away
)
then
I
would
also
strive
to
fetch
it
upon
my
heart
again
,
by
bringing
the
punishment
for
sin
in
Hell-fire
upon
my
Spirit
;
and
should
cry
,
Lord
,
let
it
not
go
off
my
heart
but
the
right
way
,
but
by
the
Blood
of
Christ
,
and
by
the
application
of
thy
mercy
thorow
him
to
my
Soul
;
for
that
Scripture
lay
much
upon
me
,
Without
shedding
of
Blood
there
is
no
Remission
,
Heb.
9.22
.
And
that
which
made
me
the
more
afraid
of
this
,
was
,
Because
I
had
seen
some
,
who
though
when
they
were
under
Wounds
of
Conscience
,
then
they
would
cry
and
pray
,
but
they
seeking
rather
present
Ease
from
their
Trouble
,
then
Pardon
fo●
their
Sin
,
cared
not
how
they
lost
their
guilt
,
〈◊〉
they
got
it
out
of
their
minde
;
and
therefore
having
got
it
off
the
wrong
way
,
it
was
not
sanctifie●
unto
them
,
but
they
grew
harder
and
blinder
,
an●
more
wicked
after
their
trouble
.
This
made
〈◊〉
afraid
,
and
made
me
cry
to
God
,
that
it
might
no●
be
so
with
me
.
71.
And
now
was
I
sorry
that
God
had
made
m●
a
man
,
for
I
feared
I
was
a
reprobate
:
I
counte●
man
,
as
unconverted
,
the
most
doleful
of
all
th●
Creatures
:
Thus
being
afflicted
and
tossed
abou●
my
sad
condition
,
I
counted
my self
alone
,
an●
above
the
most
of
men
unblest
.
In
this
conditio●
I
went
a
great
while
,
but
when
comforting
tim●
was
come
,
I
heard
one
preach
a
Sermon
upo●
those
words
in
the
Song
,
(
Song
.
4.1
.
)
Behold
thou
an●
fair
,
my
Love
,
behold
thou
art
fair
;
but
at
that
tim●
he
made
these
two
words
,
My
Love
,
his
chief
an●
subject
matter
;
from
which
after
he
had
a
littl●
opened
the
text
,
he
observed
these
several
conclusions
:
1.
That
the
Church
,
and
so
every
,
saved
Soul
,
〈◊〉
Christs
Love
,
when
loveless
:
2.
Christs
Love
without
〈◊〉
cause
:
3.
Christs
Love
,
when
hated
of
the
world
▪
4.
Christs
Love
when
under
temptation
and
under
di●sertion
:
5.
Christs
Love
from
first
to
last
.
72.
But
I
got
no●hing
by
what
he
said
at
present
▪
only
when
he
came
to
the
application
of
the
fourth
particular
,
this
was
the
word
he
said
,
If
it
be
so
th●●
the
saved
Soul
is
Christs
Love
,
when
under
temptatio●
and
dissertion
;
then
poor
tempted
Soul
,
when
thou
art
assaulted
and
affl●cted
with
temptation
,
and
the
hidings
〈◊〉
Gods
Face
,
yet
think
on
these
two
words
,
MY
LOVE
still
.
73.
So
as
I
was
a
going
home
,
these
words
cam●
again
into
my
thoughts
,
and
I
well
remember
a●
they
came
in
,
I
said
thus
in
my
heart
,
What
shall
I
get
by
thinking
on
these
two
words
?
this
thought
had
no
sooner
passed
thorow
my
heart
,
but
the
words
began
thus
to
kindle
in
my
Spirit
,
Thou
art
my
Love
,
thou
art
my
Love
,
twenty
times
together
;
and
still
as
they
ran
thus
in
my
minde
,
they
waxed
stronger
and
warmer
,
and
began
to
make
me
look
up
;
but
being
as
yet
between
hope
and
fear
,
I
still
replied
in
my
heart
,
But
is
it
true
too
?
but
is
it
true
?
at
which
that
sentence
fell
in
upon
me
,
He
wist
not
that
it
was
true
which
was
done
unto
him
of
the
Angel
,
Act.
12.9
.
74.
Then
I
began
to
give
place
to
the
Word
,
which
with
power
did
over
and
over
make
this
joyful
sound
within
my
Soul
,
Thou
art
my
Love
,
thou
art
my
Love
,
and
nothing
shall
separate
thee
from
my
love
;
and
with
that
Rom.
8.39
.
came
into
my
minde
.
Now
was
my
heart
filled
full
of
comfort
and
hope
,
and
now
I
could
believe
that
my
sins
should
be
forgiven
me
;
wherefore
I
said
in
my
Soul
with
much
gladness
,
Well
,
I
would
I
had
a
pen
and
ink
here
,
I
would
write
this
down
before
I
go
any
further
,
for
surely
I
will
not
forget
this
,
forty
years
hence
;
but
alas
!
within
less
then
forty
days
I
began
to
question
all
again
.
75.
Yet
still
at
times
,
I
was
helped
to
believe
that
it
was
a
true
manifestation
of
Grace
unto
my
Soul
,
though
I
had
lost
much
of
the
life
and
savou●
of
it
.
Now
about
a
week
or
fortnight
after
this
,
I
was
much
followed
by
this
Scripture
,
Simon
,
Simon
,
behold
,
Satan
hath
desired
to
have
you
,
Luk.
22.31
.
and
sometimes
it
would
sound
so
loud
within
me
,
yea
,
and
as
it
were
call
so
strongly
after
me
,
that
once
above
all
the
rest
,
I
turned
my
head
over
my
shoulder
,
thinking
verily
that
some
man
had
behind
me
called
to
me
,
being
at
a
great
distance
.
76.
But
so
follish
was
I
,
and
ignorant
,
that
I
knew
not
the
reason
of
this
sound
,
(
which
as
I
did
both
see
and
feel
soon
after
,
was
sent
from
heaven
as
an
alarm
to
awaken
me
to
provide
for
what
was
coming
)
onely
it
would
make
me
muse
,
and
wonder
in
my
minde
to
think
what
should
be
the
reason
that
this
Scripture
,
and
that
at
this
rate
,
so
often
and
so
loud
,
should
still
be
sounding
and
ratling
in
mine
ears
.
But
,
as
I
said
before
,
I
soon
after
perceived
the
end
of
God
therein
.
77.
For
about
the
space
of
a
month
after
,
a
very
great
storm
came
down
upon
me
,
which
handled
me
twenty
times
worse
then
all
I
had
met
with
before
:
it
came
stealing
upon
me
,
now
by
one
piece
,
then
by
another
;
first
all
my
comfort
was
taken
from
me
,
then
darkness
seized
upon
me
;
after
which
,
whole
flouds
of
Blasphemies
,
both
against
God
,
Christ
,
and
the
Scriptures
,
was
poured
upon
my
spirit
,
to
my
great
confusion
and
astonishment
.
These
blasphemous
thoughts
were
such
as
also
,
stirred
up
questions
in
me
against
the
very
being
of
God
,
and
of
his
onely
beloved
Son
;
as
whether
there
were
in
truth
a
God
or
Christ
,
or
no
?
and
whether
the
holy
Scriptures
were
not
rather
a
Fable
and
cunning
Story
,
then
the
holy
and
pure
Word
of
God
?
78.
The
Tempter
also
would
much
assault
me
with
this
:
How
can
you
tell
but
that
the
Turk●
had
as
good
Scriptures
to
prove
their
Mahomet
the
Saviour
,
as
we
have
to
prove
our
Jesus
is
;
and
could
I
think
that
so
many
ten
thousands
in
so
many
Countreys
and
Kingdoms
,
should
be
withou●
the
knowledge
of
the
right
way
to
Heaven
(
if
there
were
indeed
a
Heaven
)
and
that
we
onely
,
who
live
but
in
a
corner
of
the
Earth
,
should
alone
be
blest
therewith
?
Every
one
doth
think
his
ow●
Religion
rightest
,
both
Jews
,
and
Moor●
,
and
Pagans
;
and
how
if
all
our
Faith
,
and
Christ
,
and
Scriptures
,
should
be
but
a
think-so
too
.
79.
Sometime
I
have
endeavoured
to
argue
against
these
suggestions
,
and
to
set
some
of
the
Sentences
of
blessed
Paul
against
them
;
but
alas
!
I
quickly
felt
when
I
thus
did
,
such
arguings
as
these
would
return
again
upon
me
;
Though
we
made
so
great
a
matter
of
Paul
,
and
of
his
words
,
yet
how
could
I
tell
but
that
in
very
deed
,
he
,
being
a
subtile
and
cunning
man
,
might
give
himself
up
to
deceive
with
strong
delusions
,
and
also
take
both
that
pains
and
travel
to
undo
and
destroy
his
fellows
.
80.
These
suggestions
(
with
many
other
which
at
this
time
I
may
not
,
nor
dare
not
utter
,
neither
by
word
nor
pen
)
did
make
such
a
seizure
upon
my
spirit
,
and
did
so
over-weigh
my
heart
,
both
with
their
number
,
continuance
,
and
fiery
force
,
that
I
felt
as
if
there
were
nothing
else
but
these
from
morning
to
night
within
me
,
and
as
though
indeed
there
could
be
room
for
nothing
else
;
and
also
concluded
,
that
God
had
in
very
wrath
to
my
Soul
given
me
up
unto
them
,
to
be
carried
away
with
them
,
as
with
a
mighty
whirlwind
.
81.
Onely
by
the
distaste
that
they
gave
unto
my
spirit
,
I
felt
there
was
something
in
me
that
refused
to
embrace
them
:
but
this
consideration
I
then
onely
had
,
when
God
gave
me
leave
to
swallow
my
spittle
,
otherwise
the
noise
,
and
strength
,
and
force
of
these
temptations
would
drown
and
overflow
,
and
as
it
were
bury
all
such
thoughts
,
or
the
remembrance
of
any
such
thing
.
While
I
was
in
this
temptation
,
I
should
find
often
my
mind
suddenly
put
upon
it
,
to
curse
and
swear
,
or
to
speak
some
grievous
thing
of
God
,
or
Christ
his
Son
,
and
of
the
Scriptures
.
82.
Now
I
thought
surely
I
am
possessed
of
the
Devil
;
it
other
times
again
I
thought
I
should
be
be
rest
of
my
wits
,
for
instead
of
lauding
and
magnifying
of
God
the
Lo●d
with
others
,
if
I
have
but
heard
him
spoken
of
,
presently
some
most
horrible
blasphemous
thought
or
other
would
bolt
out
of
my
heart
against
him
.
So
that
whether
I
did
think
that
God
was
,
or
again
did
think
there
were
no
such
thing
;
no
love
,
nor
peace
,
nor
gracious
disposition
could
I
feel
within
me
.
83
These
things
did
sink
me
into
very
deep
despair
,
for
I
concluded
that
such
things
could
not
possibly
be
sound
amongst
them
that
loved
God.
I
often
,
when
these
temptations
have
been
with
force
upon
me
,
did
compare
my self
in
the
case
of
such
a
Child
whom
some
Gypsie
hath
by
force
took
up
under
her
apron
,
and
is
carrying
from
Friend
and
Country
;
kick
sometimes
I
did
,
and
also
scream
and
cry
;
but
yet
I
was
as
bound
in
the
wings
of
the
temptation
,
and
the
wind
would
carry
me
away
.
I
thought
also
of
Saul
,
and
of
the
evil
spirit
that
did
possess
him
,
and
did
greatly
fear
that
my
condition
was
the
same
with
that
of
his
.
84.
In
these
days
,
when
I
have
heard
others
talk
of
what
was
the
sin
against
the
Holy
Ghost
,
then
would
the
Tempter
so
provoke
me
to
desire
to
sin
that
sin
,
that
I
was
as
if
I
could
not
,
must
not
,
neither
should
be
quiet
until
I
had
committed
that
;
now
no
sin
would
serve
but
that
:
if
it
were
to
be
committed
by
speaking
of
such
a
word
,
then
I
have
been
as
if
my
mouth
would
have
spoken
that
word
whether
I
would
or
no
;
and
in
so
strong
a
measure
was
this
temptation
upon
me
,
that
often
I
have
been
ready
to
clap
my
hand
under
my
chin
▪
to
hold
my
mouth
from
opening
;
and
to
that
en●
also
I
have
had
thoughts
at
other
times
to
leap
with
my
head
downward
into
some
Muckhil-hole
or
other
,
to
keep
my
mouth
from
speaking
.
85.
Now
I
blessed
the
condition
of
the
Dogg●
and
Toad
,
and
counted
the
estate
of
every
thin●
that
God
had
made
,
far
better
then
this
dreadful
state
of
mine
,
and
such
as
my
companions
was
:
yea
,
gladly
would
I
have
been
in
the
condition
of
Dog
or
Horse
,
for
I
knew
they
had
no
Soul
to
perish
under
the
everlasting
weights
of
Hell
for
sin
,
as
mine
was
like
to
do
:
Nay
,
and
though
I
saw
this
,
felt
this
,
and
was
broken
to
pieces
with
it
,
yet
that
which
added
to
my
sorrow
,
was
,
that
I
could
not
finde
that
with
all
my
Soul
I
did
desire
deliverance
.
That
Scripture
also
did
tear
and
rend
my
Soul
in
the
midst
of
these
distractions
,
The
wicked
are
like
the
troubled
Sea
which
cannot
rest
,
whose
waters
cast
up
mire
and
dirt
:
There
is
no
peace
the
wicked
,
saith
my
God
,
Isa.
57.20
,
21.
86.
While
this
temptation
lasted
,
which
was
about
a
year
,
I
could
attend
upon
none
of
the
Ordinances
of
God
,
but
with
sore
and
great
affliction
;
yea
,
then
was
I
most
distressed
with
blasphemies
:
if
I
have
been
hearing
the
Word
,
then
uncleanness
,
blasphemies
,
and
despair
,
would
hold
me
as
Captive
there
;
if
I
have
been
reading
,
then
sometimes
I
had
sudden
thoughts
to
question
all
I
read
;
sometimes
again
my
mind
would
be
so
strangely
snatched
away
,
and
possessed
with
other
things
,
that
I
have
neither
known
,
nor
regarded
,
nor
remembred
so
much
as
the
sentence
that
but
now
I
have
read
.
87.
In
prayer
also
,
I
have
been
greatly
troubled
at
this
time
:
sometimes
I
have
thought
I
should
see
the
Devil
,
nay
,
thought
I
have
felt
him
behind
me
pull
my
cloaths
:
he
would
be
also
continually
at
me
in
the
time
of
prayer
,
to
have
done
,
break
off
,
make
haste
,
you
have
prayed
enough
,
and
stay
no
longer
;
still
drawing
my
minde
away
.
Sometimes
●lso
he
would
cast
in
such
wicked
thoughts
as
these
,
that
I
must
pray
to
him
,
or
for
him
:
I
have
thought
sometimes
of
that
,
Fall
down
,
or
,
If
thou
wilt
fall
down
and
worship
me
.
88.
Also
when
because
I
have
had
wandering
thoughts
in
the
time
of
this
duty
,
I
have
laboured
to
compose
my
mind
,
and
fix
it
upon
God
;
then
with
great
force
hath
the
Tempter
laboured
to
distract
me
and
confound
me
,
and
to
turn
away
my
mind
,
by
presenting
to
my
heart
and
fancy
the
form
of
a
Bush
,
a
Bull
,
a
Besom
,
or
the
like
,
as
if
I
should
pray
to
those
,
to
these
also
he
would
at
sometimes
especially
so
hold
my
mind
,
that
I
was
as
if
I
could
think
of
nothing
else
,
or
pray
to
nothing
else
but
to
these
,
or
such
as
they
.
89.
Yet
at
times
I
should
have
some
strong
and
heart-affecting
apprehensions
of
God
,
and
the
reality
of
the
truth
of
his
Gospel
:
but
oh
how
would
my
heart
at
such
times
put
forth
it self
with
unexpressable
groanings
!
my
whole
Soul
was
then
in
every
word
,
I
should
cry
with
pangs
after
God
,
that
he
would
be
merciful
to
me
;
but
then
I
should
be
daunted
again
with
such
conceits
as
these
,
I
should
think
that
God
did
mock
at
these
my
prayers
,
saying
,
and
that
in
the
audience
of
the
holy
Angels
,
This
poor
simple
Wretch
doth
hanker
after
me
,
as
if
I
had
nothing
to
do
with
my
mercy
,
but
to
bestow
it
on
such
as
he
:
alas
poor
fool
!
how
art
thou
deceived
,
it
is
not
for
such
as
thee
to
have
favour
with
the
Highest
.
90.
Then
hath
the
Tempter
come
upon
me
also
with
such
discouragements
as
these
;
You
are
very
hot
for
mercy
,
but
I
will
cool
you
;
this
frame
shall
not
last
alwayes
;
many
have
been
as
hot
as
you
for
a
spirt
,
but
I
have
quench'd
their
Zeal
(
and
with
this
such
and
such
who
were
fallen
off
,
would
be
set
before
mine
eyes
)
then
I
should
be
afraid
that
I
should
do
so
too
:
but
,
thought
I
,
I
am
glad
this
comes
into
my
minde
;
well
,
I
will
watch
and
take
what
heed
I
can
:
Though
you
do
,
said
Satan
,
I
shall
be
too
hard
for
you
,
I
will
cool
you
insensibly
,
by
degrees
,
by
little
and
little
;
what
care
I
,
saith
he
,
though
I
be
seven
years
in
chilling
your
heart
,
if
I
can
do
it
at
last
;
continual
rocking
will
lull
a
crying
Child
asleep
:
I
will
ply
it
close
,
but
I
will
have
my
end
accomplished
:
though
you
be
burning
hot
at
present
,
yet
if
I
can
pull
you
from
this
fire
,
I
shall
have
you
cold
before
it
be
long
.
These
things
brought
me
into
great
straights
;
for
as
I
at
present
could
not
find
my self
fit
for
present
death
,
so
I
thought
to
live
long
would
make
me
yet
more
unfit
;
for
time
would
make
me
forget
all
,
and
wear
even
the
remembrance
of
the
evil
of
sin
,
the
worth
of
Heaven
,
and
the
need
I
had
of
the
Blood
of
Ch●ist
to
wash
me
,
both
out
of
mind
and
thought
:
But
I
thank
Christ
Jesus
,
these
things
did
not
at
present
make
me
slack
my
crying
,
but
rather
did
put
me
more
upon
it
(
like
her
who
met
with
the
Adulterer
,
Deut.
22.25
.
)
in
which
dayes
that
was
a
good
word
to
me
,
after
I
had
suffered
these
things
a
while
,
I
am
perswaded
that
neither
death
,
nor
life
,
&c.
shall
separate
us
from
the
love
of
God
which
is
in
Christ
Jesus
,
Rom.
8.38
.
And
now
I
hoped
long
life
should
not
destroy
me
,
nor
make
me
miss
of
Heaven
.
91.
Yet
I
had
some
supports
in
this
temptation
,
though
they
were
then
all
questioned
by
me
:
That
in
the
third
of
Jeremiah
,
at
the
fi●st
,
was
something
to
me
,
and
so
was
the
consideration
of
the
fifth
verse
of
that
Chapter
,
that
though
we
have
spoken
and
done
evil
things
as
we
could
,
yet
we
should
cry
unto
God
,
My
Father
,
thou
art
the
Guide
of
my
youth
,
and
should
return
unto
him
.
92.
I
had
also
once
a
sweet
glance
from
that
in
●
Cor.
5.21
.
For
he
hath
made
him
to
be
sin
for
us
,
who
knew
no
sin
,
that
we
might
be
made
the
righteousness
of
God
in
him
.
I
remember
also
that
one
day
,
as
I
was
sitting
in
a
Neighbours
House
,
and
there
very
sad
at
the
consideration
of
my
many
blasphemies
;
and
as
I
was
saying
in
my
mind
,
What
ground
have
I
to
think
that
I
,
who
have
been
so
vile
and
abominable
,
should
ever
inherit
eternal
life
;
that
word
came
suddenly
upon
me
,
What
shall
we
say
to
these
things
?
If
God
be
for
us
,
who
can
be
against
us
?
Rom.
8.31
.
that
also
was
an
help
unto
me
,
Because
I
live
,
you
shall
live
also
,
Joh.
14.19
.
But
these
were
but
hints
,
touches
,
and
short
visits
,
though
very
sweet
when
present
,
onely
they
lasted
not
;
but
like
to
Peters
Sheet
,
of
a
sudden
were
caught
up
from
me
to
Heaven
again
,
Act.
10.16
.
93.
But
afterwards
the
Lord
did
more
fully
and
graciously
discover
himself
unto
me
,
and
indeed
did
quite
not
onely
deliver
me
from
the
guilt
that
by
these
things
was
laid
upon
my
Conscience
,
but
also
from
the
very
filth
thereof
,
for
the
temptation
was
removed
,
and
I
was
put
into
my
right
mind
again
,
as
other
Christians
were
.
94.
I
remember
that
one
day
as
I
was
traveling
into
the
Countrey
,
and
musing
on
the
wickedness
and
blasphemy
of
my
heart
,
and
considering
of
the
enmity
that
was
in
me
to
God
,
that
Scripture
came
in
my
mind
,
He
hath
made
peace
by
the
blood
of
his
Cross
,
Col.
