Wit withovt money a comedie, as it hath been presented with good applause at the private house in Drury Lane, by Her Majesties servants / written by [brace] Francis Beamount [sic] and John Flecher ...

WIT WITHOVT MONEY . A COMEDIE , As it hath been Presented with good Applause at the private house in Drury Lane , by Her Hajesties Servants .

Written by Francis Beamount and John Flecher Gent.

The second Impression Corrected .

LONDON , Printed for Andrew Crooke , at the Green Dragon in St. Pauls - Church-Yard , 1661.

The Actors names . VAlentine , a Gallant that will no be perswaded to keep his estate . Francisco , his younger brother . Master Lovegood their Vncle. A Merchant , friend to Master Lovegood . Fountain , Bellamore , Hairbraine , companions of Valentine , and sutors to the Widdow . Lance a Faulkner , and an ancient servant to Valentines Father . Shorthose the Clown , and servant to the Widdow . Roger Ralph , and Humphery , three servants to the Widdow . Three Servants . Musitians . Lady Hartwell a Widdow . Isabel her Sister . Luce a waiting Genlewoman to the Widdow .

VVIT WITHOUT MONEY . Actus 1. Scaena . 1. Enter Vncle and Merchant . Merchant ,

WHen saw you Valentine ?

Vncle

Not since the Horsrace , he 's taken up with those that wooe the Widdow .

Mer.

How can he live by snatches from such people , he bore a worthy minde .

Vncle. Alas , he 's sunk , his means are gone , he wants , and which is worse , Takes a delight in doing so . Mer.

That 's strange .

Vnc.

Runs Lunaticke , if you but talk of states , he cannot be brouht now he has spent his own , to think there 's inheritance , or means , but all a common riches , all men bound to be his Bailiffes :

Mer.

This is something dangerous .

Vnc.

No Gent. that has estate to use it in keeping house , or followers , for those wayes he cries against , for eating sins , dull surfets , cramming of serving men , mustering of beggars , maintain hospitals for Kites , and curs , grounding their fat faiths upon old Countrey proverbs , God bless the founders ; these he would have ventured into more manly uses . Wit and carriage , and never thinks of state , or means , the ground works : holding it monstrous , men should feed their bodies , and starve their understandings .

Mer.

That 's most certain .

Vnc.

Yes , if he could stay there .

Mer.

Why let him marry , and that way rise again .

Vnc.

It s most impossible , he will not look with any handsomeness upon a woman .

Mer.

Is he so strange to women .

Vnc.

I know not what it is , a foolish glory he he has got , I know not where , to balk those benefits , and and yet he will converse and flatter um , make um , or fair , or foul , rugged , or smooth , as his impression serves , for he affirms , they are only lumps , and undigested peeces , lickt over to a form , by our affections , and then they show ; The lovers let um pass .

Enter Fount . Bella. Hair. Mer.

He might be one , he carries as much promise ; they are wondrous merry .

Vnc.

O their hopes are high sir.

Fount .

Is Valentine come to Town .

Bella.

Last night I heard ,

Fou.

We miss him mounstrously in our directions , for this Widdow , is as stately , and as crafty , and stands I warrant you .

Hair.

Let her stand sure , she falls before us else , come le ts go seek Valentine .

Mer.

This Widdow seems a gallant :

Vnc.

A goodly woman , and to her handsomness she bears her state , reserved , and great Fortune has made her Mistress of a full means , and well she knows to use it .

Mer.

I would Valentine had her .

Vnc.

Ther 's no hope of that Sir.

Mer.

A that condition , he had his morgage in again .

Vnc.

I would he had .

Mer.

Seek means , and see what I le do , howevr let the money be paid in , I never sought a Gentlemans undoing , nor cat the bread of other mens vexations , you told me of another brother :

Vnc.

Yes sir , more miserable then he , for he has eat him , and drunk him up , a handsom Gentleman , and fine Schollar .

Enter three tenants . Mer.

What are these ?

Vnc.

The tenants , they le do what they can ,

Mer.

It is well prepared , be earnest honest friends and loud upon him , he is deaf to his own good .

Lance.

We mean to tell him part of our minds an t pleas you .

Mer.

Doe , and do it home , and in what my care may help , or my perswasions when we meet next .

Vnc.

Do but perswade him fairly ; and for your money , mine , and these mens thanks too , and what we can be able :

Mer.

Y' are most honest , you shall find me no less , and so I leave you , prosper your business my friends .

Exit . Mer. Vnc.

Pray heaven it may sir ;

Lance.

Nay if he will be mad , I le be mad with him , and tell him that I le not spare him , his Father kept good meat , good drink , good fellowes , good Hawks , good Hounds , and bid his neighbours welcome ; kept him too , and supplied his prodigality , yet kept his state still , must we turn Tenants now , after we have lived under the race of Gentry , and maintained good yeomantry , to some of the City , to a great shoulder of Mutton , and a Custard , and have our state turned into Cabbidge Gardens , must it be so :

Vnc.

You must be milder to him .

Lance.

That 's as he makes his game :

Vnc.

Intreat him lovingly , and make him feel :

Lance.

I le pinch him to the bones else .

Valen.

Within . And tell the Gentleman , I le be with him presently , say I want money too , I must not fail boy .

Lance.

You 'l want clothes , I hope .

Enter Valentine . Val.

Bid the young Courtier repair to me anon , I le read to him .

Vac .

He comes , be diligent , but not too rugged , start him , but afright him not .

Val.

Phew , are you there ?

Unc.

We come to see you Nephew , be not angry .

Val.

Why do you dog me tâ��us , with these strange people ? why all the world shall never mâ��ke me rich more , nor master of these troubles .

Tenants .

We beseech you for our poor childrens sake .

Val.

VVho bid you get um : have you not threshing work enough , but children must be bang'd out o th' sheafe too , other men with all their delicates , and healthfull diets , can get but winde eggs : you with a clove of garlick , a piece of cheese , would break a saw ; and sowre milk , can mount like Stallions , and I must maintain these tumblers .

Lance.

You ought to maintain us , we have maintained you , and when you slept provided for you ; who bought the silk you wear , I think our labours ; reckon , you le finde it so : who found your horses perpetuall pots of ale , maintain'd your Taverns , and who extold you in the half crown boxes , where you might sit and muster all the Beauties , we had no hand in these ; no , we are all puppies : Your Tenants base vexations .

Val.

Very well , sir.

Lance.

Had you Land , sir , and honest men to serve your purposes , honest and faithfull , and will you run away from um , betray your self , and your poor tribe to misery ; morgage all us , like old cloaks ; where will you hunt next , you had a thousand acres , fair and open : The Kings Bench is enclosed , there 's no good riding , the Counter is full of thorns and brakes , take heed sir , and bogges , you 'l quickly finde what broth they 're made of .

Val.

Y' are short and pithy .

Lance.

They say y' are a fine Gentleman , & excelient judgement ; they report you have a wit ; keep your self out o th' ram , and take your cloak with you , which by interpretation is your state sir , or I shall think your fame belied you , you have money , and may have means .

Val.

I prethee leave prating , does my good lye within thy braine to further , or my undoing in thy pity : goe , goe , get you home , there whistle to your horses , and let them edifie ; away , sow hempe , to hang your selves withall , what am I to you or you to me ; am I your Landlord , puppies ?

Vnc.

This is uncivil .

Val.

More unmercifull you : to vex me with these bacon broth and puddings , they are the walking shapes of all my sorrowes .

3 Tenants .

Your Fathers VVorship would have used us better .

Val.

My Fathers worship was a fool .

Lanc.

Hey , hey boyes , old Valentine ifaith , the old boy still .

Vnc.

Fie Cosen .

Val.

I meane besotted to his state , he had never left me the misery of so much meanes else , which till I sold , was a meere meagrome to me : If you will talk , turne out these tenants , they are as killing to my nature Uncle , as water to a feaver .

Lance.

VVe will go , but it is like Rams , to come again the stronger , and you shall keep your state :

Val.

Thou lyest , I will not .

Lance.

Sweet sir , thou lyest , thou shalt , and so good morrow .

Exeunt Tenants . Val.

This was my man , and of a noble breeding , now to your businesse Uncle .

Unc.

To your state then .

Val.

T is gone , and I am glad on 't , name it no more , t is that I pray against , and Heaven has heard me , I tell you sir , I am more fearful of it , I mean of thinking of more lands , or livings , than sickly men are travelling a Sundayes , for being quell'd with Carriers , out upon 't , caveat emptor , let the fool out-sweat it , that thinks he has got a catch on 't .

Unc.

This is madnesse to be a wilfull begger .

Val.

I am mad then , and so I mean to be , will that content you ? How bravely now I live , how jocund , how neare the first inheritance , without feares , how free from title-troubles .

Unc.

And from means too .

Val.

Meanes , why all good men's my meanes ; my wit 's my plow , the Town 's my stock , Taverns my standing-house , and all the world knows there 's no want ; all Gentlemen that love society , love me ; all purses that wit and pleasure opens , are my Tennants ; every mans clothes fit me , the next fair lodging , is but my next remove , and when I please to be more eminent , and take the air , a peece , is levied , and a Coach prepared , and I go I care not whether , what need state here .

Vnc.

But say these means were honest , will they last sir.

Val.

Far longer then your jerkin , and wear fairer should I take ought of you , t is true , I beg'd now , or which is worse then that , I stole a kindness , and which is worst of all , I lost my way i' nt , your mindes enclosed nothing lies open nobly , your very thoughts are Hindes that work on nothing but daily sweat , and trouble : were my way so full of dirt as this , t is true I shifted ; are my acquaintance Grasiers : but sir , know no man that I am allied too , in my living , but makes it equal , whether his own use , or my necessity pull first , nor is this forc'd , but the meer quality and poysure of goodness , and do you think I venture nothing equal .

Vnc.

You pose me Cosen .

Val.

What 's my knowledge Vncle , i st not worth money , what 's my understanding , travel , reading , wit , all these digested , my daily making men , some to speak , that too much flegme had frozen up , some that spoke too much , to hold their peace , and put their tongues to pensious , some to wear their cloths , and some to keep um , these are nothing Vncle ; besides these wayes , to teach the way of nature , a manly love , community to all that are deservers , not examining how much , or what 's done for them , t is wicked , and such a one like you , chewes his thoughts doule , making um onely food for his repentance .

Enter two servants . 1. Ser.

This cloak and hat sir , and my Masters love .

Val.

Commend's to thy Master , and take that , and leave um at my lodging .

I shall do it sir.

Val.

I do not think of these things :

2. Ser.

Please you sir , I have gold here for you .

Val.

Give it me , drink that and commend me to thy Master ; look you Vncle , do I beg these :

Vnc.

No sure t is your worth sir.

Val.

T is like enough , but pray satisfie me , are not these wayes as honest as persecuting the starved inheritance , with musty Corne , the very rats were sain to run away from , or selling rotten wood by the pound , like spices , which Gentlemen do after burn by t'h ounces , do not I know your way of seeding beasts , with graines , and windy stuff , to blow up Butchers , your racking Pastures , that have eaten up as many singing Shepherds , and their issues ; as Andeluria breeds ; these are authentique , I tell you sir , I would not change wayes with you , unless it were to sell your state that hour , and if it were possible to spend it then too , for all your Beans in Rumnillo , now you know me .

