The Knight of the Burning Pestle

THE KNIGHT OF the Burning Pestle .

— Quod si Iudicium subtile , videndis artibus illud Ad libros & ad haec Musarum dona vocares : Boeotum in crasso iurares aëre natos . Horat. in Epist. ad Oct. Aug.

LONDON , Printed for Walter Burre , and are to be sold at the signe of the Crane in Paules Church-yard . 1613 .

TO HIS MANY WAIES ENDEERED friend Maister Robert Keysar .

SIR , this vnfortunate child , who in eight daies ( as lately I haue learned ) was begot and borne soone after , was by his parents ( perhaps because hee was so vnlike his brethren ) exposed to the wide world , who for want of iudgement , or not vnderstanding the priuy marke of Ironie about it ( which shewed it was no of-spring of any vulgar braine ) vtterly reiected it : so that for want of acceptance it was euen ready to giue vp the Ghost , and was in danger to haue bene smothered in perpetuall obliuion , if you ( out of your direct antipathy to ingratitude ) had not bene moued both to relieue and cherish it : wherein I must needs commend both your iudgement , vnderstanding , and singular loue to good wits ; you afterwards sent it to mee , yet being an infant and somewhat ragged , I haue fostred it priuately in my bosome these two yeares , and now to shew , my loue returne it to you , clad in good lasting cloaths , which scarce memory will weare out , and able to speake for it selfe ; and withall , as it telleth mee , desirous to try his fortune in the world , where if yet it be welcome , both father and foster-father , nurse and child , haue their desired end . If it bee slighted or traduced , it hopes his father will beget him a yonger brother , who shall reuenge his quarrell , and challenge the world either of fond and meerely literall interpretation , or illiterate misprision . Perhaps it will be thought to bee of the race of Don Quixote : we both may confidently sweare , it is his elder aboue a yeare ; and therefore may ( by vertue of his birth-right ) challenge the wall of him . I doubt not but they will meet in their aduentures , and I hope the breaking of one staffe will make them friends ; and perhaps they will conbine themselues , and trauell through the world to seeke their aduentures . So I commit him to his good fortune , and my selfe to your loue .

Your assured friend W. B.

The famous Historie Of the Knight of the burning PESTLE . Enter PROLOGVE . FRom all that 's neere the Court , from all that 's great Within the compasse of the Citty-wals , We now haue brought our Sceane . Enter Citizen . Cit.

Hold your peace good-man boy .

Pro.

What do you meane sir ?

Cit.

That you haue no good meaning : This seuen yeares there hath beene playes at this house , I haue obserued it , you haue still girds at Citizens ; and now you call your play , The London Marchant . Downe with your Title boy , downe with your Title .

Pro.

Are you a member of the noble Citty ?

Cit.

I am .

Pro.

And a Free-man ?

Cit.

Yea , and a Grocer .

Pro.

So Grocer , then by your sweet fauour , we intend no abuse to the Citty .

Cit.

No sir , yes sir , if you were not resolu'd to play the Iacks , what need you study for new subiects , purposely to abuse your betters ? why could not you be contented , as well as others , with the legend of Whittington , or the life & death of sir Thomas Gresham ? with the building of the Royall Exchange ? or the story of Queene Elenor , with the rearing of London bridge vpon wool-sackes ?

Prol.

You seeme to bee an vnderstanding man : what would you haue vs do sir ?

Cit.

Why present something notably in honour of the Commons of the Citty .

Pro.

Why what doe you say to the life and death of fat Drake , or the repairing of Fleet-priuies ?

Cit.

I do not like that , but I will haue a Citizen , and hee shall be of my owne trade .

Pro.

Oh you should haue told vs your minde a moneth since , our play is ready to begin now .

Cit.

'T is all one for that , I will haue a Grocer , and he shall do admirable things .

Pro.

What will you haue him do ?

Cit.

Marry I will haue him —

Wife .

Husband , husband .

Wife below . Rafe .

Peace mistresse .

Rafe below . Wife .

Hold thy peace Rafe , I know what I do I warrant tee . Husband , husband .

Cit.

What sayst thou cunny ?

Wife .

Let him kill a Lyon with a pestle husband , let him kill a Lyon with a pestle .

Cit.

So he shall , I l'e haue him kill a Lyon with a pestle .

Wife .

Husband , shall I come vp husband ?

Cit.

I cunny . Rafe helpe your mistresse this way : pray gentlemen make her a little roome , I pray you sir lend me your hand to helpe vp my wife : I thanke you sir . So .

Wife .

By your leaue Gentlemen all , I m'e somthing troublesome , I m'e a strāger here , I was nere at one of these playes as they say , before ; but I should haue seene Iane Shore once , aud my husband hath promised me any time this Twelue-moneth to carry me to the Bold Beauchams , but in truth he did not , I pray you beare with me .

Cit.

Boy , let my wife and I haue a cupple stooles , and then begin , and let the Grocer do rare things .

Prol.

But sir , we haue neuer a boy to play him , euery one hath a part already .

Wife .

Husband , husband , for Gods sake let Rafe play him , beshrew mee if I do not thinke hee will goe beyond them all .

Cit.

Well remembred wife , come vp Rafe : I l'e tell you Gentlemen , let them but lend him a suit of reparrell , and necessaries , and by Gad , if any of them all blow winde in the taile on him , I l'e be hang'd .

Wife .

I pray you youth let him haue a suit of reparrell , I l'e be sworne Gentlemen , my husband tels you true , hee will act you sometimes at our house , that all the neighbours cry out on him : hee will fetch you vp a couraging part so in the garret , that we are all as feard I warrant you , that wee quake againe : wee 'l feare our children with him if they bee neuer so vn-ruly , do but cry , Rafe comes , Rafe comes to them , and they 'l be as quyet as Lambes . Hold vp thy head Rafe , shew the Gentlemen what thou canst doe , speake a huffing part , I warrant you the Gentlemen will accept of it .

Cit.

Do Rafe , do .

Rafe . By heauen me thinkes it were an easie leap To plucke bright honour from the pale-fac'd Moone , Or diue into the bottome of the sea , Where neuer fathame line touch't any ground , And plucke vp drowned honor from the lake of hell . Cit.

How say you Gentlemen , is it not as I told you ?

Wife .

Nay Gentlemen , hee hath playd before , my husband sayes , Musidorus before the Wardens of our Company .

Cit.

I , and hee should haue playd Ieronimo with a Shooe-maker for a wager .

Pro.

He shall haue a suite of apparrell if he will go in .

Cit.

In Rafe , in Rafe , and set out the Grocery in their kinde , if thou lou'st me .

Wife .

I warrant our Rafe will looke finely when hee 's drest .

Pro.

But what will you haue it cal'd ?

Cit.

The Grocers honour .

Pro.

Me thinks The Knight of the burning Pestle were better .

Wif.

I l'e be sworn husband , that 's as good a name as can be .

Cit.

Let it be so , begin , begin , my wife and I wil sit downe .

Pro.

I pray you do .

Cit.

What stately mucsike haue you ? you haue shawmes .

Pro.

Shawnes ? no .

Cit.

No ? I m'e a thiefe if my minde did not giue me so . Rafe playes a stately part , and he must needs haue shawnes : I l'e be at the charge of them my selfe , rather then wee 'l be without them .

Pro.

So you are like to be .

Cit.

Why and so I will be : ther 's two shillings , let 's haue the waits of South-warke , they are as rare fellowes as any are in England ; and that will fetch them all or'e the water with a vengeance , as if they were mad .

Pro.

You shall haue them : will you sit downe then ?

Cit.

I , come wife .

Wife .

Sit you merry all Gentlemen , I m'e bold to sit amongst you for my ease .

Pro. From all that 's neere the Court , from all that 's great . Within the compasse of the Citty-walles , We now haue brought our Sceane : flye farre from hence All priuate taxes , immodest phrases , What ere may but shew like vicious : For wicked mirth neuer true pleasure brings , But honest minds are pleas'd with honest things . Thus much for that we do : but for Rafes part You must answere for your selfe . Cit.

Take you no care for Rafe , hee 'l discharge himselfe I warrant you .

Wife .

I faith Gentlemen I l'e giue my word for Rafe .

Actus primi , Scoena prima . Enter Marchant , and Iasper his Prentice . March. Sirrah , I l'e make you know you are my Prentice , And whom my charitable loue redeem'd Euen from the fall of fortune , gaue thee heate And growth , to be what now thou art , new cast thee , Adding the trust of all I haue at home , In forren Staples , or vpon the Sea To thy direction , ti'de the good opinions Both of my selfe and friends to thy endeauours , So faire were thy beginnings , but with these , As I remember , you had neuer charge , To loue your Maisters daughter , and euen then , When I had found a wealthy husband for her , I take it , sir , you had not ; but how euer , I 'le breake the necke of that commission , And make you know you are but a Merchants Factor . Iasp. Sir , I do liberally confesse I am yours , Bound , both by loue and duty , to your seruice ; In which , my labour hath bene all my profit ; I haue not lost in bargaine , nor delighted To weare your honest gaines vpon my backe , Nor haue I giuen a pencion to my bloud , Or lauishly in play consum'd your stocke . These , and the miseries that do attend them , I dare , with innocence , proclaime are strangers To all my temperate actions ; for your daughter , If there be any loue , to my deseruings , Borne by her vertuous selfe , I cannot stop it ? Nor , am I able to refraine her wishes . She 's priuate to her selfe and best of knowledge , Whom she 'le make so happy as to sigh for . Besides , I cannot thinke you meane to match her , Vnto a felow of so lame a presence , One that hath little left of Nature in him . Mar. 'T is very well sir , I can tell your wisedome How all this shall bee cur'd . Iasp. Your care becomes you . March. And thus it must be sir , I heere discharge you My house and seruice , take your liberty , And when I want a sonne I 'le send for you . Exit : Iasp. These be the faire rewards of them that loue . O you that liue in freedome neuer proue The trauell of a mind led by desire . Enter Luce . Luce. Why , how now friend , struck with my fathers thunder ? Iasp. Strucke and strucke dead vnlesse the remedy Be full of speede and vertue ; I am now , What I expected long , no more your fathers . Luce. But mine . Iasp. But yours , and onely yours I am , That 's all I haue to keepe mee from the Statute , You dare be constant still . Luce. O feare me not , In this I dare be better then a woman . Nor shall his anger , nor his offers moue me , Were they both equall to a Princes power . Iasp. You know my riuall ? Luce. Yes and loue him deerly Euen as I loue an ague , or foule weather , I prethee Iasper feare him not . Iasp. O no , I do not meane to do him so much kindnesse , But to our owne desires , you know the plot We both agreed on . Luce. Yes , and will performe My part exactly . Iasp. I desire no more , Fare-well , and keepe my heart , 't is yours . Luce. I take it , He must do miracles makes me forsake it . Exeunt . Cittiz.

Fye vpon am little infidels , what a matter 's here now ? well , I 'le be hang'd for a halfe-penny , if there be not some abomination knauery in this Play , well , let 'em looke too t , Rafe must come , and if there be any tricks a brewing , —

Wife .

Let 'em brew and bake too husband , a Gods name , Rafe will find all out I warrant you , and they were older then they are , I pray my pretty youth is Rafe ready .

Boy .

He will be presently .

Wife .

Now I pray you make my commendations vnto him , and withall carry him this sticke of Licoras , tell him his Mistresse sent it him , and bid him bite a peece , 't will open his pipes the better , say .

Enter Marchant , and Maister Humfery . Mar. Come sir , shee 's yours , vpon my faith she 's yours You haue my hand , for other idle lets Betweene your hopes and her , thus , with a wind They are scattered and no more : my wanton Prentice , That like a bladder , blew himselfe with loue , I haue let out , and sent him to discouer New Maisters yet vnknowne . Humf. I thanke you sir , Indeed I thanke you sir , and ere I stir It shall bee knowne , how euer you do deeme , I am of gentle bloud and gentle seeme . March. O sir , I know it certaine . Humf. Sir my friend , Although , as Writers say , all things haue end , And that we call a pudding , hath his two O let it not seeme strange I pray to you , If in this bloudy simile , I put My loue , more endlesse , then fraile things or gut . Wife .

Husband , I prethee sweete lambe tell me one thing , But tell mee truely : stay youths I beseech you , till I question my husband .

Citiz.

What is it mouse ?

Wife .

Sirrah , didst thou euer see a prettier child ? how it behaues it selfe , I warrant yee , and speakes , and lookes , and pearts vp the head ? I pray you brother , with your fauor , were you neuer none of M. Monkesters schollars ?

Cit.

Chicken , I prethee heartely containe thy selfe , the childer are pretty childer , but when Rafe comes , Lambe .

Wife .

I when Rafe comes conny ; well my youth , you may proceed

Mar. Wel sir , you know my loue , and rest , I hope , Assur'd of my consent , get but my daughters , And wed her when you please ; you must be bold , And clap in close vnto her , come , I know You haue language good enough to win a wench . Wife .

A whoreson tyrant has ben an old stringer in 's daies I warrant him .

Humf. I take your gentle offer and withall Yeeld loue againe for loue reciprocall . Enter Luce . Mar. What Luce within there . Lu. Cal'd you sir ? Mar. I did . Giue entertainement to this Gentleman And see you bee not froward : to her sir , My presence will but bee an eye-soare to you . Exit . Humf. Faire Mistresse Luce , how do you , are you well ? Giue me your hand and then I pray you tell , How doth your little sister , and your brother ? And whether you loue me or any other . Luce. Sir , these are quickely answered . Humf. So they are . Where women are not cruel : but how farre Is it now distant from this place we are in , Vnto that blessed place your fathers warren . Luce. What makes you thinke of that sir ? Humf. Euen that face For stealing Rabbets whilome in that place , God Cupid , or the Keeper , I know not whether Vnto my cost and charges brought you thither , And there began . Luce. Your game sir . Humf. Let no game , Or any thing that tendeth to the same . Bee euermore remembred , thou faire killer For whom I sate me downe and brake my Tiller . Wife .

There 's a kind Gentleman , I warrant you , when will you do as much for me George ?