1.20
.
by
which
I
was
made
to
see
both
again
,
and
again
,
and
again
,
that
day
,
that
God
and
my
Soul
were
friends
by
this
blood
;
yea
,
I
saw
that
the
justice
of
God
and
my
sinful
Soul
,
could
imbrace
and
kiss
each
other
through
this
blood
:
thi●
was
a
good
day
to
me
,
I
hope
I
shall
not
forget
it
.
95.
At
another
time
,
as
I
was
set
by
the
fi●e
in
my
house
,
and
musing
on
my
wretchedness
,
the
Lord
made
that
also
a
precious
word
unto
me
,
For
as
much
then
as
the
children
are
partakers
of
flesh
and
blood
,
he
also
himself
likewise
took
part
of
th●
same
,
that
through
death
he
might
destroy
him
that
had
the
power
of
death
,
that
is
the
Devil
:
and
deliver
those
who
through
the
fear
of
death
were
all
their
life
time
subject
to
bondage
,
Heb.
2.14
,
15.
I
thought
that
the
glory
of
these
words
was
then
so
weighty
on
me
,
that
I
was
both
once
and
twice
ready
to
swoon
as
I
sat
,
yet
not
with
grief
and
trouble
,
but
with
sollid
joy
and
peace
.
96.
At
this
time
also
I
sat
under
the
Ministry
of
holy
Mr.
Gifford
,
whose
Doctrine
,
by
Gods
grace
,
was
much
for
my
stability
.
This
man
made
it
much
his
business
to
deliver
the
People
of
God
from
all
those
false
and
unsound
rests
that
by
Nature
we
are
prone
to
take
and
make
to
our
Souls
;
he
pressed
us
to
take
special
heed
,
that
we
took
not
up
any
truth
upon
trust
,
as
from
this
or
that
or
another
man
or
men
,
but
to
cry
mightily
to
God
,
that
he
would
convince
us
of
the
reality
thereof
,
and
set
us
down
therein
by
his
own
Spirit
in
the
holy
Word
;
for
,
said
he
,
if
you
do
otherwise
,
when
temptations
come
,
if
strongly
,
you
not
having
received
them
with
evidence
from
Heaven
,
will
find
you
want
that
help
and
strength
now
to
resist
,
as
once
you
thought
you
had
.
97.
This
was
as
seasonable
to
my
Soul
,
as
the
former
and
latter
rain
in
their
season
;
for
I
had
found
,
and
that
by
sad
experience
,
the
truth
of
these
his
words
.
(
For
I
had
felt
,
no
man
can
say
,
especially
when
tempted
of
the
Devil
,
that
Jesus
Christ
is
Lord
,
but
by
the
holy
Ghost
.
)
Wherefore
I
found
my
Soul
thorow
Grace
very
apt
to
drink
in
this
Doctrine
,
and
to
incline
to
pray
to
God
that
in
nothing
that
pertained
to
Gods
glory
and
my
own
eternal
happiness
,
he
would
suffer
me
to
be
without
the
confirmation
thereof
from
Heaven
;
for
now
I
saw
clearly
there
was
an
exceeding
difference
betwix
the
notions
of
flesh
and
blood
,
and
the
Revelations
of
God
in
Heaven
,
also
a
great
difference
between
that
faith
that
is
fained
,
and
according
to
mans
wisdom
,
and
of
that
which
comes
by
a
man
being
born
thereto
of
God
,
Mat.
16.15
,
16.
1
John
5.1
.
98.
But
oh
!
now
,
how
was
my
Soul
led
from
truth
to
truth
by
God!
even
from
the
birth
and
Cradle
of
the
Son
of
God
,
to
his
ascention
and
second
coming
from
Heaven
to
judge
the
World.
99.
Truly
I
then
found
upon
this
account
the
great
God
was
very
Good
unto
me
,
for
to
my
remembrance
there
was
not
any
thing
that
then
I
c●ied
to
God
to
make
known
and
reveal
unto
me
,
but
he
was
pleased
to
do
it
for
me
,
I
mean
not
one
part
of
the
Gospel
of
the
Lord
Jesus
,
but
I
was
orderly
led
into
it
;
me
thought
I
saw
with
great
evidence
,
from
the
relation
of
the
four
Evangelists
,
the
wonderful
work
of
God
in
giving
Jesus
Christ
to
save
us
,
from
his
conception
and
birth
,
even
to
his
second
coming
to
judgement
:
me
thought
I
was
as
if
I
had
seen
him
born
,
as
if
I
had
seen
him
grow
up
,
as
if
I
had
seen
him
walk
thorow
this
world
,
from
the
Cradle
to
his
Cross
,
to
which
also
when
he
came
,
I
saw
how
gently
he
gave
himself
to
be
hanged
and
nailed
on
it
for
my
sins
and
wicked
doings
;
also
as
I
was
musing
on
this
his
progress
,
that
droped
on
my
Spirit
,
He
was
ordained
for
the
slaughter
,
1
Pet.
1.19
,
20.
100.
When
I
have
considered
also
the
truth
of
his
resurrection
,
and
have
remembred
that
word
,
touch
me
not
Mary
,
&c.
I
have
seen
,
as
if
he
leaped
at
the
Graves
mouth
,
for
joy
that
he
was
risen
again
,
and
had
got
the
conquest
over
our
dreadful
foes
,
John
20.17
.
I
have
also
in
the
Spirit
seen
him
a
man
on
the
right
hand
of
God
the
Father
for
me
,
and
have
seen
the
manner
of
his
comming
from
Heaven
to
judge
the
world
with
glory
,
and
have
been
confirmed
in
these
things
by
these
Scriptures
following
,
Acts
1.9
,
10.
Acts.
7.
56.
Act●
10.42
.
Heb.
7.24
.
Heb.
8.38
.
Rev.
1.18
.
1
Thes.
4.17
,
18.
Once
I
was
much
troubled
to
know
whether
the
Lord
Jesus
was
both
Man
as
well
as
God
,
and
God
as
well
as
Man
;
and
truly
in
those
dayes
,
let
men
say
what
they
would
,
unless
I
had
it
with
evidence
from
Heaven
,
all
was
as
nothing
to
me
,
I
counted
not
my self
set
down
in
any
truth
of
God
;
well
,
I
was
much
troubled
about
this
point
,
and
could
not
tell
how
to
be
resolved
:
at
last
,
that
in
the
fift
of
the
Revelations
came
into
my
mind
,
And
I
beheld
,
and
lo
,
in
the
midst
of
the
Throne
,
and
of
the
four
Beasts
,
and
in
the
midst
of
the
Elders
stood
a
Lamb
;
in
the
midst
of
the
Throne
,
there
is
his
God-head
,
in
the
midst
of
the
Elders
,
there
is
his
man
hood
;
but
O
me
thought
this
did
glister
,
it
was
a
goodly
touch
and
gave
me
sweet
satisfaction
;
that
other
Scripture
also
did
help
me
much
in
this
,
To
us
a
Child
is
born
,
to
us
a
Son
is
given
,
and
the
government
shall
be
upon
his
shoulder
,
and
his
Name
shall
be
called
Wonderful
,
Counsellor
,
the
Mighty
God
,
the
Everlasting
Father
,
the
Prince
of
Peace
,
&c.
Isa.
9.6
.
101.
Also
besides
these
teachings
of
God
in
his
Word
,
the
Lord
made
use
of
two
things
to
confirm
me
in
these
things
,
the
one
was
the
errors
of
the
Quakers
,
and
the
other
was
the
guilt
of
sin
;
for
as
the
Quakers
did
oppose
his
Truth
,
so
God
did
the
more
confirm
me
in
it
,
by
leading
me
into
the
Scriptures
that
did
wonderfully
maintain
it
;
and
as
I
said
,
the
guilt
of
sin
did
help
me
much
,
for
still
as
that
would
come
upon
me
,
the
blood
of
Christ
did
take
it
off
again
,
and
again
,
and
again
,
and
that
too
,
sweetly
,
according
to
the
Scriptures
;
O
Friends
,
cry
to
God
to
reveal
Jesus
Christ
unto
you
,
there
is
none
teacheth
like
him
.
102.
It
would
be
too
long
for
me
here
to
stay
,
to
tell
you
in
particular
how
God
did
set
me
down
in
all
the
things
of
Christ
,
and
how
he
did
,
that
he
might
so
do
,
lead
me
into
his
words
,
yea
and
also
how
he
did
open
them
unto
me
,
make
them
shine
before
me
,
and
cause
them
to
dwell
with
me
,
talk
with
me
,
and
comfort
me
over
and
over
,
both
of
his
own
being
,
and
the
being
of
his
Son
,
and
Spirit
,
and
Word
,
and
Gospel
.
103.
Onely
this
,
as
I
said
before
,
I
will
say
unto
you
again
,
that
in
general
he
was
pleased
to
take
this
course
with
me
,
first
to
suffer
me
to
be
afflicted
with
temptation
concerning
them
,
and
then
reveal
them
to
me
;
as
sometimes
I
should
lie
under
great
guilt
for
sin
,
even
crushed
to
the
ground
therewith
,
and
then
the
Lord
would
shew
me
the
death
of
Christ
,
yea
and
so
sprinkle
my
Conscience
with
his
Blood
,
that
I
should
find
,
and
that
before
I
was
aware
,
that
in
that
Conscience
,
where
but
just
now
did
reign
and
●age
the
Law
,
even
there
would
rest
and
abide
the
Peace
and
Love
of
God
thorow
Christ.
104.
Now
had
I
an
evidence
for
Heaven
with
many
golden
Seals
thereon
,
all
hanging
in
my
sight
;
now
could
I
remember
this
manifestation
,
and
the
other
discovery
of
grace
with
comfort
;
and
should
often
long
and
desire
that
the
last
day
were
come
,
that
I
might
for
ever
be
inflamed
with
the
sight
,
and
joy
,
and
communion
of
him
,
whose
Head
was
crowned
with
Thorns
,
whose
Face
was
spit
on
,
and
Body
broken
,
and
Soul
made
an
offering
for
my
sins
:
for
whereas
before
●
lay
continually
trembling
at
the
mouth
of
Hell
;
now
me
thought
I
was
got
so
far
therefrom
,
tha●
I
could
not
,
when
I
looked
back
,
scarce
discern
it
〈◊〉
and
O
thought
I
,
that
I
were
fourscore
years
old
now
,
that
I
might
die
quickly
,
that
my
soul
migh●
be
gone
to
rest
.
105.
But
after
the
Lord
had
in
this
manner
〈◊〉
graciously
delivered
me
from
this
great
and
sor●
temptation
,
and
had
set
me
down
so
sweetly
in
the
Faith
of
his
holy
gospel
,
and
had
given
me
such
strong
consolation
and
blessed
evidence
from
heaven
touching
my
interest
in
his
love
through
Christ
;
the
Tempter
came
upon
me
again
,
and
that
with
a
more
grievous
and
dreadful
temptation
then
before
.
106.
And
that
was
to
sell
and
part
with
this
most
blessed
Christ
,
to
exchange
him
for
the
things
of
this
life
;
for
any
thing
:
the
temptation
lay
upon
me
for
the
space
of
a
year
,
and
did
follow
me
so
continually
,
that
I
was
not
rid
of
it
one
day
i●
a
month
,
no
not
sometimes
one
hour
in
many
dayes
together
,
unless
I
was
asleep
.
107.
And
though
,
in
my
judgement
,
I
was
perswaded
,
that
those
who
were
once
effectually
in
Christ
(
as
I
hoped
,
through
his
grace
,
I
had
seen
my self
)
could
never
lose
him
for
ever
(
For
the
land
shall
not
be
sold
for
ever
,
for
the
Land
is
mine
,
saith
God
,
Levit.
25.23
.
)
yet
it
was
a
con●inual
vexation
to
me
,
to
think
that
I
should
have
so
much
as
one
such
thought
within
me
against
a
Christ
,
a
Jesus
,
that
had
done
for
me
as
he
had
done
.
108.
But
it
was
neither
my
dislike
of
the
thought
,
nor
yet
any
desire
and
endeavour
to
resist
it
,
that
in
the
least
did
shake
or
abate
the
continuation
or
force
and
strength
thereof
;
for
it
did
alwayes
in
almost
whatever
I
thought
,
intermix
it self
therewith
,
in
such
sort
that
I
could
neither
eat
my
food
,
stoop
for
a
pin
,
chop
a
stick
,
or
cast
mine
eye
to
look
on
this
or
that
,
but
still
the
temptation
would
come
,
Sell
Christ
for
this
,
or
sell
Christ
for
that
.
109.
Sometimes
it
would
run
in
my
thoughts
not
so
little
as
a
hundred
times
together
,
Sell
him
,
sell
him
,
sell
him
;
against
which
,
I
may
say
,
for
whole
hours
together
I
have
been
forced
to
stand
as
continually
leaning
and
forcing
my
spirit
against
it
,
lest
haply
before
I
were
aware
,
some
wicked
thought
might
arise
in
my
heart
that
might
consent
thereto
;
and
sometimes
also
the
Tempter
would
make
me
believe
I
had
consented
to
it
,
then
should
I
be
as
tortured
on
a
Rack
for
whole
dayes
together
.
110.
This
temptation
did
put
me
to
such
scares
lest
I
should
at
some
times
,
I
say
,
consent
thereto
,
and
be
overcome
therewith
,
that
by
the
very
force
of
my
mind
in
labouring
to
gainsay
and
resist
this
wickedness
;
my
very
Body
also
would
be
put
into
action
or
motion
,
by
way
of
pushing
or
thrusting
;
still
answering
,
as
fast
as
the
destroyer
said
fell
him
,
I
will
not
,
I
will
not
,
I
will
not
,
I
will
not
,
no
not
for
thousands
,
thousands
,
thousands
of
worlds
;
this
reckoning
lest
I
should
in
the
midst
of
these
assaults
set
too
low
a
vallue
of
him
,
even
until
I
scarce
well
knew
where
I
was
,
or
how
to
be
composed
again
.
111.
But
to
be
brief
,
one
morning
as
I
did
lie
in
my
Bed
,
I
was
,
as
at
other
times
,
most
fiercely
assaulted
with
this
temptation
,
to
sell
and
part
with
Christ
;
the
wicked
suggestion
still
running
in
my
mind
,
sell
him
,
sell
him
,
sell
him
,
sell
him
,
as
fast
as
a
man
could
speak
;
against
which
also
in
my
mind
,
as
at
other
times
I
answered
,
No
,
no
,
not
for
thousands
,
thousands
,
thousands
,
at
least
twenty
times
together
;
but
at
last
,
after
much
striving
even
until
I
was
almost
out
of
breath
,
I
felt
the
thought
pass
through
my
heart
,
Let
him
go
if
he
will
and
I
thought
also
that
I
felt
my
heart
consent
thereto
.
112.
Now
was
the
battel
won
,
and
down
fel●
I
,
as
a
Bird
that
is
shot
from
the
top
of
a
Tree
,
in
to
great
guilt
and
fearful
despair
;
thus
gettin●
out
of
my
Bed
,
I
went
moping
into
the
field
but
God
knows
with
as
heavy
a
heart
as
mortal
man
,
I
think
,
could
bear
;
where
for
the
space
of
two
hours
,
I
was
like
a
man
berest
of
life
,
and
as
now
past
all
recovery
,
and
bound
over
to
eternal
punishment
.
113.
And
withal
,
that
Scripture
did
seize
upon
my
Soul
,
Or
profane
person
,
as
Esau
,
who
for
one
morsel
of
meat
sold
his
Birth-right
;
for
you
know
how
that
afterwards
when
he
would
have
inherited
the
blessing
,
he
was
rejected
,
for
he
found
no
place
of
repentance
,
though
he
sought
it
carefully
with
tears
,
Heb.
12.16
,
17.
114.
These
words
were
to
my
Soul
like
Fetters
of
Brass
to
my
Legs
,
in
the
continual
sound
of
which
I
went
for
several
months
together
.
But
about
ten
or
eleven
a
Clock
one
day
,
as
I
was
walking
under
a
Hedge
,
full
of
sorrow
and
guilt
God
knows
,
and
bemoaning
my self
for
this
hard
hap
,
that
such
a
thought
should
arise
within
me
,
suddenly
this
sentence
bolted
in
upon
me
,
The
Blood
of
Christ
remits
all
guilt
;
at
this
I
made
a
stand
in
my
Spirit
:
with
that
,
this
word
took
hold
upon
me
,
The
Blood
of
Jesus
Christ
his
Son
cleanseth
●s
from
all
sin
:
now
I
began
to
conceive
peace
in
my
Soul
,
and
methought
I
saw
as
if
the
Tempter
did
hear
and
stea●
away
from
me
,
as
being
ashamed
of
what
he
had
done
.
At
the
same
time
also
I
had
my
sin
and
the
Blood
of
Christ
thus
represented
to
me
,
That
my
sin
when
compared
to
the
Blood
of
Christ
,
was
no
more
to
it
,
than
this
little
clot
or
stone
before
me
,
is
to
this
vast
and
wide
field
that
here
I
see
:
This
gave
me
good
encouragement
for
the
space
of
●wo
or
three
hours
,
in
which
time
also
me
thought
I
saw
by
faith
the
Son
of
God
as
suffering
for
my
sins
.
But
because
it
tarried
not
,
I
therefore
sunk
〈◊〉
my
spirit
under
exceeding
guilt
again
.
115.
Sometimes
also
I
should
have
a
touch
from
●hat
in
Luk.
22.31
.
I
have
prayed
for
thee
,
that
thy
Faith
fail
not
;
but
it
would
not
abide
upon
me
:
neither
could
I
indeed
,
when
I
consider'd
my
state
,
find
ground
to
conceive
in
the
least
,
that
there
should
be
the
root
of
that
Grace
within
me
,
having
s●nned
as
I
had
done
.
Now
was
I
tore
and
rent
in
heavy
case
,
for
many
days
together
.
116.
Then
began
I
with
sad
and
careful
heart
,
to
consider
of
the
nature
and
largeness
of
my
sin
,
and
to
search
in
the
word
of
God
,
if
I
could
in
any
place
espy
a
word
of
Promise
,
or
any
encouraging
Sentence
by
which
I
might
take
relief
.
Wherefore
I
began
to
consider
that
third
of
Mark
,
A●l
manner
of
sins
and
blasphemies
shall
be
forgiven
unto
the
sons
of
men
,
wherewith
soever
they
shall
blaspheme
:
Which
place
me
thought
,
at
a
blush
,
did
contain
a
large
and
glorious
Promise
for
the
pardon
of
high
offences
;
but
considering
the
place
more
fully
,
I
thought
it
was
rather
to
be
understood
,
as
relating
more
chiefly
to
those
who
had
,
while
in
a
natural
estate
,
committed
such
things
as
there
mentioned
,
but
not
to
me
,
who
had
not
onely
received
light
and
mercie
,
but
that
had
both
after
and
also
contrary
to
that
,
so
slighted
Christ
as
I
had
done
.
117.
I
feared
therefore
that
this
wicked
sin
of
mine
might
be
that
sin
unpardonable
,
of
which
he
there
thus
speaketh
,
But
he
that
shall
blaspheme
against
the
Holy
Ghost
,
hath
never
forgiveness
,
but
is
in
danger
of
eternal
damnation
:
And
I
did
the
rather
give
credit
to
this
,
because
of
that
sentence
in
the
Hebrews
,
For
y●u
know
how
that
afterwards
,
when
he
would
have
inherited
the
blessing
,
he
was
rejected
;
for
he
found
no
place
of
repentance
,
though
he
sought
it
carefully
with
tears
.
118.
And
now
began
I
to
labour
to
call
again
time
that
was
past
,
wishing
a
thousand
times
twice
told
,
that
the
day
was
yet
to
come
,
when
I
should
be
tempted
to
such
a
sin
;
concluding
with
great
indignation
,
both
against
my
heart
and
all
assaults
,
how
I
would
rather
have
been
torn
in
pieces
,
than
found
a
consenter
thereto
:
but
alas
!
these
thoughts
and
wishings
,
and
resolvings
,
were
now
too
late
to
help
me
;
the
thought
had
passed
my
heart
,
God
hath
let
me
go
,
and
I
am
fallen
:
O
,
thought
I
,
that
it
was
with
me
as
in
months
past
,
as
in
the
days
when
God
preserved
me
!
Job
29.2
.
119.
Then
again
,
being
loth
and
unwilling
to
perish
,
I
began
to
compare
my
sin
with
others
,
to
see
if
I
could
find
that
any
of
those
that
are
saved
had
done
as
I
had
done
.
So
I
considered
120.
Now
again
should
I
be
as
if
racked
upon
the
Wheel
;
when
I
considered
,
that
,
besides
the
guilt
that
possessed
me
,
I
should
be
so
void
of
grace
,
so
bewitched
:
What
,
thought
I
,
must
it
be
no
sin
but
this
?
must
it
needs
be
the
great
transgression
?
Psal.
19.13
.
must
that
wicked
one
touch
my
Soul
,
1
Joh.
5.18
.