Vnc.

I would you knew your self , but since you are grown such a strange enemy , to all that fits you , give me leave to make your brothers fortune .

Val.

How ?

Vnc.

From your morgage , which yet you may recover , I le the means .

Val.

Pray save your labour sir , my brother and my self , will run one fortune , and I think what I hold a meer vexation , cannot be safe for him , I love him better , he has wit at will , the world has means , he shall live without this trick of state , we are heirs both , and all the World before us .

Vnc.

My last offer , and then I am gone .

Val.

What i' st , and then I le answer .

Vnc.

What think you of a Wife yet to restore you , and tell me seriously without these trifles .

Val.

And you can finde one , that can please my fancy , you shall not find me stubborn .

Vnc.

Speak your Woman .

Val.

One without eyes , that is self commendations , for when they finde they are handsome , they are unvvholsome , one without eares , not giving time to flatterers , for she that hears her self commended , wavers , and points men out a way to make um wicked ; one without substance of her self , that woman without the pleasure of her life , that 's wanton , though she be young , forgetting it , though fair making her glass the eyes of honest men , not her own admiration , all her ends obedience all her hours new blessings , if there may be such a Woman :

Vuc.

Yes there may be .

Val.

And without state too .

Vnc.

You are disposed to trifle , well , fare you well sir , when you want me next , you 'l seek me out a better sence .

Val.

Fare well Vncle , and as you love your estate , let not me hear on t .

Exit . Vnc. It shall not trouble yo , I le watch him still , And when his friends fall off : then bend his will. Exit . Enter Isabella , and Luce. Luce.

I know the cause of all this sadness now , your fister has ingrost all the brave Lovers .

Isab.

She has wherewithall , much good may 't do her , prethee speak softly , we are open to mens ears :

Luce.

Fear not , we are safe , we may see all that pass , hear all , and make our selves merry with their language , and yet stand undiscovered , be not melancholly , you are as fair as she .

Isab.

Who I , I thank you , I am as haste ordain'd me , a thing slubberd , my sister is a goodly portly Lady , a woman of a presence , she spread sattens , as the Kings ships do canvas , every where she may spare me her misen , and her bonnets , strike her main Patticoate , and yet outsail me , I am a Carvel to her .

Luce.

But a tight one :

Isab.

She is excellent , well built too .

Luce.

And yet shee s old .

Isab.

Shee never saw above one voyage Luce , and credit me after another , her Hull will serve again , a right good Merchant : she plaies , and sings too , dances and discourtes , comes very neer Essays , a pretty Poet , begins to piddle with Phylosophie , a subtil Chimicke Wench , and can extract , the Spirit of mens Estates , she has the light before her , and cannot miss her choice , for me t is reason , I wait my mean fortune .

Luce.

You are so bashfull .

Isab.

It is not at first word up and ride , thou art cosen'd , that would shew mad I faith , besides , we lose the main part of our polliticke government , if we become provokers , then we are fair , and fit for mens imbraces , when like towns , they lie before us ages , yet not carried , hold out their strongest batteries , then compound too without the loss of honour , and march off with our fair wedding : Colours flying , Who are these ?

Enter Franc. and Lance. Luce.

I know not , nor I care not .

Isa.

Prethee peace then , a well built Gentleman .

Luce.

But poorly thatcht .

Lance.

Has he devoured you too ?

Fran.

Has gulp'd me down Lance.

Lance.

Left you no means to study ?

Franc.

Not a farching : dispatcht my poor annuity I thank him , here 's all the hope I have left , one bare ten shillings .

Lan.

You are fit for great mens services .

Fran.

I am fit , but who 'le take me , thus mens miseries are now accounted stains in their natures , I have travelled , and I have studied long , observed all kingdoms , know all the promises of Art and manners , yet that I am not bold , nor cannot flatter , I shall not thrive , all these are but vain Studies , art thou so rich as to get me a lodging Lance ?

Lan.

I le sell the titles of my house else , my Horse , my Hawk , nay's death I le pawn my wife : Oh Mr. Francis , that I should see your Fathers house fall thus .

Isab.

An honest fellow .

Lan.

Your Fathers house , that fed me , that bred up all my ( name .

Isab.

A gratefull fellow .

Lan.

And fall by .

Fran.

Peace , I know you are angry Lance , but I must not hear with whom , he is my brother , and though you hold him slight , my most dear brother : A gentleman excepting some few rubs , he were too excellent to live here else , fraughted as deep with noble and brave parts , the issues of a noble and manly spirit as any he a live , I must not hear you , though I am miserable , and ha made me so , yet still he is my brother , still I love him , and to that tye of blood linke my affections .

Jsab.

A noble nature , dost thou know him Luce ?

Luce.

No Mistress .

Isab.

Thou shouldest ever know such good men , what a fair body and mind , are married ; did he not say he wanted .

Luce.

What 's that to you ?

Isab.

T is true , but t is great pity .

Luce.

How she changes , ten thousand more than he , as handsom men too .

Isab.

T is like enough ; but as I live , this Gentleman among ten thousand thousand , is there no kowing him ; why should he want ? fellowes of no merit , slight and puft solus , that walk like shadowes , by leaving no print of what they are , or poise , let them complain .

Luce.

Her colour changes strangly .

Isab.

This man was made , to mark his wants to waken us , alas poor Gentleman , but will that keep him from cold and hunger , beleeve me he is well bred , and cannot be but of a noble linnage , mark him , mark him well .

Luce.

' Is a handsome man.

Isab.

The sweetness of his suffrance sets him off , O Luce ; but whether go I.

Luce.

You cannot hide it .

Isab.

I would he had what I can spare .

Luce.

T is charitable .

Lance

Come sir , I le see you lodg'd , you have tied my tongue fast , I le steal before you want , t is but a hanging .

Isab.

That 's a good fellow too , an honest fellow , why , this would move a stone , I must needs know ; but that some other time .

Exit Lance , and Frank. Luce

Is the winde there ? that makes for me .

Isab.

Come , I forgot a business .

Actus 2. Scaena 1. Enter Widow and Luce. Wid.

MY sister , and a woman of so base a pity , what was the fellow ?

Luce.

Why an ordinary man , Madam .

Wid.

Poor ?

Luce.

Poor enough , and no man knowes from whence neither .

Wid.

What could she see ?

Luce.

Onely his misery , for else she might behold a hundred handsomer .

Wid.

Did she change much ?

Luce.

Extreamly , when he spoke , and then her pity , like an Orator , I fear her love framed such a commendation , and followed it so far , as made me wonder .

Wid.

Is she so hot , or such a want of lovers , that she must doat upon afflictions : why does she not go romage all the prisons , and there bestow her youth , bewray her wantonnesse , and flie her honour , common both to beggery : did she speak to him ?

Luce.

No , he saw us not , but ever since , she hath been mainly troubled .

Wid.

Was he young ?

Luce.

Yes , young enough .

Wid.

And looked he like a Gentleman ?

Luce.

Like such a Gentleman , that would pawn ten oaths for twelve pence .

Wid.

My sister , and sink basely ; this must not be , does she use means to know him ?

Luce.

Yes Madam , and has employed a Squire called Shorthose .

Wid.

O that 's a precious Knave , keep all this private , but still be neer her lodging ; Luce , what you can gather by any means , let me understand ; I le stop her heat , and turn her charity another way , to blesse her selfe first , be stil close to her counsels ; a begger and a stranger , there 's a blessednesse , I le none of that ; I have a toy yet , sister , shall tell you this is foule , and make you finde it , and for your paines take you the last go wne I wore ; this makes me mad , but I shall force a remedy .

Enter Fountaine , Bellamore , Harebraine , Valentine . Fount .

Sirra , we have so lookt for thee , and long'd for thee ; this widow is the strangest thing , the stateliest , and stands so much upon her excellencies .

Bell.

She hath put us off , this moneth now , for an answer .

Hare .

No man must visit her , nor look upon her , no , not say , Good morrow , nor Good even , till that 's past .

Val.

She has found what dough-you are made of , and so kneads you : are you good at nothing , but these after-games ? I have told you often enough what things they are , what precious things , these widows â�� â��

Hare .

If we had um .

Val.

Why the Devil has not craft enough to wooe um , there be three kinds of fools , mark this note Gentlemen , mark it , and understand it .

Fount .

Well , go forward .

Val.

An Innocent , a Knave fool ; a Fool politick : the last of which are lovers , widow lovers .

Bell.

VVill you allow no Fortune ?

Val.

No such blind one .

Fount .

VVe gave you reasons , why t was needful for us .

Val.

As you are those fools , I did allow those reasons , but as my Schollars and Companions damn'd um : do you know what it is to wooe a widow ? answer me coolely now , and understandingly .

Hare .

VVhy to lie with her , and to enjoy her wealth .

Val.

VVhy there you are fools still , crafty to catch your selves , pure politick fools , I lookt for such an answer ; once more hear me , it is to wed a widow , to be doubted mainly , whether the state you have be yours or no , or those old boots you ride in . Mark me , widowes are long extents in Law upon newes , livings upon their bodies winding-sheets , they that enjoy um , lie but with dead mens monuments , and be get onely their owne ill Epitaphs : Is not this plain now ?

Bell.

Plain spoken .

Val.

And plain truth , but if you 'le needs do things of danger , do but loose your selves , not any part concerns your understandings , for then you are Meacocks , fools , and miserable , march off amain , within an inch of a Fircug , turn me o th' toe like a VVeather-cock , kill every day a Sergeant for a twelve moneth , rob the Exchequer , and burn all the Rolls , and these will make a shew .

Hare .

And these are trifles .

Val.

Considered to a VVidow , empty nothings , for here you venture but your persons , there the varnish of your persons , your discretions ; why t is a monstrous thing to marry at all , especially as now t is made , me thinks a man , an understanding man , is more wise to me , and of a nobler tie , than all these trinkets , what do we get by women , but our senses , which is the rankest part about us satisfied , and when that 's done , what are we ? Crest fallen Cowards . VVhat benefit can children be , but charges and disobedience ? VVhat 's the love they render at one and twenty years ? I pray die father : when they are young , they are like bells rung backwards , nothing but noise and giddinesse ; and come to years once , there drops a son , by th' sword in his Mistresses quarrell , a great joy to his parents : A daughter ripe too , growes high and lusty in her blood , must have a heating , runs away with a supple ham'd Servingman : his twenty Nobles spent , takes to a trade , and learns to spin mens hair off ; there 's another , and most are of this nature , will you marry ?

Fount .

For my part yes , for any doubt I feel yet .

Val.

And this same VVidow ?

Fount .

If I may , and me thinks , however you are pleased to dispute these dangers , such a warm match , and for you , sir , were not hurtfull .

Val.