Luce. Beshrew me sir , I am sorry for your losses , But as the prouerbe saies , I cannot cry , I would you had not seene me . Humf. So would I . Vnlesse you had more maw to do me good . Luce. Why , cannot this strange passion be withstood , Send for a Constable and raise the Towne . Humf. O no , my valiant loue will batter downe Millions of Constables , and put to flight , Euen that great watch of Mid-summer day at night . Luce. Beshrew me sir , 't were good I yeelded then , Weake women cannot hope , where valiant men Haue no resistance . Humf. Yeeld then , I am full Of pitty , though I say it , and can pull Out of my pocket , thus , a paire of gloues , Looke Lucy , looke , the dogs tooth , nor the Doues Are not so white as these ; and sweete they bee , And whipt about with silke , as you may see . If you desire the price , sute from your eie , A beame to this place , and you shall espie F. S. which is to say , my sweetest hony , They cost me three and two pence , or no mony . Luce. Well sir , I take them kindly , and I thanke you , What would you more ? Hum. Nothing . Luce. Why then fare-well . Humf. Nor so , nor so , for Lady I must tell , Before we part , for what we met together , God grant me time , and patience , and faire weather . Luce. Speake and declare your minde in termes so briefe . Humf. I shall , then first and formost for reliefe I call to you , I if that you can affoord it , I care not at what price , for on my word , it Shall be repaid againe , although it cost me More then I 'le speake of now , for loue hath tost me , In furious blanket like a Tennis ball , And now I rise aloft , and now I fall . Luce. Alas good Gentleman , alas the day . Humf. I thanke you hartely , and as I say , Thus do I still continue without rest , I' th' morning like a man , at night a beast , Roaring and bellowing myne owne disquiet , That much I feare , forsaking of my diet , Will bring me presently to that quandary , I shall bid all adeiw : Luce. Now by S. Mary That were great pitty . Hum. So it were beshrew me , Then ease me lusty Luce , and pitty shew me . Luce. Why sir , you know my will is nothing worth Without my fathers grant , get his consent , And then you may with assurance try me . Humf. The Worshipfull your sire will not deny me . For I haue askt him , and he hath repli'd , Sweete Maister Humfrey , Luce shall be thy Bride . Luce. Sweete Maister Humfrey then I am content . Humf. And so am I intruth . Luce. Yet take me with you , There is another clause must be annext , And this it is , I swore and will performe it ; No man shall euer ioy me as his wife But he that stole me hence , if you dare venter I am yours ; you need not feare , my father loues you , If not farewell for euer . Humf. Stay Nimph , staie , I haue a double Gelding culored bay , Sprung by his father from Barbarian kind , Another for my selfe , though somewhat blind , Yet true as trusty tree . Luce. I am satisfied , And so I giue my hand , our course must lie Through Waltham Forrest , where I haue a friend Will entertaine vs , so fare-well sir Humfrey , Exit Luce . And thinke vpon your businesse . Humf. Though I die , I am resolu'd to venter life and lim , For one so yong , so faire , so kind , so trim . Exit Humfrey . Wife .

By my faith and troth George , and as I am vertuous , it is e'ne the kindest yong man that euer trod on shooe leather , well , go thy waies if thou hast her not , 't is not thy fault 'faith .

Cit.

I prethee mouse be patient , a shall haue her , or I 'le make some'em smoake for 't .

Wife .

That 's my good lambe George , fie , this stinking Tobacco kils men , would there were none in England , now I pray Gentlemen , what good does this stinking Tobacco ? do you nothing , I warrant you make chimnies a your faces : o husband , husband , now , now , there 's Rafe , there 's Rafe .

Enter Rafe like a Grocerin's shop , with two Prentices Reading Palmerin of England . Cit.

Peace foole , let Rafe alone , harke you Rafe ; doe not straine your selfe too much at the first , peace , begin Rafe .

Rafe .

Then Palmerin and Trineus snatching their Launces from their Dwarfes , and clasping their Helmets gallopt amaine after the Gyant , and Palmerin hauing gotten a sight of him , came posting amaine , saying : Stay trayterous thiefe , for thou maist not so carry away her , that is worth the greatest Lord in the world , and with these words gaue him a blow on the shoulder , that he stroake him besides his Elephant , and Trineus comming to the Knight that had Agricola behind him , set him soone besides his horse , with his necke broken in the fall , so that the Princesse getting out of the thronge , betweene ioy and griefe said ; all happy Knight , the mirrour of all such as follow Armes , now may I bee well assured of the loue thou bearest me , I wonder why the Kings doe not raise an army of foureteene or fifteene hundred thousand men , as big as the Army that the Prince of Portigo brought against Rocicler , & destroy these Giants , they do much hurt to wandring Damsels , that go in quest of their Knights .

Wife .

Faith husband and Rafe saies true , for they say the King of Portugall cannot sit at his meate , but the Giants & the elfins will come and snatch it from him ,

Cit.

Hold thy tongue , on Rafe .

Rafe .

And certainely those Knights are much to be commended , who neglecting their possessions , wander with a Squire and a Dwarfe through the Desarts to relieue poore Ladies .

VVife .

I by my faith are they Rafe , let 'em say what they will , they are indeed , our Knights neglect their possessions well enough , but they do not the rest .

Rafe .

There are no such courteous and faire well spoken Knights in this age , they will call one the sonne of a whore , that Palmerin of England , would haue called faire sir ; and one that Rosicler would haue cal'd right beauteous Damsell , they will call dam'd bitch .

VVife .

I 'le be sworne will they Rafe , they haue cal'd mee so an hundred times about a scuruy pipe of Tobacco .

Rafe .

But what braue spirit could be content to sit in his shop with a flappet of wood and a blew apron before him selling Methridatum and Dragons water to visited houses , that might pursue feats of Armes , & through his noble atchieuments procure such a famous history to be written of his heroicke prowesse .

Cit.

Well said Rafe , some more of those words Rafe .

VVife .

They go finely by my troth .

Rafe .

Why should not I then pursue this course , both for the credit of my selfe and our Company , for amongst all the worthy bookes of Atchieuements I doe not call to minde that I yet read of a Grocer Errant , I will be the said Knight , haue you heard of any , that hath wandred vnfurnished of his Squire and Dwarfe , my elder Prentice Tim shall be my trusty Squire , and little George my Dwarfe , Hence my blew Aporne , yet in remembrance of my former Trade , vpon my shield shall be purtraide , a burning Pestle , and I will be cal'd the Knight o th burning Pestle .

Wife .

Nay , I dare sweare thou wilt not forget thy old Trade , thou wert euer meeke .

Rafe . Tim. Tim.

Anon .

Rafe .

My beloued Squire , & George my Dwarfe , I charge you that from hence-forth you neuer call me by any other name , but the Right Courteous and Valiant Knight of the burning Pestle , and that you neuer call any female by the name of a woman or wench , but faire Ladie , if she haue her desires , if not distressed Damsell , that you call all Forrests & Heaths Desarts , and all horses Palfries .

Wife .

This is very fine , faith , do the Gentlemen like Rafe , thinke you , husband ?

Cittiz.

I , I warrant thee , the Plaiers would giue all the shooes in their shop for him .

Rafe .

My beloued Squire Tim , stand out , admit this were a Desart , and ouer it a Knight errant pricking , and I should bid you inquire of his intents , what would you say ?

Tim.

Sir , my Maister sent me , to know whether you are riding ?

Rafe .

No , thus ; faire sir , the Right Courteous and Valiant Knight of the burning Pestle , commanded me to enquire , vpon what aduenture you are bound , whether to relieue some distressed Damsels , or otherwise .

Cit.

Whoresome blocke-head cannot remember .

Wife .

I'faith , & Rafe told him on 't before , all the Gentlemen heard him , did he not Gentlemen , did not Rafe tel him on 't ?

George .

Right Courteous and Valiant Knight of the burning Pestle , here is a distressed Damsell , to haue a halfe penny-worth of pepper .

Wife .

That 's a good boy , see , the little boy can hit it , by my troth it 's a fine child .

Rafe .

Relieue her with all courteous language , now shut vp shoppe , no more my Prentice , but my trusty Squire and Dwarfe , I must be my shield and arming-pestle .

Cit.

Go thy waies Rafe , as I m'e a true man , thou art the best on 'em all .

Wife .

Rafe , Rafe .

Rafe .

What say you mistresse ?

Wife .

I pre'thee come againe quickly sweet Rafe .

Rafe .

By and by .

Exit Rafe . Enter Iasper , and his mother mistresse Merri-thought . Mist. merri.

Giue thee my blessing ? No , I l'e ner'e giue thee my blessing , I l'e see thee hang'd first ; it shall ner'e bee said I gaue thee my blessing , th' art thy fathers owne sonne , of the right bloud of the Merri-thoughts , I may curse the time that er'e I knew thy father , he hath spent all his owne , and mine too , and when I tell him of it , he laughes and dances , and sings , and cryes , A merry heart liues long-a . And thou art a wast-thrift , and art run away from thy maister , that lou'd thee well , and art come to me , and I haue laid vp a little for my yonger sonne Michael , and thou think'st to bezell that , but thou shalt neuer be able to do it . Come hither Michael , come Michael , downe on thy knees , thou shalt haue my blessing .

Enter Michael . Mich.

I pray you mother pray to God to blesse me .

Mist. merri.

God blesse thee : but Iasper shal neuer haue my blessing , he shall be hang'd first , shall hee not Michael ? how saist thou ?

Mich.

Yes forsooth mother and grace of God .

Mist. merri.

That 's a good boy .

Wife .

I faith it 's a fine spoken child .

Iasp. Mother , though you forget a parents loue , I must preserue the duty of a child . I ran not from my maister , nor returne To haue your stocke maintaine my Idlenesse . Wife .

Vngracious childe I warrant him , harke how hee chops logicke with his mother : thou hadst best tell her she lyes , do tell her she lyes .

Cit.

If hee were my sonne , I would hang him vp by the heeles , and flea him , and salt him , whoore-sonne haltersacke .

Iasp. My comming onely is to begge your loue , Which I must euer , though I neuer gaine it , And howsoeuer you esteeme of me , There is no drop of bloud hid in these veines , But I remember well belongs to you That brought me forth , and would be glad for you To rip them all againe , and let it out . Mist. merri.

I faith I had sorrow enough for thee ( God knowes ) but I l'e hamper thee well enough : get thee in thou vagabond , get thee in , and learne of thy brother Michael .

Old merri. within .

Nose , nose , iolly red nose , and who gaue thee this iolly red nose ?

Mist. merri. Harke , my husband hee 's singing and hoiting , And I m'e faine to carke and care , and all little enough . Husband , Charles , Charles Merithought . Enter old Merithought . Old merri. Nutmegs and Ginger , Cinnamon and Cloues , And they gaue me this iolly red Nose . Mist. merri.

If you would consider your state , you would haue little lust to sing , I-wisse .

Old merri.

It should neuer bee considered while it were an estate , if I thought it would spoyle my singing .

Mist. merri.

But how wilt thou do Charles , thou art an old man , and thou canst not worke , and thou hast not fortie shillings left , and thou eatest good meat , and drinkest good drinke , and laughest ?

Old merri.

And will do .

Mist. merri.

But how wilt thou come by it Charles ?

Old merri.

How ? why how haue I done hitherto this forty yeares ? I neuer came into my dining roome , but at eleuen & six a clocke , I found excellent meat and drinke a' th table , my clothes were neuer worne out , but next morning a Taylor brought me a new suit ; and without question it will be so euer : vse makes perfectnesse . If all should faile , it is but a little straining my selfe extraordinary , & laugh my selfe to death .

Wife .

It 's a foolish old man this : is not he George ?

Cit.

Yes Cunny .

Wife .

Giue me a peny i' th purse while I liue George .

Cit.

I by Ladie cunnie , hold thee there .

Mist. merri.

Well Charles , you promis'd to prouide for Iasper , and I haue laid vp for Michael , I pray you pay Iasper his portion , hee 's come home , and hee shall not consume Michaels stocke : he saies his maister turnd him away , but I promise you truly , I thinke he ran away .

Wife .

No indeed mistresse Merrithought , though he bee a notable gallowes , yet I l'e assure you his maister did turne him away , euen in this place 't was I'faith within this halfe houre , about his daughter , my husband was by .

Cit.

Hang him rougue , he seru'd him well enough : loue his maisters daughter ! by my troth Cunnie if there were a thousand boies , thou wouldst spoile them all with taking their parts , let his mother alone with him .

Wife .

I George , but yet truth is truth .

Old merri.

Where is Iasper , hee 's welcome how euer , call him in , hee shall haue his portion , is he merry ?

Enter Iasper and Michael . Mist. merri.

I foule chiue him , he is too merrie . Iasper , Michael .

Old merri.

Welcome Iasper , though thou runst away , welcome , God blesse thee : 't is thy mothers minde thou should'st receiue thy portion ; thou hast beene abroad , and I hope hast learn'd experience enough to gouerne it , thou art of sufficient yeares , hold thy hand : one , two , three , foure , fiue , sixe , seuen , eight , nine , there 's ten shillings for thee , thrust thy selfe into the world with that , and take some setled course , if fortune crosse thee , thou hast a retiring place , come home to me , I haue twentie shillings left , bee a good husband , that is , weare ordinary clothes , eate the best meate , and drinke the best drinke , bee merrie , and giue to the poore , and beleeue me , thou hast no end of thy goods .

Iasp. Long may you liue free from all thought of ill , And long haue cause to be thus merry still . But father ? Old merri.

No more words Iasper , get thee gone , thou hast my blessing , thy fathers spirit vpon thee . Farewell Iasper , but yet or ere you part ( oh cruell ! ) kisse me , kisse me sweeting , mine owne deere iewell : So , now begone ; no words .

Exit Iasper . Mis. mer.

So Michael , now get thee gone too .

Mich.

Yes forsooth mother , but I l'e haue my fathers blessing first .

Mis. mer.

No Michael , 't is now matter for his blessing , thou hast my blessing , begone ; I l'e fetch my money & iewels , and follow thee : I l'e stay no longer with him I warrant thee , truly Charles I l'e begone too .

Old merri.

What you will not .

Mis. merri.

Yes indeed will I .

Old merri.

Hey ho , fare-well Nan , I l'e neuer trust wench more againe , if I can .

Mis. merri.

You shall not thinke ( when all your owne is gone ) to spend that I haue beene scraping vp for Michael .

Old merri.

Farewell good wife , I expect it not ; all I haue to doe in this world , is to bee merry : which I shall , if the ground be not taken from me : and if it be , When earth and seas from me are rest , The skyes aloft for me are left .

Exeunt . Boy danceth . Musicke . Finis Actus primi . Wife .

I l'e be sworne hee 's a merry old Gentleman for all that . Harke , harke husband , harke , fiddles , fiddles ; now surely they go finely . They say , 't is present death for these fidlers to tune their Rebeckes before the great Turkes grace , is 't not George ? But looke , looke , here 's a youth dances : now good youth do a turne ath ' toe , sweet heart , I'faith I le haue Rafe come and do some of his Gambols ; hee 'l ride the wild mare Gentlemen , 't would do your hearts good to see him . I thanke you kinde youth , pray bid Rafe come .

Cit.

Peace Cunnie . Sirrah , you scuruie boy , bid the plaiers send Rafe , or by Gods — and they do not , I l'e teare some of their periwigs beside their heads : this is all Riffe Raffe .

Actus secundi Scoena prima . Enter Merchant and Humphrey . March.

And how faith ? how goes it now son Humphrey ?

Humph. Right worshipfull , and my beloued friend And father deere , this matters at an end . March. 'T is well , it should be so , I m'e glad the girle Is found so tractable . Humph. Nay she must whirle From hence , and you must winke : for so I say , The storie tels , to morrow before day . Wife .

George , do'st thou thinke in thy conscience now 't wil be a match ? tell me but what thou thinkst sweet rogue , thou seest the poore Gentleman ( deere heart ) how it labours and throbs I warrant you , to be at rest : I l'e goe moue the father for t .

Cit.

No , no , I pre'thee sit still hony-suckle , thou l't spoile all , if he deny him , I l'e bring halfe a dozē good fellows my selfe , & in the shutting of an euening knock't vp , & ther 's an end .

Wife .

I l'e busse thee for that i'faith boy ; well George , well , you haue beene a wag in your daies I warrant you : but God forgiue you , and I do with all my heart .