O
what
stings
did
I
find
in
all
these
Sentences
!
121.
After
this
,
I
came
to
consider
of
Peters
sin
which
he
committed
in
denying
his
Master
;
and
indeed
this
came
nighest
to
mine
,
of
any
that
I
could
find
;
for
he
had
denied
his
Saviour
as
I
,
and
that
after
Light
and
Mercy
received
;
yea
,
and
that
too
,
after
warning
given
him
:
I
also
considered
that
he
did
it
both
once
and
twice
,
and
that
after
time
to
consider
betwixt
.
But
though
I
put
all
these
circumstances
together
,
that
if
possible
I
might
find
help
,
yet
I
considered
again
,
that
his
was
but
a
denial
of
his
Master
,
but
mine
was
a
selling
of
my
Saviour
.
Wherefore
I
thought
with
my self
,
that
I
came
nearer
to
Judas
,
than
either
to
David
or
Peter
.
122.
Here
again
,
my
torment
would
flame
out
,
and
afflict
me
;
yea
,
it
would
grind
me
as
it
were
to
powder
,
to
discern
the
preservation
of
God
towards
others
,
while
I
fell
into
the
snare
:
For
in
my
thus
considering
of
other
mens
sins
,
and
comparing
of
them
with
my
own
,
I
could
evidently
see
how
God
preserved
them
notwithstanding
their
wickedness
,
and
would
not
let
them
,
as
he
had
let
me
,
to
become
a
son
of
perdition
.
123.
But
O
how
did
my
Soul
at
this
time
prize
the
preservation
that
God
did
set
about
his
People
!
Ah
how
safely
did
I
see
them
walk
,
whom
God
had
hedged
in
!
they
were
within
his
care
,
protection
and
special
providence
:
though
they
were
full
as
bad
as
I
by
nature
,
yet
because
he
loved
them
,
he
would
not
suffer
them
to
fall
without
the
range
of
Mercy
:
but
as
for
me
,
I
was
gone
,
I
had
done
it
,
he
would
not
preserve
me
,
nor
keep
me
,
but
suffered
me
,
because
I
was
a
Reprobate
,
to
fall
as
I
had
done
.
Now
did
those
blessed
places
that
spake
of
Gods
keeping
his
People
,
shine
like
the
Sun
before
me
,
though
not
to
comfort
me
,
but
to
shew
me
the
blessed
state
and
heritage
of
those
whom
the
Lord
had
blessed
.
124.
Then
again
,
I
began
to
compare
my
sin
with
the
sin
of
●udas
,
that
if
possible
I
might
find
that
mine
differed
from
that
which
in
truth
is
unpardonable
;
and
O
thought
I
,
if
it
should
be
but
the
b●eadth
of
an
hair
,
what
a
happy
condition
is
my
Soul
in
!
And
by
considering
,
I
found
that
Judas
did
his
intentionally
,
but
mine
was
against
my
strivings
;
besides
,
his
was
committed
with
much
,
deliberation
,
but
mine
in
a
fearful
hurry
,
on
a
●udden
.
Thus
I
was
tossed
to
and
fro
,
like
the
Locusts
;
and
driven
from
trouble
to
sorrow
;
hearing
alwa●s
the
sound
of
125.
Yet
this
consideration
about
Judas
his
sin
,
was
for
a
while
some
little
relief
unto
me
:
for
I
saw
I
had
not
,
as
to
the
circumstances
,
transgressed
so
soully
as
he
:
but
this
was
quickly
gone
again
,
for
I
thought
with
my self
there
might
be
more
ways
then
one
to
commit
the
unpardonable
sin
;
and
that
too
,
there
might
be
degrees
of
that
,
as
well
as
of
other
transgressions
:
wherefore
,
for
ought
I
yet
could
perceive
,
this
iniquity
of
mine
might
be
such
as
might
never
be
passed
by
.
126.
Then
was
I
struck
into
a
very
great
trembling
,
insomuch
that
at
sometimes
I
could
for
whole
days
together
feel
my
very
body
as
well
as
my
minde
to
shake
and
torter
under
the
sence
of
the
dreadful
Judgement
of
God
,
that
should
fall
on
those
that
have
sinned
that
most
fearful
and
unpardonable
sin
.
I
felt
also
such
a
clogging
and
heat
at
my
stomach
by
reason
of
this
my
terrour
,
that
I
was
,
especially
at
some
times
,
as
if
my
breast-bone
would
have
split
in
sunder
.
Then
I
thought
of
that
concerning
Judas
,
Who
by
his
falling
headlong
,
burst
asunder
,
and
all
his
bowels
gushed
out
,
Act.
1.
127.
I
feared
also
that
this
was
the
mark
that
the
Lord
did
set
on
Cain
,
even
continual
fear
and
trembling
under
the
heavy
load
of
guilt
that
he
had
charged
on
him
for
the
blood
of
his
Brother
Abel
.
Thus
did
I
wind
,
and
twine
,
and
sh●ink
under
the
burden
that
was
upon
me
;
which
burden
also
did
so
oppress
me
,
that
I
could
neither
stand
nor
go
,
nor
lie
either
at
rest
or
quiet
.
127.
Yet
that
saying
would
sometimes
come
to
mind
,
He
hath
received
gifts
for
the
rebellious
,
Psal.
68.18
.
The
rebellious
?
thought
I
;
Why
surely
they
are
such
as
once
were
under
subjection
to
their
Prince
,
even
those
who
after
they
have
sworn
subjection
to
his
Government
,
have
taken
up
arms
against
him
.
128.
This
sometimes
I
thought
on
,
and
should
labour
to
take
hold
thereof
;
that
some
,
though
small
,
refreshment
might
have
been
conceived
by
me
:
but
in
this
also
I
missed
of
my
desire
,
I
was
driven
with
force
beyond
it
,
like
a
man
that
is
going
to
the
place
of
execution
,
even
by
that
place
where
he
would
fain
c●eep
in
,
and
hide
himself
,
but
may
not
.
129.
Again
,
after
I
had
thus
considered
the
sins
of
the
Saints
in
particular
,
and
found
mine
went
beyond
them
;
then
I
began
to
think
thus
with
my self
:
Set
case
I
should
put
all
theirs
together
,
and
mine
alone
against
them
,
might
I
not
then
finde
some
encouragement
?
for
if
mine
,
though
bigger
than
any
one
,
yet
should
but
be
equal
to
all
,
then
there
is
hopes
:
for
that
Blood
that
hath
vertue
enough
to
wash
away
all
th●irs
,
hath
also
vertue
enough
to
do
away
mine
,
though
this
one
be
full
as
big
,
if
no
bigger
,
then
all
theirs
.
Here
again
I
should
consider
the
sin
of
David
,
of
Solomon
,
of
Manasseh
,
of
Peter
,
and
the
rest
of
the
great
offenders
,
and
should
also
labour
what
I
might
,
with
fairness
,
to
to
aggravate
and
heighten
their
sins
by
several
circumstances
:
but
alas
▪
't
was
all
in
vain
.
130.
This
one
consideration
would
always
kill
my
Heart
,
My
sin
was
point-blank
against
my
Saviour
,
and
that
too
at
that
height
,
that
I
had
in
my
heart
said
of
him
,
Let
him
go
if
he
will.
O
me
thoughts
,
this
sin
was
bigger
than
the
sins
of
a
Countrey
,
of
a
Kingdom
,
or
of
the
whole
World
,
no
one
pardonable
,
nor
all
of
them
together
,
was
able
to
equal
mine
,
mine
out-went
them
every
one
.
131.
Now
I
should
feel
my
minde
to
flee
from
God
,
as
from
the
face
of
a
dreadful
Judge
;
yet
thi●
was
my
torment
,
I
could
not
escape
his
hand
.
(
It
is
a
fearful
thing
to
fall
into
the
hands
of
the
living
God
,
Heb.
10.
)
But
blessed
be
his
grace
,
that
Scripture
in
these
flying
fits
would
call
,
as
running
after
me
,
I
have
blotted
out
as
a
thick
cloud
thy
transgressions
,
and
as
a
cloud
thy
sins
:
Return
unto
me
,
f●r
I
have
redeemed
thee
,
Isa.
44.22
.
but
I
could
not
return
,
but
fled
,
though
at
some
times
it
cried
,
Return
,
as
if
it
did
hollow
after
me
:
for
I
feared
to
close
in
therewith
,
lest
it
should
not
come
from
God
,
for
that
other
was
still
sounding
in
my
conscience
,
For
you
know
how
that
afterwards
,
when
he
would
have
inherited
the
Blessi●g
,
he
was
rejected
,
&c.
132.
All
this
while
my
life
hung
in
doubt
before
me
,
not
knowing
which
way
I
should
tip
;
onely
this
I
found
my
Soul
desire
,
even
to
cast
it self
at
the
foot
of
Grace
by
Pr●yer
and
Supplication
.
But
O
't
was
hard
for
me
to
bear
the
face
to
pray
to
this
Christ
for
mercie
,
against
whom
I
had
thus
most
vilely
sinned
!
yet
I
knew
this
must
be
the
way
,
for
mercy
was
no
where
else
.
133.
Which
when
the
Tempte●
perceived
,
he
strongly
suggested
to
me
,
That
I
ought
not
to
pray
to
God
,
for
Prayer
was
not
for
any
in
my
case
,
neither
could
it
do
me
good
,
because
I
had
●ejected
the
Mediator
,
by
whom
all
Prayers
came
with
acceptance
to
God
the
Father
,
and
without
whom
no
Prayer
could
come
into
his
presence
;
whe●efore
now
to
pray
,
is
but
to
adde
sin
to
sin
:
yea
,
now
to
pray
,
seeing
God
hath
cast
you
off
,
is
the
next
way
to
anger
and
off●nd
him
more
then
ever
you
did
before
.
134.
For
God
(
said
he
)
hath
been
weary
of
you
for
these
several
years
already
,
because
you
a●e
none
of
his
;
you
bauling
in
his
ears
hath
been
no
ple●sant
voice
to
him
,
and
therefore
he
let
you
sin
this
sin
,
that
you
might
be
quite
cut
off
,
and
will
you
pray
still
?
This
the
Devil
urged
,
and
set
forth
by
that
in
Numbers
,
which
Moses
said
to
the
Children
of
Israel
,
That
because
they
would
not
go
up
to
possess
the
Land
when
God
would
have
them
,
therefore
for
ever
after
he
did
bar
them
out
from
thence
,
though
they
prayed
they
might
with
tears
,
Numb
.
14.36
,
37
,
&c.
135.
As
't
is
said
in
another
place
,
Exod.
21.14
.
The
man
that
sins
presumptuosly
,
shall
be
taken
from
Gods
Altar
,
that
he
may
die
:
Even
as
Joab
was
by
King
Solomon
,
when
he
thought
to
find
shelter
there
,
1
King.
2.27
,
28
,
&c.
These
places
did
pinch
me
very
sore
;
yet
my
case
being
desperate
,
I
thought
with
my self
,
I
can
but
die
,
and
if
it
must
be
so
,
it
shall
once
be
said
,
That
such
a
one
died
at
the
foot
of
Christ
in
Prayer
:
this
I
did
,
but
with
great
difficulty
,
God
doth
know
;
for
still
that
saying
about
Esau
would
be
set
at
my
heart
,
even
like
a
flaming
sword
,
to
keep
the
way
of
the
tree
of
Life
,
lest
I
should
take
thereof
,
and
live
.
O
who
knows
how
hard
a
thing
I
found
it
to
come
to
God
in
prayer
!
136.
I
did
also
desire
the
Prayers
of
the
People
of
God
for
me
,
but
I
feared
that
God
would
give
them
no
heart
to
do
it
;
yea
,
I
trembled
in
my
Soul
to
think
that
some
or
other
of
them
shortly
would
tell
me
,
that
God
had
said
those
words
to
●hem
that
he
once
did
say
to
the
Prophet
concerning
the
Children
of
Israel
,
Pray
not
for
this
People
,
for
I
have
rejected
them
,
Jer.
11.14
.
So
,
Pray
not
for
him
,
for
I
have
rejected
him
:
Yea
,
I
thought
that
he
had
whispered
this
to
some
of
them
al●eady
,
onely
they
durst
not
tell
me
so
,
neither
durst
I
ask
them
of
it
,
for
fear
if
it
should
be
so
,
it
would
make
me
quite
besides
my self
.
Man
knows
the
beginning
of
sin
(
said
Spira
)
but
who
bounds
the
issue
's
thereof
?
137.
Now
also
did
the
Tempter
begin
to
mock
me
in
my
misery
,
saying
,
That
seeing
I
had
thus
parted
with
the
Lord
Jesus
,
and
provoked
him
to
displeasure
who
should
have
stood
between
my
Soul
and
the
flame
of
devouring
fire
,
the
way
was
now
but
one
,
and
that
was
,
to
pray
that
God
the
Father
would
be
the
Mediator
betwixt
his
Son
and
me
,
that
we
might
be
reconciled
again
,
and
that
I
might
have
that
blessed
benefit
in
him
that
his
blessed
Saints
enjoyed
.
138.
Then
did
that
Scripture
seize
upon
my
Soul
,
He
is
of
one
mind
,
and
who
can
turn
him
?
Oh
I
saw
't
was
as
easie
to
perswade
him
to
make
a
new
world
,
a
new
Covenant
,
or
new
Bible
besides
that
we
have
already
,
as
to
pray
for
such
a
thing
:
this
was
to
perswade
him
that
what
he
had
done
already
was
meer
folly
,
and
to
perswade
with
him
to
alter
,
yea
,
to
disanul
the
whole
way
of
salvation
;
and
then
would
that
saying
rent
my
Soul
asunder
,
Neither
is
there
salvation
in
any
other
,
for
there
is
none
other
Name
under
heaven
,
given
amongst
men
,
whereby
we
must
be
saved
,
Act.
4.12
.
139.
Now
the
most
free
,
and
full
,
and
gracious
words
of
the
Gospel
,
were
the
greatest
torment
to
me
;
yea
,
nothing
so
afflicted
me
as
the
thoughts
of
Jesus
Christ
:
for
the
remembrance
of
a
Saviour
,
because
I
had
cast
him
off
,
brought
both
the
villany
of
my
sin
,
and
my
loss
by
it
,
to
mind
.
O
't
is
sad
to
be
destroyed
by
the
grace
and
mercy
of
God
;
to
have
the
Lamb
,
the
Saviour
,
turn
Lyon
and
Destroyer
,
Rev.
6.
I
also
trembled
at
the
sight
of
the
Saints
of
God
,
especially
at
those
that
greatly
loved
him
,
and
that
made
it
their
business
to
walk
continually
with
him
in
this
world
:
for
they
did
both
in
their
words
,
their
carriages
,
and
all
their
expressions
of
tenderness
and
fear
to
sin
against
their
precious
Saviour
,
condemn
,
lay
guilt
upon
,
and
also
add
continual
affliction
and
shame
un●o
my
Soul.
140.
Now
also
the
Tempter
began
afresh
to
mock
my
Soul
,
saying
,
That
Christ
indeed
did
pity
my
case
,
and
was
sorry
for
my
loss
:
but
for
as
much
as
I
had
sinned
,
and
transgressed
as
I
had
done
,
he
could
by
no
means
help
me
,
nor
save
me
from
what
I
feared
;
for
my
sin
was
not
of
the
nature
of
theirs
,
for
whom
he
bled
and
died
,
neither
was
it
counted
with
those
that
were
laid
to
his
charge
when
he
hanged
on
the
tree
;
therefore
unless
he
should
come
down
from
Heaven
,
and
die
anew
for
this
sin
,
though
indeed
he
did
greatly
pity
me
,
yet
I
could
have
no
benefit
of
him
.
141.
But
O
how
this
would
add
to
my
affliction
,
to
conceit
that
I
should
be
guilty
of
such
a
sin
,
for
which
he
did
not
die
!
These
thoughts
would
so
confound
me
,
and
imprison
me
,
and
tie
me
up
from
Faith
,
that
I
knew
not
what
to
do
:
but
Oh
thought
I
,
that
he
would
come
down
again
,
O
that
the
work
of
Mans
Redemption
was
yet
to
be
done
by
Christ
;
how
would
I
pray
him
,
and
intreat
him
to
count
and
reckon
this
sin
amongst
the
rest
for
which
he
died
?
But
that
would
strike
me
down
Christ
being
raised
from
the
dead
,
dieth
no
more
:
Death
hath
no
more
D●minion
over
him
,
Rom.
6.9
.
142.
Thus
was
I
always
sinking
,
whatever
I
did
think
or
do
.
So
one
day
I
walked
to
a
Neighbouring
Town
,
and
sate
down
upon
a
Settle
in
the
Street
,
and
fell
into
a
very
deep
pause
about
the
most
fearful
state
my
sin
had
brought
me
to
;
and
after
long
musing
,
I
lifted
up
my
head
,
but
me
thought
I
saw
as
if
the
Sun
that
shineth
in
the
heavens
did
grudge
to
give
me
light
,
and
as
if
the
very
stones
the
street
,
and
tiles
upon
the
house
did
bend
themselves
against
me
.
O
how
happ●
now
was
every
creature
over
I
was
!
for
they
stoo●
fast
,
and
kept
their
station
,
but
I
was
gone
an●
lost
.
143.
Then
breaking
out
in
the
bitterness
of
my
Soul
,
I
said
with
a
grievous
sigh
,
How
can
God
comfort
such
a
wretch
as
I
?
I
had
no
sooner
said
it
,
but
this
returned
upon
me
,
as
an
eccho
doth
answer
a
voice
,
This
sin
is
not
unto
death
.
At
which
I
was
as
if
I
had
been
raised
out
of
a
grave
,
and
cryed
out
again
,
Lord
,
how
couldst
thou
find
out
such
a
word
as
this
?
For
I
was
filled
with
admiration
at
the
firness
,
and
also
at
the
unexpectedness
of
the
sentence
.
144.
Now
I
was
in
hopes
that
my
sin
was
not
unpardonable
,
but
that
there
might
be
hopes
for
me
to
obtain
forgiveness
.
But
O
how
Satan
now
di●
lay
about
him
,
for
to
bring
me
down
again
!
But
he
could
by
no
means
do
it
,
neither
this
day
,
nor
the
most
part
of
the
next
:
for
this
good
sentence
stood
like
a
Mill-post
at
my
back
.
Yet
towards
the
evening
of
the
next
day
,
I
felt
this
word
begin
to
leave
me
,
and
to
withdraw
its
supportation
from
me
,
and
so
I
returned
to
my
old
fears
again
,
but
with
a
great
deal
of
grudging
and
peevishness
,
for
I
feared
the
sorrow
of
it
.
145.
But
the
next
day
at
evening
,
being
under
many
fears
,
I
went
to
seek
the
Lord
;
and
as
I
prayed
,
I
cryed
to
him
in
these
words
:
O
Lord
,
I
beseech
thee
shew
me
that
thou
hast
l●ved
me
with
an
everlasting
love
,
Jer.
31.3
.
I
had
no
sooner
said
it
,
but
with
sweetness
it
returned
upon
me
,
I
have
loved
thee
with
an
everlasting
l●ve
.
Now
I
went
to
bed
at
quiet
,
also
when
I
awaked
the
next
morning
,
it
was
fresh
upon
my
Soul.
146.
But
yet
the
Tempter
left
me
not
,
for
it
could
not
be
so
little
as
an
hund●ed
times
that
he
that
day
did
labour
to
break
my
peace
.
O
the
combats
and
conflicts
that
I
did
then
meet
with
as
I
strove
to
hold
by
this
word
,
that
of
Esau
would
flie
in
my
face
,
like
to
Lightning
:
I
should
be
sometimes
up
and
down
twenty
times
in
an
hour
.
Yet
God
did
bear
me
up
,
and
keep
my
heart
upon
this
word
,
from
which
I
had
also
for
several
days
together
very
much
sweetness
and
comfortable
hopes
of
pardon
.
For
thus
it
was
made
out
to
me
,
I
loved
thee
whilst
thou
wast
committing
this
sin
,
I
loved
thee
before
,
I
love
thee
still
,
and
I
will
love
thee
for
ever
.
147.
Yet
I
saw
my
sin
most
barbarous
,
and
a
filthy
crime
,
and
could
not
but
conclude
,
and
that
with
great
shame
and
astonishment
,
that
I
had
horribly
abused
the
holy
Son
of
God
:
wherefore
I
felt
my
soul
greatly
to
love
and
pity
him
,
and
my
bowels
to
yearn
towards
him
:
for
I
saw
he
was
still
my
friend
,
and
did
reward
me
good
for
evil
▪
yea
,
the
love
and
affection
that
then
did
burn
within
to
my
Lord
and
Saviour
Jesus
Christ
,
did
work
at
this
time
such
strong
and
hot
desire
of
revengement
upon
my self
for
the
abuse
I
had
done
unto
him
,
that
,
to
speak
as
then
I
thought
,
had
I
had
a
thousand
gallons
of
blood
within
my
veins
,
I
could
freely
have
spilt
it
all
at
the
command
and
feet
of
this
my
Lord
and
Saviour
.
148.