Not half so killing as for you , for me she cannot with all the Art she has , make me more miserable , or much more fortunate , I have no state left , a benefit that none of you can brag of , and there 's the Antidote against a VVidow , nothing to lose , but that my soul inherits , which she can neither law nor claw away to that , but little flesh , it were too much else ; and that unwholsom too , it were too rich else ; and to all this contempt of what she do's I can laugh at her tears , neglect her angers , hear her without a faith , so pity her as if she were a Traytour , moane her person , but deadly hate her pride ; if you could do these , and had but this discretion , and like fortune , it were but an equal venture .

Fount .

This is malice .

Val.

When she lies with your land , and nor with you , growes great with joyntures , and is brought to bed with all the state you have , you 'le find this certain ; but is it come to passe you must marry , is there no buffe will hold you ?

Bel.

Grant it be so .

Val.

Then chuse the tamer evil , take a maid , a maid not worth a penny ; make her yours , knead her , and mould her yours , a maid worth nothing , there 's a vertuous spell in that word nothing ; a maid makes conscience of half a Crown a week for pies and puppits , a maid will be content with one Coach and two Horses , not falling out because they are not matches ; with one man satisfied , with one rein guided , with one faith , one content , one bed , aged she makes the wise , preserves the same and issue ; a widow is a Christmas-box that sweeps all .

Fount .

Yet all this cannot sink us .

Val.

You are my friends , and all my loving friends , I spend your money , yet I deserve it too , you are my friends still , I ride your horses , when I want I sell um ; I eat your meat , help to wear her linnen , sometimes I make you drunk , and then you seal , for which I le do you this commodity , be ruled , and let me try her , I will discover her , the truth is , I will never leave to trouble her , till I see through her , then if I find her worthy .

Hare .

This was our meaning Valentine .

Val.

'T is done then , I must want nothing .

Hare .

Nothing but the woman .

Vnl.

No jealousie , for when I marry , the Devil must be wiser than I take him ; aud the Flesh foolisher , come let 's to dinner , and when I am well whetted with wine , have at her .

Exeunt . Enter Isabella and Luce. Isab.

But art thou sure .

Luce.

No surer then I heard .

Hare .

That it was that flouting fellowes brother .

Luce. Yes , Shorthose told me so . He did searce out the truth . Lece .

It seems he did .

Har.

Prethe Lu call him hether , if he be no worse , I never repent my pity , now sirra , what was he we sent you after , the Gentleman i th black .

Enter Shorthose . Shrot.

i th torn black .

Isa.

Yes , the same fir .

Short.

What would your Worship with him .

Isa.

Why , my Worship would know his name , and what he is .

Short.

' Is nothing , he is a man , and yet he is no man.

Isa.

You must needs play the fool :

Short.

T is my profession .

Isa.

How is he a man , and no man.

Short.

Hee s a begger , only the signe of a man , the bush puld down , which showes the house stands emptie .

Isa.

What 's his calling ?

Short.

They call him begger :

Isa.

What 's his kindred :

Short.

Beggers .

Isa.

His worth .

Short.

A learned begger , a poor Scholler :

Isab.

How does he live .

Short.

Like wormes , he eats old Books .

Isa.

Is Valentine his brother .

Short.

His beging brother .

Isa.

What may his name be ?

Short.

Orson .

Isa.

Leave your fooling .

Short.

You had as good say , leave your living .

Isab.

Once more tell me his name directly :

Short.

I le be hangd first , unless I heard him Christned , but I can tell what foolish people call him .

Isa.

What ?

Short

Francisco .

Isa.

Where lies this learning , sir ?

Short.

In Pauls Church yard forsooth .

Isa.

I mean that Gentleman , fool .

Short.

O that fool , he lies in loose sheets every where , that 's no where .

Luce.

You have gleand since you came to London , in the Countrey , Shorthose , you were an arrant fool , a dull cold coxcombe , here every Tavern teaches you , the pint pot has so belaboured you with Wit , your brave acquaintance that gives you Ale , so fortified your mazard , that now there 's no talking to you .

Isa.

Is much improved , a fellow , a fine discourser .

Short.

I hope so , I have not waited at the tail of Wit , so long to be an Asse .

Luc.

But say now , Shorthose , my Lady should remove into the Countrey .

Short.

I had as lieve she should remoove to heaven , and as soon I would undertake to follow her .

Luce.

Where no old Charnico is , nor no Anchoves , nor Master such-a-one , to meet at the Rose , and bring my Lady such-a-ones chief Chambermaid .

Isa.

No bouncing healths to this brave Lad , dear Shorthose , nor down o th knees to that illustrious Lady .

Luce.

No fiddles , nor no lusty noise of drawer , carry this pottle to my father , Shorthose .

Isa.

No playes , nor gally foistes , no strange Embassadors to run and wonder at , till thou beest oyle , and then come home again , and lye both Legend .

Luce.

Say she should go .

Short.

If I say , I le be hangd , or if I thought she would go ?

Luce.

What ?

Short.

I would go with her .

Luce.

But Shorthose , where thy heart is :

Isab.

Do not fright him .

Luce.

By this hand Mistris t is a noise , a loud one too , and from her own mouth , presently to be gone too , but why , or to what end ?

Short.

May not a man die first , shee 'l give him so much time .

Isab.

Gon ot'h sudden ; thou dost but jest , she must not mock the Gentlemen .

Luce.

Shee has put them off a moneth , thy dare not see her , beleeve me Mistris , what I hear I tell you .

Isab.

Is this true wench ? gone on so short a warning , what trick is this , she never told me of it , it must not be : sirra , attend me presently , you know I have been a carefull friend unto you , attend me in the Hall , and next be faithful , cry not , we shall not go .

Short.

Her Coach may crack .

Enter Vallentine , Francisco , and Lance. Val.

Which way to live , how darest thou come to town , to ask such an idle question ?

Fran.

Me thinks t is necessary , unless you could restore that Annuitie you have tipled up in Taverns :

Val ,

Where hast thou been , and how brought up Francisco , that thou talkest thus out of France ? thou wert a pretty fellow , and of a hansome knowledge ; who has spoyled thee ?

Lan.

He that has spoil'd himself , to make him sport , and by Copie , will spoil all coms neer him , buy but a Glass , if you be yet so wealthy , and look there who ?

Val.

Well said old Copihold .

Lan.

My hearts good Freehold sir , and so you 'l find it , this Getleman's your brother , your hopeful brother , for there is no hope of you , use him thercafter :

Val.

En'e as well as I use my self , what wouldst thou have Francke .

Fran.

Can you procure me a hundred pound ?

Lan.

Hark what he saies to you , O try your wits , they say you are excellent at it , for your Land has lain long bed-rid , and unsensible .

Fran.

And I le forget all wrongs , you see my state , and to what wretchedness , your will has brought me ; but what it may be , by this benefit , if timely done , and like a noble brother , both you and I may feel , and to our comforts :

Val.

( A hundred pound ) dost thou know what thou hast said boy ?

Fran.

I said a hundred pound .

Val.

Thou hast said more , then any man can justifie beleeve it , procure a hundred pounds . I say to thee , ther 's no such sum in nature , forty shillings there may be now i th Mint and that 's a treasure , I have seen five pound , but let me tell it , and t is as wonderfull , as Calves with five legges , her 's five shillings Francke , the harvest of five weeks , and a good crop too , take it , and pay thy first fruits , I le come down and eat it out .

Fran.

T is patience must meet with you sir , not love .

Lanc.

Deal roundly , and leave these fiddle faddles :

Val.

Leave thy prating , thou thinkest thou art a notable wise fellow , thou and thy rotten Sparrow Hawke ; two of the reverent .

Lan.

I think you are mad , or if you be not , will be , with the next moon , what would you have him do ?

Val.

How ?

Lan.

To get money first , that 's to live , you have shewed him how to want .

Val.

Slife how do I live , why , what dull fool would ask that question , three hundred three pilds more , I and live bravely , the better half o th town , and live most gloriously , ask them what states they have , or what , annuiries , or when they pray for seasonable harvests , thou hast a handsome wit , stir into the World , Francke , stir , stir , for shame , thou art a pretty Schollar , ask how to live , write , write , write any thing , the Worlds a fine beleeving World , write Newes .

Lan.

Dragons in Sussex sir , or fiery battels seen in the air at Aspurg .

Val.

There 's the way Francke , and in the tail of these , fright me the Kingdome with a sharp Prognostication , that shall scowr them , dearth upon dearth , like leven taffaties , predictions of Sea-breaches , wars , and want of herrings on our coast , with bloody noses .

Lan.

Whirl-winds , that shall take off the top of Grantham steeple , and clap it on Poules , and after these , a Lenvoy to the City for their sins .

Val.

Probatum est , thou canst not want a pension , go switch me up a Covey of young Schollars , there 's twenty nobles , and two loads of coals , are not these ready wayes ? Cosmography thou art deeply read in , draw me a map from the Mermaid , I mean a midnight map to scape the VVatches , and such long senslesse examinations , and Gentlemen shall feed thee , right good Gentlemen , I cannot stay long .

Lan.

You have read learnedly , and would you have him follow these megera's , did you begin with ballads ?

Fran.

VVell , I will leave you , I see my wants are grown ridiculous , yours may be so , I will not curse you neither ; you may think , when these wanton fits are over , who bred me , and who ruined me , look to your self sir , a providence I wait on .

Val.

Thou art passionate , hast thou been brought up with girls ?

Enter Shorthose with a bag . Short.

Rest you merry , Gentlemen .

Val.

Not so merry as you suppose , sir.

Short.

Pray stay a while , and let me take a view of you , I may put my spoon into the wrong pottage-pot else .

Val.

VVhy , wilt thou muster us ?

Short.

No , you are not he , you are a thought too handsom .

Lan.

VVho wouldst thou speak withall , why doest thou peep so ?

Short.

I am looking birds nests , I can find none in your bush beard , I would speak with you , black Gentleman .

Fran.

VVith me , my friend ?

Short.

Yes sure , and the best friend sir , it seems you spake withall this twelve-moneth , Gentleman , there 's money for you .

Val.

How ?

Short.

There 's none for you sir , be not so brief , not a penny , law how he itches at it , stand oft , you stir my colour .

Lan.

Take it , t is money .

Short.

You are too quick too , first be sure you have it , you seem to be a Faulkoner , but a foolish one .

Lan.

Take it , and say nothing .

Short.

You are cosen'd too , t is take it , and spend it .

Fran.

From whom came it , sir ?

Short.

Such another word , and you shall have none on 't .

Fran.

I thank you , sir , I doubly thank you .

Short.

Well sir , then buy you better clothes , and get your hat drest , and your Laundress to wash your boots white .

Fran.

Pray stay sir , may you not be mistaken .

Short.

I think I am , give me the money again , come quick , quick , quick .

Fear .

I would be loth to render , till I am sure it be so .

Short.

Hark in your ear , Is not your name Francisco ?

Fran.

Yes .

Short.

Be quiet then , it may thunder a hundred times , before such stones fall : do you not need it ?

Fran.

Yes .

Short.

And t is thought you have it .

Fran.

I think I have .

Short.

Then hold it fast , t is not fly-blown , you may pay for the poundage , you forget your self , I have not seen a Gentleman so backward , a wanting Gentleman .

Fran.

Your mercie , sir.

Short.

Friend , you have mercie , a whole bag full of mercie , be merry with it , and be wise .

Fran.