March. How was it sonne ? you told me that to morrow Before day breake , you must conuey her hence . Humph. I must , I must , and thus it is agreed , Your daughter rides vpon a browne-bay steed , I on a sorrell , which I bought of Brian , The honest Host of the red roaring Lion In Waltham situate : then if you may Consent in seemely sort , lest by delay , The fatall sisters come and do the office , And then you 'l sing another song . March. Alasse Why should you be thus full of griefe to me ? That do as willing as your selfe agree To any thing so it be good and faire , Then steale her when you will , if such a pleasure Content you both , I 'le sleepe and neuer see it , To make your ioyes more full , but tell me why You may not here performe your marriage ? Wife .

Gods blessing a thy soule old man , i'faith thou art loath to part true hearts , I see , a has her Georg , & I 'me as glad on 't , well , go thy waies Humphrey , for a faire spoken man , I beleeue thou hast not thy fellow within the wals of London , & I should say the Suburbes too , I should not lie , why dost not reioyce with me George ?

Cit. If I could but see Raph againe , I were as merry as mine Host i'faith . Hum. The cause you seeme to aske , I thus declare , Helpe me ô Muses nine , your daughter sweare A foolish oath , the more it was the pitty , Yet none but my selfe within this Citty , Shall dare to say so , but a bold defiance Shall meete him , were he of the noble Science . And yet she sweare , and yet why did she sweare ? Truely I cannot tell , vnlesse it were For her owne ease , for sure sometimes an oath , Being sworne thereafter is like cordiall broth . And this it was shee swore , neuer to marry , But such a one , whose mighty arme could carry ( As meaning me , for I am such a one ) Her bodily away through sticke and stone , Till both of vs arriue , at her request , Some ten miles off , in the wilde Waltham Forrest . March. If this be all , you shall not need to feare Any deniall in your loue , proceed , I 'le neither follow , nor repent the deed . Hum. Good-night , twenty good-nights , & twenty more . And 20 more good-nights , that makes three-score . Exeūt . Enter mistresse Mery-thought , and her son Michael . Mist. mer.

Come Michael , art thou not weary boy ?

Mich.

No for-sooth mother not I .

Mist. mer.

Where be we now child ?

Mich.

Indeed for-sooth mother I cannot tell , vnlesse we be at Mile-end , is not all the world Mile-end , Mother ?

Mist. mer.

No Michael , not al the world boy , but I can assure thee Michael , Mile-end is a goodly matter , there has bene a pitch-field my child betweene the naughty Spaniels and the English-men , and the Spaniels ran away Michael , and the English-men followed , my neighbour Coxstone was there boy , and kil'd them all with a birding peece .

Mich.

Mother forsooth .

Mist. mer.

What saies my white boy ?

Mich.

Shall not my father go with vs too ?

Mist. mer.

No Michael , let thy father go snicke-vp , he shall neuer come between a paire of sheets with me againe , while he liues , let him stay at home & sing for his supper boy , come child sit downe , and I 'le shew my boy fine knacks indeed , look here Michael , here 's a Ring , and here 's Bruch , & here 's a Bracelet , and here 's two Rings more , and here 's mony and gold by 'th eie my boy .

Mich.

Shall I haue all this mother ?

Mist. mer.

I Michael thou shalt haue all Michael .

Cit.

How lik'st thou this wench ?

Wife .

I cannot tell , I would haue Raph , George ; I 'le see no more else indeed-law , & I pray you let the youths vnderstand so much by word of mouth , for I tell you truely , I 'me afraid a my boy , come , come George , let 's be merry and wise , the child 's a father-lesse child , and say they should put him into a streight paire of Gaskins , 't were worse then knot-grasse , he would neuer grow after it .

Enter Raph , Squire , and Dwarfe . Cit:

Here 's Raph , here 's Raph .

Wife .

How do you Raph ? you are welcome Raph , as I may say , it 's a good boy , hold vp thy head , and be not afraid , we are thy friends Raph , the Gentlemen will praise thee Raph , if thou plaist thy part with audacity , begin Raph a Gods name .

Raph.

My trusty Squire vnlace my Helme , giue mee my hat , where are we , or what Desart may this be ?

Dwarfe .

Mirrour of Knight-hood , this is , as I take it , the perrilous Waltham downe , In whose bottome stands the inchanted Valley .

Mist. mer.

O Michael , we are betrai'd , we are betraid here be Gyants , flie boy , flie boy , flie .

Exeūt mother & Michael . Rafe . Lace on my helme againe : what noise is this ? A gentle Ladie flying ? the imbrace Of some vncurteous knight , I will releiue her . Go squire , and say , the Knight that weares this pestle , In honour of all Ladies , sweares reuenge Vpon that recreant coward that pursues her . Go comfort her , and that same gentle squire That beares her companie . Squire . I go braue Knight . Rafe . My trustie Dwarfe and friend , reach me my shield , And hold it while I sweare : First by my knight-hood , Then by the soule of Amadis de Gaule , My famous Ancestor , then by my sword , The beauteous Brionella girt about me , By this bright burning pestle of mine honour , The liuing Trophie , and by all respect Due to distressed Damsels , here I vow Neuer to end the quest of this faire Lady , And that forsaken squire , till by my valour I gaine their liberty . Dwarf . Heauen blesse the Knight That thus relieues poore errant Gentlewomen . Exit . Wife .

I marrie Rafe , this has some sauour in 't , I would see the proudest of them all offer to carrie his bookes after him . But George , I will not haue him go away so soone , I shall bee sicke if he go away , that I shall ; Call Rafe againe George , call Rafe againe , I pre'thee sweet heart let him come fight before me , and let 's ha some drums , and some trumpets , and let him kill all that comes neere him , and thou lou'st me George .

Cit.

Peace a little bird , hee shall kill them all and they were twentie more on 'em then there are .

Enter Iasper . Iasp. Now Fortune , if thou bee'st not onely ill , Shew me thy better face , and bring about Thy desperate wheele , that I may clime at length And stand , this is our place of meeting , If loue haue any constancie . Oh age ! Where onely wealthy men are counted happie : How shall I please thee ? how deserue thy smiles ? When I am onely rich in misery ? My fathers blessing , and this little coine Is my inheritance , a strong reuenew , From earth thou art , and to the earth I giue thee , There grow and multiply , whilst fresher aire , spies the casket . Breeds me a fresher fortune , how , illusion ! What hath the Diuell coin'd himselfe before me ? 'T is mettle good , it rings well , I am waking , And taking too I hope , now Gods deere blessing Vpon his heart that left it here , 't is mine , These pearles , I take it , were not left for swine . Exit . VVife .

I do not like that this vnthrifty youth should embecill away the money ; the poore Gentlewoman his mother will haue a heauy heart for it God knowes .

Cittiz.

And reason good , sweet heart .

VVife .

But let him go , I 'le tell Raph a tale in 's eare shall fetch him againe with a Wanion I warrant him , if hee bee aboue ground , and besides George , heere are a number of sufficient Gentlemen can witnesse , and my selfe , and your selfe , and the Musitians , if we be cal'd in question , but here comes Raph , George , thou shalt here him speake , an he were an Emperall .

Enter Rafe and Dwarfe . Raph. Comes not sir Squire againe ? Dwar. Right courteous Knight , Your Squire doth come and with him comes the Lady , Enter mistresse Merr : and Michael , and Squire . For and the Squire of Damsels as I take it . Rafe . Madam if any seruice or deuoire Of a poore errant Knight may right your wrongs , Command it , I am prest to giue you succour , For to that holy end I beare my Armour , Mist. mer.

Alas sir , I am a poore Gentlewoman , and I haue lost my monie in this forrest .

Rafe . Desart , you would say Lady , and not lost Whilst I haue sword and launce , dry vp your teares Which ill befits the beauty of that face : And tell the storie , if I may request it , Of your disasterous fortune . Mist. mer.

Out alas , I left a thousand pound , a thousand pound , e'ne all the monie I had laid vp for this youth , vpon the sight of your Maistership , you lookt so grim , and as I may say it , sauing your presence , more like a Giant then a mortall man .

Rafe . I am as you are Ladie , so are they All mortall , but why weepes this gentle Squire . Mist. mer.

Has hee not cause to weepe doe you thinke , when he hath lost his inheritance ?

Rafe . Yong hope of valour , weepe not , I am here That will confound thy foe and paie it deere Vpon his coward head , that dares denie , Distressed Squires and Ladies equitie . I haue but one horse , on which shall ride This Ladie faire behind me , and before This courteous Squire , fortune will giue vs more Vpon our next aduenture ; fairelie speed Beside vs Squire and Dwarfe to do vs need . Exeunt . Cit.

Did not I tell you Nel what your man would doe ? by the faith of my bodie wench , for cleane action and good deliuerie they may all cast their caps at him .

Wife .

And so they may i'faith , for I dare speake it boldly , the twelue Companies of London cannot match him , timber for timber , well George , and hee be not inueigled by some of these paltrie Plaiers , I ha much maruell , but George wee ha done our parts if the boy haue any grace to be thankefull .

Cittiz.

Yes I warrant thee duckling .

Enter Humphrey and Luce . Hum. Good Mistresse Luce how euer I in fault am For your lame horse ; you 're welcome vnto VValtham . But which way now to go or what to saie I know not truely till it be broad daie . Luce. O feare not Maister Humphrey , I am guide For this place good enough . Hum. Then vp and ride , Or if it please you walke for your repose , Or sit , or if you will go plucke a rose : Either of which shall be indifferent , To your good friend and Humphrey , whose consent Is so entangled euer to your will , As the poore harmelesse horse is to the Mill . Luce. Faith and you say the word we 'le e'ne sit downe And take a nap . Hum. 'T is better in the Towne , Where we may nap together , for beleeue me To sleepe without a snatch would mickle grieue me . Luce. You 're merrie Maister Humphrey . Hum, So I am , And haue bene euer merrie from my Dam . Luce. Your nurce had the lesse labour . Hum. Faith it may bee , Vnlesse it were by chance I did beray mee . Enter Iasper . Iasp. Luce deere friend Luce . Luce. Heere Iasper . Iasp. You are mine . Hum. If it be so , my friend , you vse me fine , What do you thinke I am ? Iasp. An arrant noddie Hum. A word of obloquie , now by Gods bodie , I 'le tell thy maister for I know thee well . Iasp. Nay , and you be so forward for to tell , Take that , and that , and tell him sir I gaue it , And saie I paid you well . Hum. O sir I haue it , And do confesse the paiement , praie be quiet . Iasp. Go , get to your night-cap and the diet , To cure your beaten bones . Luce. Alas poore Humphrie Get thee some wholsome broth with sage and comfrie : A little oile of Roses and a feather , To noint thy backe withall . Hum. When I came hether , Would I had gone to Paris with Iohn Dorrie . Luce. Fare-well my prettie Nump , I am verie sorrie I cannot beare thee companie . Hum. Fare-well , The Diuels Dam was ne're so bang'd in hell . Exeunt . manet Humphrey . VVife .

This yong Iasper will proue me another Things , a my conscience and he may be suffered ; George , dost not see George how a swaggers , and flies at the very heads a fokes as he were a Dragō ; well if I do not do his lesson for wronging the poore Gentleman , I am no true woman , his friends that brought him vp might haue bene better occupied , I wis , then ha taught him these fegaries , hee 's e'ne in the high-way to the gallows , God blesse him .

Cit.

You 're too bitter , conny , the yong man may do wel enough for all this .

VVife .

Come hither Maister Humfrey , has hee hurt you ? now beshrew his fingers for 't , here sweet heart , here 's some greene ginger for thee , now beshrew my heart but a has pepper-nel in 's head , as big as a pullets egge , alas sweete lamb , how thy Tempels beate ; take the peace on him sweete heart , take the peace on him .

Enter a boy . Cit.

No , no , you talke like a foolish woman , I 'le ha Raph fight with him , and swing him vp welfauourdlie , sirrah boie come hither , let Raph come in and fight with Iasper .

VVife .

I , and beate him well , he 's an vnhappy boy .

Boy .

Sir you must pardon vs , the plot of our Plaie lies contrarie , and 't will hazard the spoiling of our Plaie .

Cit.

Plot mee no plots , I 'le ha Raph come out , I 'le make your house too hot for you else .

Boy .

Why sir he shall , but if anie thing fall out of order , the Gentlemen must pardon vs .

Cit.

Go your waies good-man boie , I 'le hold him a pennie hee shall haue his bellie-full of fighting now , ho heere comes Raph , no more .

Enter Raph , mistresse Merri : Michael , Squire , and Dwarfe . Raph. What Knight is that Squire , aske him if he keep The passage , bound by loue of Ladie faire , Or else but prickant . Hum. Sir I am no Knight , But a poore Gentleman , that this same night , Had stolne from me on yonder Greene , My louelie wife , and suffered to be seene Yet extant on my shoulders such a greeting , That whilst I liue , I shall thinke of that meeting . VVife .

I Raph hee beate him vnmercifully , Raph , and thou spar'st him Raph I would thou wert hang'd .

Cit. No more , wife no more . Rafe . Where is the caitife wretch hath done this deed . Lady your pardon , that I may proceed Vpon the quest of this iniurious Knight . And thou faire Squire repute me not the worse , In leauing the great venture of the purse , And the rich casket till some better leasure , Enter Iasper and Luce . Hum. Here comes the Broker hath purloin'd my treasure . Raph. Go , Squire , and tell him I am here , An Errant Knight at Armes , to craue deliuery Of that faire Lady to her owne Knights armes . If he deny , bid him take choice of ground , And so defye him . Squire . From the Knight that beares The golden Pestle , I defie thee Knight . Vnlesse thou make faire restitution . Of that bright Lady . Iasp. Tell the Knight that sent thee Hee is an Asse , and I will keepe the wench And knocke his Head-peece . Raph. Knight , thou art but dead , If thou thou recall not thy vncurteous tearmes . VVife . Breake 's pate Raph , breake 's pate Raph , soundly . Iasper . Come Knight , I am ready for you , now your Pestel Snatches away his Pestle . Shall try what temper , sir , your Morters off With that he stood vpright in his stirrops , And gaue the Knight of the Calue-skinne such a knocke , That he forsooke his horse and downe he fell , And then he leaped vpon him and plucking of his Helmet . Hum. Nay , and my noble Knight be downe so soone , Though I can scarely go I needs must runne . Exit Humphery and Raph. VVife .

Runne Raph , runne Raph , runne for thy life boy , Iasper comes , Iasper comes .

Iasper .

Come Luce , we must haue other Armes for you , Humphery and Golden Pestle both adiew .

Exeunt . VVife .

Sure the diuell , God blesse vs , is in this Springald , why George , didst euer see such a fire-drake , I am afraid my boie 's miscaried , if he be , though hee were Maister Mery-thoughts sonne a thousand times , if there bee any Law in England I 'le make some of them smart for 't .

Cit.

No , no , I haue found out the matter sweete-heart , Iasper is inchanted , as sure as we are heere , he is inchanted , he could no more haue stood in Raph's hands , then I can stand in my Lord Maiors , I 'le haue a ring to discouer all inchantments , and Raph shall beate him yet : be no more vext for it shall be so .

Enter Raph , Squire , Dwarfe , mistresse Mery-thought and Michaell . Wife .

O husband heere 's Raph againe , stay Raph let mee speake with thee , how dost thou Raph ? art thou not shrodly hurt ? the soule great Lunge is laid vnmercifully on thee , there 's some suger-candy for thee , proceed , thou shalt haue another bout with him .

Cit.

If Raph had him at the Fencing-schoole , if hee did not make a puppy of him , and driue him vp and downe the schoole he should nere come in my shop more .