And
as
I
was
thus
in
musing
,
and
in
my
studies
how
to
love
the
Lord
,
and
to
express
my
love
to
him
,
that
saying
came
in
upon
me
,
If
thou
,
Lord
,
shouldst
mark
iniquity
,
O
Lord
,
who
should
stand
?
but
there
is
forgiveness
with
thee
,
that
thou
mayst
be
feared
,
Psal.
130.4
.
These
were
good
words
to
me
,
especially
the
latter
part
thereof
,
to
wit
,
that
there
is
forgiveness
with
the
Lord
;
that
he
might
be
feared
;
that
is
,
as
then
I
understood
it
,
that
he
might
be
loved
,
and
had
in
reverence
:
for
it
was
thus
made
out
to
me
.
That
the
great
God
did
set●
fo●
high
an
esteem
upon
the
love
of
his
poor
Creatures
,
th●●
rather
then
he
would
go
without
their
love
,
he
would
pardon
their
transgressions
.
149.
And
now
was
that
word
fulfilled
on
me
,
and
I
was
also
refreshed
by
it
,
Then
shall
they
be
ashamed
and
confounded
,
and
never
open
their
mouth
any
more
because
of
their
shame
,
when
I
am
pacified
towards
thee
for
all
that
thou
hast
done
,
saith
the
Lord
God
,
Ezek.
16.36
.
Thus
was
my
Soul
at
this
time
(
and
as
I
then
did
think
for
ever
)
set
at
liberty
from
being
again
afflicted
with
my
former
guilt
and
amazement
.
150.
But
before
many
weeks
were
over
,
I
began
to
dispond
again
,
fearing
lest
notwithstanding
all
that
I
had
injoyed
,
that
yet
I
might
be
deceived
and
destroyed
at
the
last
:
for
this
consideration
came
strong
into
my
mind
,
That
whatever
comfort
and
peace
I
thought
I
might
have
from
the
word
of
the
Promise
of
Life
;
yet
unless
there
could
be
found
in
my
refreshment
a
concurrance
and
agreement
in
the
Scriptures
,
let
me
think
what
I
will
thereof
,
and
hold
it
never
so
fast
,
I
should
finde
no
such
thing
at
the
end
:
For
the
Scriptures
cannot
be
broken
,
John
10.35
.
151.
Now
began
my
heart
again
to
take
,
and
fear
I
might
meet
with
disappointment
at
the
last
.
Wherefore
I
began
with
all
seriousness
to
examine
my
former
comfort
,
and
to
consider
whether
one
that
had
sinned
as
I
have
done
,
might
with
confidence
trust
upon
the
faithfulness
of
God
laid
down
in
those
words
by
which
I
had
been
comforted
,
and
on
which
I
had
leaned
my self
;
but
now
was
brought
those
sayings
to
my
minde
,
For
it
is
impossible
for
those
who
were
once
enlightned
and
have
tasted
the
heavenly
gift
,
and
were
made
partakers
of
the
holy
Ghost
,
and
have
tasted
the
good
word
of
God
,
and
the
Powers
of
the
World
to
come
;
if
they
shall
fall
away
,
to
renew
th●m
again
unto
repentance
,
Heb.
6.
For
if
we
sin
wilfully
after
we
have
received
the
knowledge
of
the
truth
,
there
remains
no
more
sacrifice
for
sin
,
but
a
certain
fearful
looking
for
of
Judgement
and
fiery
Indignation
,
which
shall
devour
the
advtrsaries
,
Heb.
10.
Even
as
Esau
,
who
for
one
morsel
of
meat
sold
his
Birthright
;
for
you
know
how
that
afterwards
when
he
would
have
inherited
the
Blessing
,
he
was
rejected
,
for
he
found
no
place
of
repentance
,
though
he
sought
it
carefully
with
tears
,
Heb.
12.
152.
Now
was
the
word
of
the
Gospel
forced
from
my
Soul
,
so
that
no
Promise
or
Encouragement
was
to
be
found
in
the
Bible
for
me
:
and
now
would
that
saying
work
upon
my
spirit
to
afflict
me
,
Rejoyce
not
,
O
Israel
,
for
joy
,
as
other
People
,
Hos.
9.1
.
for
I
saw
indeed
there
was
cause
of
rejoycing
for
those
that
held
to
Jesus
;
but
as
for
me
,
I
had
cut
my self
off
by
my
transgressions
,
and
left
my self
neither
foot-hold
nor
hand-hold
amongst
all
the
stayes
and
props
in
the
precious
Word
of
Life
.
153.
And
truly
I
did
now
feel
my self
to
sink
into
a
gulf
,
as
an
house
whose
foundation
is
destroyed
.
I
did
liken
my self
in
this
condition
unto
the
case
of
some
Child
that
was
fallen
into
a
Millpit
,
who
though
it
could
make
some
shift
to
scrable
and
spraul
in
the
water
,
yet
because
it
could
find
neither
hold
for
hand
nor
foot
,
therefore
at
last
it
must
die
in
that
condition
.
So
soon
as
this
fresh
assault
had
fastened
on
my
Soul
,
that
Scripture
came
into
my
heart
,
This
is
for
many
days
,
Dan.
10.14
.
and
indeed
I
found
it
was
so
:
for
I
could
not
be
delivered
nor
brought
to
peace
again
until
well-nigh
two
years
and
an
half
were
compleatly
finished
.
Wherefore
these
words
,
though
in
themselves
they
tended
to
discouragement
,
yet
to
me
,
who
feared
this
condition
would
be
eternal
,
they
were
at
some
times
as
an
help
and
refreshment
to
me
.
154.
For
,
thought
I
,
many
days
are
not
not
fo●
ever
;
many
days
will
have
an
end
;
therefore
〈◊〉
I
was
to
be
afflicted
not
a
few
,
but
many
days
,
〈◊〉
I
was
glad
it
was
but
for
many
days
.
Thus
,
I
say
,
I
could
recal
my self
sometimes
,
and
give
my self
a
help
:
for
as
soon
as
ever
the
words
came
in
,
at
first
I
knew
my
trouble
would
be
long
,
yet
this
would
be
but
sometimes
,
for
I
could
not
always
think
on
this
,
nor
ever
be
helped
though
I
did
.
155.
Now
while
these
Scriptures
lay
before
me
,
and
laid
sin
at
my
door
,
that
saying
in
the
18
of
Luke
,
with
others
,
did
encourage
me
to
prayer
:
then
the
Tempter
again
laid
at
me
very
sore
,
suggesting
,
That
neither
the
mercy
of
God
,
nor
yet
the
blood
of
Christ
,
did
at
all
concern
me
,
nor
could
they
help
me
,
for
my
sin
:
yet
thought
I
,
I
will
pray
,
but
said
the
Tempter
,
Your
sin
is
unpardonoble
.
Yet
said
I
,
I
pray
.
So
I
went
to
prayer
to
God
;
and
while
I
was
at
prayer
,
I
uttered
words
to
this
effect
:
Lord
,
Satan
tells
me
,
That
neither
thy
mercy
nor
Christs
blood
is
sufficient
to
save
my
soul
:
Lord
,
shall
I
honour
●hee
most
by
believing
thou
wilt
and
canst
,
or
by
believing
●hou
neither
wilt
nor
canst
?
Lord
,
I
would
fain
honour
●hee
by
believing
thou
wilt
and
canst
.
156.
And
as
I
was
thus
before
the
Lord
,
that
Scripture
fastned
on
my
heart
,
O
man
,
great
is
thy
Faith
,
even
as
if
one
had
clapt
me
on
the
back
,
as
I
●ay
on
my
knees
before
God
;
yet
I
was
not
able
to
●elieve
this
till
almost
six
months
after
,
for
I
could
not
think
that
I
had
Faith
,
or
that
there
should
be
●
word
for
me
to
act
Faith
on
;
therefore
I
should
●till
be
as
sticking
in
the
jaws
of
desparation
;
and
went
mourning
up
and
down
,
crying
,
Is
his
mercy
●lean
gone
?
is
his
mercy
clean
gone
for
ever
?
And
I
●hought
sometimes
,
even
while
I
was
groaning
in
●hese
expressions
,
they
did
seem
to
make
a
question
●hether
it
was
or
no
;
yet
I
greatly
feared
it
was
.
157.
At
another
time
I
remember
I
was
again
●uch
under
the
Question
,
Whether
the
blood
of
●hrist
was
sufficient
to
save
my
Soul
?
In
which
doubt
I
continued
from
morning
till
about
seven
or
eight
at
night
;
and
at
last
,
when
I
was
,
as
it
were
,
quite
worn
out
with
fear
lest
it
should
not
lay
hold
on
me
,
those
words
did
sound
suddenly
within
me
,
He
is
able
:
but
me
thought
this
word
able
,
was
spoke
so
loud
unto
me
,
it
shewed
such
a
great
word
,
and
gave
such
a
justle
to
my
fear
and
doubt
,
(
I
mean
for
the
time
it
tarried
with
me
,
which
was
about
a
day
)
as
I
never
had
from
that
,
all
my
life
either
before
or
after
that
,
Heb.
7.25
.
158.
But
one
morning
when
I
was
again
at
pray
,
and
trembling
under
the
fear
of
this
,
that
no
word
of
God
could
help
me
,
that
piece
of
a
sentence
darted
in
upon
me
,
My
Grace
is
sufficient
.
At
this
me
thought
I
felt
some
stay
,
as
if
there
might
be
hopes
:
But
O
how
good
a
thing
is
it
for
God
to
send
his
Word
!
for
about
a
fortnight
before
,
I
was
looking
on
this
very
place
,
and
then
I
thought
it
could
not
come
near
my
Soul
with
comfort
,
and
threw
down
my
Book
in
a
pet
;
but
now
it
was
as
if
it
had
arms
of
grace
so
wide
,
that
it
could
not
onely
inclose
me
,
but
many
more
besides
.
159.
By
these
words
I
was
sustained
,
yet
not
without
exceeding
conflicts
,
for
the
space
of
seven
or
eight
weeks
:
for
my
peace
would
be
in
and
out
sometimes
twenty
times
a
day
:
Comfort
now
,
and
Trouble
presently
;
Peace
now
,
and
before
I
could
go
a
furlong
,
as
full
of
Fear
and
Guilt
as
ever
heart
could
hold
;
and
this
was
not
onely
now
and
then
,
but
my
whole
seven
weeks
experience
:
for
this
about
the
sufficiency
of
grace
,
and
that
of
160.
Therefore
I
still
did
pray
to
God
,
that
〈◊〉
would
come
in
with
this
Scripture
more
fully
〈◊〉
my
heart
,
to
wit
,
that
he
would
help
me
to
apply
the
whole
sentence
;
for
as
yet
it
only
helped
me
thus
far
,
My
grace
is
sufficient
;
and
tho
it
came
no
farther
,
it
answered
my
former
question
,
to
wit
,
that
there
was
hope
;
yet
,
because
for
thee
,
was
left
out
,
I
was
not
contented
,
but
prayed
to
God
for
that
also
:
wherefore
,
one
day
as
I
was
in
a
Meeting
of
Gods
People
,
full
of
sadness
and
terrour
,
for
my
fears
again
were
strong
upon
me
,
and
as
I
was
now
thinking
,
my
Soul
was
never
the
better
,
but
my
case
most
sad
and
fearful
,
these
words
did
with
great
power
suddainly
break
in
upon
me
,
My
grace
is
sufficient
for
thee
,
my
grace
is
sufficient
for
thee
,
my
grace
is
sufficient
for
thee
;
three
times
together
;
and
,
O
me-thought
that
every
word
was
a
mighty
word
unto
me
;
as
my
,
and
grace
,
and
sufficient
,
and
for
thee
;
they
were
then
,
and
sometimes
are
still
,
far
bigger
than
others
be
.
162.
At
which
time
,
my
Understanding
was
so
enlightned
;
that
I
was
as
though
I
had
seen
the
Lord
Jesus
look
down
from
Heaven
through
the
Tiles
upon
me
,
and
direct
these
words
unto
me
;
this
sent
me
mourning
home
,
it
broke
my
heart
,
and
filled
me
full
of
joy
,
and
laid
me
as
low
as
the
dust
,
only
it
staid
not
long
with
me
,
I
mean
in
this
glory
and
refreshing
comfort
,
yet
it
continued
with
me
for
several
weeks
,
and
did
encourage
me
to
hope
.
But
so
soon
as
that
powerfull
operation
of
it
was
taken
off
my
heart
,
that
other
about
163.
Thus
I
went
on
for
many
weeks
,
some●●mes
comforted
,
and
sometimes
tormented
,
and
specially
at
sometimes
my
torment
would
be
very
sore
,
for
all
those
Scriptures
fore-nam'd
in
th●
Hebrews
would
be
set
befo●e
me
,
as
the
only
Sentences
that
would
keep
me
out
of
Heaven
.
The●
again
I
should
begin
to
repent
,
that
ever
that
thought
went
thorow
me
;
I
should
also
think
thus
with
my self
,
why
,
How
many
Scriptures
are
there
against
me
?
there
is
but
three
or
four
,
and
cannot
God
miss
them
,
and
save
me
for
all
them
?
Sometimes
again
I
should
think
,
O
if
it
we●e
not
for
these
three
or
four
words
,
now
how
might
I
be
comforted
!
and
I
could
hardly
forbear
at
sometimes
,
but
to
wish
them
out
of
the
Book
.
164.
Then
methought
I
should
see
as
if
both
Peter
,
and
Paul
,
and
John
,
and
all
the
Writer●
did
look
with
scorn
upon
me
,
and
hold
me
in
derision
;
and
as
if
they
said
unto
me
,
All
our
words
are
truth
,
one
of
as
much
force
●s
another
;
it
is
not
we
that
have
cut
you
off
,
but
you
have
cast
away
your self
;
there
is
none
of
our
sentences
that
you
must
take
hold
upon
but
these
,
and
such
as
these
;
It
is
impossible
;
there
remains
no
more
sacrifice
for
sin
,
Heb.
6.
And
it
had
been
better
for
them
not
to
have
known
the
will
of
God
,
than
after
they
have
known
it
,
to
turn
from
the
holy
commandment
delivered
unto
them
,
Heb.
10.
For
the
Scriptures
cannot
be
broken
,
2
Pet.
2.21
.
165.
Thus
was
I
confounded
,
not
knowing
what
to
do
nor
how
to
be
satisfied
in
this
question
,
whether
the
Scriptures
could
agree
in
the
salvation
of
my
Soul
?
I
quaked
at
the
Apostles
;
I
knew
their
words
were
true
,
and
that
they
must
stand
for
ever
.
166.
And
I
remember
one
day
,
as
I
was
in
divers
frames
of
Spirit
,
and
considering
that
thes●
frames
were
still
ac●ording
to
the
nature
of
the
several
Scriptures
that
came
in
upon
my
mind
;
〈◊〉
this
of
Grace
,
then
I
was
quiet
;
but
if
that
of
Esa●
then
tormented
.
Lord
,
thought
I
,
if
both
these
Scriptures
would
meet
in
my
heart
at
once
,
I
wonder
which
of
them
would
get
the
better
of
me
.
So
methought
I
had
a
longing
mind
that
they
might
come
both
together
upon
me
;
yea
,
I
desired
of
God
they
might
.
167.
Well
,
about
two
or
three
dayes
after
,
so
they
did
indeed
;
they
boulte●
both
upon
me
at
a
time
,
and
did
work
and
struggle
strangly
in
me
for
a
while
;
at
last
,
that
about
Esaus
,
birth-right
began
to
wax
weak
,
and
withdraw
,
and
vanish
;
and
this
about
the
sufficiency
of
Grace
prevailed
,
with
peace
and
joy
.
And
as
I
was
in
a
muse
about
this
thing
,
that
Scripture
came
home
upon
me
,
Mercy
rejoyceth
against
Judgement
.
168.
This
was
a
wond●rment
to
me
,
yet
truly
I
am
apt
to
think
it
was
of
God
,
for
the
Word
of
the
Law
and
Wrath
,
must
give
place
to
the
Word
of
Life
and
Grace
;
because
,
though
the
Word
Of
Condemnation
be
glorious
,
yet
the
Word
of
Life
and
Salvation
,
doth
far
exceed
in
glory
,
2
Cor.
3.8
,
9
,
10
,
11.
Mar.
9.5
,
6
,
7.
John
6.37
.
Also
,
that
Moses
and
Elias
must
both
vanish
,
and
leave
Christ
and
his
Saints
alone
.
169.
This
Scripture
also
did
now
most
sweetly
visit
my
soul
;
And
him
that
cometh
to
me
,
I
will
in
no
wise
cast
out
.
O
the
comfort
that
I
have
had
from
this
word
,
in
no
wise
!
as
who
should
say
,
by
no
means
,
for
no
thing
,
what-ever
he
hath
done
.
But
Satan
would
greatly
labour
●o
pull
this
promise
from
me
,
telling
of
me
,
that
Christ
did
not
mean
me
,
and
such
as
I
,
but
sinners
of
a
lower
rank
,
that
had
not
done
as
I
had
done
.
But
I
should
answer
him
again
,
Satan
,
here
is
in
this
word
no
such
exception
,
but
him
that
comes
,
him
,
●●ny
him
,
him
,
that
cometh
to
me
,
I
will
in
no
wise
cast
out
.
And
this
I
well
remember
still
,
that
of
all
the
slights
that
Satan
used
to
take
this
Scripture
from
me
,
yet
he
never
did
so
much
as
put
this
Question
,
But
do
you
come
ar●ght
?
And
I
have
thought
the
reason
was
,
because
he
thought
I
knew
full
well
,
what
coming
was
;
for
I
saw
that
to
come
aright
,
was
to
come
as
I
was
,
a
vile
and
ungodly
sinner
,
and
to
cast
my self
at
the
feet
of
Mercy
,
condemning
my self
for
sin
:
If
ever
Sata●
and
I
did
strive
for
any
word
,
it
was
for
this
in
John
;
he
pull'd
,
and
I
pull'd
but
God
be
praised
,
I
got
some
sweetness
from
it
.
170.
But
,
notwithstanding
all
these
helps
and
blessed
words
of
grace
,
yet
that
of
Esaus
selling
of
his
birth-right
,
would
still
at
times
distress
my
Conscience
;
for
though
I
had
been
most
sweetly
comforted
,
and
that
but
just
before
,
yet
when
that
came
into
mind
,
't
would
make
me
fear
again
.
I
could
not
be
quite
rid
thereof
,
't
would
every
day
be
with
me
:
wherefore
now
I
went
another
way
to
wo●k
,
even
to
consider
the
nature
of
this
blashemous
thought
,
I
mean
if
I
should
take
the
words
at
the
largest
,
and
give
them
their
own
natural
fo●ce
and
scope
,
even
every
word
therein
.
So
when
I
had
thus
considered
,
I
found
that
if
they
were
fairly
taken
,
they
would
amount
to
this
,
That
I
had
freely
left
the
Lord
Jesus
Christ
to
his
choice
,
whether
he
would
be
my
Saviour
or
no
,
for
the
wicked
words
were
these
,
Let
him
go
if
he
will.
Then
that
Scripture
gave
me
hope
,
I
will
never
leave
thee
nor
forsake
thee
,
Heb.
13.5
.
O
Lord
,
said
I
,
but
I
have
left
thee
;
then
it
answered
again
,
but
I
will
not
leave
thee
.
For
this
I
thank
God
al●o
.
171.
Yet
I
was
grievous
afraid
he
should
,
and
found
it
exceeding
hard
to
trust
him
seeing
I
h●d
so
offended
him
:
I
could
have
been
exceedin●
glad
that
this
thought
had
never
be
fallen
,
fo●
then
I
thought
I
could
with
more
ease
and
freedom
abundance
have
leaned
upon
his
grace
:
I
see
it
was
with
me
as
it
was
with
Josephs
B●ethren
,
the
guilt
of
their
own
wickedness
did
often
fill
them
with
fears
,
that
their
Brother
would
at
last
despise
them
,
Gen.
50.15
,
16
,
17
,
18.
172.
But
above
all
the
Scriptures
that
yet
I
did
meet
with
,
that
in
the
twentieth
of
Joshua
,
was
the
greatest
comfort
to
me
,
which
speaks
of
the
slayer
that
was
to
fly
for
refuge
.
And
if
the
avenger
of
blood
pursue
the
slayer
,
then
,
saith
Moses
,
they
that
are
the
Elders
of
the
City
of
Refuge
,
shall
not
deliver
him
into
his
hand
;
because
he
smote
his
Neighbour
unwittingly
,
and
hated
him
not
afore-time
.
O
blessed
be
God
for
this
word
!
I
was
convinced
that
I
was
the
slayer
,
and
t●at
the
avenger
of
blood
pursued
me
,
that
I
felt
with
great
terrour
;
only
now
it
remained
that
I
enquire
,
whether
I
have
●ight
to
enter
the
City
of
Refuge
?
So
I
found
,
That
he
must
not
,
who
lay
in
wait
to
shed
blood
,
but
he
who
unwittingly
,
or
that
did
unawars
shed
blood
,
even
he
who
did
not
hate
his
Neighbour
before
.
Wherefore
,
173.
I
thought
ve●ily
I
was
the
man
that
must
enter
,
for
because
I
had
smitten
my
Neighbour
unwittingly
,
and
hated
him
not
afore-time
.