I would fain , if it please you , but know .

Short.

It does not please me , tell over your money , and be not mad , boy .

Val.

You have no more such bags .

Short.

More such there are , sir , but few I fear for you , I have cast your water , you have wit , you need no money .

Exit . Lan.

Be not amazed , sir , t is good gold , good old gold , this is restorative , and in good time , it comes to do you good , keep it and use it , let honest fingers feel it , yours be too quick sir.

Fran.

He named me , and he gave it me , but from whom .

Lan.

Let um send more , and then examine it , this can be but a preface .

Fran.

Being a stranger , of whom can I deserve this ?

Lan.

Sir , of any man that has but eyes , and manly understanding to find mens wants , good men are bound to do so .

Val.

Now you see , Franke , there are more wayes than certainties , now you beleeve : What plow brought you this harvest , what sale of timber , coals , or what annuities ? These feed no Hinds , nor wait the expectation of quarter dayes , you see it showers into you , you are an asse , he plodding , and lie fooling , about this Blazing Starr , and that bepeep , whyning , and fasting , to finde the naturall reason why a Dog turns twice about befoae he lie down , what use of these , or what joy in annuities , where every man 's thy study , and thy tennant , I am ashamed on thee :

Lan.

Yes I have seen this fellow , there 's a wealthy Widdow hard by .

Val.

Yes marry is there .

Lan.

I think hee s her servant , or I am couzned else , I am sure on t .

Fran.

I am glad on t .

Lan.

She 's a good woman .

Fran.

I am gladder :

Lan.

And young enough beleeve .

Fran.

I am gladder of all sir.

Val.

Francke , you shall lye with me soon .

Fran.

I thank my money :

Lan.

His money shall lie with me , three in a bed sir will be too much this weather . ( things â�� â��

Val.

Meet me at the Mermaid , and thou shalt see what

Lan.

Trust to your self sir.

Exeunt Fran. and Vall. Enter Fount . Bella. and Valentine . Fount .

O Vallentine .

Val.

How now , why do you look so ?

Bella.

The Widdowes going man.

Val.

Why let her go man.

Hare .

Shee s going out o th Town .

Val.

The Town 's the happier , I would they were all gone .

Fount .

We cannot come to speak with her .

Val.

Not to speak to her .

Bel.

She will be gone within this hour , either now Val.

Fount .

Hare . Now , now , now , good Val.

Val.

I had rather march i th' mouth o th' Cannon , but adiew , if she be above ground , go , away to your prayers , away I say , away , she shall be spoken withall .

Exeunt . Enter Shorthose with one boot on , Roger and Humphey . Rog.

She will go , Shorthose .

Short. Who can help it Roger ? Within Raph.

Roger , help down with the hangings .

Rog.

By and by Raph , I am making up o th' trunks here .

Raph.

Shorthose .

Short.

VVell .

Raph.

VVho looks to my Ladies wardrobe ? Humphrey .

Hum.

Here.

Raph.

Down with the boxes in the gallery , and bring away the Coach cushions .

Short.

Will it not rain , no conjuring abroad , nor no devices to stop this journey .

Rog.

Why go now , why now , why oth sudden , now what preparation , what horses have we ready , what provision laid in it'n Countrey .

Hum.

Not an egge I hope .

Rog.

No nor one drop of good drink boyes , ther 's the devil .

Short.

I hartily pray the malt be musty , and then we must come

Hum.

What sais the Steward ? ( up again .

Rog.

Hee 's at 's wits end , for som four hours since , out of his haste and providence , he mistook the Millars mangie mare , for his own nagge .

Short.

And she may break his neck , and save the journey , oh London how I love thee .

Hum.

I have no boots nor none I le buy ( or if I had ) refuse me if I would venture my ability , before a Cloak-Bag , men are men

Short.

For my part , if I be brought , as I know it will be aimed at , to carry any durty dary Cream-pot , or any gentle Lady of the Laundry , Chambring , or wantonness behinde my Gelding , with all her Streamers , Knapsacks , Glasses , Gugawes , as if I were a running flippery , I le give um leave to cut my girts , and flay me . I le not , be troubled with their Dislibations , at every half miles end , I understand my self , and am resolved .

Hum.

To morrow night at Olivers , who shall be there boys , who shall meet the wenches .

Rog.

The well brew'd stand of Ale , we should have met at .

Short.

These griefs like to another Tale of Troy , would mollisie the hearts of barbarous people , and Tom Butcher weep , Eneas enters , and now the towns lost .

Ral.

Why whether run you , my Lady is mad .

Short.

I would she were in Bedlam .

Ral.

The carts are come , no hands to help to load um the stuff lies in the hall , the plate :

Within Widdow .

Why knaves there , where be these idle fellowes

Short.

Shall I ride with one Boot .

Wid.

Why where I say :

Rnl.

Away , away , it must be so .

Short.

O for a tickling storm , to last but ten dayes .

Exeunt .

Actus 3. Scaena . 1. Enter Isabella and Luce. Luce.

BY my troth Mistris I did it for the best :

Isab.

It may be so , but Luce , you have a tongue : a dish of meat in your mouth , which if it were minced Luce , would do a great deal better .

Luce.

I protest Mistress .

Isa. It will be your own one time or other : Walter . Walter within :

Anon forsooth .

Isa.

Lay my hat ready , my fan and cloak , you are so full of providence ; and Walter , tuck up my little box behind the Coach , and bid my maid make ready , my sweet service to your good Lady Mistress ; and my dog , good let the Coachman carry him .

Luce.

But hear me .

Isa.

I am in love sweet Luce , and you are so skilfull , that I must needs undo my self ; and hear me , let Oliver pack up my Glass discreetly , and see my Cuiles well carried , O sweet Luce , you have a tongue , and open tongues have open you know what , Luce.

Luce.

Pray you be satisfied .

Isab.

Yes and contented too , before I leave you : ther 's a Roger , which some call a Butcher , I speak of certainties , I do not fish Luce , nay do not stare , I have a tongue can talk too : and a Green Chamber Luce , a back door opens to a long Gallerie ; there was a night Luce , do you perceive , do you perceive me yet : O do you blush Luce , a Friday night I saw your Saint Luce : for to : her box of Marmaladde , all 's thine sweet Roger , this I heard and kept too .

Luce.

En'c as you are a woman Mistress .

Isab.

This I allow as good and Physicall sometime these meetings , and for the cheering of the heart ; but Luce , to have your own turn served , and to your friend to be a dogbolt .

Luce.

I confess it Mistress .

Isab.

As you have made my sister Jealous of me , and foolishly , and childishly pursued it , I have found out your haunt , and traced your purposes , for which mine honour suffers , your best waies must be applied to bring her back again , and seriously and suddenly , that so I may have a means to clear my self , and she a a fair opinion of me , else you peevish â�� â��

Luce.

My power and prayers Mistress .

Isab.

What 's the matter ?

Enter Shorthose and Widdow . Short.

I have been with the Gentleman , he has it , much good may do-him with it .

Wid.

Come are you ready , you love so to delay time , the day growes on .

Isab.

I have sent for a few trifles , when those are come ; And now I know your reason .

Wid.

Know your own honour then , about your business , see the Coach ready presently , I le tell you more then ;

Exit Luce and Shorthose .

And understand it well , you must not think your sister , so tender eyed as not to see your follies , alas I know your heart , and must imagine , and truly too ; t is not your charitie can coin such sums to give away as you have done , in that you have no wisdome Isabel , no nor modesty where nobler uses are at home ; I tell you , I am ashamed to finde this in your yeers , far more in your discretion , none to chuse but things for pittie , none to seal your thoughts on , but one of no abiding , of no name ; nothing to bring you to but this , cold and hunger : A jolly Joynture sister , you are happy , no mony , no not ten shillings .

Isa.

You search neerly .

Wid.

I know it as I know your folly , one that know not where he shall eat his next meal , take his rest , unless it be it 'h stocks ; what kindred has he , but a more wanting brother , or what vertues .

Isab.

You have had rare intelligence , I see sister .

Wid.

Or say the man had vertue , is vertue in this age a full inheritance : what Joynture can he make you , Plutarohs Morals , or so much penny rent in the small Poets , this is not well , t is weak , and I grieve to know it .

Isa.

And this you quit the town for .

VVid.

I st not time ?

Isa.

You are better read in my affairs than I am , that 's all I have to answer , I le go with you , and willingly , and what you think most dangerous , I le sit laugh at .

For sister t is not folly but good discretion governs our main fortunes .

VVid.

I am glad to hear you say so .

Isa.

I am for you .

Enter Shorthose and Humphrey with riding rods . Hum.

The Devil cannot stay her shee 'l on t , eat an egge now , and then we must away .

Short.

I am gaul'd already , yet I will pray , may London wayes from henceforth be full of holes , and Coaches crack their wheels , may zealous Smiths so housel all our Hackneys , that they may feel compunction in their feet , and tire at Highgate , may it rain above all Almanacks till Carriars sail , and the Kings Fish monger ride like Biko Arion upon a Trout to London .

Hum.

At S. Albones , let all the Ins be drunk , not an Host sober to bid her worship welcome .

Short.

Not a Fiddle , but all preach't down with Puritanes ; no meat but Legs of Beef .

Hnm.

No beds but Wool-Packs .

Short.

And those so crammed with Warrens of starved Fleas that bite like Bandogs ; let Mims be angry at their S , Bel-Swagger , and we pass in the heat on t and be beaten , beaten abominably , beaten horse and man , and all my Ladies linnen sprinkled with suds and dishwater .

Short.

Not a wheel but out of joynt .

Enter Roger laughing . Hum.

Why dost thou laugh .

Rog.

Ther 's a Gentleman , and the rarest Gentleman , and makes the rarest sport .

Short ,

Where , where ?

Rog.

Within here , has made the gayest sport with Tom the Coachman , so tewed him up with Sack that he lies lashing a But of Malmsie for his Mares .

Short.

T is very good .

Rog.

And talks and laughs , and sings the rarest songs , and Shorthose , he has so mauld the Red Deer pies , made such an alms i th butterie .

Short.

Better still .

Enter Vall. Widdow . Hum.

My Lady in a rage with the Gentleman .

Short.

May he anger her into a feather .

Exeunt . Wid.

I pray tell me , who sent you hither ? for I imagine it is not your condition you look so temperately , and like a Gentleman , to ask me these milde questions .

Val.

Do you think I use to walk of errands gentle Lady , or deal with women out of dreams from others .

Wid.

You have not known me sure ?

Val.

Not much .

Wid.

What reason have you then to be so tender of my credit , you are no kinsman ?

Val.

If you take it so , the honest office that I came to do you , is not so heavie but I can return it : now I perceive you are too proud , not worth my visit .

Wid.

Pray stay , a little proud .

Val.

Monstrous proud , I grieve to hear a woman of your value , and your abundant parts stung by the people , but now I see t is true , you look upon me as if I were a rude and saucie fellow that borrowed all my breeding from a dunghil , or such a one , as should now fall and worship you in hope of pardon : you are cozen'd Lady , I came to prove opinion a loud liar , to see a woman onely great in goodness , and Mistress of a greater fame then fortune , but = =

Wid.