Mist. mer.

Truely Maister Knight of the Burning Pestle I am weary .

Mich.

Indeed law mother and I am very hungry .

Raph. Take comfort gentle Dame , and you faire Squire , For in this Desart there must needs be plac't , Many strong Castles , held by curteous Knights , And till I bring you safe to one of those , Is weare by this my Order nere to leaue you . Wife .

Well said Raph , George , Raph was euer comfortable , was he not ?

Cit.

Yes Ducke .

Wife .

I shall nere forget him , when wee had lost our child , you know , it was straid almost , alone , to Puddle-wharfe and the Criers were abroad for it , and there it had drown'd it selfe but for a Sculler , Raph was the most comfortablest to me : peace Mistresse , saies he , let it go , I 'le get you another as good , did he not George ? did he not say so ?

Cit.

Yes indeed did he mouse .

Dwarfe .

I would we had a messe of Pottage , and a pot of drinke , Squire , and were going to bed .

Squire .

Why we are at Waltham Townes end , and that 's the Bell Inne .

Dwarfe . Take courage valiant Knight , Damsel , & Squire I haue discouered , not a stones cast off , An ancient Castle held by the old Knight Of the most holy order of the Bell , Who giues to all Knights errant entertaine : There plenty is of food , and all prepar'd , By the white hands of his owne Lady deere . He hath three Squires that welcome all his Guests . The first high Chamberlino , who will see Our beds prepar'd , and bring vs snowy sheetes , Where neuer foote-man stretch'd his butter'd Hams . The second hight Tastero , who will see Our pots full filled and no froth therein . The third a gentle Squire Ostlero hight , Who will our Palfries slicke with wisps of straw , And in the Maunger put them Oates enough , And neuer grease their teeth with candle snuffe . VVife . That same Dwarfe 's a pretty boy , but the Squire 's a grout-nole . Raph. Knocke at the Gates my Squire with stately launce . Enter Tapster . Tap. Who 's there , you 're welcome Gentlemen , will you see a roome ? Dwarfe . Right curteous and valiant Knight of the burning Pestle , This is the Squire Tapstero . Raph. Faire Squire Tapstero , I a wandring Knight , Hight of the burning Pestle , in the quest Of this faire Ladies Casket , and wrought purse , Loosing my selfe in this vast Wildernesse Am to this Castle well by fortune brought , Where hearing of the goodly entertaine Your Knight of holy Order of the Bell Giues to all Damsels , and all errant Knights , I thought to knocke , and now am bold to enter . Tapster .

An 't please you see a chamber , you are very welcome .

Exeunt . VVife .

George I would haue something done , and I cannot tell what it is .

Cit.

What is it Nel ?

Wife .

Why George , shall Raph beate no body againe ? prethee sweete-heart let him .

Cit.

So he shall Nel , and if I ioyne with him , wee 'le knocke them all .

Enter Humphery and Merchant . Wife .

O George here 's maister Humphery againe now , that lost Mistresse Luce , and Mistresse Lucies father , Maister Humphery will do some-bodies errant I warrant him .

Humf. Father , it 's true , in armes I nere shall claspe her , For shee is stolne away by your man Iasper . VVife . I thought he would tell him . March. Vnhappy that I am to loose my child , Now I beginne to thinke on Iaspers words , Who oft hath vrg'd to me thy foolishnesse , Why didst thou let her go ? thou loust her not , That wouldst bring home thy life , and not bring her . Hum. Father forgiue me , shall I tell you true , Looke on my shoulders they are blacke and blew . Whilst too and fro faire Luce and I were winding , Hee came and basted me with a hedge binding . March. Get men and horses straight , we will be there Within this houre , you know the place againe . Hum. I know the place , where he my loines did swaddle , I 'le get six horses , and to each a saddle . Mar. Meane time I 'le go talke with Iaspers father . Exeunt . VVife .

George , what wilt thou laye with mee now , that Maister Humphery has not Mistresse Luce yet , speake George , what wilt thou laie with me ?

Cit.

No Nel , I warrant thee Iasper is at Puckeridge with her , by this .

VVife .

Nay George , you must consider Mistresse Lucies feete are tender , and , besides , 't is darke , and I promise you tuely , I doe not see how hee should get out of Waltham forrest with her yet .

Cit.

Nay Cunny , what wilt thou laie with me that Raph has her not yet .

VVife .

I will not lay against Raph hunny , because I haue not spoken with him , but looke George , peace , heere comes the merry old Gentleman againe .

Enter old Merrie-thought . Old mer. When it was growne to darke midnight , And all were fast asleepe , In came Margarets grimely Ghost , And stood at VVilliams feete .

I haue mony , and meate and drinke before hand , till to morrow at noone , why should I be sad ? mee thinkes I haue halfe a dozen Iouiall spirits within mee , I am three merry men , and three merry men , To what end should any man be sad in this world ? giue me a man that when hee goes to hanging cries , troule the blacke bowle to mee : and a woeman that will sing a cath in her Trauell . I haue seene a man come by my dore , with a serious face , in a blacke cloake , without a hat-band , carrying his head as if hee lookt for pinnes in the streete , I haue lookt out of my window halfe a yeare after , and haue spide that mans head vpon London-bridge : 't is vile , neuer trust a Tailor that does not sing at his worke , his mind is of nothing but filching .

VVife .

Marke this George , t is worth noting : Godfrry my Tailor , you know , neuer sings , and hee had foureteene yards to make this Gowne , and I 'le be sworne Mistresse Pennistone the Drapers wife had one made with twelue .

Old men : 'T is mirth that fils the veines with bloud , More then wine , or sleepe , or food . Let each man keepe his heart at ease , No man dies of that disease . He that would his body keepe From diseases , must not weepe , But who euer laughes and sings , Neuer he his body brings Into feuers , gouts , or rhumes , Or lingringly his longs consumes : Or meets with aches in the bone , Or Catharhes , or griping stone : But contented liues for aye , The more he laughes , the more he may . Wife .

Looke George , how saist thou by this George ? is 't not a fine old man ? Now Gods blessing a' thy sweet lips . When wilt thou be so merry George ? Faith thou art the frowningst little thing when thou art angry , in a Countrey .

Enter Merchant . Cit.

Peace Coney , thou shalt see him taken downe too I warrant thee ; here 's Luces father come now .

Old mer.

As you came from Walsingham , frō that holy land , there met you not with my tru-loue by the way as you came

March. Oh Maister Merri-thought ! my daughter 's gone . This mirth becomes you not , my daughters gone . Old merri. Why an if she be , what care I ? Or let her come or go , or tarry . March. Mocke not my misery , it is your sonne , Whom I haue made my owne , when all forsooke him , Has stolne my onely ioy , my childe away . Old mer. He set her on a milk-white steed , & himselfe vpō a gray , He neuer turn'd his face againe , but he bore her quite away . March. Vnworthy of the kindnesse I haue shewn To thee , and thine : too late I well perceiue Thou art consenting to my daughters losse . Old mer.

Your daughter , what a stur 's here wee yer daughter ? Let her goe , thinke no more on her , but sing lowd . If both my sons were on the gallows , I would sing , downe , down , downe : they fall downe , and arise they neuer shall .

March. Oh might I behold her once againe , And she once more embrace her aged sire . Old merri.

Fie , how scuruily this goes : and she once more imbrace her aged sire ? you 'l make a dogge on her , will yee ? she cares much for her aged sire I warrant you .

She cares cares not for her daddy , nor shee cares not for her mammie , For she is , she is , she is , she is my Lord of Low-gaues Lassie . March. For this thy scorne , I will pursue That sonne of thine to death . Old merri. Do , and when you ha kild him , Giue him flowers i'now Palmer : giue him flowers i'now , Giue him red , and white , and blew , greene , and yellow . March. I l'e fetch my daughter . Old merri.

I l'e heare no more a your daughter , it spoyles my mirth .

March. I say I l'e fetch my daughter . Old merri. Was neuer man for Ladies sake , downe , downe , Tormented as I poore sir Guy ? de derry downe , For Lucies sake , that Lady bright , downe , downe , As euer men beheld with eye ? de derry downe . March. I l'e be reueng'd by heauen . Exeunt . Musicke . Finis Actus secundi . Wife .

How do'st thou like this George ?

Cit.

Why this is well coney : but if Raph were hot once , thou shouldst see more .

Wife .

The Fidlers go againe husband .

Cit.

I Nell , but this is scuruy musicke : I gaue the whoreson gallowes money , and I thinke hee has not got mee the waits of South-warke , if I heare him not anan , I l'e twinge him by the eares . You Musicians , play Baloo .

Wife .

No good George , le ts ha Lachrimae .

Cit.

Why this is it cony .

Wife .

It 's all the better George : now sweet lambe , what story is that painted vpon the cloth ? the confutation of Saint Paul ?

Cit.

No lambe , that 's Raph and Lucrece .

Wife .

Raph and Lucrece ? which Raph ? our Raph ?

Cit.

No mouse , that was a Tartarian .

Wife .

A Tartarian ? well , I 'wood the fidlers had done , that wee might see our Raph againe .

Actus tertius , Scoena prima . Enter Iasper and Luce . Iasp. Come my deere deere , though we haue lost our way , We haue not lost our selues : are you not weary With this nights wandring , broken from your rest ? And frighted with the terrour that attends The darknesse of these wilde vn-peopled place ? Luce. No my best friend , I cannot either feare , Or entertaine a weary thought , whilst you ( The end of all my full desires ) stand by me . Let them that loose their hopes , and liue to languish Amongst the number of forsaken louers , Tell the long weary steps , and number time , Start at a shadow , and shrinke vp their bloud , Whilst I ( possest with all content and quiet ) Thus take my prettie loue , and thus imbrace him . Iasp. You haue caught me Luce , so fast , that whilst I liue I shall become your faithfull prisoner , And were these chaines for euer . Come sit downe , And rest your body , too too delicate For these disturbances ; so , will you sleepe ? Come , do not be more able then you are , I know you are not skilfull in these watches : For women are no souldiers ; be not nice , But take it , sleepe I say . Luce. I cannot sleepe , Indeed I cannot friend . Iasp. Why then wee 'l sing , And try how that will worke vpon our sences . Luce. I l'e sing , or say , or any thing but sleepe . Ias. Come little Mer-maid , rob me of my heart With that inchanting voyce . Luce. You mocke me Iasper . Sung. Iasp. Tell me ( deerest ) what is loue ? Luce. 'T is a lightning from aboue , 'T is an arrow , 't is a fire , 'T is a boy they call desire . 'T is a smile Doth beguile Ias. The poore hearts of men that proue . Tell me more , are women true ? Luce. Some loue change , and so do you . Ias. Are they faire , and neuer kind ? Luce. Yes , when men turne with the winde . Ias. Are they froward ? Luce. Euer toward , Those that loue , to loue a new . Ias. Dissemble it no more , I see the God Of heauy sleepe , lay on his heauy mace Vpon your eye-lids . Luce. I am very heauy . Iasp. Sleep , sleep , & quiet rest crowne thy sweet thoughts : Keepe from her faire bloud , distempers , startings , Horrors , and fearefull shapes : let all her dreames Be ioyes , and chast delights , imbraces , wishes , And such new pleasures , as the rauisht soule Giues to the sences . So , my charmes haue tooke . Keepe her you powers diuine , whilst I contemplate Vpon the wealth and beauty of her minde . She is onely faire , and constant : onely kinde , And onely to thee Iasper . Oh my ioyes ! Whither will you transport me ? let not fulnesse Of my poore buried hopes , come vp together , And ouer-charge my spirits : I am weake Some say ( how euer ill ) the sea and women Are gouern'd by the Moone , both ebbe and flow , Both full of changes : yet to them that know , And truly iudge , these but opinions are , And heresies to bring on pleasing warre Betweene our tempers , that without these were Both void of ater-loue , and present feare . Which are the best of Cupid . Oh thou child ! Bred from dispaire , I dare not entertaine thee , Hauing a loue without the faults of women , And greater in her perfect goods then men : Which to make good , and please my selfe the stronger , Though certainely I am certaine of her loue , I l'e try her , that the world and memory May sing to after times , her constancie . Luce , Luce , awake . Luce. Why do you fright me , friend , With those distempered lookes ? what makes your sword Drawne in your hand ? who hath offended you ? I pre'chee Iasper sleepe , thou art wilde with watching . Iasp. Come make your way to heauen , and bid the world ( With all the villanies that sticke vpon it ) Fare-well ; you 'r for another life . Luce. Oh Iasper ! How haue my tender yeares committed euill , ( Especially against the man I loue ) Thus to be cropt vntimely ? Iasp. Foolish girle , Canst thou imagine I could loue his daughter , That flung me from my fortune into nothing ? Discharged me his seruice , shut the doores Vpon my pouerty , and scorn'd my prayers , Sending me , like a boat without a mast , To sinke or swin ? Come , by this hand you dye , I must haue life and bloud to satisfie Your fathers wrongs . Wife .

Away George , away , raise the watch at Ludgate , and bring a Mittimus from the Iustice for this desperate villaine . Now I charge you Gentlemen , see the Kings peace kept . O my heart what a varlet 's this to offer man-slaughter vpon the harmelesse Gentlewoman ?

Cit.

I warrant thee ( sweet heart ) wee 'l haue him hampered .

Luce. Oh Iasper ! be not cruell , If thou wilt kill me , mile and do it quickly . And let not many deaths appeare before me . I am a woman made of feare and loue , A weake , weake woman , kill not with thy eyes , They shoot me through and through . Strike I am ready , And dying stil I loue thee . Enter Merchant , Humphrey , and his men . March. Where abouts . Iasp. No more of this , now to my selfe againe . Hum. There , there he stands with sword like martial knight Drawne in his hand , therefore beware the fight You that be wise : for were I good sir Beuis , I would not stay his comming , by your leaues . March. Sirrah , restore my daughter . Iasp. Sirrah , no . March. Vpon him then . Wife .

So , downe with him , downe with him , downe with him : cut him i' th leg boies , cut him i' th leg .

March. Come your waies Minion , I l'e prouide a Cage For you , your growne so tame . Horse her away . Humph. Truly I me glad your forces haue the day . exeunt . manet Iasper . Iasp. They are gone , and I am hurt , my loue is lost , Neuer to get againe . Oh me vnhappy ! Bleed , bleed , and dye , I cannot : Oh my folly ! Thou hast betraid me . Hope where art thou fled ? Tell me if thou bee'st any where remaining . Shall I but see my loue againe ? Oh no! She will not daine to looke vpon her butcher , Nor is it fit she should ; yet I must venter . Oh chance , or fortune , or what ere thou art That men adore for powerfull , heare my cry , And let me louing , liue ; or loosing , die . Exit . Wife .

Is a gone George ?

Cit.

I conie .

Wife .

Marie and let him goe ( sweet heart , ) by the faith a my body a has put me into such a fright , that I tremble ( as they say ) as 't were an Aspine leafe : looke a my little singer George , how it shakes : now i truth euery member of my body is the worse for 't .

Cit.

Come , hugge in mine armes sweet mouse , hee shall not fright thee any more : alas mine owne deere heart , how it quiuers .

Enter Mistresse Merrithought , Rafe , Michall , Squire Dwarfe , Host , and a Tapster . Wife .

O Rafe , how dost thou Rafe ? how hast thou slept to night ? has the knight vs'd thee well ?