I
hated
him
not
afore-time
,
no
I
prayed
unto
him
,
was
tender
of
sinning
against
him
;
yea
,
and
against
this
wicked
Temptation
,
I
had
strove
for
a
twelve-moneth
before
;
yea
,
and
also
when
it
did
pass
thorow
my
heart
,
it
did
it
in
spite
of
my
teeth
:
Wherefore
I
thought
I
had
right
to
enter
this
City
,
and
the
Elders
,
which
are
the
Apostles
,
were
not
to
deliver
me
up
.
This
therefore
was
grea●
comfort
to
me
,
and
did
give
me
much
ground
of
hope
.
174.
Yet
being
very
critical
,
for
my
sma●t
had
made
me
that
I
knew
not
what
ground
was
sure
enough
to
bear
me
,
I
had
one
question
that
my
Soul
did
much
desire
to
be
resolved
about
;
and
that
was
,
Whether
it
be
possible
for
any
Soul
that
hath
indeed
sinned
the
unpardonable
sin
,
yet
after
that
to
receive
,
though
but
the
least
true
spiritual
comfort
from
God
thorow
Christ
?
the
which
,
after
I
had
much
considered
,
I
found
the
answer
was
,
No
,
they
could
not
:
and
that
for
these
reasons
:
175.
First
,
Because
those
that
have
sinned
that
sin
,
they
are
debarred
a
share
in
the
Blood
of
Christ
,
and
being
shut
out
of
that
,
they
must
needs
be
void
of
the
least
ground
of
hope
,
and
so
of
spiritual
comfort
;
for
to
such
there
remains
no
more
sacrifice
for
sin
,
Heb.
10.26
,
27.
Secondly
,
Because
they
are
denied
a
share
in
the
promise
of
Life
:
they
shall
never
be
forgiven
,
neither
in
this
world
nor
in
that
which
is
to
come
,
Mat.
12.31
.
Thirdly
,
The
Son
of
God
excludes
them
also
from
a
share
in
his
blessed
intercession
,
being
for
ever
ashamed
to
own
them
both
before
his
holy
Father
,
and
the
blessed
Angels
in
heaven
,
Mark
8.
176.
When
I
had
with
much
deliberation
considered
of
this
matter
,
and
could
not
but
conclude
that
the
Lord
had
comforted
me
,
and
that
too
after
this
my
wicked
sin
:
then
methought
I
durst
venture
to
come
nigh
unto
those
most
fearful
and
terrible
Scriptures
,
with
which
all
this
while
I
had
been
so
greatly
aff●ighted
,
and
on
which
indeed
before
I
durst
scarce
cast
mine
eyes
,
(
●ea
,
had
much
ado
an
hundred
times
to
forbear
wishing
of
them
out
of
the
Bible
,
for
I
thought
they
would
destroy
me
)
but
now
,
I
say
,
I
began
to
take
some
measure
of
incouragement
,
to
come
close
to
them
,
to
read
them
and
consider
them
,
and
to
weigh
their
scope
and
tendence
.
177.
The
which
when
I
began
to
do
,
I
found
their
visage
changed
;
for
they
looked
not
so
grimly
on
me
as
before
I
thought
they
did
:
And
first
,
I
came
to
the
sixth
of
the
Hebrews
,
yet
trembling
for
fear
it
should
strike
me
;
which
,
when
I
had
considered
,
I
found
that
the
falling
there
intended
was
a
falling
quite
away
;
that
is
,
as
I
conceived
,
a
falling
from
,
and
an
absolute
denial
of
,
the
Gospel
of
Remission
of
sins
by
Christ
:
for
from
them
the
Apostle
begins
his
argument
,
ver
.
1
,
2
,
3.
Secondly
,
I
found
that
this
falling
away
must
be
openly
,
even
in
the
view
of
the
World
,
even
so
as
to
put
Christ
to
an
open
shame
.
Thirdly
,
I
found
that
those
he
there
intendeth
were
for
ever
shut
up
of
God
both
in
blindness
,
hardness
,
and
impenitency
:
It
is
impossible
they
should
be
renewed
again
unto
repentance
.
By
all
these
particulars
,
I
found
,
to
Gods
everlasting
praise
,
my
sin
was
not
the
sin
in
this
place
intended
.
178.
Then
I
considered
that
in
the
tenth
of
the
Hebrews
;
and
found
that
the
wilful
Sin
there
mentioned
,
is
not
every
wilful
sin
,
but
that
sin
which
doth
throw
off
Christ
,
and
then
his
Commandments
too
.
Secondly
,
That
must
also
be
done
openly
,
before
two
or
three
witnesses
,
to
answer
that
of
the
Law
,
ver
.
28.
Thirdly
,
This
sin
cannot
be
committed
but
with
great
despite
done
to
the
Spirit
of
Grace
;
despising
both
the
disswasions
from
that
sin
,
and
the
perswasions
to
the
contrary
:
But
the
Lord
knows
,
though
this
my
sin
was
devilish
,
yet
it
did
not
amount
to
these
.
179.
And
as
touching
that
in
the
twelfth
of
the
Hebrews
,
about
He
did
eat
and
drink
,
and
went
his
way
;
thus
Esau
DESPISED
his
Birth-right
:
yea
,
twenty
year
after
he
was
found
to
despise
it
still
,
And
Esau
said
,
I
have
enough
,
my
Brother
,
keep
that
thou
hast
to
thy self
,
Gen.
33.9
.
180.
Now
as
touching
this
,
That
Esau
sought
a
place
of
repentance
;
thus
I
thought
:
First
,
This
was
not
for
the
Birth-right
,
but
for
the
Blessing
;
this
is
clear
from
the
Apostle
,
and
is
distinguished
by
Esau
himself
,
He
hath
taken
away
my
Birth-right
,
(
that
is
,
formerly
)
and
now
he
hath
taken
away
my
Blessing
also
,
Gen.
27.36
.
Secondly
,
Now
this
being
thus
considered
,
I
came
again
to
the
Apostle
,
to
see
what
might
be
the
mind
of
God
in
a
New-Testament
stile
and
sence
concerning
Eternal
Inheritance
;
for
so
the
Apostle
seems
to
hint
,
Left
there
be
any
prophane
person
,
as
Esau
,
whose
for
one
morsel
of
meat
sold
his
Birth-right
:
as
if
he
should
say
,
Lest
there
be
any
person
amongst
you
that
shall
cast
off
all
those
blessed
beginnings
of
God
that
at
present
are
upon
him
,
in
order
to
a
new
Birth
,
lest
they
become
a
Esau
,
even
be
rejected
afterwards
,
when
they
would
inherit
the
Blessing
.
181.
For
many
there
are
,
who
in
the
day
of
Grace
and
Mercy
despise
those
things
which
are
indeed
the
Birth-right
to
Heaven
,
who
yet
when
the
deciding-day
appears
,
will
cry
as
loud
as
Esau
,
Lord
,
Lord
,
open
to
us
;
but
then
,
as
Isaac
would
not
repent
,
no
more
will
God
the
Father
,
but
will
say
,
I
have
blessed
these
,
yea
,
and
they
shall
be
blessed
;
but
as
for
you
,
Depart
,
you
are
workers
of
iniquity
.
Gen.
27.32
.
Luk.
13
,
25
,
26
,
27.
182.
When
I
had
thus
considered
these
Scriptures
,
and
found
that
thus
to
understand
them
was
not
against
but
according
to
other
Scriptures
,
this
still
added
further
to
my
encouragement
and
comfort
,
and
also
gave
a
great
blow
to
that
objection
,
to
wit
,
That
the
Scriptures
could
not
agree
in
the
salvation
of
my
Soul.
And
now
remained
only
the
hinder
part
of
the
Tempest
,
for
the
thunder
was
gone
beyond
me
,
onely
some
drops
did
still
remain
,
that
now
and
then
would
fall
upon
me
:
but
because
my
former
frights
and
anguish
were
very
sore
and
deep
,
therefore
it
did
oft
befall
me
still
as
it
befalleth
those
that
have
been
scared
with
fire
,
I
thought
every
voice
was
fire
,
fire
;
every
little
touch
would
hurt
my
tender
Conscience
.
183.
But
one
day
,
as
I
was
passing
in
the
field
,
and
that
too
with
some
dashes
on
my
Conscience
,
fearing
lest
yet
all
vvas
not
right
,
suddenly
this
sentence
fell
upon
my
Soul
,
Thy
righteousness
is
in
Heaven
;
and
methought
withall
,
I
saw
with
the
eyes
of
my
Soul
Jesus
Christ
at
Gods
right
hand
,
there
,
I
say
,
as
my
Righteousness
;
so
that
where-ever
I
was
,
or
whatever
I
was
a
doing
,
God
could
not
say
of
me
,
He
wants
my
Righteousness
,
for
that
was
just
before
him
.
I
also
saw
moreover
,
that
it
was
not
my
good
frame
of
Heart
that
made
my
Righteousness
better
,
nor
yet
my
bad
frame
that
made
my
Righteousness
worse
:
for
my
Righteousness
was
Jesus
Christ
himself
,
the
same
yesterday
,
to
day
and
for
ever
,
Heb.
13.8
.
184.
Now
did
my
chains
fall
off
my
Legs
indeed
,
I
was
loosed
from
my
affliction
and
irons
,
my
temptations
also
fled
away
:
so
that
from
that
time
those
dreadful
Scriptures
of
God
left
off
to
t●ouble
me
;
now
went
I
also
home
rejoycing
,
for
the
grace
and
love
of
God
:
So
when
I
care
home
,
I
looked
to
see
if
I
could
find
that
Sentence
,
Thy
Righteousness
is
in
Heaven
,
but
could
not
find
such
a
Saying
,
wherefore
my
Heart
began
to
sink
again
,
onely
that
was
brought
to
my
remembrance
,
He
is
made
unto
us
of
God
,
Wisdom
,
Righteousness
,
Sanctification
,
and
Redemption
;
by
this
word
I
saw
the
other
Sentence
true
.
185.
For
by
this
Scripture
,
I
saw
that
the
Man
Christ
Jesus
,
as
he
is
distinct
from
us
,
as
touching
his
bodily
presence
,
so
he
is
our
Righteousness
and
Sanctification
before
God
:
here
therefore
I
lived
,
for
some
time
,
very
sweetly
at
peace
with
God
thorow
Christ
;
O
methought
Christ
!
Christ
!
there
was
nothing
but
Christ
that
was
before
my
eyes
:
I
was
not
now
onely
for
looking
upon
this
and
the
other
benefit
of
Christ
apart
,
as
of
his
Blood
,
Burial
,
or
Resurrection
,
but
considered
him
as
whole
Christ
;
as
he
in
whom
all
these
,
and
all
his
other
Vertues
,
Relations
,
Offices
,
and
Operations
met
together
,
and
that
on
the
right
hand
of
God
in
Heaven
.
186.
'T
was
glorious
to
me
to
see
his
exaltation
,
and
the
worth
and
prevalencie
of
all
his
benefits
,
and
that
because
of
this
;
Now
I
could
look
from
my self
to
him
,
and
should
reckon
that
all
those
Graces
of
God
that
now
were
green
in
me
,
were
yet
but
like
those
crack'd-Groats
and
Four-pence-half-pennies
that
rich
men
carry
in
their
Purses
,
when
their
Gold
is
in
their
Trunks
at
home
:
O
I
saw
my
Gold
was
in
my
Trunk
at
home
!
in
Christ
my
Lord
and
Saviour
!
Now
Christ
was
all
;
all
my
Wisdom
,
all
my
Righteousness
,
all
my
Sanctification
,
and
all
my
Redemption
.
187.
Further
,
The
Lord
did
also
lead
me
into
the
mystery
of
Union
with
this
Son
of
God
,
that
I
was
joyned
to
him
,
that
I
was
flesh
of
his
flesh
,
and
bone
of
his
bone
;
and
now
was
that
a
sweet
word
to
me
,
in
Ephes.
5.3
.
By
this
also
was
my
faith
in
him
,
as
my
Righteousness
,
the
more
confirmed
to
me
;
for
if
he
and
I
were
one
,
then
his
Righteousness
was
mine
,
his
Merits
mine
▪
his
Victory
also
mine
.
Now
could
I
see
my self
in
Heaven
and
Earth
at
once
;
in
Heaven
by
my
Christ
,
by
my
Head
,
by
my
Righteousness
and
Life
,
though
on
Earth
by
my
Body
or
Person
.
188.
Now
I
saw
Christ
Jesus
was
looked
on
of
God
,
and
should
also
be
looked
upon
by
us
as
that
common
or
publick
person
,
in
whom
all
t●e
whole
Body
of
his
Elect
are
always
to
be
considered
and
reckoned
,
that
we
fulfilled
the
Law
by
him
,
died
by
him
,
rose
from
the
dead
by
him
,
got
the
Victory
over
sin
,
death
,
the
devil
,
and
hell
,
by
him
:
when
he
died
we
died
,
and
so
of
his
Resurrection
:
Thy
dead
men
shall
live
,
together
with
my
dead
body
shall
they
arise
,
saith
he
,
Isa.
26.
and
again
,
After
two
dayes
he
will
revive
us
,
and
the
third
day
we
shall
live
in
his
sight
,
Hos.
6.2
.
which
is
now
fulfilled
by
the
sitting
down
of
the
Son
of
Man
on
the
right
hand
of
the
Majesty
in
the
Heavens
;
according
to
that
to
the
Ephesians
,
He
hath
raised
us
up
together
,
and
made
us
sit
together
in
heavenly
places
in
Christ
Jesus
,
Ephes.
2.6
.
189.
Ah
these
blessed
consi●erations
and
Scriptures
,
with
many
other
of
a
like
nature
,
were
in
those
days
made
to
spangle
in
mine
eyes
,
Praise
ye
the
Lord
God
in
his
Sanctuary
,
praise
him
in
the
firmament
of
his
power
,
praise
him
for
his
mighty
acts
,
praise
him
according
to
his
excellent
greatness
,
Psal.
150.1
,
2.
190.
Having
thus
in
few
words
gi●en
you
a
taste
of
the
sorrow
and
affliction
that
my
Soul
went
under
by
the
guilt
and
terror
that
this
my
wicked
thought
did
lay
me
under
;
and
having
given
you
also
a
touch
of
my
deliverance
therefrom
,
and
of
the
sweet
and
blessed
comfort
that
I
met
with
afterwards
,
(
which
comfort
dwelt
about
a
twelve-month
with
my
heart
,
to
my
unspeakable
admiraration
)
I
will
now
(
God
willing
)
before
I
proceed
any
further
,
give
yo●
in
a
word
or
two
,
what
,
as
I
conceive
,
was
the
cause
of
this
Temptation
;
and
also
after
tha●
,
what
advantage
at
t●e
last
it
became
unto
my
Soul.
191.
For
the
causes
,
I
conceived
they
were
principally
two
,
of
which
two
also
I
was
deeply
convinced
all
the
time
this
trouble
lay
upon
me
.
The
first
was
,
Fo●
that
I
did
not
,
when
I
was
delive●ed
from
the
Temptation
that
went
before
,
still
pray
to
God
to
keep
me
from
Temptations
that
were
to
come
:
for
though
,
as
I
can
say
in
truth
,
my
Soul
was
much
in
prayer
before
this
tryal
seized
me
,
yet
then
I
prayed
onely
,
or
at
the
most
principally
,
for
the
re●oval
of
present
troubles
,
and
for
f●esh
discoveries
of
love
in
Christ
:
which
I
saw
afte●wards
was
not
enough
to
do
;
I
also
should
have
prayed
that
the
great
God
would
keep
me
from
the
evil
that
was
to
come
.
192.
Of
th●s
I
was
made
deeply
sensible
by
the
Prayer
of
holy
David
,
who
when
he
was
under
present
mercy
,
yet
prayed
that
God
would
hold
him
back
from
sin
and
temptation
to
come
:
For
then
,
saith
he
,
shall
I
be
upright
,
and
I
shall
be
innocent
from
the
GREAT
transgression
,
Psal.
19.13
.
by
this
very
word
was
I
gau●ed
and
condemned
,
quite
thorow
this
long
temptation
.
193.
That
also
was
another
word
that
did
much
condemn
me
for
my
folly
,
in
the
negle●t
of
this
duty
,
Heb.
4.16
.
Let
us
theref●●e
come
boldly
to
the
Throne
of
Grace
,
that
we
may
obtain
mercy
,
and
find
grace
to
help
in
time
of
need
:
this
I
had
not
done
,
and
therefore
was
suffered
thus
to
sin
and
fall
,
according
to
what
is
written
,
Pray
,
that
ye
enter
not
into
temptation
:
and
t●uly
this
ve●y
thing
is
to
this
day
of
such
weight
and
awe
upon
me
,
that
I
dare
not
,
when
I
come
befo●e
the
Lo●d
,
go
off
my
knees
until
I
intreat
him
for
help
and
mercy
against
the
te●ptations
that
are
to
come
:
and
I
do
beseech
thee
,
Reader
,
that
thou
learn
to
beware
of
my
negligence
by
the
affliction
that
for
this
thing
I
did
for
days
,
and
months
,
and
years
,
with
sorrow
undergoe
.
194.
Another
cause
of
this
temptation
was
,
That
I
had
tempted
God
;
and
on
this
manner
did
I
do
it
:
Upon
a
time
my
Wife
was
great
with
Child
,
and
before
her
full
time
was
come
,
her
pangs
,
as
of
a
woman
in
travel
,
were
fierce
and
s●rong
upon
her
,
even
as
if
s●e
would
immediately
have
fallen
in
labour
,
and
been
delivered
of
an
untimely
birth
:
now
at
this
very
time
it
was
,
that
I
had
been
so
strongly
tempted
to
question
the
●eing
of
God
;
wherefore
as
my
Wife
lay
crying
by
me
,
I
said
,
but
with
all
secresie
immaginable
,
even
thinking
in
my
heart
,
Lord
,
if
thou
wilt
now
remove
this
sad
affliction
from
my
Wife
,
and
cause
that
she
be
troubled
no
more
therewith
this
night
(
and
now
we●e
her
pangs
just
upon
her
)
then
shall
know
that
thou
canst
discern
the
most
secret
thought
of
the
heart
.
195.
I
had
no
sooner
said
it
in
my
●ea●t
,
but
her
pangs
were
taken
f●om
her
,
and
she
was
cast
into
a
deep
sleep
,
and
so
she
continued
till
morning
;
at
this
I
greatly
marvelled
,
not
knowing
what
to
think
;
but
after
I
had
been
awake
a
good
while
,
and
heard
her
c●y
no
more
,
I
fell
to
sleeping
al●o
:
So
when
I
waked
in
the
morning
,
it
came
upon
me
again
,
even
what
I
had
said
in
my
heart
the
last
night
,
and
how
the
Lo●d
had
s●ewed
me
that
he
knew
my
secr●t
t●oughts
,
which
was
a
great
astonishment
unto
me
for
several
weeks
after
.
196.
Well
,
about
a
year
and
an
half
afterwards
that
wicked
sinful
thought
,
of
which
I
have
spoken
before
,
went
thorow
my
wicked
heart
,
even
this
thought
,
Let
Christ
go
if
he
will
;
so
when
I
was
fallen
under
guilt
for
this
,
the
remembrance
of
my
other
thought
,
and
of
the
effect
thereof
,
vvould
also
come
upon
me
vvith
this
retort
,
vvhich
carried
also
rebuke
along
vvith
it
,
Now
you
may
see
that
God
doth
know
the
most
secret
thoughts
of
the
heart
,
now
you
may
see
that
God
doth
know
the
most
secret
thoughts
of
the
heart
!
197.
And
with
this
,
that
of
the
passages
that
was
betwixt
the
Lord
,
and
his
servant
Gideon
,
fell
upon
my
spirit
;
how
because
that
Gideon
tempted
God
vvith
his
Fleece
both
vvet
and
dry
,
vvhen
he
should
have
believed
and
ventured
upon
his
Word
,
therefore
the
Lord
did
afte●wards
so
try
him
,
as
to
send
him
against
an
innumerable
company
of
Enemies
,
and
that
too
,
as
to
outward
appearance
,
vvithout
any
strength
or
help
,
Judg.
Chap.
6
,
7.
Thus
he
se●ved
me
,
and
that
justly
,
for
I
should
have
believed
his
Word
,
and
not
have
put
an
if
upon
the
all-seeingness
of
God.
198.
And
now
to
shew
you
something
of
the
advantages
that
I
also
gained
by
this
Temptation
:
And
first
,
By
this
I
vvas
made
continually
to
possess
in
my
Soul
a
very
vvonderful
sence
both
of
the
being
and
glory
of
God
,
and
of
his
beloved
Son
;
in
the
temptation
befo●e
,
my
Soul
vvas
perplexed
vvith
Atheism
,
but
now
the
case
vvas
otherwise
,
novv
vvas
God
and
Christ
continually
before
my
face
,
though
not
in
a
vvay
of
comfort
,
but
in
a
vvay
of
exceeding
dread
and
terrour
.