You are a strange Gentleman , if I were proud now , I should be monstrous angry , which I am not , and shew the effects of pride ; I should despise you , but you are welcome sir : To think well of our selves , if we deserve it , it is a luster in us , and every good we have , strives to shew gracious , what use is it else , old age like Seer-trees , is seldome seen affected , stirs sometimes at rehearsal of such acts as his daring youth endeadeavour'd .

Val.

This is well , and now you speak to the purpose , you please me , but to be place proud :

Wid.

If it be our own , why are we sit here with distinction else , degrees , and orders given us ? In you men , t is held a coolnesse , if you lose your right affronts and losse of honor : streets , and walls , and upper ends of tables , had they tongues could tell what blood has followed , and what fewd about your ranks ; are we so much below you , that till you have us , are the tops of nature , to be accounted drones without a difference ? you will make us beasts indeed .

Val.

Nay worse than this too , proud of your cloathes , they swear a Mercers Lucifer , a tumour tackt together by a Taylour , nay yet worse , proud of red and white , a varnish that butter-milk can better .

Wid.

Lord , how little will vex these poor blind people , if my cloathes be sometimes gay and glorious , does it follow , my minde must be my Mercers too , or say my beauty please some weak eyes , must it please them to think that blowes me up , that every hour blowes off : this is an Infants anger .

Val.

Thus they say too , what though you have a Coach lined through with velvet , and four fair Flanders mares , why should the streets be troubled continually with you , till Carmen curse you , can there be ought in this but pride of shew Lady , and pride of bum-beating , till the learned Lawyers with their fit bags , are thrust against the bulks till all their causes crack ? why should this Lady , and t'other Lady , and the third sweet Lady , and Madam at Mile-end , be daily visited , and your poorer neighbours , with course napses neglected , fashions conferr'd about , pouncings , and paintings , and young mens bodies read on like Anatomies .

Wid.

You are verie credulous , and somewhat desperate , to deliver this sir , to her you know not , but you shall confesse me , and find I will not start ; in us all meetings lie open to these lewd reports , and our thoughts at Church , our verie meditations some will swear , which all should fear to judge , at least uncharitably , are mingled with your memories , cannot sleep ; but this sweet Gentleman swims in our fancies , that scarlet man of war , and that smooth Senior ; not dresse our heads without new ambushes , how to surprize that greatnesse , or that glorie ; our verie smiles are subject to constructions ; nay sir , it s come to this , we cannot pish , but t is a favour for some fool or other : should we examine you thus , wert not possible to take you without Prospectives .

Wid.

It may be , but these excuse not .

Wid.

Nor yours force no truth sir , what deadly tongues you have , and to those tongues what hearts , and what inventions ? Ah my conscience , and 't were not for sharp justice , you would venture to aim at your own mothers , and account it glorie to say you had done so ; all you think are counsells , and cannot erre , 't is we still that shew double , giddy , or gorg'd with passion ; we that build Babels for mens conclusions , we that scatter , as day does his warm light ; our killing curses over Gods creatures , next to the Devils malice : le ts intreat your good words .

Val.

Well , this woman has a brave soul.

Wid.

Are not we gaily blest then , and much beholding to you for your substance ; you may do what you list , we what beseems us , and narrowly do that too , and precisely , our names are served in else at Ordinaries , and beleht abroad in Taverns .

Val.

O most brave Wench , and able to redeem an age o women .

VVid.

You are no Whoremasters , alas no Gentlemen , it were an impudencie to think you vicious ; you are so holy , handsome Ladies fright you , you are the cool things of the time , the temperance , meer emblemes of the Law , and vales of Vertue , you are not daily mending like Dutch watches , and plastering like old walls ; they are not Gentlemen , that with their secret sinnes increase our Surgeons , and lie in forraine Countries , for new sores ; women are all these vices ; you are not envious , false , covetous , vain-glorious , irreligious , drunken , revengefull , giddie-eyed , like Parrats , eaters of others honours .

Val.

You are angrie .

VVid.

No by my troth , and yet I could say more too , for when men make me angrie , I am miserable .

Val.

Sure 't is a man , she could not bear it thus bravely else , it may be I am tedious .

Wid.

Not at all sir , I am content at this time you should trouble me .

Val.

You are distrustfull .

VVid.

Where I find no truth , sir.

Val.

Come , come , you are full of passion .

VVid.

Some I have , I were too neer the nature a god else .

Val.

You are monstrous peevish .

VVid.

Because they are monstrous foolish , and know not how to use that should trie me .

Val.

I was never answered thus , was you never drunk Lady ?

VVid.

No sure , not drunk sir ; yet I love good wine , as I love health and joy of heart , but temperately , why do you ask that question ?

Val.

For that sin that they most charge you with , is this sins servant , they say you are monstrous .

VVid.

What sir , what ?

Val.

Most strangely .

Wid.

It has a name sure .

Val.

Infinitely lustfull , without all bounds , they swear you kild your husband .

Wid.

Let us have it all for Heavens sake , t is good mirth sir.

Val.

They say you will have four now , and those four stuck in four quarters , like four winds to cool you ; will she not cry nor curse ?

Wid.

On with your Story .

Val.

And that you are forcing out of dispensations with sums of money to that purpose .

Wid.

Four husbands , should not I be blest sir ; for example , Lord , what should I do with them ? turn a malt-mill , or tithe them out like Town-buls to my tenants , you come to make me angry , but you cannot .

Val.

I le make you merry then , you are a brave woman , and in despite of envie a right one , go thy wayes , truth thou art as good a woman , as any Lord of them all can lay his leg over , I do not often commend your Sex.

Wid.

It seems so , your commendations are so studied for .

Val.

I came to see you , and sift you into flour to know your purenesse , and I have found you excellent , I thank you ; continue so , and shew men how to tread , and women how to follow : get an husband , an honest man , you are a good woman , and live hedg'd in from scandall , let him be too , an understanding man , and to that steadfast ; t is pitie your fair Figure should miscarry , and then you are fixt , farewell .

Wid.

Pray stay a little , I love your company now you are so pleasant , and to my disposition set so even .

Val.

I can no longer .

Exit . Wid.

As I live a fine fellow , this manly handsome bluntness , shewes him honest ; what is he , or from whence ? blesse me , four husbands , how prettily he fooled me into vices , to stir my jealousie , and find my nature ; a proper Gentleman : I am not well o th' sudden , such a companion I could live and die with , his angers are meer mirth .

Enter Isabella . Isa.

Come , come , I am ready .

Wid.

Are you so ?

Isa.

What ails she , the Coach staies , and the people , the day goes on , I am as ready now as you desire , sister : fie , who stayes now , why do you sit and pout thus .

Wid.

Prethee be quiet , I am not well .

Isab.

For Heave'n sake lets not ride staggering in the night , come , pray you take some sweet meats in your pocket , if your stomack â��

Wid.

I have a little business .

Isab.

To abuse me , you shall not finde new dreams , and new suspitions , to horse withall .

Wid.

Lord who made you a Commander : hay ho , my heart .

Isab.

Is the winde come thither , and coward like do you lose your colours to um , are you sick at h Valentine ; sweet sister , come le ts away , the countrey will so quicken you , and we shall live so swetly : Luce , my Ladies Cloak ; nay , you have put me into such a gog of going , I would not stay for all the world ; If I live here , you have so knocked this love into my head , that I shall love any body , and I finde my body , I know not how , so apt ; pray le ts be gonsister , I stand on thornes .

Wid.

I prethee Isabella , I faith I have some business that concerns me , I will suspect no more , here , wear that for me , and I l'e pay the hundred pound you owe your Taylor .

Enter Shorthose I. Roger , Humphrey , Ralph . Isab.

I had rather go , but â��

Wid.

Come walk in with me , wee 'l go to Cards , unsaddle the Horses .

Short.

A Jubile , a Jubile , we stay boyes .

Eter Vncle , Lan. Foun . Bella. Harebrain following . Vnc.

Are they behind us .

Lance.

Close , close , speak aloud sir.

Vnc.

I am glad my nephew has so much discretion at length to finde his wants : did she entertain him ?

Lance.

Most bravely , nobly , and gave him such a welcome .

Vnc.

For his own sake do you think .

Lance.

Most certain sir , and in his own cause bestir'd himself too , and wan such liking from her , she dores on him , has the command of all the house already .

Vnc.

He deals not well with his friends .

Lance.

Let him deal on , and be his own friend , he has most need of her .

Vnc.

I wonder they would put him .

Lan.

You are in the right on t , a man that must raise himself , I knew he would cosenum , and glad I am he has : he watched occasion , and found it i th nick .

Vnc.

He has deceived me .

Lan.

I told you howsoever he wheel'd about , he would charge home at length , how I could laugh now , to think of these tame fools .

Vnc.

T was not well done , because they trusted him , yet .

Bel.

Harke you Gentlemen .

Vnc.

We are upon a business , pray excuse us , they have it home .

Lanc.

Come let it work good on Gentlemen .

Exit Vncle , Lance. Font.

T is true , he is a knave , I ever thought it .

Hare .

And we are fools , tame fools .

Bel.

Come le ts go seek him , he shall be hang'd before he colt us basely .

Exit . Entor Isabella , Luce. Isa.

Are sure she loves him .

Luce.

Am I sure I live ? And I have clapt on such a commenmendation on your revenge .

Isa.

Faith , he is a pretty Gentleman .

Luce.

Handsom enough , and that her eye has found out ,

Isa.

He talks the best they say , and yet the maddest .

Luce.

Has the right way .

Isa.

How is she ?

Luce.

Bears it well , as if she cared not , but a man may see with half an eye through all her forced behaviours , and finde who is her Vallentine .

Isa.

Come le ts go see her , I long to prosecute .

Luce.

By no means Mistress , let her take better hold first ,

Jsab.

I could burst now .

Exeunt . Enter Valentine , Fountain , Bellamore , Harebrain . Val.

Upbraid me with your benefits , you Pilchers , you shotten , sold , slight fellowes , was 't not I that undertook you first from emptie barrells , and brought those barking mouthes that gaped like bung-holes to utter sence : where got you understanding ? who taught you manners and apt carriage to ranke your selves ? who filled you in fit Taverns , were those born with your worships when yon came hither ? what brought you from the Universities of moment matter to allow you , besides your small base sentences ?

Bell.

T is well sir.

Val.

Long Cloaks with two hand-rapiers , boot-hoses with penny-poses , and twenty fools opinions , who looked on you but piping rites that knew you would be prising , & Prentises in Pauls Church-yard , that sented your want of Brittanes Books .

Enter Widdow , Luce , Harebrain . Font.

This cannot save you .

Val.

Taunt my integrity you Whelps .

Bell.

You may talk the stock we gave you out , but see no further .

Hare .

You tempt our patience , we have found you out , and what your trust comes to , yea'r well feathered , thank us , and think now of an honest course , t is time ; men now begin to look , and narrowly into your tumbling tricks , they are stale .

Wid.

Is not that he ?

Luce

T is he .

Wid.

Be still and mark him .

Val.