Cit. Peace Nell , let Rafe alone . Tapst. Maister , the reckoning is not paid . Rafe . Right curteous knight , who for the orders sake Which thou hast tane , hang'st out the holy bell , As I this flaming pestle beare about , We render thankes to your puissant selfe , Your beauteous Lady , and your gentle Squires , For thus refreshing of our wearied limbes , Stiffned with hard atchieuements in wilde desert . Tapst. Sir , there is twelue shillings to pay . Rafe . Thou merry Squire Tapstero , thankes to thee , For comforting our soules with double Iug , And if aduentrous fortune pricke thee forth , Thou Iouiall Squire , to follow feats of armes , Take heed thou tender euery Ladies cause , Euery truery true Knight , and euery damsell faire faire ; But spill the bloud of trecherous Sarazens , And false inchanters , that with magicke spels , Haue done to death full many a noble Knight . Host.

Thou valiant Knight of the burning Pestle , giue eare to me , there is twelue shillings to pay , and as I am a true Knight , I will not bate a peny .

Wife .

George , I pray thee tell me , must Rafe pay twelue shillings now ?

Cit.

No Nell , no , nothing but the old Knight is merrie with Rafe .

Wife .

O is 't nothing else ? Rafe will be as merry as he .

Rafe . Sir Knight , this mirth of yours becomes you well , But to requite this liberall curtesie , If any of your Squires will follow armes , Hee shall receiue from my heroicke hand A Knight-hood , by the vertue of this Pestle . Host. Faire Knight I thanke you for noble offer , Therefore gentle Knight , Twelue shillings you must pay , or I must cap you . Wife .

Looke George , did not I tell thee as much , the Knight of the Bel is in earnest , Raph shall not bee beholding to him , giue him his money George , and let him go snickvp .

Ci.

Cap Raph ? no ; hold your hand sir Knight of the Bel , there 's your mony , haue you any thing to say to Raph now ? Cap Raph ?

Wife .

I would you should know it , Raph has friends that will not suffer him to be capt for ten times so much , and tea times to the end of that , now take thy course Raph .

M. mer.

Come Michael , thou & I wil go home to thy father , he hath enough left to keep vs a day or two , and we 'le set fellows abrod to cry our Purse & our Casket , Shal we Michael ?

Mich.

I , I pray Mother , intruth my feete are full of chilblaines with trauelling .

VVife .

Faith and those chilblanes are a foule trouble , Mistresse Merie-thought when your youth comes home let him rub all the soles of his feete , and the heeles , and his ancles , with a mouse skinne , or if none of your people can catch a mouse , when hee goes to bed , let him rowle his feete in the warme embers , aud I warrant you hee shall be well , and you may make him put his fingers betweene his toes & smell to them , it 's very soueraigne for his head if he be costiue .

Mist. mer.

Maister Knight of the burning Pestle , my son Michael and I , bid you farewel , I thanke your Worship heartily for your kindnesse .

Raph. Fare-well faire Lady and your tender Squire , If , pricking through these Desarts , I do heare Of any traiterous Knight who through his guile , Hath light vpon your Casket and your Purse , I will despoile him of them and restore them . Mist. mer. I thanke your Worship . Exit with Michael . Raph. Dwarfe beare my shield , Squire eleuate my lance , And now fare-well you Knight of holy Bell . Cit. I , I Raph , all is paid . Raph. But yet before I go , speake worthy Knight , If ought you do of sad aduentures know , Where errant Knights may through his prowesse winne , Eternall fame and free some gentle soules , From endlesse bonds of steele and lingring paine . Host.

Sirrah go to Nicke the Barbor , and bid him prepare himselfe , as I told you before , quickely .

Tap.

I am gone sir .

Exit Tapster . Host. Sir Knight , this wildernesse affoordeth none But the great venter , where full many a Knight Hath tride his prowesse and come off with shame , And where I would not haue you loose your life , Against no man , but furious fiend of hell . Raph. Speake on sir Knight , tell what he is , and where , For heere I vow vpon my blazing badge , Neuer to blaze a day in quietnesse ; But bread and water will I onely eate , And the greene hearbe and rocke shall be my couch , Till I haue queld that man , or beast , or fiend , That workes such damage to all Errant Knights . Host. Not far from hence , neere to a craggy cliffe , At the North end of this distressed Towne , There doth stand a lowly house Ruggedly builded , and in it a Caue , In which an ougly Gyant now doth won , Yeleped Barbaroso : in his hand He shakes a naked lance of purest steele , With sleeues turn'd vp , and him before he weares , A motley garment , to preserue his cloaths From bloud of those Knights which he massacres , And Ladies Gent : without his dore doth hang A copper balon , on a piickant speare : At which , no sooner gentle Knights can knocke , But the shrill sound , fierce Barbaroso heares , And rushing forth , brings in the errant Knight , And sets him downe in an inchanted chaire . Then with an Engine which he hath prepar'd , With forty teeth , he clawes his courtly crowne , Next makes him winke , and vnderneath his chinne , Hee plants a brazen peece of mighty bord , And knocks his bullets round about his cheeks , Whilst with his fingers , and an instrument With which he snaps his haire off , he doth fill The wretches eares with a most hideous noise . Thus euery Knight Aduenturer he doth trim , And now no creature dares encounter him . Raph. In Gods name , I will fight him , kinde sir , Go but before me to this dismall Caue , Where this huge Gyant Barbaroso dwels , And by that vertue that braue Rosicleere , That damned brood of ougly Gyants slew , And Palmerin Frannarco ouerthrew : I doubt not but to curbe this Traitor foule , And to the Diuell send his guilty soule . Host. Braue sprighted Knight , thus far I will performe . This your request , I 'le bring you with in sight Of this most lothsome place , inhabited By a more loathsome man : but dare not stay , For his maine force soopes all he sees away . Raph. Saint George set on before , march Squire and page . Exeunt . VVife .

George , dost thinke Raph will confound the Gyant ?

Cit.

I hold my cap to a farthing hee does : why Nel I saw him wrastle with the great Dutch-man and hurle him .

VVife .

Faith and that Ducth-man was a goodly man , if all things were answerable to his bignesse , and yet they say there was a Scotsh-man higher then hee , and that they two and a Knight met , and saw one another for nothing , but of all the sights that euer were in London , since I was married , mee thinkes the little child that was so faire growne about the members was the prettiest , that , and the Hermophrodite .

Cit.

Nay by your leaue Nel , Niniuy was better .

VVife .

Niniuie , O that was the story of Ione and the Wall , was it not George ?

Cit.

Yes lam .

Enter mistresse Merry-thought . VVife .

Looke George , heere comes Mistresse Merry-thought againe , and I would haue Raph come and fight with the Giant , I tell you true , I long to see 't .

Cit.

Good Mistresse Merry-thought be gone , I pray you for my sake , I pray you forbeare a little , you shall haue audience presently , I haue a little businesse .

VVife .

Mistresse Merry-thought if it please you to refraine your passiō a little , til Raph haue dispatch the Giant out of the way we shal think our selues much bound to you , I thank you good Mistresse Merry-thought .

Exit mist . Merry-thou : Enter a boy . Cit.

Boy , come hither , send away Raph and this whore-sonne Giant quickely .

Boy .

In good faith sir we cannot , you 'le vtterly spoile our Play , and make it to be hist , and it cost money , you will not suffer vs to go on with our plot , I pray Gentlemen rule him .

Cit.

Let him come now and dispatch this , and I 'le trouble you no more .

Boy .

Will you giue me your hand of that ?

Wife .

Giue him thy hand George , do , and I 'le kisse him , I warrant thee the youth meanes plainely .

Boy .

I 'le send him to you presently .

Exit Boy . VVife .

I thanke you little youth , feth the child hath a sweete breath George , but I thinke it bee troubled with the wormes , Carduus Benedictus and Mares milke were the onely thing in the world for 't , O Raph 's here George , God send thee good lucke Raph .

Enter Raph , Host , Squire , and Dwarfe . Host. Puissant Knight yonder his Mansion is , Lo where the speare and Copper Bason are , Behold that string on which hangs many a tooth , Drawne from the gentle iaw of wandring Knights , I dare not stay to sound , hee will appeare . Exit Host . Raph. O faint not heart , Susan my Lady deere , The Coblers Maid in Milke-streete , for whose sake , I take these Armes , O let the thought of thee , Carry thy Knight through all aduenterous deeds , And in the honor of thy beauteous selfe , May I destroy this monster Barbaroso , Knocke Squire vpon the Bason till it breake . Enter Barbor . With the shrill stroakes , or till the Giant speake . Wife . O George , the Giant , the Giant , now Raph for thy life . Barber . What fond vnknowing wight is this ? that dares So rudely knocke at Barbarossa's Cell , Where no man comes but leaues his fleece behind ? Raph. I , traiterous Caitiffe , who am sent by fate To punish all the sad enormities Thou hast committed against Ladies Gent And errant Knights , traitor to God and men : Prepare thy selfe , this is the dismall houre Appointed for thee , to giue strickt account Of all thy beastly treacherous villanies . Barber . Foole-hardy Knight , full soone thou shalt aby This fond reproach , thy body will I bang , Hee takes downe his pole . And loe vpon that string thy teeth shall hang : Prepare thy selfe , for dead soone shalt thou bee , Raph.

Saint George for me .

They fight . Barber .

Gargantua for me .

Wife .

To him , Raph to him , hold vp the Giant , set out thy leg before Raph .

Cit.

Falsifie a blow Raph , falsifie a blow , the Giant lies open on the left side .

Wife .

Beare 't off , beare 't of still ; there boy , O Raphe 's almost downe , Raph 's almost downe .

Raph.

Susan inspire me , now haue vp againe .

Wife .

Vp , vp , vp , vp , vp , so Raph , downe with him , downe with him Raph .

Cit.

Fetch him ore the hip boy .

VVife .

There boy , kill , kill , kill , kill , kill , Raph .

Cit.

No Raph get all out of him first .

Raph. Presumptuous man , see to what desperate end Thy treatchery hath brought thee , the iust Gods , Who neuer prosper those that do despise them , For all the villanies which thou hast done To Knights and Ladies , now haue paid thee home By my stiffe arme , a Knight aduenturous , But say vile wretch , before I send thy soule To sad Auernus whether it must go , What captiues holdst thou in thy sable caue . Barber . Go in and free them all , thou hast the day . Raph. Go Squire & Dwarfe , search in this dreadfull Caue And free the wretched prisoners from their bonds . Exit Squire and Dwarfe . Barber . I craue for mercy , as thou art a Knight , And scornst to spill the bloud of those that beg . Raph. Thou showdst no mercy , nor shalt thou haue any , Prepare thy selfe for thou shalt surely die . Enter Squire leading one winking , with a Bason vnder his chin . Squire . Behold braue Knight heere is one prisoner , Whom this wilde man hath vsed as you see . Wife . This is the first wise word I heard the Squire speake . Raph. Speake what thou art , and how thou hast bene vs'd , That that I may giue condigne punishment , 1. Kni. I am a Knight that tooke my iourney post North-ward from London , and in curteous wise , This Giant train'd me to his loathsome den , Vnder pretence of killing of the itch , And all my body with a powder strew'd , That smarts and stings , and cut away my beard , And my curl'd lockes wherein were ribands ti'de , And with a water washt my tender eyes , Whilst vp and downe about me still he skipt , Whose vertue is , that till mine eyes be wip't With a dry cloath , for this my foule disgrace , I shall not dare to looke a dog i' th' face . VVife . Alas poore Knight , relieue him Raph , releiue poore Knights whilst you liue . Raph. My trusty Squire conuey him to the Towne , Where he may finde releife , adiew faire Knight , Exit knight . Enter Dwarfe leading one with a patch ore his Nose . Dwar. Puisant Knight of the burning Pestle hight , See heere another wretch , whom this foule beast Hath scorcht and scor'd in this inhumaine wise . Raph. Speake me thy name and eke thy place of birth , And what hath bene thy vsage in this Caue . 2. Knight . I am a Knight , Sir Pocke-hole is my name , And by my birth I am a Londoner Free by my Coppy , but my Ancestors Were French-men all , and riding hard this way , Vpon a trotting horse , my bones did ake , And I faint Knight to ease my weary limbes , Light at this Caue , when straight this furious fiend , With sharpest instrument of purest steele , Did cut the gristle of my Nose away , And in the place this veluet plaister stands , Relieue me gentle Knight out of his hands . Wife .

Good Raph releiue sir Pocke-hole and send him away , for , intruth , his breath stinkes ,

Raph. Conuey him straight after the other Knight , Sir Pocke-hole fare you well . 2. Kni. Kinde sir good-night . Exit . Cryes within . Man.

Deliuer vs .

VVoeman .

Deliuer vs .

VVife .

Hearke George , what a woefull cry there is , I thinke some woman lies in there .

Man.

Deliuer vs .

VVoeman .

Deliuer vs .

Raph. What gastly noise is this ? speake Barbarose , Or by this blasing steele thy head goes off . Barber . Prisoners of mine whom I in diet keepe , Send lower downe into the Caue , And in a Tub that 's heated smoaking hot , There may they finde them and deliuer them , Raph. Run Squire and Dwarfe , deliuer them with speed . Exeunt Squire and Dwarfe . Wife .

But will not Raph kill this Giant , surely I am afeard if hee let him go he will do as much hurt , as euer he did .

Cittiz.

Not so mouse neither , if hee could conuert him .

Wife .

I George if hee could conuert him , but a Giant is not so soone conuerted as one of vs ordinary people : there 's a pretty tale of a Witch , that had the diuels marke about her , God blesse vs , that had a Giant to her sonne , that was cal'd Lob-lie-by-the-fire , didst neuer here it George ?

Enter Squire leading a man with a glasse of Lotion in his hand , and the Dwarfe leading a woman , with diet-bread and drinke . Cit. Peace Nel , heere comes the prisoners . Dwar. Here be these pined wretches , manfull Knight , That for these sixe weekes haue not seene a wight . Raph. Deliuer what you are , and how you came To this sad Caue , and what your vsage was ? Man. I am an Errant Knight that followed Armes , With speare and shield , and in my tender yeares I stricken was with Cupids fiery shaft , And fell in loue with this my Lady deere , And stole her from her friends in Turne-bull-streete , And bore her vp and downe from Towne to Towne , Where we did eate and drinke and Musicke heare , Till at the length , at this vnhappy Towne Wee did arriue , and comming to this Caue This beast vs caught and put vs in a Tub , Where we this two monthes sweate , and should haue done Another Moneth if you had not relieu'd vs . VVom. This bread and water hath our diet bene , Together with a rib cut from a necke Of burned Mutton , hard hath bene our fare , Release vs from this ougly Giants snare . Man. This hath bene all the food we haue receiu'd , But onely twice a day for nouelty , He gaue a spoonefull of this hearty broth , Puls out a sirringe To each of vs , through this same slender quill . Raph. From this infernall monster you shall go , That vseth Knights and gentle Ladies so , Conuey them hence . Exeunt man and woman . Cit.

Cony , I can tell thee the Gentlemen like Rafe .

VVife .

I George , I see it well inough . Gentlemen I thanke you all heartily for gracing my man Rafe , and I promise you you shall see him oftner .