The
glory
of
the
Holiness
of
God
did
at
this
time
break
me
to
pieces
,
and
the
Bovvels
and
Compassion
of
Christ
did
break
me
as
on
the
Wheel
;
for
I
coul●
not
consider
him
but
as
a
lost
and
rejected
Christ
,
the
remembrance
of
vvhich
vvas
as
the
continual
breaking
of
my
bones
.
199.
The
Sc●iptures
now
also
vvere
vvonderful
things
unto
me
;
I
savv
that
the
truth
and
verity
of
them
vve●e
the
Keys
of
the
Kingdom
of
Heaven
;
those
the
Scriptures
favour
,
they
must
inherit
bliss
;
but
those
they
oppose
and
condemn
,
must
perish
for
evermore
:
O
this
vvord
,
For
the
Scriptures
cannot
be
broken
,
vvould
●end
the
caul
of
my
heart
,
and
so
vvould
that
other
,
Whose
sins
ye
remit
,
they
are
remitted
,
but
whose
sins
ye
retain
,
they
are
retained
:
Novv
I
savv
the
Apostles
to
be
the
Elders
of
the
City
of
Refuge
,
Josh.
20.4
.
those
they
vvere
to
receive
in
,
vvere
received
to
Life
,
but
those
that
they
shut
out
,
vvere
to
be
slain
by
the
avenger
of
blood
.
200.
O!
one
sentence
of
the
Scripture
did
more
afflict
and
terrifie
my
mind
,
I
mean
those
sentences
that
stood
against
me
,
(
as
sometimes
I
thought
they
every
one
did
)
more
,
I
say
,
than
an
Army
of
forty
thousand
men
that
might
have
come
against
me
.
Wo
be
to
him
against
vvhom
the
Scriptures
bend
themselves
.
201.
By
this
Temptation
I
vvas
made
see
more
into
the
nature
of
the
P●omise
,
then
ever
I
vvas
before
:
for
I
lying
novv
trembling
under
the
mighty
hand
of
God
,
continually
torn
and
rent
by
the
thunderings
of
his
Justice
;
this
made
me
,
vvith
ca●eful
heart
and
vvatchful
eye
,
vvith
great
seriousness
to
turn
over
every
leaf
,
and
with
much
diligence
mixt
vvith
trembling
,
to
consider
every
sentence
,
together
vvith
its
natural
fo●ce
and
latitude
.
202.
By
this
Temptation
also
,
I
vvas
greatly
bea●en
oft
my
former
foolish
,
practice
,
of
putting
by
the
Word
of
Promise
v●hen
it
came
into
my
mind
:
for
now
,
though
I
could
not
suck
that
comfort
and
sweetness
from
the
Promise
,
as
I
had
done
at
other
times
,
yet
,
like
to
a
man
a
sinking
,
I
should
catch
at
all
I
saw
:
formerly
I
thought
I
might
not
meddle
with
the
Promise
,
unless
I
felt
its
comfort
;
but
now
't
was
no
time
thus
to
do
,
the
Avenger
of
blood
too
hardly
did
pursue
me
.
203.
Now
therefore
I
was
glad
to
catch
at
that
word
,
which
yet
I
feared
I
had
no
ground
nor
right
to
own
;
and
even
to
leap
into
the
Bosom
of
that
Promise
,
that
yet
I
feared
did
shut
its
heart
against
me
.
Now
also
I
should
labour
to
take
the
wo●d
as
God
had
laid
it
down
,
without
restraining
the
natural
force
of
one
syllable
thereof
:
O
what
did
I
now
see
in
that
blessed
sixth
of
John
,
And
him
that
comes
to
me
,
I
will
in
no
wise
cast
out
!
now
I
began
to
consider
with
my self
,
that
God
had
a
bigger
mouth
to
speak
with
,
than
I
had
heart
to
conceive
with
;
I
thought
also
with
my self
,
that
he
spake
not
his
words
in
haste
,
or
in
an
unadvised
hear
,
but
with
infinite
wisdom
and
judgement
,
and
in
very
truth
and
faithfulness
,
2
Sam.
3.28
.
204.
I
should
in
these
dayes
,
often
in
my
greatest
agonies
,
even
flounce
towards
the
Promise
(
as
the
horses
do
towards
sound
ground
,
that
yet
stick
in
the
mire
)
concluding
(
though
as
one
almost
bereft
of
his
vvits
through
fear
)
on
this
I
will
rest
and
stay
,
and
leave
the
fulfilling
of
it
to
the
God
of
heaven
that
made
it
.
O!
many
a
pull
hath
my
heart
had
with
Sa●an
,
for
that
blessed
sixth
of
John
:
I
did
not
now
,
as
at
other
times
,
look
principally
for
comfo●t
(
though
O
how
welcome
would
it
have
been
unto
me
!
)
but
now
a
Word
,
a
Word
to
lean
a
weary
Soul
upon
,
that
I
might
not
sink
for
ever
.
205.
Yea
,
often
when
I
have
been
making
to
the
Promise
,
I
have
seen
as
if
the
Lord
would
●efuse
my
Soul
for
ever
;
I
vvas
often
as
if
I
had
run
upon
the
pikes
,
and
as
if
the
Lord
had
thrust
at
me
,
to
keep
me
from
him
,
as
with
a
flaming
sword
.
Then
I
should
think
of
Esther
,
who
went
to
petition
the
King
contrary
to
the
Law
,
Esth.
4.16
.
I
thought
also
of
206.
I
never
saw
those
heights
and
depths
in
grace
,
and
love
,
and
mercy
,
as
I
saw
after
this
temptation
:
great
sins
do
draw
out
great
grace
;
and
where
guilt
is
most
terrible
and
fierce
,
there
the
mercy
of
God
in
Christ
,
when
shewed
to
the
Soul
,
appears
most
high
and
mighty
:
When
Job
had
passed
thorow
his
captivity
,
he
had
twice
as
much
as
he
had
before
,
Job
42.10
.
Blessed
be
God
for
Jesus
Christ
our
Lord.
Many
other
things
I
might
here
make
observation
of
,
but
I
would
be
brief
,
and
therefore
shall
at
this
time
omit
them
;
and
do
pray
God
that
my
harms
may
make
others
fear
to
offend
,
lest
they
also
be
made
to
bear
the
iron
yoak
as
I.
207.
Now
I
shall
go
forward
to
give
you
a
relation
of
other
of
the
Lords
dealings
with
me
,
of
his
dealings
with
me
at
sund●y
other
seasons
,
and
of
the
temptations
I
then
did
meet
withall
.
I
shall
begin
vvith
vvhat
I
met
vvith
vvhen
I
first
did
joyn
in
fellowship
vvith
the
People
of
God
in
Bedford
.
After
I
had
propounded
to
the
Church
,
that
my
desire
vvas
to
vvalk
in
the
Order
and
Ordinances
of
Christ
vvith
them
,
and
vvas
also
admitted
by
them
;
vvhile
I
thought
of
that
blessed
Ordinance
of
Christ
,
vvhich
vvas
his
last
Supper
vvith
his
Disciples
before
his
death
,
that
Scripture
Do
this
in
remembrance
of
me
,
Luk.
22.19
.
was
made
a
very
precious
word
unto
me
;
for
by
it
the
Lord
did
come
down
upon
my
conscience
with
the
discovery
of
his
death
for
my
sins
,
and
as
I
then
felt
,
did
as
if
he
plunged
me
in
the
vertue
of
the
same
.
But
behold
,
I
had
not
been
long
a
partaker
at
that
Ordinance
,
but
such
fierce
and
sad
temptations
did
attend
me
at
all
times
therein
,
both
to
blaspheme
the
Ordinance
,
and
to
wish
some
deadly
thing
to
those
that
then
did
eat
thereof
;
that
lest
I
should
at
any
time
be
guilty
of
consenting
to
these
wicked
and
fearful
thoughts
,
I
was
forced
to
bend
my self
all
the
while
to
pray
to
God
to
keep
me
from
such
blasphemies
;
and
also
to
cry
to
God
to
bless
the
Bread
and
Cup
to
them
,
as
it
went
from
mouth
to
mouth
:
The
reason
of
this
temptation
I
have
thought
since
was
,
because
I
did
not
with
that
reverence
at
first
approach
to
partake
thereof
.
208.
Thus
I
continued
for
three
quarters
of
a
year
,
and
could
never
have
rest
nor
ease
;
but
at
last
the
Lord
came
in
upon
my
Soul
with
that
same
Scripture
by
which
my
Soul
was
visited
before
;
and
after
that
,
I
have
been
usually
very
well
and
comfortable
in
the
partaking
of
that
blessed
Ordinance
,
and
have
I
trust
therein
discerned
the
Lords
Body
as
broken
for
my
sins
,
and
that
his
p●ecious
Blood
had
been
shed
for
my
transgressions
.
209.
Upon
a
time
I
was
somewhat
inclining
to
a
Consumption
,
wherefore
about
the
Spring
,
I
was
suddenly
and
violently
seized
with
much
weakness
in
my
outward
man
;
insomuch
that
I
thought
I
could
not
live
.
Now
began
I
afresh
to
give
my self
up
to
a
serious
examination
after
my
state
and
condition
for
the
future
,
and
of
my
Evidences
for
that
blessed
world
to
come
.
For
it
hath
,
I
bless
the
name
of
God
,
been
my
usual
course
,
as
alwayes
,
so
especially
in
the
day
of
affliction
,
to
endeavour
to
keep
my
interest
in
Life
to
come
,
clear
before
mine
eye
.
210.
But
I
had
no
sooner
began
to
recall
to
mind
my
former
experience
of
the
goodness
of
God
to
my
Soul
,
but
there
came
flocking
into
my
mind
an
innumerable
company
of
my
sins
and
transgressions
,
amongst
which
these
were
at
this
time
most
to
my
affliction
,
namely
,
my
deadness
,
dulness
,
and
coldness
in
holy
Duties
,
my
wandrings
of
heart
,
my
wearisomness
in
all
good
things
,
my
want
of
love
to
God
,
his
wayes
and
people
,
with
this
at
the
end
of
all
,
Are
these
the
fruits
of
Christianity
?
are
these
the
tokens
of
a
blessed
man
?
211.
At
the
apprehension
of
these
things
,
my
sickness
was
doubled
upon
me
,
for
now
was
I
sick
in
my
inward
man
,
my
Soul
was
clog'd
with
guilt
,
now
also
was
all
my
former
experience
of
Gods
goodness
to
me
quite
taken
out
of
my
mind
,
and
hid
as
if
it
had
never
been
,
nor
seen
:
Now
was
my
Soul
greatly
pinched
between
these
two
considerations
,
Live
I
must
not
,
Die
I
dare
not
:
now
I
sunk
and
fell
in
my
Spi●it
,
and
was
giving
up
all
for
lost
;
but
as
I
was
walking
up
and
down
in
the
house
,
as
a
man
in
a
most
woful
state
,
that
word
of
God
took
hold
of
my
he●rt
,
Ye
are
justified
freely
by
his
grace
,
through
the
redemption
that
is
in
Christ
Jesus
,
Rom.
3.24
.
212.
Now
was
I
as
one
awakened
out
of
some
trou●lesome
sleep
and
dream
,
and
listening
to
this
heavenly
sentence
,
I
was
as
if
I
heard
it
thus
expounded
to
me
;
Sinner
,
thou
thinkest
that
because
of
thy
sins
and
infirmities
,
I
cannot
save
thy
Soul
;
but
b●hold
my
Son
is
by
me
,
and
upon
him
I
look
,
and
not
on
t●ree
,
and
will
deal
with
thee
according
as
I
am
pleased
with
him
:
at
this
I
was
greatly
lightened
in
my
mind
,
and
made
to
understand
that
God
could
justifie
a
Sinner
at
any
time
,
it
was
but
looking
upon
Christ
,
and
imputing
of
his
benefits
to
us
,
and
the
work
was
forthwith
done
.
213.
And
as
I
was
thus
in
a
muse
,
that
Scripture
came
with
great
power
upon
my
Spirit
,
Not
by
works
of
righteousness
that
we
have
done
,
but
according
to
his
mercy
he
saved
us
,
&c.
2
Tim.
1
9.
Tit.
3.5
.
now
was
I
got
on
high
,
I
saw
my self
within
the
arms
of
Grace
and
Mercy
;
and
though
I
was
before
afraid
to
think
of
a
dying
hour
,
yet
now
I
c●ied
,
Let
me
die
;
now
death
was
lovely
and
beautiful
in
my
sight
,
for
I
saw
we
shall
never
live
indeed
till
we
be
gone
to
the
other
World
:
O
methought
this
life
is
but
a
slumber
in
comparison
of
that
above
:
at
this
time
also
I
saw
more
in
those
words
,
Heirs
of
God
,
Rom.
8.17
.
then
ever
I
shall
be
able
to
exp●ess
while
I
live
in
this
world
:
Heirs
of
God!
God
himself
is
the
portion
of
the
Saints
:
this
I
saw
and
wondered
at
,
but
cannot
tell
you
what
I
saw
.
214.
At
another
time
,
though
just
before
I
was
pretty
well
and
savoury
in
my
spirit
,
yet
suddenly
there
fell
upon
me
a
great
cloud
of
darkness
,
which
did
so
hide
from
me
the
things
of
God
and
Christ
,
that
I
was
as
if
I
had
never
seen
or
known
them
in
my
life
;
I
was
also
so
over-run
in
my
Soul
with
a
senceless
heartless
frame
of
spirit
,
that
I
could
not
feel
my
Soul
to
move
or
stir
after
grace
and
life
by
Christ
;
I
was
as
if
my
Ioyns
were
broken
,
or
as
if
my
hands
and
feet
had
been
tied
or
bound
with
chains
.
At
this
time
also
I
felt
some
weakness
to
seiz
my
outward
man
;
which
made
still
the
other
affliction
the
more
heavy
and
uncomfortable
.
215.
Afrer
I
had
been
in
this
condition
some
three
or
four
days
,
as
I
was
sitting
by
the
fire
,
I
suddenly
felt
this
word
to
sound
in
my
heart
,
I
must
go
to
Jesus
;
at
this
my
former
darkness
and
atheism
fled
away
,
and
the
blessed
things
of
heaven
were
set
within
my
view
;
while
I
was
on
this
sudden
thus
overtaken
with
surprize
;
Wife
,
said
I
,
is
there
ever
a
such
Scripture
,
I
must
go
to
Jesus
?
she
said
she
could
not
tell
;
therefore
I
sat
musing
still
to
see
if
I
could
remember
such
a
place
,
I
had
not
sat
above
two
or
three
minutes
,
but
that
came
bolting
in
upon
me
,
And
to
an
innumerable
company
of
Angels
;
and
withall
Hebrews
the
twelfth
about
the
mount
Zion
was
set
before
mine
eyes
.
216.
Then
with
joy
I
told
my
Wife
,
O
now
I
know
,
I
know
!
but
that
night
was
a
good
night
to
me
,
I
never
had
but
few
better
;
I
longed
for
the
company
,
of
some
of
Gods
people
,
that
I
might
have
imparted
unto
them
what
God
had
shewed
me
:
Christ
vvas
a
precious
Christ
to
my
Soul
that
night
;
I
could
scarce
lie
in
my
Bed
for
joy
,
and
peace
,
and
triumph
,
thorow
Christ
;
this
great
glory
did
not
continue
upon
me
until
morning
,
yet
that
twelfth
of
the
Author
to
the
H●brews
,
Heb.
12.21
,
22
,
23.
was
a
blessed
Scripture
to
me
for
many
days
together
after
this
.
217.
The
words
are
these
,
You
are
come
to
mount
Zion
,
to
the
City
of
the
living
God
,
to
the
heavenly
Jerusalem
,
and
to
an
innumerable
company
of
Angels
,
to
the
general
assembly
and
Church
of
the
first-born
which
are
written
in
heaven
,
to
God
the
Judge
of
all
,
and
to
the
spirits
of
just
men
made
perfect
,
and
to
Jesus
the
Mediator
of
the
New
Testament
,
and
to
the
blood
of
sprinkling
,
that
speaketh
better
things
than
that
of
Abel
:
Thorow
this
blessed
Sentence
the
Lord
led
me
over
and
over
,
first
to
this
word
,
and
then
to
that
,
and
shewed
me
wonderful
glory
in
every
one
of
them
.
These
words
also
have
oft
●●nce
this
time
been
great
refreshment
to
my
Spirit
.
Blessed
be
God
for
having
mercy
on
me
.
A
brief
Account
of
the
Authors
Call
to
the
Work
of
the
Ministery
.
218.
ANd
now
I
am
speaking
my
Experience
,
I
will
in
this
place
thrust
in
a
word
or
two
concerning
my
preaching
the
Word
,
and
of
Gods
dealing
with
me
in
that
particular
also
:
For
after
I
had
been
about
five
o●
six
years
awakened
,
and
helped
to
see
both
the
want
and
worth
of
Jesus
Christ
our
Lord
,
and
inabled
to
venture
my
Soul
upon
him
:
some
of
the
most
able
among
the
Saints
with
us
,
I
say
the
most
able
for
Judgement
,
and
holiness
of
Life
,
as
they
conceived
,
did
pe●ceive
that
God
had
counted
me
worthy
to
understand
something
of
his
Will
in
his
holy
and
blessed
Word
,
and
had
given
me
utte●ance
in
some
measure
to
express
,
what
I
saw
,
to
others
for
edification
;
they
desired
me
,
and
t●at
with
much
earnestness
,
that
I
would
be
willing
at
sometime
to
take
in
hand
in
one
of
the
Meetings
to
speak
a
word
of
Exhortation
unto
them
.
219.
The
which
,
though
at
the
first
it
did
much
dash
and
abash
my
spirit
,
yet
being
still
by
them
desired
and
intreated
,
I
consented
to
their
reques●
,
and
did
twice
at
two
several
Assemblies
(
but
in
private
)
though
with
much
weakness
and
infirmity
,
discover
my
Gift
amongst
them
;
at
which
they
not
onely
seemed
to
be
,
but
did
solemnly
protest
as
in
the
sight
of
the
great
God
,
they
were
both
affected
and
comforted
,
and
gave
thanks
to
the
Father
of
Mercies
for
the
grace
bestowed
on
me
.
220.
After
this
,
sometimes
when
some
of
them
did
go
into
the
Count●ey
to
teach
,
t●ey
would
also
that
I
should
go
with
them
;
where
,
though
as
yet
I
did
not
,
nor
durst
not
make
use
of
my
Gift
in
an
open
way
,
yet
mo●e
privately
still
,
as
I
came
amongst
the
good
People
in
those
places
,
I
did
sometimes
speak
a
word
of
Admonition
unto
them
also
;
the
which
they
,
as
the
other
,
received
with
rejoycing
at
the
mercy
of
God
to
me-ward
,
professing
their
Souls
were
edified
thereby
.
221.
Wherefore
,
to
be
brief
,
at
last
,
being
still
desired
by
the
Church
,
after
some
solemn
prayer
to
the
Lord
,
with
fasting
,
I
was
more
particularly
called
forth
,
and
appointed
to
a
more
ordinary
and
publick
preaching
the
Word
,
not
onely
to
and
amongst
them
that
believed
,
but
also
to
offer
the
Gospel
●o
those
that
had
not
yet
●eceived
the
faith
thereof
:
about
which
time
I
did
evidently
find
in
my
mind
a
secret
pricking
forwa●d
thereto
:
(
tho
I
bless
God
not
for
desire
of
vain
glory
,
for
at
that
time
I
was
most
sorely
afflicted
with
●he
firy
darts
of
the
devil
,
concerning
my
eternal
state
.
222.
But
yet
could
not
be
content
unless
I
was
found
in
the
exercise
of
my
Gift
,
unto
which
also
I
was
g●eatly
animated
,
not
onely
by
the
continual
desires
of
the
Godly
,
but
also
by
that
saying
of
Paul
to
the
Corinthians
,
I
beseech
you
,
Brethren
(
ye
know
the
houshold
of
Stephanas
,
that
it
is
the
firs●
fruits
of
Achaia
,
and
that
they
have
addicted
themselves
to
the
ministery
of
the
Saints
)
that
you
submit
your selves
unto
such
,
and
to
every
one
that
helpeth
with
us
and
laboureth
,
1
Cor.
16.15
,
16.
223.
By
this
Text
I
was
made
to
see
that
the
holy
Ghost
never
intended
that
men
who
have
Gifts
and
Abilities
should
bury
them
in
the
earth
,
but
rather
did
command
and
stir
up
such
to
the
exercise
of
their
gift
,
and
also
did
commend
those
that
were
apt
and
ready
so
to
do
,
they
have
addicted
themselves
to
the
ministery
of
the
Saints
:
this
Scripture
in
these
days
did
continually
run
in
my
mind
,
to
incourage
me
,
and
strengthen
me
in
this
my
work
fo●
God
:
I
have
been
also
incouraged
from
several
other
Scriptures
and
examples
of
the
Godly
,
both
specified
in
the
Word
and
other
ancient
Histories
.
Act.
8.4
.
&
18·24
,
25
,
&c.
1
Pet.
4.10
.
Rom.
12.6
.
Fox
Acts
and
Mon.
224.