How miserable will these poor wretches be when I forsake um , but things have their necessities , I am sorry , to what a vomit must they turn again , now to their own dear dunghil breeding ; never hope after I cast you off , you men of Motley , you most undone things below pitie , any that has a soul and sixpence dares releeve you , my name shall bar that blessing ; ther 's your cloake sir keep it close to you , it may yet preserve you a fortnight longer from the fool ; your hat , pray be covered , and ther 's the Satin that your Worships sent me , will serve you at a Sizes yet .

Fount .

Nay faith sir , you may ene rub these out now .

Val.

No such relicke , nor the least rag of such a sordid weakness shall keep me warm , these breeches are mine own , purchased , and paid for , without your compassion , a Christian breeches founded in Black Friers , and so I le maintain um .

Hare .

So they seem sir.

Val.

Only the thirteen shillings in these breeches , and the odde groat , I take it , shall be yours sir , a marke to know a Knave by , pray preserve it , do not displease more , but take it presently , now help me off with my boots .

Hare .

We are no grooms sir.

Val.

For once you shall be , do it willingly , or by this hand He make you .

Bell.

To our own sir , we may apply our hands .

Val.

There 's your hangers , you may deserve a strong pair , and a grdle will hold you without buckles ; now I am perfect , and now the proudest of your worships tell me I am beholding to you .

Fount .

No such matter .

Val.

And take heed how you pitty me , t is dangerous , exceeding dangerous , to prate of pitty which are the poorer ; you are now puppies ; I without you , or you without my knowledge be reugues , and so be gone , be rouges and reply not , for if you do â��

Bell.

Only thus much , and then wee 'l leave you , the ayr is far sharper than our anger sir , and these you may reserve to rail in warmer .

Hare .

Pray have a care sir of your health .

Exit Lovers . Val.

Yes Hog-hounds , more than you can have of your wits ; t is cold , and I am very sensible , extreamly cold too , yet I will not off till I have shamed these rascalls ; I have indured as ill heats as another , and every way if one could perish my body , you 'l bear the blame on t ; I am colder here , not a poor penny left .

Vncle with a bag . Vnc.

Ta's taken rarely , and now hee 's flead he will be ruled .

Lance.

Too him , tew him , abuse him , and nip him close .

Vnc.

Why how now cozen , sunning your self this weather ?

Val.

As you see sir , in a hot fit , I thank my friends .

Vnc.

But cozen , where are your clothes man , those are no inheritance , your scruple may compound with those I-take it , this is no fashion cosen .

Val.

Not much followed , I must confess ; yet Uncle I determine to trie what may be done next Tarm .

Lanc.

How came you thus sir , for you are strangely moved .

Val.

Rags , toys and trifles , fit only for those fools that first passessed um , and to those Knaves , they are rendred freemen Wicle , ought to appear like innocents , old Adam , a fair Fig-leaf sufficient .

Vnc.

Take me with you , were these your friends , that leat'd you thus .

Val.

Hang friends , and even recknings that make friends .

Unc.

I thought till now , there had been no such living , no such purchase , for all the rest is labour , as a list of honourable friends , do not such men as you sir , in lieu of all your understandings , travels , and those great gifts of nature ; aim at no more than casting off your-coats , I am strangely cosen'd .

Lance.

Should not the towne shake at the cold you feel now , and all the Gentry suffer interdiction , no more sense spoken , all things Goth and Vandall , till you be summed again , velvets and searlets , anointed with gold lace , and cloth of silver turned into Spanish Cottens for a pennance , wits blasted with your bulls , and Tavernes withered , as though the Term lay at St Albones .

Val.

Gentlemen , you have spoken long and level , I beseech you take breath a while and hear me ; you imagine now , by the twirling of your strings , that I am at the last , as also that my friends are flown like Swallows after Summer .

Unc.

Yes sir.

Val.

And that I have no more in this poor pannier , to raise me up again above your rents , Uncle .

Unc.

All this I do beleeve .

Val.

You have no mind to better me .

Unc.

Yes Cosen , and to that end I come , and once more offer you all that my power is master of .

Val.

A match then , lay me down fifty pounds there .

Unc.

There it is , sir.

Val.

And on it write , that you are pleased to give this , as due unto my merit , without caution of land redeeming , redious thanks , or thrift hereafter to be hoped for .

Unc.

How ?

Luce layes a suit and letter at the door . Val.

Without daring , when you are drunk , to rellish of revilings , to which you are prone in sack , Uncle .

Unc.

I thank you , sir.

Lance.

Come , come away , let the young wanton play a while , away I say sir , let him go forward with his naked fashion , he will seek you too morrow ; goodly weather , sultrie hot , sultrie , how I sweat .

Unc.

Farewell , sir.

Unc.

Farewell , sir.

Exeunt Vncle and Lance. Val.

Would I sweat too , I am monstrous vext , and cold too ; and these are but thin pumps to walk the streets in ; clothes I must get , this fashion will not fadge with me ; besides , 't is an ill winter wear , â�� What art thou ? yes , they are clothes , and rich ones , some fool has left um : and if I should utter â�� what 's this paper here ? Let these be onely worn by the most noble and deserving Gentleman Valentine , â�� dropt out o th' clouds ; I think they are full of gold too ; well , I 'le leave my wonder , and be warm agen , in the next house I le shift . Exit .

Actus 4. Scaena . I. Enter Francisco , Uncle , and Lance. Fran.

WHy do you deal thus with him ? 't is unnobly .

Unc.

Peace Cosen peace , you are too tender of him , he must be dealt thus with , he must be cured thus , the violence of his disease Francisco , must not be jested with , 't is grown infectious , and now strong Corrasives must cure him .

Lance.

Has had a stinger , has eaten off his cloathes , the next his skin comes .

Unc.

And let it search him to the bones , t is better , t will make him feel it .

Lance.

Where be his noble friends now ? will his fantasticall opinions cloath him , or the learned Art of having nothing feed him ?

Unc.

It must needs greedily , for all his friends have flung him off , he is naked , and where to skinne himselfe agen , if I know , or can devise how he should get himself lodging , his spirit must be bowed , and now we have him , have him at that we hoped for .

Lanc.

Next time we meet him cracking of nuts , with half a cloake about him , for all means are cut off , or borrowing sixpence , to shew his bounty in the pottage Ordinary ?

Fran.

VVhich way went he ?

Lance.

Pox , why should you ask after him , you have beene trimm'd already , let him take his fortune , he spunne it out himselfe , sir , there 's no pitie .

Unc.

Besides some good to you now , from this miserie .

Fran.

I rise upon his ruines , fie , fie , Uncle , fie honest Lance. those Gentlemen were base people , that could so soon take fire to his destruction .

Unc.

You are a fool , you are a fool , a young man

Enter Valentine . Val.

Morrow uncle , morrow Franke , sweet Franke , and how , and how d ee , think now , how shew matters ? morrow Bandog .

Unc.

How ?

Fran.

Is this man naked , forsaken of his friends ?

Val.

Th' art handsome , Franke , a pretty Gentleman , ifaith thou lookest well , and yet here may be those that look as handsome .

Lan.

Sure he can conjure , and has the Devil for his Tailor .

Unc.

New and rich , t is most impossible he should recover .

Lan.

Give him this luck , and fling him into the Sea.

Unc.

'T is not he , imagination cannot work this miracle .

Val.

Yes , yes , t is he , I will assure you uncle , the very he , the he your wisdom plaid withall , I thank you for 't , neighed at his nakednesse , and made his cold and poverty your pastime ; you see I live , and the best can do no more uncle , and though I have no state , I keep the streets still , and take my pleasure in the Town , like a poor Gentleman , wear clothes to keep me warm , poor things they serve me , can make a shew too if I list , yes uncle , and ring a peal in my pockets , ding dong , uncle , these are mad foolish wayes , but who can help um ?

Unc.

I am amazed .

Lan.

I le sell my Copyhold , for since there are such excellent new nothings , why should I labour , is there no Fairy haunts him , no Rat , nor no old woman .

Unc.

You are Valentine .

Val.

I think so , I cannot tell , I have been call'd so , and some say Christened , why do you wonder at me , and swell , as if you had met a Sergeant fasting , did you ever know desert want ? y' are fools , a little stoop there may be to allay him , he would grow too rank else , a small eclipse to shadow him , but out he must break , glowingly again , and with a great luster , look you uncle , motion and majesty .

Unc.

I am confounded .

Fran.

I am of his faith .

Val.

Walk by his carelesse kinsman , and turn again and walk , and look thus Uncle , taking some one by the hand , he loves best , leave them to the mercie of the hog-market , come Franke , Fortune is now my friend , let me instruct thee .

Fran.

Good morrow Uncle , I must needs go with him .

Val.

Flay me , and turn me out where none inhabits , within two hours , I shall be thus again , now wonder on , and laugh at your own ignorance .

Ex. Val. and Franc. Unc.

I do beleeve him .

Lan.

So do I , and heartily upon my conscience burie him stark naked , he would rise again , within two hours imbroidered : sow mustard-seeds , and they cannot come up so thick as his new sattens do , and clothes of silver , there 's no striving .

Unc.

Let him play a while then , and let 's seatch out what hand : = =

Lan.

I there the game lies .

Exeunt . Enter Fountaine , Bellamore and Harebraine . Foun .

Come , let 's speak for our selves , we have lodg'd him sure enough , his nakednesse dare not peep out to crosfe us .

Bel.

We can have no admittance .

Hare .

Let 's in boldly , and use our best arts , who she dains to favour we are all-content .

Foun .

Much good may do her with him , no civil wars .

Bel.

By no means , now do I wonder in what old tod Ivie he lies whistling for means , nor clothes he hath none , nor none will trust him , we have made that side sure , teach him a new wooing .

Hare .

Say it is his uncles spite .

Foun .

It is all one Gentleman , 'tas rid us of a fair incumbrance , and makes us look about to our own fortunes . Who are these ?

Enter Isabel and Luce. Isa.

Not see this man yet , well , I shall be wiser : but Luce , didit ever know a woman melt so ? she is finely hurt to hunt .

Luce.

Peace , the three Suitors .

Isa.

I could so titter now and laugh , I was lost Luce , and I must love , I know not what ; O Cupid , what pretty gins thou hast to halter Woodcocks , and we must into the Countrey in all haste , Luce.

Luce.

For Heavens sake , Mistris .

Isa.

Nay , I have done , I must laugh though ; but scholler , I shall teach you .

Foun .

'T is her sister .

Bell.

Seve you Ladies .

Isa.

Fair met Gentlemen , you are visiting my sister , I assure my self .

Hare .

We would fain bless our eyes .

Isab.

Behold and welcome , you would see her :

Foun .

T is our business .

Isa.

You shall see her , and you shall talk with her .

Luce.

She will not see um , nor spend a word .

Isa.

I le make her frat a thousand , nay now I have found the sab , I will so scratch her .

Luc.

She cannot endure um .

Isab.

She loves um but too dearly , come follow me , I le bring you tot'h party Gentlemen , then make your own conditions .

Luce.

See is sick you know .

Isa.

I le make her well , or kill her , and take no idle answer , you are fools then , nor stand off for her state , shee l scorn you all then , but urge her still , and though she fret , still follow her , a Widdow must be won so .