Barber . Mercy great knight , I do recant my ill , And henceforth neuer gentle bloud will spill . Rafe . I giue thee mercy , but yet shalt thou sweare Vpon my burning pestle , to performe Thy promise vtterd . Barber . I sweare and kisse . Rafe . Depart then , and amend .

Come squire and dwarfe , the Sunne growes towards his set , and we haue many more aduentures yet .

Exeunt . Cit.

Now Rafe is in this humour , I know hee would ha beaten all the boyes in the house if they had beene set on him .

VVife .

I George , but it is well as it is , I warrant you the Gentlemen do consider what it is to ouerthrow a gyant : but looke George , heere comes mistresse Merri-thought and her sonne Michael ; now you are welcome mistresse Merri - thought , now Rafe has done you may go on .

Enter mistresse Merri-thought , and Michael . Mist. mer.

Micke my boy ?

Mich.

I forsooth mother .

Mist. mer.

Be merry Micke we are at home now ; where I warrant you , you shall finde the house flung out at the windowes : Harke , hey dogges , hey , this is the old world I'faith with my husband , if I get in among 'em , I le play em such a lesson , that they shall haue little list to come scraping hither , againe . Why maister Merri-thought , husband , Charles Merri-thought .

Old merri. within .

If you will sing and daunce , and laugh , and hollow , and laugh againe , and then cry there boyes , there : why then One , two , three , and foure , We shall be merry within this houre .

Mist. merri.

Why Charles , doe you not know your owne naturall wife ? I say , open the doore , and turne me out those mangy companions ; 't is more then time that they were fellow and fellow like with you : you are a Gentleman Charles , and an old man , and father of two children ; and I my selfe ( though I say it ) by my mothers side , Neece to a worshipfull Gentleman , and a Conductor , ha has beene three times in his Maiesties seruice at Chester , and is now the fourth time , God blesse him , and his charge vpon his iourney .

Old Mer. Go from my window , loue , goe ; Go from my window my deere , The winde and the raine will driue you backe againe , You cannot he lodged heere .

Harke you Mistresse Merrithought , you that walke vpon aduentures , and forsake your husband , because hee sings with neuer a peny in his purse ; What shall I thinke my selfe the worse ? Faith no , I l'e be merry .

You come not heere , heer 's none but lads of mettle , liues of a hundred yeares , and vpwards , care neuer drunke their blouds , nor want made 'em warble .

Hey-ho , my heart is heauy .

Mist mer.

Why Mr. Merrithought , what am I that you should laugh me to scorne thus abruptly ? am I not your fellow-feeler ( as we may say ) in all our miseries ? your comforter in health and sicknesse ? haue I not brought you Children ? are they not like you Charles ? looke vpon thine owne Image hard-hearted man ; and yet for all this —

Old mer. within .

Begone , begone , my Iuggy , my puggy , begone my loue , my deere .

The weather is warme , t will do thee no harme , thou canst not be lodged heere .

Be merry boyes , some light musicke , and more wine .

Wife .

He 's not in earnest , I hope George , is he ?

Cit.

What if he be , sweet heart ?

Wife .

Marie if hee be George , I le make bold to tell him hee 's an Ingrant old man , to vse his bed-fellow so scuruily .

Cit.

What how does he vse her hunny ?

Wife .

Marie come vp sir sauce-box , I thinke you 'l take his part , will you not ? Lord how hot you are growne : you are a fine man an you had a fine dogge , it becomes you sweetly .

Cit.

Nay pre'thee Nell chide not : for as I am an honest man , and a true Christian Grocer , I doe not like his doings .

Wife .

I cry you mercie then George ; you know we are all fraile , and full of infirmities . d ee heare Mr. Merri-thought , may I craue a word with you ?

Old men within .

Strike vp liuely lads .

Wife .

I had not thought in truth , Mr. Merrithought , that a man of your age and discretion ( as I may say ) being a Gentleman , and therefore knowne by your gentle conditions , could haue vsed so little respect to the weaknesse of his wife : for your wife is your owne flesh , the staffe of your age , your yoke-fellow , with whose helpe you draw through the mire of this transitory world : Nay , she 's your owne ribbe . And againe —

Old mer. I come not hither for thee to teach , I haue no pulpit for thee to preach , I would thou hadst kist me vnder the breech , As thou art a Lady gay . Wife . Marie with a vengeance .

I am hartely sorry for the poore gentlewoman : but if I were thy wife , I'faith gray-beard , I'faith —

Cit.

I pre'thee sweet hunny-suckle , be content .

Wife .

Giue me such words that am a gentlewoman borne , hang him hoary rascall . Get mee some drinke George , I am almost molten with fretting : now beshrew his knaues heart for it .

Old mer.

Play me a light Laualto : come , bee frolicke , fill the good fellowes wine .

Mist. mer.

Why Mr. Merrithought , are you disposed to make me wait here : you 'l open I hope , I l'e fetch them that shall open else .

Old mer.

Good woman if you wil sing I l'e giue you something , if not -

Song . You are no loue for me Margret , I am no loue for you . Come aloft Boyes , aloft . Mist. mer.

Now a Churles fart in your teeth sir : Come Micke , wee 'l not trouble him , a shall not ding vs i' th teeth with his bread and his broth : that he shall not : come boy , I l'e prouide for thee , I warrant thee : wee 'l goe to maister Venterwels the Merchant , I l'e get his letter to mine Host of the Bell in Waltham , there I l'e place thee with the Tapster ; will not that doe well for thee Micke ? and let me alone for that old Cuckoldly knaue your father , I l'e vse him in his kinde , I warrant yee .

Wife .

Come George , wher 's the beere ?

Cit.

Here loue .

Wife .

This old fornicating fellow wil not out of my mind yet ; Gentlemen , I l'e begin to you all , and I desire more of your acquaintance , with all my heart . Fill the Gentlemen some beere George .

Finis Actus tertij . Musicke .

Actus quartus , Scoena prima . Boy daunceth . Wife .

Looke George , the little boy 's come againe , mee thinkes he lookes something like the prince of Orange in his long stocking , if hee had a little harnesse about his necke . George I will haue him dance Fading ; Fading is a fine Iigge I l'e assure you Gentlemen : begin brother , now a capers sweet heart , now a turne a' th toe , and then tumble : cannot you tumble youth ?

Boy .

No indeed forsooth :

Wife .

Nor eate fire ?

Boy .

Neither .

Wife .

Why then I thanke you heartily , there 's two pence to buy you points withall .

Enter Iasper and Boy . Iasp.

There boy , deliuer this : but do it well . Hast thou prouided me foure lusty fellowes ?

Able to carry me ? and art thou perfect In all thy businesse ? Boy . Sir , you need not feare , I haue my lesson here , and cannot misse it : The men are ready for you , and what else Pertaines to this imployment . Iasp. There my boy , Take it , but buy no land . Boy . Faith sir 't were rare To see so yong a purchaser : I flye , And on my wings carry your destinie . Exit . Iasp. Go , and be happy . Now my latest hope Forsake me not , but fling thy Anchor out , And let it hold : stand fixt thou rolling stone , Till I enioy my deerest : heare me all You powers that rule in men coelestiall . Exit . Wife .

Go thy wayes , thou art as crooked a sprigge as euer grew in London ; I warrant him hee 'l come to some naughty end or other : for his lookes say no lesse : Besides , his father ( you know George ) is none of the best , you heard him take me vp like a flirt Gill , and sing baudy songs vpon me : but I faith if I liue George —

Cit.

Let me alone sweet-heart , I haue a tricke in my head shall lodge him in the Arches for one yeare , and make him sing Peocani , er'e I leaue him , and yet hee shall neuer know who hurt him neither .

Wife .

Do my good George , do .

Cit.

What shall we haue Rafe do now boy ?

Boy .

You shall haue what you will sir .

Cit.

Why so sir , go and fetch me him then , and let the Sophy of Persia come and christen him a childe .

Boy .

Beleeue me sir , that will not doe so well , 't is stale , it has beene had before at the red Bull .

Wife .

George let Rafe trauell ouer great hils , & let him be very weary , and come to the King of Cracouia's house , couered with veluet , and there let the Kings daughter stand in her window all in beaten gold , combing her golden locks with a combe of Iuory , and let her spy Rafe , and fall in loue with him , and come downe to him , and carry him into her fathers house , and then let Rafe talke with her .

Cit.

Well said Nell , it shal be so : boy let 's ha 't done quickly .

Boy .

Sir , if you will imagine all this to be done already , you shall heare them talke together : but wee cannot present a house couered with blacke veluet , and a Lady in beaten gold .

Cit.

Sir boy , le ts ha 't as you can then .

Boy .

Besides it will shew ill-fauouredly to haue'a Grocers prentice to court a kings daughter .

Cit.

Will it so sir ? you are well read in Histories : I pray you what was sir Dagonet ? was not he prentice to a Grocer in London ? read the play of the Foure Prentices of London , where they tosse their pikes so : I pray you fetch him in sir , fetch him in .

Boy .

It shall be done , it is not our fault gentlemen .

Exit . Wife .

Now we shall see fine doings I warrant tee George . O here they come ; how pretily the king of Cracuioa's daughter is drest .

Enter Rafe and the Lady , Squire and dwarfe . Cit.

I Nell , it is the fashion of that country , I warrant tee .

Lady . Welcome sir Knight vnto my fathers Court . King of Moldauia , vnto me Pompiona His daughter deere : but sure you do not like Your entertainment , that will stay with vs No longer but a night . Rafe . Damsell right faire , I am on many sad aduentures bound , That call me forth into the wildernesse : Besides , my horses backe is something gal'd , Which will inforce me ride a sober pace . But many thankes ( faire Lady ) be to you , For vsing errant Knight with curtesie . Lady . But say ( braue knight ) what is your name & birth ? Rafe . My name is Rafe , I am an English man , As true as steele , a hearty Englishman , And prentice to a Grocer in the strond , By deed Indent , of which I haue one part : But Fortune calling me to follow Armes , On me this holy order I did take , Of Burning pestle , which in all mens eyes , I beare , confounding Ladies enemies . Lady . Oft haue I heard of your braue country-men , And fertill soyle , and store of holesome food : My Father oft will tell me of a drinke In England found , and Nipitato cal'd . Which driueth all the sorrow from your hearts . Rafe . Lady 't is true , you need not lay your lips To better Nipitato then there is . Lady . And of a wild-fowle he will often speake , Which poudred beefe and mustard called is : For there haue beene great warres 'twixt vs and you , But truly Rafe , it was not long of me . Tell me then Rafe , could you contented be , To weare a Ladies fauour in your shield ? Rafe . I am a knight of religious order , And will not weare a fauour of a Ladies That trusts in Antichrist , and false traditions . Cit. Well sayd Rafe , conuert her if thou canst . Rafe . Besides , I haue a Lady of my owne In merry England , for whose vertuous sake I tooke these Armes , and Susan is her name , A Coblers maid in Milke-street , whom I vow Nere to forsake , whilst life and Pestle last . Lady . Happy that Cobling dame , who ere she be , That for her owne ( deere Rafe ) hath gotten thee . Vnhappy I , that nere shall see the day To see thee more , that bearst my heart away . Rafe . Lady fare-well , I needs must take my leaue . Lady . Hard-harted Rafe , that Ladies dost deceiue . Cit.

Harke thee Rafe , there 's money for thee ; giue something in the King of Cracouia's house , be not beholding to him .

Rafe . Lady before I go , I must remember Your fathers Officers , who truth to tell , Haue beene about me very diligent . Hold vp thy snowy hand thou princely maid , There 's twelue pence for your fathers Chamberlaine , And another shilling for his Cooke , For by my troth the Goose was rosted well . And twelue-pence for your fathers horse-keeper , For nointing my horse backe ; and for his butter There is another shilling . To the maid That wash't my boot-hose , there 's an English groat ; And two pence to the boy that wip't my boots : And last , faire Lady , there is for your selfe Three pence to buy you pins at Bumbo faire . Lady . Full many thankes , and I will keepe them safe Till all the heads be off , for thy sake Rafe . Rafe . Aduance my Squire and Dwarfe , I cannot stay . Lady . Thou kilst my heart in parting thus away . Exeūt . Wife .

I commend Rafe yet that hee will not stoope to a Craconian , there 's properer women in London then any are there I-wis . But heere comes Maister Humphrey and his loue againe now George .

Cit.

I cony , peace .

Enter Marchant , Humphrey , Luce and a Boy . March. Go get you vp , I will not be intreated . And gossip mine , I l'e keepe you sure hereafter From gadding out againe with boyes and vnthrifts , Come , they are womens teares , I know your fashion . Go sirrah , locke her in , and keepe the key , Exit Luce & Boy . Safe as you loue your life . Now my sonne Humfrey , You may both rest assured of my loue In this , and reape your owne desire . Hum. I see this loue you speake of , through your daughter , Although the hole be little ; and hereafter Will yeeld the like in all I may , or can , Fitting a Christian , and a gentleman . March. I do beleeue you ( my good sonne ) and thanke you : For 't were an impudence to thinke you flattered . Humph. It were indeed , but shall I tell you why , I haue beene beaten twice about the lye . March. Well son , no more of complement , my daughter Is yours againe ; appoint the time , and take her , We 'le haue no stealing for it , I my selfe And some few of our friends will see you married . Hum. I would you would i'faith , for be it knowne I euer was afraid to lie alone . March. Some three daies hence then . Hum. Three daies , let me see , 'T is some-what of the most , yet I agree , Because I meane against the appointed day , To visite all my friends in new array . Enter seruant . Ser.

Sir , there 's a Gentlewoman without would speake with your Worship .

Merch.

What is shee ?

Seru.

Sir I askt her not .

Merch.

Bid her come in .

Enter mistresse Merry-thought and Michael . Mist. mer.

Peace be to your Worship , I come as a poore Suter to you sir , in the behalfe of this child .

Merch.

Are you not wife to Merrie-thought ?

Mist. mer.

Yes truely , would I had nere seene his eles , ha has vndone me and himselfe and his children , & there he liues at home & sings , & hoights , & Reuels among his drunken cōpanions , but , I warrant you , where to get a peny to put bread in his mouth , he knowes not : and therefore if it like your Worship , I would entreate your letter , to the honest Host of the Bel in VValtham , that I may place my child vnder the protection of his Tapster , in some setled course of life .

Merch. I 'me glad the heauens haue heard my prayers : thy husband VVhen I was ripe in sorrows laught at me , Thy sonne like an vnthankefull wretch , I hauing Redeem'd him from his fall and made him mine , To shew his loue againe , first stole my daughter , Then wrong'd this Gentleman , and last of all , Gaue me that griefe , had almost brought me downe Vnto my graue , had not a stronger hand Releiu'd my sorrowes , go , and weepe , as I did And be vnpittied , for I heere professe An euerlasting hate to all thy name . Mist. mer.

VVill you so sir , how say you by that ? come Micke , let him keepe his winde to coole his Porrage , we 'le go to thy Nurces mick , shee knits silke stockings boy , and we 'le knit too boy , and bee beholding to none of them all .

Exeunt Michael and mother . Enter a boy with a letter . Boy . Sir , I take it you are the Maister of this house . Merch. How then boy ? Boy . Then to your selfe sir comes this letter . Merch. From whom my pretty Boy ? Boy . From him that was your seruant , but no more Shall that name euer be , for hee is dead , Griefe of your purchas'd anger broke his heart , I saw him die , and from his hand receiu'd This paper , with a charge to bring it hither , Reade it , and satisfie your selfe in all . Letter . March.