Wherefore
,
though
of
my self
,
of
all
the
Saints
the
most
unworthy
,
yet
I
,
but
with
great
fear
and
trembling
at
the
sight
of
my
own
weakness
,
did
set
upon
the
work
and
did
according
to
my
Gift
,
and
the
proportion
of
my
Faith
,
preach
that
blessed
Gospel
that
God
had
shewed
me
in
the
holy
Word
of
truth
:
which
when
the
Countrey
unde●stood
,
they
came
in
to
hear
the
Word
by
hundreds
,
and
that
from
all
parts
,
though
upon
sundry
and
divers
accounts
.
225.
And
I
thank
God
,
he
gave
unto
me
some
measure
of
bow●ls
and
pity
for
their
Souls
,
which
also
did
put
me
forward
to
labour
with
great
diligence
and
earnestness
to
find
out
such
a
Word
as
might
,
if
God
vvould
bless
,
lay
hold
of
and
awaken
the
Conscience
;
in
which
also
the
good
Lord
had
respect
to
the
desire
of
his
Servant
:
for
I
had
not
preached
long
,
before
some
began
to
be
touched
by
the
Word
,
and
to
be
greatly
afflicted
in
their
minds
at
the
apprehension
of
the
greatness
of
their
sin
,
and
of
t●eir
need
of
Jesus
Christ.
226.
But
I
at
first
could
not
believe
that
God
should
speak
by
me
to
the
heart
of
any
man
,
still
counting
my self
unworthy
;
yet
those
who
thus
were
touched
,
vvould
love
me
,
and
have
a
peculiar
respect
for
me
;
and
though
I
did
put
it
from
me
that
they
should
be
awakened
by
me
,
still
they
would
confess
it
and
affirm
it
before
the
Saints
of
God
,
they
would
also
bless
God
for
me
(
unvvorthy
Wretch
that
I
am
!
)
a●d
count
me
Gods
Instrument
that
shevved
to
them
the
Way
of
Salvation
.
227.
Wherefore
seeing
them
in
both
their
words
and
deeds
to
be
so
constant
,
&
also
in
their
hearts
so
earnestly
pressing
after
the
knowledge
of
Jesus
Christ
,
rejoycing
that
ever
God
did
send
me
where
they
were
:
then
I
began
to
conclude
it
might
be
so
,
that
God
had
owned
in
his
Work
such
a
foolish
one
as
I
;
and
then
came
that
Word
of
God
to
my
heart
with
much
sweet
refreshment
,
The
blessing
of
them
that
were
ready
to
perish
is
come
upon
me
;
yea
,
I
caused
the
widows
heart
to
sing
for
joy
,
Job
29.13
.
228.
At
this
therefore
I
rejoyced
;
yea
,
the
tears
of
those
whom
God
did
awaken
by
my
preaching
,
would
be
both
solace
and
encouragement
to
me
;
for
I
thought
on
those
Sayings
,
Who
is
he
that
maketh
me
glad
,
but
the
same
that
is
made
sorry
by
me
?
2
Cor.
2.2
.
and
again
,
Though
I
be
not
an
Apostle
to
others
,
yet
doubtless
I
am
unto
you
,
for
the
seal
of
my
Apostleship
are
ye
in
the
Lord
,
1
Cor.
9.2
.
These
things
therefore
were
as
another
argument
unto
me
that
God
had
called
me
to
and
stood
by
me
in
this
Work.
229.
In
my
preaching
of
the
Word
,
I
took
special
notice
of
this
one
thing
,
namely
,
That
the
Lord
did
lead
me
to
begin
where
his
Word
begins
with
Sinners
,
that
is
,
to
condemn
all
flesh
,
and
to
open
and
alledge
that
the
curse
of
God
by
the
Law
doth
belong
to
and
lay
hold
on
all
men
as
they
come
into
the
World
,
because
of
sin
.
Now
this
part
of
my
work
I
fulfilled
with
great
sence
,
for
the
terrours
of
the
Law
,
and
guilt
for
my
transgressions
,
lay
heavy
on
my
Conscience
.
I
preached
what
I
felt
,
what
I
smartingly
did
feel
,
even
that
under
which
my
poor
Soul
did
groan
and
t●emble
to
astonishment
.
230.
Indeed
I
have
been
as
one
sent
to
them
from
the
dead
;
I
went
my self
in
chains
to
preach
to
them
in
chains
,
and
carried
that
fire
in
my
own
conscience
that
I
perswaded
them
to
beware
of
.
I
can
truly
say
,
and
that
without
dissembling
,
that
when
I
have
been
to
preach
,
I
have
gone
full
of
guilt
and
terrour
even
to
the
Pulpit-Door
,
and
there
it
hath
been
taken
off
,
and
I
have
been
at
liberty
in
my
mind
until
I
have
done
my
work
,
and
then
immediately
,
even
before
I
could
get
down
the
Pulpit-Stairs
,
have
been
as
bad
as
I
was
before
.
Yet
God
carried
me
on
,
but
surely
with
a
strong
hand
:
for
neither
guilt
nor
hell
could
take
me
off
my
Work.
231.
Thus
I
went
for
the
space
of
two
years
,
crying
out
against
mens
sins
,
and
their
fea●ful
state
because
of
them
.
After
which
,
the
Lord
came
in
upon
my
own
Soul
with
some
staid
peace
and
comfort
thorow
Christ
;
for
he
did
give
me
many
sweet
discoveries
of
his
blessed
Grace
thorow
him
:
wherefore
now
I
altered
in
my
preaching
(
for
still
I
preached
what
I
saw
&
felt
)
now
therefore
I
did
much
labour
to
hold
forth
Jesus
Christ
in
all
his
Offices
,
Relations
and
Be●efits
unto
the
World
,
and
did
strive
also
to
discover
,
to
condemn
and
remove
those
false
supports
and
props
on
which
the
World
doth
both
lean
,
and
by
them
fall
and
perish
.
On
these
things
also
I
staid
as
long
as
on
the
other
.
232.
After
this
,
God
led
me
into
something
of
the
mystery
of
union
with
Christ
:
wherefore
that
I
discovered
and
shewed
to
them
also
.
And
when
I
had
travelled
thorow
these
three
chief
points
of
the
Word
of
God
,
about
the
space
of
five
years
or
more
;
I
was
caught
in
my
present
practice
,
and
c●st
into
Prison
,
where
I
have
lain
as
long
to
confirm
t●e
T●uth
by
way
of
Suffering
,
as
I
vvas
before
in
testifying
of
it
according
to
the
Scriptures
,
in
a
vvay
of
Preaching
.
233.
When
I
have
been
in
preaching
,
I
thank
God
my
heart
hath
often
,
all
the
time
of
this
an●
the
other
exercise
,
with
great
earnestness
cried
to
God
that
he
would
make
the
Word
effectual
to
the
salvation
of
the
Soul
;
still
being
grieved
lest
the
Enemy
would
take
the
Word
away
from
the
Conscience
,
and
so
it
should
become
unfruitful
:
Wherefore
I
should
labour
so
to
speak
the
Word
,
as
that
thereby
(
if
it
were
possible
)
the
sin
and
per●on
guilty
might
be
particularized
by
it
.
234.
Also
when
I
have
done
the
Exercise
,
it
hath
gone
to
my
heart
to
think
the
word
should
now
fall
as
rain
on
stony
places
;
still
wishing
from
my
heart
,
O
tha●
they
who
have
heard
me
speak
this
day
,
did
but
see
as
I
do
,
what
sin
,
death
,
hell
and
the
curse
of
God
,
is
and
also
what
the
grace
,
and
love
,
and
mercy
of
God
is
,
thorow
Christ
,
to
men
in
such
a
case
as
they
are
,
who
are
yet
estranged
from
him
;
and
indeed
I
did
often
say
in
my
heart
before
the
Lord
,
That
if
to
be
hanged
up
presently
before
their
eyes
,
would
be
a
means
to
awaken
them
,
and
confirm
them
in
the
truth
,
I
gladly
should
be
contented
.
235.
For
I
have
been
in
my
preaching
,
especially
when
I
have
been
engaged
in
the
Doctrine
of
Life
by
Christ
,
withou●
Works
,
as
if
an
Angel
of
God
had
stood
by
at
my
back
to
encourage
me
:
O
it
hath
been
with
such
powe●
and
heavenly
evidence
upon
my
own
Soul
,
while
I
have
been
labouring
to
unfold
it
,
to
demonstrate
it
,
and
to
fasten
it
upon
the
Conscience
of
others
,
that
I
could
not
●e
contented
with
saying
,
I
believe
and
am
sure
;
methought
I
was
more
then
sure
,
if
it
be
lawful
so
to
express
my self
,
that
those
things
which
then
I
asserted
,
were
true
.
236.
When
I
went
first
to
preach
the
Word
abroad
,
the
Doctors
and
Priests
of
the
Countrey
did
open
wide
against
me
;
but
I
was
perswaded
of
this
,
not
to
render
rayling
for
rayling
,
but
to
see
how
many
of
their
carnal
Professors
I
could
convince
of
their
miserable
state
by
the
Law
,
and
of
the
want
and
worth
of
Christ
:
for
thought
I
,
This
shall
answer
for
me
in
time
to
come
,
when
they
shall
be
for
my
hire
before
their
face
,
Gen.
30.33
.
237.
I
never
cared
to
meddle
with
things
that
were
controverted
,
and
in
dispute
amongst
the
Saints
,
especially
things
of
the
lowest
nature
;
yet
it
pleased
me
much
to
contend
with
great
earnestness
for
the
Word
of
Faith
,
and
the
remission
of
sins
by
the
Death
and
Sufferings
of
Jesus
:
but
I
say
,
as
to
other
things
,
I
should
let
them
alone
,
because
I
saw
they
engendered
strife
,
and
because
I
saw
that
they
neither
in
doing
,
nor
in
leaving
undone
,
did
commend
us
to
God
to
be
his
:
besides
,
I
saw
my
Work
before
me
did
run
in
another
channel
,
even
to
carry
an
awakening-Word
;
to
that
therefore
did
I
stick
and
adhere
.
238.
I
never
endeavoured
to
,
nor
durst
make
use
of
other
mens
lines
,
Rom.
15.18
.
(
though
I
condemn
not
all
that
do
)
for
I
verily
thought
,
and
found
by
expe●ience
,
that
what
was
taught
me
by
the
Word
and
Spirit
of
Christ
,
could
be
spoken
,
maintained
and
stood
●o
,
by
soundest
and
best
established
Conscience
:
and
though
I
will
not
now
speak
all
that
I
know
in
this
matter
;
yet
my
experience
hath
more
interest
in
that
text
of
Scripture
Gal.
1.11
,
12.
than
many
amongst
men
are
aware
.
239.
If
any
of
those
vvho
vvere
awakened
by
my
Ministery
,
did
after
that
fall
back
(
as
sometimes
too
many
did
)
I
can
truly
say
their
loss
hath
been
more
to
me
,
then
if
one
of
my
own
Children
,
begotten
of
my
body
,
had
been
going
to
its
grave
;
I
think
verily
I
may
speak
it
vvithout
an
offence
to
the
Lord
,
nothing
hath
gone
so
near
me
as
that
,
unless
it
vvas
the
fear
of
the
loss
of
the
salvation
of
my
ovvn
Soul
:
I
have
counted
as
if
I
had
goodly
buildings
and
lordships
in
those
places
my
Children
were
born
:
my
heart
hath
been
so
wrapt
up
in
the
glo●y
of
this
excellent
work
,
that
I
counted
my self
more
blessed
and
honored
of
God
by
this
,
than
if
he
had
made
me
the
Emperour
of
the
Christian
World
,
or
the
Lord
of
all
the
glory
of
Earth
without
it
:
O
t●at
wo●d
,
He
that
converteth
a
sinner
from
the
error
of
his
way
,
doth
save
a
soul
from
death
!
240.
I
have
observed
,
that
where
I
have
had
a
work
to
do
for
God
,
I
have
had
first
as
it
were
the
going
of
God
upon
my
Spirit
to
desire
I
might
preach
there
:
I
have
also
observed
,
that
such
and
such
Souls
in
particular
have
been
strongly
set
upon
my
heart
,
and
I
stirred
up
to
wish
for
their
Salvation
;
and
that
these
very
Souls
have
after
this
been
given
in
as
the
fruits
of
my
Ministry
.
I
have
also
observed
,
that
a
word
cast
in
by
the
by
,
hath
done
more
execution
in
a
Se●mon
then
all
that
was
spoken
besides
:
some●imes
also
when
I
have
thought
I
did
no
good
,
then
I
did
most
of
all
;
and
at
other
times
when
I
thought
I
should
catch
them
,
I
have
fished
for
nothing
.
241.
My
great
desire
in
my
fulfilling
my
Ministry
,
was
,
to
get
into
the
darkest
places
in
the
Countrey
,
even
amongst
those
people
that
were
furthest
off
of
profession
;
yet
not
because
I
could
not
endure
the
light
(
for
I
feared
not
to
shew
my
Gospel
to
any
)
but
because
I
found
my
spirit
did
lean
most
after
awakening
and
conve●ting
Work
,
and
the
Word
that
I
carried
did
lead
it self
most
that
way
;
Yea
,
so
have
I
strived
to
preach
the
Gospel
,
not
where
Christ
was
named
,
lest
I
should
build
upon
another
mans
foundation
,
Rom.
15.20
.
242.
In
my
preaching
,
I
have
really
been
in
pain
,
and
have
as
it
were
travelled
to
b●ing
forth
Children
to
God
,
neither
could
I
be
satisfied
unless
some
fruits
did
appear
in
my
work
:
if
I
were
fruitless
,
it
matter'd
nor
who
commended
me
;
but
if
I
were
fruitful
,
I
cared
not
who
did
condemn
.
I
have
thought
of
that
,
He
that
winneth
souls
is
wise
,
Pro.
11.30
.
and
again
,
Lo
Children
are
an
heritage
of
the
Lord
,
and
the
fruit
of
the
Womb
is
his
Reward
:
as
arrows
in
the
hand
of
a
mighty
man
,
so
are
Children
of
the
youth
;
happy
is
the
man
that
hath
filled
his
quiver
with
them
,
they
shall
not
be
ashamed
,
but
they
shall
speak
with
the
Enemies
in
the
gate
,
Psal.
127.3
,
4
,
5.
243.
But
in
this
work
,
as
in
all
other
,
I
had
my
temptations
attending
me
,
and
that
of
dive●s
kin●s
:
as
sometimes
I
should
be
assaulted
with
great
discouragement
,
therein
fearing
that
I
should
not
be
able
to
speak
the
Wo●d
at
all
to
edification
,
nay
,
that
I
should
not
be
able
to
speak
sence
unto
the
people
;
at
which
times
I
should
have
such
a
strange
taintness
and
strengthlesness
seiz
upon
my
body
,
that
my
legs
have
scarce
been
able
to
carry
me
to
the
place
of
Exercise
.
244.
Sometimes
again
,
when
I
have
been
preaching
,
I
have
bin
violently
assaulted
with
thoughts
of
blasphemy
,
and
st●ongly
tempted
to
speak
them
with
my
mouth
before
the
Congregation
.
I
have
also
at
some
times
,
even
when
I
have
begun
to
speak
the
Word
with
much
clearness
,
evidence
,
and
liberty
of
speech
,
yet
been
before
the
ending
of
that
Opportunity
so
blinded
,
and
so
estranged
from
the
things
I
have
been
speaking
,
and
have
also
bin
so
straitned
in
my
speech
,
as
to
utterance
before
the
people
,
that
I
have
been
as
if
had
not
known
or
remembred
what
I
have
been
about
;
or
as
if
my
head
had
been
in
a
bag
all
the
time
of
the
exercise
.
245.
Again
,
When
at
sometimes
I
have
been
about
to
preah
upon
some
smart
and
scorching
portion
of
the
Word
,
I
have
found
the
tempter
suggest
,
What!
will
you
preach
this
?
this
condemns
your self
;
of
this
your
own
Soul
is
guilty
;
wherefore
preach
not
of
it
at
all
,
or
if
you
do
,
yet
so
mince
it
as
to
make
way
for
your
own
escape
,
●est
instead
of
awakening
others
,
you
lay
that
guilt
upon
your
own
soul
,
as
you
will
never
get
from
under
.
246.
I
have
also
,
while
found
in
this
blessed
work
of
Christ
,
been
often
tempted
to
pride
and
liftings
up
of
heart
;
and
though
I
dare
not
say
,
I
have
not
been
infected
with
this
,
yet
truly
the
Lord
of
his
precious
mercy
hath
so
carried
it
towards
me
,
that
for
the
most
part
I
have
had
but
small
joy
to
give
way
to
such
a
thing
:
for
it
hath
been
my
every-days
portion
to
be
let
into
the
evil
of
my
own
heart
,
and
still
made
to
see
such
a
multitude
of
corruptions
and
infirmities
therein
,
that
it
hath
caused
hanging
down
of
the
head
under
all
my
Gifts
and
Attainments
:
I
have
felt
this
thorn
in
the
flesh
(
2
Cor.
12.8
,
9.
)
the
ve●y
mercy
of
God
to
me
.
247.
I
have
had
also
together
with
this
,
some
notable
place
or
other
of
the
Word
presented
before
me
,
which
word
ha●h
contained
in
it
some
sharp
and
piercing
sentence
concerning
the
perishing
of
the
Soul
,
notwithstanding
gifts
and
parts
;
as
for
instance
,
that
hath
been
of
great
use
unto
me
,
Though
I
speak
with
the
tongue
of
men
and
angels
,
and
have
not
charity
,
I
am
become
as
sounding-brass
and
a
tinkling
cymbal
,
1
Cor.
13.1
,
2.
248.
A
tinkling
Cymbal
is
an
instrument
of
Musick
with
which
a
skilful
pla●er
can
make
such
melodious
and
heart-inflaming
Musick
,
that
all
who
hear
him
play
,
can
sca●cely
hold
from
dancing
;
and
yet
,
behold
,
the
Cymbal
hath
not
life
,
neither
comes
the
musick
f●om
it
,
but
because
of
the
art
of
him
that
playe●
the●ewith
:
so
then
the
instrument
at
last
may
come
to
nough●
and
perish
,
though
in
times
past
such
mus●ck
hath
been
made
upon
it
.
249.
Just
thus
I
saw
it
was
and
will
be
with
them
who
have
Gifts
,
but
want
saving-Grace
;
they
are
in
the
hand
of
Christ
,
as
the
Cymbal
in
the
hand
of
David
;
and
as
David
could
with
the
Cymbal
make
that
mirth
in
the
service
of
God
,
as
to
elevate
the
hearts
of
the
Worshippers
;
so
Christ
can
use
these
gifted
men
,
as
with
them
to
affect
the
Souls
of
his
People
in
his
Chu●ch
,
yet
when
he
hath
done
all
hang
them
by
,
as
lifeless
,
though
sounding
Cymbals
250.
This
consideration
therefore
,
together
with
some
others
,
were
for
the
most
part
as
a
maul
on
the
head
of
pride
and
desire
of
vain-glory
:
What
,
thought
I
,
shall
I
be
proud
because
I
am
a
sounding
Brass
?
is
it
so
much
to
be
a
Fiddle
?
hath
not
the
least
Creature
that
hath
life
,
more
of
God
in
it
than
these
?
besides
,
I
knew
't
was
Love
should
never
die
,
but
these
must
cease
and
vanish
:
So
I
concluded
a
little
Grace
,
a
little
Love
,
a
little
of
the
true
Fear
of
God
,
is
better
then
all
these
Gifts
:
Yea
,
and
I
am
fully
convinced
of
it
,
that
it
is
possible
for
a
Soul
that
can
scarce
give
a
man
an
answer
but
with
great
confusion
as
to
method
,
I
say
it
is
possible
for
them
to
have
a
thousand
times
more
Grace
,
and
so
to
be
more
in
the
love
and
favour
of
the
Lord
,
then
some
who
by
vertue
of
the
Gift
of
Knowledge
,
can
deliver
themselves
like
Angels
.
A
brief
Account
of
the
Authors
Imprisonment
251.
HAving
made
profession
of
the
glorious
Gospel
of
Christ
along
time
,
and
had
preached
the
same
about
five
year
;
I
was
apprehended
at
a
Meeting
of
good
People
in
the
Countrey
,
(
amongst
whom
,
had
they
let
me
alone
,
I
should
●●ve
preached
that
day
,
but
they
took
me
away
from
amongst
them
)
and
had
me
before
a
Justice
,
who
,
after
I
had
offered
security
for
my
appearing
at
the
next
Sessions
yet
committed
me
,
bec●use
my
Sureties
would
not
consent
to
be
bound
that
I
should
preach
no
more
to
the
people
.
252.
At
the
Sessions
after
,
I
was
indicted
for
an
Upholder
and
Maintainer
of
unlawful
Assemblies
and
Conventicles
,
and
for
not
conforming
to
the
National
Wo●ship
of
the
Church
of
England
;
and
after
some
conference
there
with
the
Justices
,
was
sentenced
to
perpetual
banishment
because
I
refused
to
Conform
.
So
being
again
delivered
●p
to
the
Goalers
hands
,
I
was
had
home
to
Prison
again
,
and
there
have
lain
now
above
five
year
and
a
quarter
,
waiting
to
see
what
God
will
suffer
these
m●n
to
do
with
me
.