Bel.

Shee speaks bravely .

Isa.

I would fain have a brother in law , I love mens company , and if she call for dinner to avoid you , be sure you stay , follow her into her chamber , if she retire to Pray , pray with her , and boldly , like honest lovers .

Luce.

This will kill her .

Foun .

You have shewed us one way , do but lead the tother .

Isa.

I know you stand a thorns , come I le dispatch you .

Luce.

If you live after this .

Isa.

I have lost my aym .

Enter Vallentine and Francisco . Fra.

Did you not see um since .

Val.

No hang um , hang um .

Fran.

Nor will you not be seen by um :

Val.

Let um alone Francke , I le mak um their own justice , and a jerker .

Fran.

Such base discourteous Dog-whelps

Val.

I shal dog um , and double dog um , ere I have done .

Fran.

Will you go with me , for I whuld fain finde out this peece of bountie , it was the Widdows man that I am certain of .

Val.

To what end would you go .

Frau.

To give thanks .

Val.

Hang giving thanks , hast not thou part deserves it , it includs to a further will to be beholding , beggees can do no more at Doore , if you will go , there lies your way .

Fran.

I hoyeÌ� you wil go .

Val.

No not in ceremony , and to a woman , with mine own father , were he living Franke ; I would tot'h Court with Bears first , if it be that wench , I think it is , for t'others wiser , I would not be so lookt upon , and laught at , so made a ladder for her wit , to climbe upon , for t is the tartest tit in Christendome , I know her well Francke , and have buckled with her , so licke , and â��reaked , fleard upon , and flouted , and shown to Chambermaids , like a strange beast , she had purchased with her penny .

Fran.

You are a strange man , but do you think it was a woman .

Val.

There 's no doubt on t , who can be there to do it else , besides the manner of the circumstances .

Fran.

Then such courtesies , who ever dos um fit , â��â��â��ing your own wisdome , must be more lookt into , and better answered , then with deserving slights , or what we ought to have conâ��â��â��red upon us , men may starve else , means are not gotten now with crying out I am a gallant fellow , a good Souldier , a man of learning , or fit to be employed , immediate blessings , cease like miracles , and we must grow , by second means , I pray go with me , even as you love me sir.

Val.

I will come to thee , but Francke , I will not stay to hear your fopperies , dispatch those ere I come .

Fran.

You will not fail me .

Val.

Some two hours hence expect me .

Fran.

I thank you , and will look for you .

Exeunt Enter Widow , Shorthose , and Roger. Wid.

Who let in these puppies , you blinde rascals , you drunken Knaves several .

Short.

Yes forsooth , I le let um in presently , â�� Gentlemen ,

VVid.

Sprecious , you blown Pudding , bawling Rogue .

Short.

I bawl as loud as I can , would you have me fetch um upon my back .

Wid.

Get um out rascall , out with um , out , I sweat to have um neer me .

Short.

I should sweat more to carry um out .

Rog.

They are Gentlemen Madam :

Short.

Shall we get um intot'h butterie , and make um drink .

Wid.

Do any thing , so I be eased .

Enter Isabel , Fount . Balla. Hare . Isab.

Now too her sir , fear nothing .

Rog.

Slip aside bay , I know she loves um , howsoever she carries it , and has invited um , my young Mistress told me so .

Short.

A way to tables then .

Exeunt . Isab.

I shall burst with the sport on t .

Fount .

You are too curious Madam , too full of preparation , we expect it not .

Bella.

Me thinks the house is handsome , every place decent , what need you be vext ?

Hare .

We are no strangers .

Fonnt.

What though we come ere you expected us , do not we know your entertainments Madam are free , and full at all times .

VVid.

You are merry Gentlemen .

Bell.

We come to be merry Madam , and very merry , men love to laugh heartily , and now and then Lady a little of our old plea.

Wid.

I am busie , and very busie too , will none deliver me ?

Hare .

There is a time for all , you may be busie , but when your friends come , you have as much power Madam .

Wid.

This is a tedious torment .

Foun .

How hansomly this little peece of anger shewes upon her , well Madam well , you know not how to grace your self .

Bell.

Nay every thing she does breeds a new sweetness .

VVid.

I must go up , I must go up , I have a business waites upon me , some wine for the Gentlemen .

Hare .

Nay , wee 'l go with you , we never saw your chambers yet .

Isab.

Hold there boyes .

VVid.

Say I go to my prayers .

Foun .

Wee 'l pray with you , and help your meditations .

Wid.

This is boystrous , or say I go to sleep , will you go to sleep with me .

Bell.

So suddenly before meat will be dangerous , we know your dinners ready Lady , you will not sleep .

VVid.

Give me my Coach , I will take the air ,

Hare .

Wee 'l wait on you , and then your meat after a quickned stomacke .

Wid.

Let it alone , and call my Steward to me , and bid him bring his reckonings into the Orchard , these unmannerly rude puppies â��

Exit Widdow . Fonn.

Wee le walk after you and view the pleasure of the place .

Isa.

Let her not rest , for if you give her breath , shee 'l scorn and flout you , seem how she will , this is the way to win her , be bold and prosper .

Bella.

Nay if we do not tire her . â��

Exeunt . Isab.

I le teach you to worm me , good Lady sister , and peep into my privacies to suspect me , I le torture , you , with that you hate most daintily , and when I have done that , laugh at that you loue most .

Enter Luce. Luce.

What have you done , she chafes and fumes outragiously , and still they persecute her .

Isab.

Long may they do so , I le teach her to declaim against my pities , why is she not gone out ot'h town , but gives ocoasion for men to run mad after her .

Luc.

I shall be hanged .

Isa.

This in me had been high treason , three at a time , and private in her Orchard , I hope shee 'l cast her reckonings right now .

Enter Widdow . Wid.

Well , I shall find who brought um .

Isa.

Ha , ha , ha .

VVid.

Why do you laugh sister , I fear me t is your trick , t was neatly done of you , and well becomes your pleasure .

Isab.

What have you done with um .

VVid.

Lockt umith Orchard , there I le make um dance and caper too , before they get their liberty , unmannerly rude puppies .

Isa.

They are somwhat saucy , but yet I le let um out , and once more sound um , Why were they not beaten out .

Wid.

I was about it , but because they came as suiters .

Isab.

Why did you not answer um .

VVid.

They are so impudent they will receive none : More yet , how came these in .

Enter Francisco and Lance. Lan.

At the door Madam .

Isab.

It is that face .

Luc.

This is the Gentleman .

Wid.

Shee sent the money too .

Luce.

The same .

Isa.

I le leave you , they have some businesse .

Wid.

Nay , you shall stay sister , they are strangers both to me ; how her face alters ?

Isa.

I am sorry he comes now .

Wid.

I am glad he is here now though , who would you speak with , Gentlemen ?

Lan.

You Lady , or your fair sister there , here 's a Gentleman that has received a benefit .

Wid.

From whom , sir ?

Lan.

From one of you , as he supposes Madam , your man delivered it .

Wid.

I pray go forward .

Lan.

And of so great a goodnesse , that he dares not , without the tender of his thanks and service , passe by the house .

Wid.

Which is the Gentleman ?

Lan.

This , Madam .

Wid.

What 's your name , sir ?

Fran.

They that know me , call me Francisco Lady , one not so proud to scorn so timely a benefit , nor so wretched to hide a gratitude .

Wid.

It is well bestowed then .

Fran.

Your fair self , or your sister as it seems , for what desert I dare not know , unlesse a handsome subject for your charities , or aptnesse in your noble will to do it , have showred upon my wanrs a timely bounty , which makes me rich in thanks , my best inheritance .

Wid.

I am sorrie 't was not mine , this is the Gentlewoman , fie , do not blush , go roundly to the matter , the man is a prettie man.

Isa.

You have three fine ones .

Fran.

Then to you , dear Lady .

Isa.

I pray no more sir , if I may perswade you , your onely aptnesse to do this is recompence , and more than I expected .

Fran.

But good Lady .

Isa.

And for me further to be acquainted with it , besides the imputation of vain glory , were greedy thankings of my self , I did it not to be more affected to ; I did it , and if it happened where I thought it fitted , I have my end ; more to enquire is curious in either of us , more than that suspicious :

Fran.

But gentle Lady , 't will be necessary .

Isa.

About the right way nothing , do not fright it , being to pious use and tender sighted , with the blown face of Complements , it blasts it , had you not come at all , but thought thanks ; it had been too much , 't was not to see your person .

Wid.

A brave dissembling rogue , and how she carries it .

Isa.

Though I beleeve few handsomer ; or hear you , though I affect a good tongue well ; or trie you , though my years desire a friend , that I relieved you .

Wid.

A plaguie cunning quean .

Isa.

For so I carried it , my ends too glorious in mine eyes , and bartered the goodnesse I propounded with opinion .

Wid.

Fear her not , Sir.

Isa.

You cannot catch me , sister .

Fran.

Will you both teach , and tie my tongue up Ladie ?

Isa.

Let it suffice you have it , it was never mine , whilst good men wanted it .

Lan.

This is a Saint sure .

Isa.

And if you be not such a one , restore it .

Fran.

To commend my self , were more officious than you think my thanks are , to doubt I may be worth your gift a treason , both to mine own good and understanding , I know my mind clear , and though modestie tels me , he that intreats , intrudes ; yet I must think something , and of some season , met with your better taste , this had not been else .

Wid.

What ward for that , wench ?

Isa.

Alas , it never touched me .

Fran.

Well , gentle Ladie , yours is the first money I ever took upon a forced ill manners .

Isa.

The last of me , if ever you use other .

Fran.

How may I do , and your way to be thought a gratefull taker ,

Isa.

Spend it , and say nothing , your modestie may deserve more .

Wid.

O sister , will you bar thankfulnesse ?

Isa.

Dogges dance for meat , would you have men do worse , for they can speak , crie out like VVood-mongers , good deeds by the hundreds , I did it that my best friend should not know it , wine and vain glorie does as much as I else , if you will force my merit , against my meaning , use it in well bestowing it , in shewing it came to be a benefit , and was so ; and not examining a woman did it , or to what end , in not beleeving sometimes your self , when drink and stirring conversation may ripen strange perswasions .

Fran.

Gentle Ladie , I were a base receiver of a courtesie , and you a worse disposer , were my nature unfurnished of these fore-sights , Ladies honours were ever in my thoughts , unspotted crimes , their good deeds holy temples , where the incense burns not , to common eyes your fears are vertuous , and so I shall preserve um .

Isa.

Keep but this way , and from this place to tell me so , you have paid me ; and so I wish you see all fortune .

Exit . Wid.

Fear not , the woman will be thanked , I do not doubt it , are you so craftie , carrie it so precisely , this is to wake my fears , or to abuse me , I shall look narrowly , despaire not Gentlemen , there is an hour to catch a woman in , if you be wise , so , I must leave you too : Now will I go laugh at my Suitors ,

Exit . Lan.

Sir , what courage ?

Fran.

This woman is a founder , and cites statutes to all her benefits .

Lan.

I never knew yet , so few years and so cunning , yet beleeve me she has an itch , but how to make her confesse it , for it is a craftie Tit , and playes about you will not bite home , she would fain , but she dares not ; carrie your self but so discreetly sir , that want or wantonnesse seem not to search you , and you shall see her open .