Sir , that I haue wronged your loue , I must confesse , in which I haue purchast to my selfe , besides myne owne vndoing , the ill opinion of my friends , let not your anger , good sir , out liue me , but suffer mee to rest in peace with your forgiuenesse ; let my body ( if a dying man may so much preuails with you ) bee brought to your daughter , that shee may truely know my hate flames are now buried , and , withall , receiue a testimony of the zeale I bore her vertue : farewell for euer , and be euer happy . Iasper .

Gods hand is great in this , I do for giue him , Yet I am glad he 's quiet , where I hope He will not bite againe : boy bring the body And let him haue his will , if that be all . Boy . 'T is here without sir . March. So sir , if you please You may conduct it in , I do not feare it . Hump. I 'le be your Vsher boy , for though I say it , He ow'd me something once , and well did pay it . Exeunt . Enter Luce alone . Luce. If there be any punishment inflicted Vpon the miserable , more then yet I feele , Let it together ceaze me , and at once Presse downe my soule , I cannot beare the paine Of these delaying tortures : thou than art The end of all , and the sweete rest of all ; Come , come ô death , bring me to thy peace , And blot out all the memory I nourish Both of my father and my cruell friend . O wretched maide still liuing to be wretched , To be a say to fortune in her changes , And grow to number times and woes together , How happy had I bene , if being borne My graue had bene my cradle ? Enter seruant . Ser. By your leaue Yong Mistresse , here 's a boy hath brought a coffin , What a would say I know not , but your father Charg'd me to giue you notice , here they come . Enter two bearing a Coffin , Iasper in it . Luce. For me I hop't 't is come , and 't is most welcome . Boy . Faire Mistresse let me not adde greater griefe To that great store you haue already ; Iasper That whilst he liu'd was yours , now dead , And here enclos'd , commanded me to bring His body hither , and to craue a teare From those faire eyes , though he deseru'd not pitty , To decke his funerall , for so he bid me Tell her for whom he di'de . Luce. He shall haue many : Good friends depart a little , whilst I take Exeunt Coffin carrier & boy . My leaue of this dead man , that once I lou'd : Hold , yet a little , life and then I giue thee To thy first heauenly being ; O my friend ! Hast thou deceiu'd me thus , and got before me ? I shall not long bee after , but beleeue me , Thou wert too cruell Iasper gainst thy selfe , In punishing the fault , I could haue pardoned , With so vntimely death ; thou didst not wrong me , But euer wer 't most kind , most true , most louing ; And I the most vnkind , most false , most cruell . Didst thou but aske a teare ? I l'e giue thee all , Euen all my eies can powre downe , all my sigh's And all my selfe , before thou goest from me There are but sparing rites : But if thy soule Be yet about this place , and can behold And see what I prepare to decke thee with , It shall go vp , borne on the wings of peace And satisfied : first will I sing thy dirge , Then kisse thy pale lips , and then die my selfe , And fill one Coffin and one graue together . Song . Come you whose loues are dead , And whiles I sing Weepe and wring Euery hand and euery head , Bind with Cipres and sad Ewe , Ribands blacke , and candles blew , For him that was of men most true . Come with heauy mourning , And on his graue Let him haue Sacrifice of sighes and groaning , Let him haue faire flowers enow , White and purple , greene and yellow , For him that was of men most true . Thou sable cloth , sed couer of my ioies I lift thee vp , and thus I meete with death . Iasp. And thus you meete the liuing Luce. Saue me heauen . Ias. Nay do not flie me faire , I am no spirit , Looke better on me , do you know me yet ? Luce.

O thou deere shadow of my friend .

Iasp. Deere substance , I sweare I am no shadow , feele my hand , It is the same it was , I am your Iasper , Your Iasper that 's yet liuing , and yet louing , Pardon my rash attempt , my foolish proofe I put in practise of your constancy , For sooner should my sword haue drunke my bloud , And set my soule at liberty , then drawne The least drop from that body ; for which boldnesse Doome me to any thing : if death I take it And willingly . Luce. This death I 'le giue you for it , So , now I am satisfied : you are no spirit , But my owne truest , truest , truest friend , VVhy doe you come thus to mee . Iasper . First to see you , Then to conuey you hence . Luce. It cannot bee , For I am lockt vp here and watcht at all howers , That 't is impossible for me to scape . Iasp. Nothing more possible , within this coffin Do you conuey your selfe , let me alone , I haue the wits of twenty men about me , Onely I craue the shelter of your Closet A little , and then feare me not ; creepe in That they may presently conuey you hence : Feare nothing deerest loue , I l'e be your second , Lie close , so , all goes well yet ; Boy . Boy . At hand sir . Iasp. Conuey away the Coffin , and be wary . Boy . 'T is done already . Iasp. Now must I go coniure . Exit . Enter Merchant . Merch.

Boy , Boy .

Boy .

Your seruant sir .

March.

Do me this kindnesse Boy , hold here 's a crowne : Before thou bury the body of this fellow , carry it to his old merie father , and salute him from mee , and bid him sing , he hath cause .

Boy .

I will sir .

Merch.

And then bring me word what tune he is in , and haue another crowne : but do it truely .

I haue fitted him a bargaine , now , will vex him . Boy .

God blesse your VVorships health sir .

March.

Fare-well boy .

Exeunt . Enter Maister Merrie-thought . Wife .

Ah old Merry-thought , art thou there againe , let 's here some of thy songs .

Old Mer. Who can sing a merrier noate , Then he that cannot change a groat ?

Not a Denier left , and yet my heart leapes , I do wonder yet , as old as I am , that any man will follow a Trade , or serue , that may sing and laugh , and walke the streetes , my wife and both my sonnes are I know not where , I haue nothing left , nor know I how to come by meate to supper , yet am I merry still ; for I know I shall finde it vpon the Table at sixe a clocke , therefore hang Thought .

I would not be a Scruigman to carry the cloke-bag still , Nor would I be a Fawleconer the greedy Hawkes to fill . But I would be in a good house , & haue a good Maister too . But I would eat & drink of the best , & no work would I do .

This is it that keepes life and soule together , mirth , this is the Philosophers stone that they write so much on , that keepes a man euer yong .

Enter a Boy . Boy .

Sir , they say they know all your mony is gone , and they will trust you for no more drinke .

Old mer.

Will they not ? let am choose , the best is I haue mirth at home , and neede not send abroad for that , let them keepe their drinke to themselues .

For Iillian of Berry shee dwels on a Hill , And shee hath good Beere and Ale to sell . And of good fellowes she thinks no ill , And thether will we go now , now , now , now , and thether Will wee go now . And when you haue made a little stay , You need not aske what is to pay , But kisse your Hostesse and go your way , And thither , &c. Enter another Boy . 2. Boy .

Sir , I can get no bread for supper .

Old mer.

Hang bread and supper , let 's preserue our mirth , and we shall neuer feele hunger , I 'le warrant you , let 's haue a Càtch , boy follow me , come sing this Catch .

Ho , ho , no body at home , meate , nor drinke , nor money ha wee none , fill the pot Eedy , neuer more need I .

Old mer.

So boies enough , follow mee , let 's change our place and we shall laugh afresh .

Exeunt . Wife .

Let him goe George , a shall not haue any countenance from vs , nor a good word from any i' th' Company , if I may strike stroke in 't .

Cit.

No more a shannot loue ; but Nel I will haue Raph doe a very notable matter now , to the eternall honour and glory of all Grocers , sirrah you there boy , can none of you heare ?

Boy .

Sir , your pleasure .

Cit.

Let Raph come out on May-day in the morning and speake vpon a Conduit with all his Scarfes about him , and his fethers and his rings and his knacks .

Boy .

Why sir you do not thinke of our plot , what will become of that then ?

Cit.

Why sir , I care not what become on 't , I 'le haue him come out , or I 'le fetch him out my selfe , I 'le haue something done in honor of the Citty , besides , he hath bene long enough vpon Aduentures , bring him out quickely , or if I come in amongst you —

Boy .

Well sir hee shall come out , but if our play miscarry , sir you are like to pay for 't .

Exit Boy . Cit.

Bring him away then .

Wife .

This will be braue i'faith , George shall not he dance the morrice too for the credit of the Strand .

Cittiz.

No sweete heart it will bee too much for the boy , ô there he is Nel , hee 's reasonable well in reparell , but hee has not rings enough .

Enter Raph. Raph. London , to thee I do present the merry Month of May Let each true Subiect be content to heare me what I say : For from the top of Conduit head , as plainely may appeare , I will both tell my name to you and wherefore I came heere . My name is Raph , by due discent , though not ignoble I , Yet far inferior to the Flocke of gratious Grocery . And by the Common-councell , of my fellowes in the Strand , With guilded Staffe , and crossed Skarfe , the May-lord here I stand . Reioyce , ô English hearts , reioyce , reioyce ô Louers deere , Reioyce ô Citty , Towne , and Country , reioyce eke euery Shire ; For now the fragrant Flowers do spring and sprout in seemely sort , The little Birds do sit and sing , the Lambes do make fine sport . And now the Burchin Tree doth bud that maks the Schoole boy cry The Morrice rings while Hobby-horse doth foote it feateously : The Lords and Ladies now abroad for their disport and play , Do kisse sometimes vpon the Grasse , and sometimes in the Hey . Now Butter with a leafe of Sage is good to Purge the bloud , Fly Venus and Phlebotomy for they are neither good . Now little fish on tender stone , beginne to cast their bellies , And sluggish snails , that erst were mute , do creep out of their shells The rumbling Riuers now do warme for little boies to padle , The sturdy Steede , now goes to grasse , and vp they hang his saddle . The heauy Hart , the bellowing Bucke , the Rascal and the Pricket , Are now among the Yeomans Pease , and leaue the fearefull thicket . And be like them , ô you , I say , of this same noble Towne , And lift aloft your veluet heads , and slipping of your gowne : With bels on legs , and napkins cleane vnto your shoulders tide , With Scarfes & Garters as you please , & Hey for our Town cri'd March out and shew your willing minds by twenty and by twenty , To Hogsdon or to Newington , where Ale and Cakes are plenty : And let it nere be said , for shame , that we the youths of London , Lay thrumming of our Caps at home , and left our custome vndone . Vp then , I say , both yong and old , both man and maide a Maying With Drums and Guns that bounce alowd , & mery Taber playing . VVhich to prolong , God saue our King , and send his Country peace And roote out Treason from the Land , and so , my friends I cease . Finis Act. 4.

Actus 5. Scoena prima . Enter Marchant , solus . March.

I will haue no great store of company at the wedding , a cupple of neighbours and their wiues , and wee will haue a Capon in stewed broth , with marrow , and a good peece of beefe , stucke with rose-mary .

Enter Iasper , his face mealed . Iasp. Forbeare thy paines fond man , it is too late . March. Heauen blesse me : Iasper ? Iasp. I , I am his Ghost Whom thou hast iniur'd for his constant loue : Fond worldly wretch , who dost not vnderstand In death that true hearts cannot parted be . First know thy daughter is quite borne away , On wings of Angels , through the liquid aire , To farre out of thy reach , and neuer more Shalt thou behold her face : But shee and I Will in another world enioy our loues , Where neither fathers anger , pouertie , Nor any crosse that troubles earthly men Shall make vs seuer our vnited hearts . And neuer shalt thou sit , or be alone In any place , but I will visit thee With gastly lookes , and put into thy minde The great offences wich thou didst to me . When thou art at thy Table with thy friends Merry in heart , aud fild with swelling wine , I l'e come in midst of all thy pride and mirth , Inuisible to all men but thy selfe , And whisper such a sad tale in thine eare , Shall make thee let the Cuppe fall from thy hand , And stand as mute and pale as Death it selfe . March. Forgiue me Iasper ; Oh! what might I doe ? Tell me , to satisfie thy trobled Ghost ? Iasp. There is no meanes , too late thou thinkst of this . March. But tell me what were best for me to doe ? Iasp. Repent thy deede , and satisfie my father , And beat fond Humphrey out of thy dores , Exit Iasper . Enter Humphrey . Wife . Looke George , his very Ghost would haue folkes beaten . Humph. Father , my bride is gone , faire mistresse Luce , My soule 's the fount of vengeance , mischiefes sluce . March. Hence foole out of my sight , with thy fond passion Thou hast vndone me . Humph. Hold my father deere , For Luce thy daughters sake , that had no peere . Mar. Thy father foole ? there 's some blows more , begone . Iasper , I hope thy Ghost bee well appeased , To see thy will performd , now will I go To satisfie thy father for thy wrongs . Exit . Humph. What shall I doe ? I haue beene beaten twice , And mistresse Luce is gone ? helpe me deuice : Since my true-loue is gone , I neuer more , Whilst I do liue , vpon the sky will pore ; But in the darke will weare out my shooe-soles In passion , in Saint Faiths Church vnder Paules . Exit . Wife .

George call Rafe hither , if you loue me call Rafe hither , I haue the brauest thing for him to do George ; pre'thee call him quickly .

Cit.

Rafe , Why Rafe boy .

Enter Rafe . Rafe .

Heere sir .

Cit.

Come hither Rafe , come to thy mistresse boy .

Wife .

Rafe I would haue thee call all the youthes together in battle-ray , with drums , and guns , and flags , and march to Mile end in pompous fashion , and there exhort your Souldiers to be merry and wise , and to keepe their beards from burning Rafe , and then skirmish , and let your flagges flye , and cry kill , kill , kill : my husband shall lend you his Ierkin Rafe , and there 's a scarfe ; for the rest , the house shall furnish you , and wee 'l pay for 't : doe it brauely Rafe , and thinke before whom you performe , and what person you represent .

Rafe .

I warrant you mistresse if I do it not for the honour of the Citty , and the credit of my maister , let me neuer hope for freedome .

Wife .

'T is well spoken I faith ; go thy wayes , thou art a sparke indeed .

Cit.

Rafe , Rafe , double your files brauely Rafe .

Rafe .

I warrant you sir .

Exit Rafe . Cit.

Let him looke narrowly to his seruice , I shall take him else , I was there my selfe a pike-man once in the hottest of the day , wench ; had my feather shot sheere away , the fringe of my pike burnt off with powder , my pate broken with a scouring-sticke , and yet I thanke God I am heere .

Drum within . Wife .

Harke George the drums .

Cit.

Ran , tan , tan , tan ; ran , tan : O wench an thou hadst but seene little Ned of Algate , drum Ned , how hee made it rore againe , and layd on like a tyrant : and then stroke softly till the ward came vp , and then thundred againe , and together we go : sa , sa , sa , bounce quoth the guns : courage my hearts , quoth the Captaines : Saint George , quoth the pikemen ; and withall here they lay , and there they lay : And yet for all this I am heere wench .

Wife .

Be thankfull for it George , for indeed 't is wonderfull .

Enter Rafe and his company with Drummes and colours . Rafe .

March faire my hearts , Lieuetenant beate the reare vp : Ancient , let your colours flye ; but haue a great care of the Butchers hookes at white-Chappell , they haue beene the death of many a faire Ancient . Open your files that I may take a view both of your persons and munition : Sergeant call a muster .

Serg.

A stand , William Hamerton peuterer .

Ham.

Here Captaine .

Rafe .

A Corslet , and a spanish pike ; 't is well , can you shake it with a terror ?

Ham.

I hope so Captaine .