253.
In
which
condition
I
have
continued
wi●h
much
content
thorow
Grace
,
but
have
met
with
many
tu●nings
and
goi●gs
upon
my
heart
both
f●om
the
Lord
,
Satan
,
and
my
own
corruptions
;
by
all
which
(
glory
be
to
Jesus
Christ
)
I
have
also
received
,
among
many
things
,
much
conviction
,
instruction
,
and
understanding
,
of
which
at
la●ge
I
shall
not
here
discourse
;
onely
give
you
,
in
a
hint
or
two
,
a
word
that
may
stir
up
the
Godly
to
bless
God
,
and
to
pray
for
me
;
and
also
to
take
encoura●ement
,
shou●d
the
case
be
their
own
,
Not
to
fear
what
man
can
do
unto
them
.
254.
I
never
had
in
all
my
life
so
great
an
inle●
into
the
Word
of
God
as
now
:
them
Scr●ptures
that
I
saw
nothing
in
before
,
are
made
in
this
place
and
state
to
shine
upon
me
.
Jesus
Christ
al●o
was
never
more
re●l
and
apparent
then
now
;
here
I
have
seen
him
,
and
felt
him
indeed
:
O
that
word
,
We
have
not
preached
unto
you
cunningly
devised
fables
,
2
Pet.
1
16.
and
that
,
God
raised
Christ
from
the
dead
and
gave
him
glory
,
that
your
faith
and
hope
might
be
in
God
,
1
Pet.
1.20
.
were
blessed
words
unto
me
in
this
my
imprisoned
condition
.
255.
These
three
or
four
Scriptures
also
have
been
great
refreshment
,
in
this
condition
,
to
me
;
Joh.
14.1
,
2
,
3
,
4.
Joh.
16.33
.
Col.
3.3
,
4.
Heb.
12.22
,
23
,
24.
So
that
sometimes
,
when
I
have
been
in
the
favour
of
them
,
I
have
been
able
to
laugh
at
destruction
,
and
●o
fear
nei●her
the
Horse
nor
his
Rider
.
I
have
had
sweet
sights
of
the
forgiveness
of
my
sins
in
this
place
,
and
of
my
being
with
Jesus
in
another
world
:
O
the
Mount
Zion
,
the
heavenly
Jerusalem
,
the
innumerable
company
of
Angels
,
and
God
the
Judge
of
all
,
and
the
Spirits
of
just
men
made
perfect
,
and
Jesus
,
have
been
sweet
unto
me
in
this
place
:
I
have
seen
that
here
,
that
I
am
perswaded
I
shall
never
,
while
in
this
world
,
be
able
to
express
;
I
have
seen
a
truth
in
that
Scripture
,
Whom
having
not
seen
,
ye
love
;
in
whom
,
though
now
ye
see
him
not
,
yet
believing
,
ye
rejoyce
with
joy
unspeakable
,
and
full
of
glory
,
1
Pet.
1.8
.
256.
I
never
knew
what
it
was
for
God
to
stand
by
me
at
all
turns
,
and
at
every
offer
of
Satan
,
&c.
as
I
have
found
him
since
I
came
in
hither
;
for
look
how
fears
have
presented
themselves
,
so
have
supports
and
encouragements
;
yea
,
when
I
have
started
even
as
it
were
at
nothing
else
but
my
shadow
,
yet
God
,
as
being
very
tender
of
me
,
hath
not
suffered
me
to
be
molested
,
but
would
with
one
Scripture
and
another
st●engthen
me
against
all
:
insomuch
that
I
have
often
said
,
Were
it
lawful
,
I
could
pray
for
greater
trouble
,
for
the
greater
comforts
sake
,
Eccles.
7.14
.
2
Cor.
1.5
.
257.
Before
I
came
to
Prison
,
I
saw
what
was
a
coming
,
and
had
especially
two
Considerations
w●rm
upon
my
heart
;
the
first
was
,
How
to
be
able
to
endure
,
should
my
imprisonment
be
lon●
and
tedious
;
the
second
was
,
How
to
be
able
to
encounter
death
,
should
that
be
here
my
portion
.
For
the
first
of
these
,
that
Scripture
Col.
1.11
.
was
great
information
to
me
,
namely
,
to
pray
to
God
to
be
strengthened
with
all
might
,
according
to
his
glorious
power
,
unto
all
patience
and
long-suffering
with
joyfulness
:
I
could
seldom
go
to
prayer
before
I
was
imprisoned
,
but
for
not
so
little
as
a
year
together
,
this
Sentence
of
sweet
Petition
,
would
as
it
were
thrust
it self
into
my
mind
,
and
perswade
me
that
if
ever
I
would
go
thorow
long-suffering
,
I
must
have
all
patience
,
especially
if
I
would
endure
it
joyfully
.
258.
As
to
the
second
Consideration
,
that
Saying
2
Cor.
1.9
.
was
of
great
use
unto
me
,
But
we
had
the
sentence
of
death
in
our selves
,
that
we
might
not
trust
in
our selves
,
but
in
God
that
raiseth
the
dead
:
by
this
Scripture
I
was
made
to
see
that
if
ever
I
would
suffer
rightly
,
I
must
first
pass
a
sentence
of
death
upon
every
thing
that
can
properly
be
called
a
thing
of
this
life
,
even
to
reckon
my Self
,
my
Wife
,
my
Children
,
my
health
,
my
enjoyments
and
all
,
as
dead
to
me
,
&
my self
as
dead
to
them
.
259.
The
second
was
,
to
live
upon
God
that
is
invisible
;
as
Paul
said
in
another
place
,
The
way
not
to
faint
,
is
to
look
not
at
the
things
that
are
seen
,
but
at
the
things
that
are
not
seen
;
for
the
things
that
are
seen
,
are
temporal
;
but
the
things
that
are
not
seen
,
they
are
eternal
:
and
thus
I
reasoned
with
my self
;
If
I
provide
onely
for
a
prison
,
then
the
whip
comes
at
unawares
,
and
so
does
also
the
pillory
;
again
,
if
I
provide
onely
for
these
,
then
I
am
not
fit
for
banishment
;
further
,
if
I
conclude
that
banishment
is
the
worst
,
then
if
death
come
,
I
am
surprized
;
so
that
I
see
the
best
way
to
go
thorow
sufferings
,
is
to
trust
in
God
thorow
Christ
,
as
touching
the
world
to
come
;
and
as
touching
this
world
,
to
count
the
grave
my
house
,
to
make
my
bed
in
darkness
,
to
say
to
Corrup●ion
,
Thou
art
my
Father
,
and
to
the
Worm
,
Thou
art
my
Mother
and
Sister
;
that
is
,
to
familiarize
these
things
to
me
.
260.
But
notwithstanding
these
helps
,
I
found
my self
a
man
,
and
compassed
with
infirmities
;
the
parting
with
my
Wife
and
poor
Children
hath
oft
been
to
me
in
t●is
place
,
as
the
pulling
the
flesh
from
my
bones
;
and
that
not
onely
because
I
am
somewhat
too
too
fond
of
these
great
mercies
,
but
also
because
I
should
have
often
brought
to
my
mind
the
many
hardships
,
mise●ies
and
wants
that
my
poor
family
was
like
to
meet
with
,
should
I
be
taken
from
them
,
especially
my
poor
blind
Child
,
who
lay
nea●er
my
heart
than
all
I
had
besides
;
O
the
thoughts
of
the
har●ship
I
thought
this
might
go
under
,
would
break
my
heart
to
pieces
.
261.
Poor
Child
!
thought
I
,
what
sorrow
art
thou
like
to
have
for
thy
portion
in
this
world
?
thou
must
be
●eaten
,
must
beg
,
suffer
hunger
,
cold
,
nakedness
,
and
a
thousand
calamities
,
though
I
cannot
now
endure
the
wind
should
blow
upon
thee
:
but
yet
recalling
my self
,
thought
I
,
I
must
venture
you
all
with
God
,
though
it
goeth
to
the
quick
to
leave
you
:
O
I
saw
in
this
condition
I
was
as
a
man
who
was
pulling
down
his
house
upon
the
head
of
his
Wife
and
Children
;
yet
thought
I
,
I
must
do
it
,
I
must
do
it
:
and
now
I
thought
of
those
two
milch
Kine
that
were
to
carry
the
Ark
of
God
into
another
Country
,
and
to
leave
their
Calves
behind
them
,
1
Sam.
6.10
,
11
,
12.
262.
But
that
which
helped
me
in
this
temptation
,
was
divers
considerations
,
of
which
th●ee
in
special
here
I
will
name
;
the
first
was
,
the
consideration
of
those
two
Scriptures
,
Leave
thy
fatherless
children
,
I
will
preserve
them
alive
,
and
let
thy
●idows
trust
in
me
:
and
again
,
The
Lord
said
,
Verily
it
shall
go
well
with
thy
remnant
,
verily
I
will
cause
the
enemy
to
entreat
thee
well
in
the
time
of
evil
,
&c.
263.
I
had
also
this
consideration
,
that
●f
I
should
now
venture
all
for
God
,
I
engaged
God
to
take
care
of
my
concernments
;
but
if
I
forsook
him
and
his
ways
,
for
fear
of
any
trouble
that
should
come
to
me
or
mine
,
then
I
should
not
only
falsifie
my
profession
,
but
should
count
also
that
my
conce●nments
were
not
so
sure
if
left
at
Gods
feet
,
while
I
stood
to
and
for
his
Name
,
as
they
would
be
if
they
were
under
my
own
tuition
,
though
with
the
denial
of
the
way
of
God.
This
was
a
smarting
consideration
,
and
was
as
spurs
unto
my
flesh
:
that
Scripture
also
greatly
helped
it
to
fasten
the
more
upon
me
,
where
Christ
p●ays
against
Judas
,
that
God
wou●d
disappoint
him
in
all
his
selfish
thoughts
,
which
moved
him
to
sell
his
Master
.
Pray
read
it
soberly
,
Psal.
109.6
,
7
,
8
,
&c.
264.
I
had
also
another
consideration
,
and
that
was
,
The
dread
of
the
torments
of
Hell
,
which
I
was
sure
they
must
partake
of
,
that
for
fear
of
the
Cross
do
shrink
from
their
profession
of
Christ
,
his
Word
and
Laws
,
●efore
the
sons
of
men
:
and
of
the
glory
that
he
had
prepared
for
those
that
in
faith
,
and
love
,
and
patience
,
stood
to
his
ways
before
them
.
These
things
,
I
say
,
have
helped
me
,
when
the
thoughts
of
the
misery
that
both
my self
and
mine
might
,
for
the
sake
of
my
profession
,
be
exposed
to
,
hath
lain
pinching
on
my
mind
.
265.
When
I
have
indeed
conceited
that
I
might
be
banished
for
my
Profes●ion
,
then
I
have
thought
of
that
Scripture
,
They
were
stoned
,
they
were
sawn
asunder
,
were
tempted
,
were
slain
with
the
sword
,
they
wandered
about
in
sheep-skins
and
goat-skins
,
being
destitute
,
afflicted
,
tormented
,
of
whom
the
world
was
not
worthy
,
for
all
they
thought
they
were
too
bad
to
dwell
and
abide
amongst
them
.
I
have
also
thought
of
that
saying
,
The
holy
Ghost
witnesseth
in
every
city
,
that
bonds
and
afflictions
abide
me
;
I
have
ve●ily
thought
that
my
Soul
and
it
,
have
sometimes
reasoned
about
the
sore
&
sad
estate
of
a
banished
and
exiled
condition
,
how
they
are
exposed
to
hunger
,
to
cold
,
to
perils
,
to
nakedness
,
to
enemies
,
and
a
thousand
calamities
;
and
at
last
it
may
be
to
die
in
a
di●ch
like
a
poor
forlorn
and
desolate
sheep
.
But
I
thank
God
hitherto
I
have
not
been
moved
by
these
most
delicate
reasonings
,
but
have
rather
by
them
more
approved
my
heart
to
God.
266.
I
will
tell
you
o●
a
pretty
business
:
I
was
once
above
all
the
rest
in
a
very
fa●t
and
low
condition
for
many
weeks
,
at
which
time
also
I
being
but
a
young
Prisoner
,
and
not
acqu●inted
with
the
Laws
,
had
this
lay
much
upon
my
spirit
,
That
my
imprisonment
might
end
at
the
Gallows
for
ought
that
I
could
tell
;
now
therefore
Satan
said
hard
at
me
to
beat
me
out
of
heart
,
by
suggesting
thus
unto
me
:
But
how
if
when
you
come
indeed
to
die
,
you
should
be
in
this
condition
;
that
is
,
as
not
to
savour
the
things
of
God
,
not
to
have
any
evidence
upon
your
soul
for
a
better
state
hereafter
(
for
indeed
at
that
time
all
the
things
of
God
were
hid
from
my
soul.
)
267.
Wherefore
when
I
at
first
began
to
think
of
this
,
it
was
a
great
trouble
to
me
:
for
I
thought
with
my self
,
that
in
the
condition
I
now
was
in
,
I
was
not
fit
to
die
,
neither
indeed
did
think
I
could
if
I
should
be
called
to
it
:
besides
,
I
thought
with
my self
,
if
I
should
make
a
scrabling
shif●
to
clamber
up
the
Ladder
,
yet
I
should
either
with
quaking
or
other
symptoms
of
faintings
,
give
occa●ion
to
the
enemy
to
reproach
the
way
of
God
and
his
People
,
for
their
timerousness
:
this
therefore
lay
with
great
trouble
upon
me
,
for
methought
I
was
ashamed
to
die
with
a
pale
face
,
and
tottering
knees
,
for
such
a
Cause
as
this
.
268.
Wherefore
I
prayed
to
God
that
he
would
co●fort
me
,
and
give
me
strength
to
do
and
suffer
what
he
should
call
me
to
;
yet
no
comfort
appear'd
but
all
continued
hid
:
I
was
also
at
this
time
so
really
possessed
with
the
thought
of
death
,
that
oft
I
was
as
if
I
was
on
the
Ladder
,
with
the
Rope
about
my
neck
,
onely
this
was
some
encouragement
to
me
,
I
thought
I
might
have
now
an
opportunity
to
speak
my
last
words
to
a
multitude
which
I
thought
would
come
to
see
me
die
;
and
,
thought
I
,
if
it
must
be
so
,
if
God
will
but
convelt
one
Soul
by
my
very
last
words
,
I
shall
for
count
my
life
thrown
away
,
nor
lost
.
269.
But
yet
all
the
things
of
God
were
kept
out
of
my
sight
,
and
still
the
tempter
followed
me
with
,
But
whith●r
must
you
go
when
you
die
?
what
will
become
of
you
?
wh●re
will
you
be
found
in
●nother
world
?
what
evidence
have
you
for
heaven
and
glo●y
,
and
an
inheritance
a●ong
them
that
are
sanctified
?
Thus
was
I
tossed
for
manie
weeks
,
and
knew
not
what
to
do
;
at
last
this
consideration
fell
with
weight
upon
me
,
That
it
was
for
the
Word
and
Way
of
G●d
that
I
was
in
this
condition
,
wherefore
I
was
ingaged
nor
to
flinch
a
hairs
bredth
from
it
.
270
I
thought
also
,
that
God
might
chuse
whether
he
would
give
me
comfort
now
,
or
at
the
hour
of
death
;
but
I
might
not
therefore
chuse
whethe●
I
would
hold
my
profession
or
no
:
I
was
bound
,
but
he
was
free
:
yea
,
t
was
my
dutie
to
stand
to
his
Word
,
whether
he
would
ever
look
upon
me
or
no
,
or
save
me
a●
the
last
:
Wherefore
,
thought
I
,
the
point
being
thus
,
I
am
for
going
on
,
and
venturing
my
eternal
state
with
Christ
,
whether
I
have
comfort
here
or
no
;
if
God
doth
not
come
in
,
thought
I
,
I
will
leap
off
the
Ladder
even
blindfold
into
●ternitie
,
sin●
or
swim
,
come
heaven
,
come
hell
;
Lord
Jesus
,
if
thou
wilt
catch
me
,
do
;
I
vvill
venture
for
thy
Name
.
271.
I
was
no
soo●er
fixed
upon
this
resolution
,
But
that
Word
dropt
upon
me
,
Doth
Job
serve
God
for
no
●ight
?
as
if
the
accuser
had
said
,
Lord
,
Job
is
no
upright
man
,
he
serves
thee
for
by
respects
,
hast
thou
not
made
a
hedge
about
him
,
&c.
but
put
forth
now
thy
hand
,
and
touch
all
that
he
hath
,
●nd
he
will
curse
thee
to
thy
face
:
How
now
?
thought●
,
is
this
the
sign
of
an
upright
Sou●
,
to
desire
to
serve
God
when
all
is
taken
from
him
?
is
he
a
go●lie
man
that
vvill
serve
God
for
nothing
ra●her
then
give
out
?
blessed
be
God
,
then
I
hope
I
have
a●
upright
heart
,
for
I
am
resolved
(
God
give
me
strength
)
neve●
to
denie
my
profession
,
though
I
have
nothing
at
all
for
my
pains
;
an●
as
I
was
thus
considering
,
that
Scripture
was
set
before
me
,
Psa.
44.12
,
&c.
272.
Novv
vvas
my
heart
full
of
comfort
,
for
I
hoped
it
vv●s
sincere
;
I
vvould
not
have
been
vvithout
this
trial
for
much
,
I
am
comforted
everie
time
I
think
of
it
,
and
I
hope
shall
bless
God
for
ever
for
the
teaching
I
have
had
by
it
.
Many
more
of
the
Dealings
of
God
tovvards
me
I
might
relate
,
but
these
out
of
the
spoils
vvo●
in
Battel
have
I
dedicated
to
maintain
the
House
of
God
,
1
Chron.
26.27
.
The
CONCLUSION
.
1.
OF
all
the
Temptations
that
ever
I
met
with
in
my
life
to
question
the
being
and
truth
of
the
Go●spel
,
i●
the
worst
,
and
worst
to
be
born
;
when
this
temptation
comes
,
it
takes
away
my
girdle
from
me
,
and
removeth
th●●oundation
from
under
me
:
O
I
have
often
thought
of
that
word
,
Have
your
loyn●
girt
about
with
truth
;
and
of
that
,
When
the
foundations
are
destroyed
what
can
the
Righteous
do
?
2.
I
have
wondered
much
at
this
one
thing
,
that
though
God
doth
●isit
my
Soul
with
never
so
blessed
a
discoverie
of
himself
,
yet
I
〈◊〉
found
again
,
that
such
hours
have
attended
me
afterwards
,
that
I
have
been
in
my
spirit
so
filled
with
darkness
,
that
I
could
not
so
much
as
once
conceive
what
that
God
and
that
comfo●t
was
with
which
I
have
been
refreshed
.
3.
I
have
sometimes
see●
more
in
a
line
of
the
Bible
,
then
I
could
vvell
tell
hovv
to
stand
under
,
&
yet
at
another
time
the
vvhole
Bible
hath
been
to
me
as
drie
as
a
stick
,
or
rat●er
my
heart
hath
been
so
dead
and
drie
unto
it
,
that
I
could
not
conceive
the
least
dram
of
refreshment
,
though
I
have
lookt
it
over
.
4.
Of
all
tears
,
the●
are
the
best
that
are
made
by
the
Blood
of
Christ
;
and
of
all
joy
,
that
is
the
sweetest
that
is
mixt
with
mourning
over
Chri●●
;
O
t
is
a
goodly
thing
to
be
on
our
knees
with
Ch●ist
in
our
arms
,
before
God
:
I
hope
I
know
something
of
these
things
.
5.
I
find
to
th●s
day
seven
abominations
in
my
heart
:
1.
In
clinings
to
unbelief
,
2.
Suddenlie
to
forget
the
lo●e
and
mercie
that
Christ
manifesteth
,
3.
A
leaning
to
the
Works
of
the
Law
,
4.
Wandrings
and
coldness
n
prayer
,
5.
To
forget
to
watch
for
that
I
pray
for
,
6.
apt
to
murmur
b●cause
I
have
no
more
,
and
yet
readie
to
abuse
what
I
have
,
7
I
can
do
none
of
th●se
things
which
God
commands
me
,
but
my
corruptions
will
thrust
in
themselves
;
When
I
would
do
good
,
evil
is
present
with
me
.
6.
These
things
I
continuallie
see
and
feel
,
and
am
affl●cted
and
oppressed
with
;
yet
the
Wisdom
of
God
do●h
order
the●
for
my
good
:
1.
They
make
me
abhor
my self
;
2.
They
keep
me
from
trusting
my
heart
:
3.
They
convince
me
of
the
insufficiencie
of
all
inherent
righteousness
;
4.
They
shew
me
the
necessity
of
fleeing
to
Jesus
;
5.
They
pres●
me
to
pray
unto
God
;
6.
They
shew
me
the
need
●
have
to
watch
and
be
sober
▪
7.
And
provoke
me
to
look
to
God
thorow
Christ
to
help
me
,
and
carry
me
thorow
this
world
.
Amen
.
FINIS
.