Rafe .

Charge vpon me , 't is with the weakest : put more strength William Hammerton , more strength : as you were againe . Proceed Sergeant .

Serge.

George Greene-goose , Poulterer ?

Greene .

Heere .

Rafe .

Let me see your peece neighbour Greene-goose , when was she shot in ?

Greene .

And like you maister Captaine , I made a shot euen now , partly to scoure her , and partly for audacity .

Rafe .

It should seeme so certainely , for her breath is yet inflamed : besides , there is a maine fault in the touch-hole , it runnes , and stinketh ; and I tell you moreouer , and beleeue it : Ten such touch-holes would breed the pox in the Army . Get you a feather , neighbour , get you a feather , sweet oyle , and paper , and your peece may do well enough yet . Where 's your powder ?

Greene .

Heere .

Rafe .

What in a paper ? As I am a Souldier , and Gentleman , it craues a Martiall Court : you ought to dye for 't . Where 's your horne ? answere me to that .

Greene .

An 't like you sir , I was obliuious .

Rafe .

It likes me not you should bee so ; 't is a shame for you , and a scandall to all our neighbours , beeing a man of worth and estimation , to leaue your horne behinde you : I am afraid 't will breed example . But let me tell you no more on 't ; stand , till I view you all . What 's become o' th nose of your flaske ?

1. Souldier .

Indeed law Captaine , 't was blowne away with powder .

Rafe .

Put on a new one at the Cities charge . Where 's the stone of this peece ?

2. Souldier .

The Drummer tooke it out to light Tobacco .

Rafe .

'T is a fault my friend , put it in againe : You want a Nose , and you a Stone ; Sergeant , take a note on 't , for I meane to stoppe it in the pay . Remoue and march , soft and faire Gentlemen , soft and faire : double your files , as you were , faces about . Now you with the sodden face , keepe in there : looke to your match sirrah , it will be in your fellowes flaske anone . So , make a crescent now , aduance your pikes , stand and giue eare . Gentlemen , Countrey-men , Friends , and my fellow-Souldiers , I haue brought you this day from the Shops of Security , and the Counters of Content , to measure out in these furious fields , Honour by the ell ; and prowesse by the pound : Let it not , ô let it not , I say , bee told hereafter , the noble issue of this Citie fainted : but beare your selues in this faire action , like men , valiant men , and freemen ; Feare not the face of the enemy , nor the noise of the guns : for beleeue me brethren , the rude rumbling of a Brewers Carre is farre more terrible , of which you haue a daily experience : Neither let the stinke of powder offend you , since a more valiant stinke is nightly with you . To a resolued minde , his home is euery where : I speake not this to take away the hope of your returne ; for you shall see ( I do not doubt it ) and that very shortly , your louing wiues againe , and your sweet children , whose care doth beare you company in baskets . Remember then whose cause you haue in hand , and like a sort of true-borne Scauingers , scoure me this famous Realme of enemies . I haue no more to say but this : Stand to your tacklings lads , and shew to the world you can as well brandish a sword , as shake an apron . Saint George and on my hearts .

Omnes . St. George , St. George . Exeunt Wife .

'T was well done Rafe , I l'e send thee a cold Capon a field , and a bottle of March-beere ; and it may be , come my selfe to see thee .

Cit.

Nell , the boy has deceiued me much , I did not thinke it had beene in him : he has performed such a matter wench , that if I liue , next yeare I l'e haue him Captaine of the Gally-foist , or I l'e want my will .

Enter old Merri-thought . Old mer.

Yet I thanke God , I breake not a rinkle more then I had , not a stoope boyce : Care liue with Cats , I defie thee , my heart is as sound as an Oke ; and though I want drinke to wet my whistle , I can sing : Come no more there boyes , come no more there : For we shall neuer whilst we liue , come any more there .

Enter a boy with a Coffin . Boy .

God saue you sir .

Oldmer.

It 's a braue boy : canst thou sing ?

Boy .

Yes sir , I can sing , but 't is not so necessary at this time .

Old merri.

Sing wee , and chaunt it , whilst loue doth grant it .

Boy .

Sir , sir , if you knew what I haue brought you , you would haue little list to sing .

Old mer. O the Mimon round , full long long I haue thee sought , And now I haue thee found , & what hast thou here brought ? Boy . A Coffin sir , and your dead son Iasper in it . Old mer. Dead ? why fare-well he : Thou wast a bonny boy , and I did loue thee . Enter Iasper . Iasp. Then I pray you sir do so still . Old mer. Iaspers ghost ? thou art welcome from Stygian lake so soone , Declare to mee what wondrous things in Pluto's court are done . Ias. By my troth sir , I nere came there , t is too hot for me sir . Old mer. A merry ghost , a very merry ghost . And where is your true-loue ? ô where is yours ? Ias. Marie looke you sir . Heaues vp the Coffin . Old mer. Ah ha ! Art thou good at that I faith ? With hey trixie terlery-whiskin , the world it runnes on wheeles , When the yong mans — vp goes the maidens heeles . Mistresse Merri-thought , and Michael within . Mist. mer.

What Mr. Merri-thought , will you not let 's in ? what do you thinke shall become of vs ?

Old mer.

What voyce is that that calleth at our doore ?

Mist. mer.

You know me well enough , I am sure I haue not beene such a stranger to you .

Old mer.

And some they whistled , and some they sung , Hey downe , downe : and some did lowdly say , euer as the Lord Barnets horne blew , away Musgraue , away .

Mist. mer.

You will not haue vs starue here , will you Mr. Merri-thought ?

Iasp.

Nay good sir be perswaded , she is my mother : if her offences haue beene great against you , let your owne loue remember she is yours , and so forgiue her .

Luce

Good Mr. Merri-thought let mee entreat you , I will not be denied .

Mist. mer.

Why Mr. Merri-thought , will you be a vext thing still ?

Old. mer.

Woman I take you to my loue againe , but you shall sing before you enter : therefore dispatch your song , and so come in .

Mist. mer. Well , you must haue your will when al 's done . Micke what song canst thou sing boy ? Mich.

I can sing none forsooth , but a Ladies daughter of Paris properly .

Mist. mer.

Song . It was , a Ladies daaghter , &c.

Old. mer. Come , you 'r welcome home againe . If such danger be in playing , and iest must to earnest turne , You shall go no more a Maying . March. within . Are you within sir , Maister Merri-thought ? Iasp.

It is my maisters voyce , good sir go hold him in talke whilst we conuey our selues into some inward roome .

Old mer.

What are you ? are you merry ? you must bee very merry if you enter .

March.

I am sir .

Old mer.

Sing then .

March.

Nay good sir open to me .

Old mer.

Sing , I say , or by the merry heart you come not in .

March. Well sir , I l'e sing . Fortune my Fee , &c. Old mer.

You are welcome sir , you are welcome , you see your entertainment , pray you bee merry .

March. O Mr. Merri-thought , I am come to aske you Forgiuenesse for the wrongs I offered you , And your most vertuous sonne , they 're infinite , Yet my contrition shall be more then they . I do confesse my hardnesse broke his heart , For which , iust heauen hath giuen me punishment More then my age can carry , his wandring spirit Not yet at rest , pursues me euery where , Crying , I 'le haunt thee for thy cruelty . My daughter she is gone , I know not how , Taken inuisible , and whether liuing , Or in graue , 't is yet vncertaine to me . O Maister Merry-thought , these are the weights , Will sinke me to my graue , forgiue me sir . Old mer. Why sir , I do forgiue you , and be merry , And if the wag , in 's life time , plaid the knaue , Can you forgiue him too ? Merch. With all my heart sir . Old mer. Speake it againe , and hartely . Merch. I do sir , Now by my soule I do . Old mer. With that came out his Paramoure , Shee was as white as the Lillie flower , Hey troule trollie lollie . Enter Luce and Iasper . With that came out her owne deere Knight , He was as true as euer did fight . &c.

Sir , if you will forgiue ham , clap their hands together , there 's no more to be sad i' th' matter .

Merch.

I do , I do .

Cit.

I do not like this , peace boies , heare me one of you , euery bodies part is come to an end but Raphes , and hee 's left out .

Boy .

'T is long of your selfe sir , wee haue nothing to doe with his part .

Cit.

Raph come away , make on him as you haue done of the rest , boies come .

VVife .

Now good husband let him come out and die .

Cit.

He shall Nel , Raph come away quickely and die boy .

Boy .

'T will be very vnfit he should die sir , vpon no occasion , and in a Comedy too .

Cit.

Take you no care of that sir boy , is not his part at an end , thinke you , when he 's dead ? come away Raph .

Enter Raph , with a forked arrow through his head . Raph. When I was mortall , this my costiue corps Did lap vp Figs and Raisons in the Strand , Where sitting I espi'd a louely Dame , Whose Maister wrought with Lingell and with All , And vnder ground he vampied many a boote , Straight did her loue pricke forth me , tender sprig To follow feats of Armes in warlike wise , Through VValtham Desert , where I did performe Many atchieuements , and did lay on ground Huge Barbaroso that insulting Giant , And all his Captiues soone set at liberty . Then honour prickt me from my natiue soile , Into Meldauia , where I gain'd the loue Of Pompiana his beloued daughter : But yet prou'd constant to the blacke thum'd maide Susan , and skorn'd Pompianaes loue : Yet liberall I was and gaue her pinnes , And money for her fathers Officers . I then returned home , and thrust my selfe In action , and by all men chosen was Lord of the May , where I did flourish it , With Skarfes and Rings , and Posie in my hand , After this action , I preferred was , And chosen Citty Captaine at Mile-end , With hat and feather and with leading staffe , And train'd my men and brought them all off cleere , Saue one man that berai'd him with the noise . But all these things I Raph did vndertake , Onely for my beloued Susans sake . Then comming home , and sitting in my Shop With Apron blew , death came vnto my Stall To cheapen Aqua-vitae , but ere I Could take the bottle downe , and fill a taste , Death caught a pound of Pepper in his hand , And sprinkled all my face and body ore , And in an instant vanished away . Cit. 'T is a pretty fiction i'faith . Raph. Then tooke I vp my Bow and Shaft in hand , And walkt into Moore-fields to coole my selfe , But there grim cruell death met me againe , And shot this forked arrow through my head , And now I faint , therefore be warn'd by me , My fellowes euery one of forked heads . Fare-well all you good boies in merry London , Nere shall we more vpon Shroue-tuesday meete And plucke downe houses of iniquitie . My paine increaseth , I shall neuer more Hold open , whilst another pumpes both legs , Nor daube a Satten gowne with rotten egs : Set vp a stake , ô neuer more I shall , I die , flie , flie my soule to Grocers Hall . oh , oh , oh , &c. Wife .

Well said Raph , doe your obeysance to the Gentlemen and go your waies , well said Raph .

Exit Raph. Old mer.

Me thinkes all we , thus kindly and vnexpectedly reconciled should not depart without a song .

Merch.

A good motion .

Old mer.

Strike vp then .

Song . Better Musicke nere was knowne , Then a quire of hearts in one . Let each other that hath beene , Troubled with the gall or spleene : Learne of vs to keepe his brow , Smoth and plaine as ours are now . Sing though before the houre of dying He shall rise and then be crying . Hey ho , 't is nought but mirth . That keepes the body from the earth . Exeunt Omnes .

Epilogus . Cittiz.

Come Nel , shall we go , the Plaies done .

VVife .

Nay by my faith George , I haue more manners then so , I 'le speake to these Gentlemen first : I thanke you all Gentlemen , for your patience and countenance to Raph , a poore fatherlesse child , and if I might see you at my house , it should go hard , but I would haue a pottle of wine and a pipe of Tobacco for you , for truely I hope you do like the youth , but I would bee glad to know the truth : I referre it to your owne discretions , whether you will applaud him or no , for I will winke , and whilst you shall do what you will , I thanke you with all my heart , God giue you good night ; come George .

FINIS .

Machine-generated castlist A06252-wife 134 A06252-citizen 118 A06252-marchant 59 A06252-jasper 54 A06252-old_merrithought 53 A06252-humphrey 50 A06252-luce 49 A06252-ralph 45 A06252-mrs_merrithought 43 A06252-boy 35 A06252-rafe 32 A06252-prologue 17 A06252-michael 12 A06252-dwarf 8 A06252-lady 8 A06252-barber 8 A06252-host 7 A06252-tapster 5 A06252-greene 4 A06252-man 4 A06252-squire 4 A06252-sergeant 4 A06252-woman 2 A06252-2_knight 2 A06252-tim 2 A06252-hammerton 2 A06252-2_soldier 1 A06252-servant 1 A06252-george 1 A06252-2_boy 1 A06252-unassigned 1 A06252-1_soldier 1 A06252-1_knight 1

Textual Notes

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A06252-004-b-1580 chlidren , that wee quake againe : wee'l feare our children with him if they bee neuer so vn-ruly , A06252-008-a-2890 Dwarses Trineus snatching their Launces from their Dwarfes , and clasping their Helmets gallopt amaine A06252-008-a-4070 mirrout and griefe said ; all happy Knight , the mirrour of all such as follow Armes , now may I A06252-008-b-0870 Ettins cannot sit at his meate , but the Giants & the elfins will come and snatch it from him , A06252-009-a-2520 your Sir , my Maister sent me , to know whether you are riding ? A06252-009-a-2840 your commanded me to enquire , vpon what aduenture you are bound , whether to relieue some distressed A06252-010-a-2980 thou'come But how wilt thou come by it Charles ? A06252-011-a-3630 turnea'th here's a youth dances : now good youth do a turne ath' toe , sweet heart , I'faith Ile haue A06252-011-b-1230 storietels , and you must winke : for so I say , The storie tels , to morrow before day . A06252-012-b-2510 elseindeed-law would haue Raph , George ; I'le see no more else indeed-law , & I pray you let the youths A06252-014-a-2180 saith you Nel what your man would doe ? by the faith of my bodie wench , for cleane action and A06252-016-a-1630 Lungeis art thou not shrodly hurt ? the soule great Lunge is laid vnmercifully on thee , there's some A06252-017-b-0280 Wa●●●im , I doe not see how hee should get out of Waltham forrest with her yet . A06252-020-a-3230 Gntlewoman to offer man-slaughter vpon the harmelesse Gentlewoman ? A06252-021-b-0870 holdy Cap Raph ? no ; hold your hand sir Knight of the Bel , theres A06252-021-b-0880 our Cap Raph ? no ; hold your hand sir Knight of the Bel , theres your A06252-021-b-1950 Shalwe fellows abrod to cry our Purse & our Casket , Shal we Michael ? A06252-022-a-3350 bings fierce Barbaroso heares , And rushing forth , brings in the errant Knight , And sets him downe A06252-023-a-0700 Mastresse Mistresse Merry-thought if it please you to refraine A06252-023-a-0940 shalthink haue dispatch the Giant out of the way we shal think our selues much bound to you , I thank A06252-032-a-1730 Hawlkes , Nor would I be a Fawleconer the greedy Hawkes to fill . But I would be in a good house A06252-032-b-3180 bebraue This will be braue i'faith , George shall not he dance A06252-033-a-2450 shelies that erst were mute , do creep out of their shells The rumbling Riuers now do warme for little A06252-037-a-1570 Withall With all my heart sir . A06252-038-b-0480 countenane you all Gentlemen , for your patience and countenance to Raph , a poore fatherlesse child , and