Fran.

I do love her , and were I rich , would give two thousand pound to wed her wit but one hour , oh t is a dragon , and such a spritely way of pleasure , ha Lance.

Lan.

Your ha Lance broken once , you would crie , ho , ho , Lance.

Fran.

Some leaden landed rogue will have this wench now , when all 's done , some such youth will carrie her , and wear her greasie out like stuffe , some Dunce that knowes no more but markets , and admires nothing but a long charge at Sizes : O the fortunes .

Enter Isabel and Luce. Lan.

Comfort your self .

Luce.

They are here yet , and a love too , boldly upon 't ; nay , Mistresse , I still told you , how t' would finde your trust , this t is to venture your charitie upon a boy .

Lan.

Now , what 's the matter ? stand fast , and like your self .

Isa.

Prethee no more wench .

Luce.

What was his want to you .

Isa.

T is true .

Luce.

Or misery , or say he had been i th' Cage , was there no mercie to look abroad but yours ?

Isa.

I am paid for fooling .

Luce.

Must every slight companion that can purchase a shew of poverty and beggerly planet fall under your compassion .

Lance.

Here 's a new matter .

Luce.

Nay , you are served but too well , here he staies yet , yet as I live .

Fran.

How her face alters on me ?

Luce.

Out of a confidence I hope .

Isa.

I am glad on 't .

Fran.

How do you gentle Lady ?

Isa.

Much ashamed sir , but first stand further off me , y' are infectious to find such vanitie , nay almost impudence , where I beleeve a worth : is this your thanks , the gratitude you were so mad to make me , your trim counsell Gentlemen ?

Lanc.

What , Lady ?

Isa.

Take your device agen , it will not serve sir , the woman will not bite , you are finely cosened , drop it no more for shame .

Luce.

Do you think you are here sir amongst your wastcoateers , your base wenches that scratch at such occasions ; you are deluded : This is a Gentlewoman of a noble house , born to a better fame than you can build her , and eyes above your pitch .

Fran.

I do acknowledge â��

Isa.

Then I beseech you sir , what could ' see , speak boldly , and speak truly , shame the Devil , in my behaviour of such easinesse that you durst venture to do this .

Fran.

You amaze me , this Ring is none of mine , nor did I drop it .

Luce.

I saw you drop it , sir.

Isa.

I took it up too , still looking when your modesty should misse it , why , what a childish part was this ?

Fran.

I vow .

Isa.

Vow me no vowes , he that dares do this , has bred himself to boldnesse , to forswear too ; there take your gewgaw , you are too much pampered , and I repent my part , as you grow older grow wiser if you can , and so farewell sir.

Exit Isabella and Luce. Lan.

Grow wiser if you can , she has put it to you , t is a rich Ring , did you drop it ?

Fran.

Never , nere see it afore Lance.

Lan.

Thereby hangs a tail then : what slight she makes to catch her self , look up sir , you cannot lose her if you would , how daintily she flies upon the Lure , and cunningly she makes her stops , whistle and shee 'l come to you .

Fran.

I would I were so happy .

Lan.

Maids are Clocks , the greatest Wheel they show , goes slowest to us , and mak's hang on tedious hopes ; the lesser , which alre concealed being often oyl'd with wishes , flee like defires , and never leave that motion , till the tongue strikes ; she is flesh , blood and marrow , young as her purpose ; and soft as pity ; no Monument to worship , but a mould to make men in , a neat one , and I know how ere she appears now , which is neer enough , you are stark blinde if you hit not soon at night ; she would venture forty pounds more but to feel a Flea in your shape bite her : drop no more Rings forsooth , this was the prettiest thing to know her heart by .

Fran.

Thou puts me in much comfort .

Lan.

Put your self in good comfort , if she do not point you out the way , drop no more rings , shee 'l drop her self into you .

Fran.

I wonder my brother comes not .

Lan.

Let him alone , and feed your self on your own fortunes ; come be frollicke , and le ts be monstrous wise and full of councell . drop no more Rings .

Exit . Enter Widdow , Fountain , Bellamore , Harebrain . Wid.

If you will needs be foolish you must be used so : who sent for you ? who entertained you Gentlemen ? who bid you welcome hither ? you came crowding , and impudently bold ; press on my patience , as if I kept a house for all Companions , and of all sorts will ' have your wills , will'vexe me and force my liking from you , I nere owe'd you .

Fount .

For all this we will dine with you .

Bell.

And for all this will have a better answer from you .

Wid.

You shall never , neither have an answer nor dinner , unless you use me with a more staid respect , and stay your time too .

Enter Isabella , Shorthose , Roger , Humpherey , Ralph , with dishes of meat . Isab.

Forward with the meat now .

Rog.

Come Gentlemen march fairly .

Short.

Roger , you are a weak Servingman , your white broath runs from you ; fie , how I sweat under this Pile of Beef ; an Elephant can do more ! Oh for such a back now , and in these times , what might a man arrive at , Goose , grase you up , and Woodcock march behinde thee , I am almost foundred .

VVid.

Who bid you bring the meat yet ? away you knaves , I will not dine these two houres , how am I vext and chafed ; go carry it back and tell the Cook , hee 's an arrant Rascall , to send before I called .

Short.

Faces about Gentlemen , beat a mournfull march then , and give some supporters , I or else perish â��

Exeunt Servants . Isab.

It does me much good to see her chafe thus .

Hare .

We can stay Madam , and will stay and dwell here , t is good Ayre .

Foun .

I know you have beds enough , and meat you never want .

Wid.

You want a little .

Bell.

We dare to pretend no , Since you are churlish , wee 'l give you Physick , you must purge this anger , it burns you and decavs you .

VVid.

If I had you out once , I would be at charge of a percullis for you .

Enter Vallantine . Val.

Good morrow noble Lady .

VVid.

Good morrow sir , how sweetly now he looks , and how full manly , what slaves was these to use him so .

Val.

I come to look a young man I call brother .

VVid.

Such a one was here sir , as I remember your own brother , but gone almost an hour agoe .

Val.

Good e'n then .

VVid.

You must not so soon sir , here be some Gentlemen , it may be you are acquainted with um .

Hare .

Will nothing make him miserable ?

Foun .

How glorious !

Bell.

It is the very he , does it rain fortunes , or has he a familiar .

Hare .

How doggedly he looks too .

Foun .

I am beyond my faith , pray le ts be going .

Val.

Where are these Gentlemen ?

Wid.

Here.

Val.

Yes I know um , and will be more familiar .

Bell.

Morrow Maddam .

Wid.

Nay stay and dine .

Val.

You shall stay till I talk with you , and not dine neither , but fastingly my fury , you thinke you have undone me , think so still , and swallow that beleef , till you be company for Court-hand Clarkes , and starved Atturnies , till you break in at playes like Prentises for three a groat , and crack Nuts with the Schollars in peny Rooms agen , and fight for Apples , till you return to what I found you , people betrai'd into the hands of Fencers , Challengers , Tooth-drawers Bills , and tedious Proclamations in Meal-markets , with throngings to see Cutpurses : stir not , but hear , and mark , I le cut your throats else , till Water works , and rumours of New Rivers rld you again and run you into questions who built Thames , till you run mad for Lotteeries , and stand there with your tables to glean the golden Sentences , and cite um secretly to Servingmen for sound Essayes , till Tavernes allow you but a Towel room to Tipple in Wine , that the Bell hath gone for twice , and Glasses that look like broken promises , tied up with wicker protestations , English Tobacco with half Pipes , nor in half a yeer once burnt , and Bisket that Bawds have rubb'd their gums upon like Coralls to bring the mark again . tell these hour Rascals so , this most fatall hour will come again , think I sit down the looser .

Wid.

Will you stay Gentlemen , a peece of Beef and a cold Capon , that 's all , you know you are welcome .

Hum.

That was cast to abuse us .

Bell.

Steal off , the devil is in his anger .

Wid.

Nay I am sure you will not leave me so discourteously now I have provided for you .

Val.

What do you here ? why do ye vex a woman of her goodness , her state and worth ; can you bring a fair certifificate that you deserve to be her footmen ; husbands , you pupies , husbands for Whores and Bawds , away you wind suckers ; do not look big , nor prate , nor stay , nor grumble , and when you are gone , seem to laugh at my fury , and slght this Lady , I shall hear , and knw this : and though I am not bound to fight for women , as far as they are good I dare preserve um : be not too bold , for if you be , I le swinge you monstrously without all pitty , your honours now goe , avoid me mainly .

Exeunt . Wid.

Well sir , you have delivered me , I thank you , and with your nobleness prevented danger , their tongues might utter , weell all go and eat sir.

Val.

No , no I dare not trust my self with women , go to your meat , eat little , take less ease , and tie your body to a daily labour , you may live honstly , and so I thank you .

Exit . Wid.

Well go thy wayes , thou art a noble fellow , and some means I must work to have thee know it .

Exit .

Actus 5. Scaena . 1. Enter Vncle and Merchant . Vnc.

MOst certain t is , her hands that hold him up , and her sister relieves Franck.

Mer.

I am glad to hear it : but wherefore do they not pursue this fortune to some fair end ?

Vnc.

The women are too craftie , Valantine too coy , and Franke too bashfull , had any wise man hold of such a blessing , they would strike it out o th' flint but they would forme it .

Enter VViddow and Shorthose . Mer.

The Widdow sure , why does she stir so early .

Wid.

T is strange , I cannot force him to understand me , and m make a benefit , of what I would bring him , tell my sift r I le use any devocions at home this morning , she may if she please go to Church .

Short.

Hay ho.

VVid.

And do you waite upon her with torch sir ?

Short.

Hay ho.

Wid.

You lazie Knave .

Short.

Here is such a tinkle tanklings that we can here lie quiet , and sleep our prayers out , Ralph pray emptie my right shooe that you mide your Chamber-pot , and burn a little Rosemarie in 't , I must wait upon my Ladie . This morning Prayer has brought me into a consumption , I have nothing left but flesh and bones about me .

Wid.

You drousie slave , nothing but sleep and swilling .

Short.

Had you been bitten with Bandog fleas , as I have been , and haunted with the night Mare .

Wid.

With an Ale-pot .

Short.

You would have little list to morning Prayers , pray take my fellow Ralph , hee has a Psalme booke , I am an ingrum man.

Wid.

Get you ready quickly , and wen she is ready wait upon her handsomely ; no more , be gone .

Short.

If I do snore my part out â��

Exit Short. Unc.

Now to our purposes .

Mer.

Good morrow , Madam ,

Wid.

Good morrow , Gentlemen .

Unc.

Good joy and fortune .

Wid.

These are good things , and worth my thanks , I thank you sir.

Mer.

Much joy I hope youl'l finde , we came to gratulate your new knit marriage-band .

Wid.

How ?

Unc.

Hee 's a Gentleman , although he be my kinsman , my fair Niece .

Wid.

Niece , Sir ?

Unc.

Yes Lady , now I may say so , t is no shame to you , I say a Gentleman , and winking at some light fancies , which you most happily may affect him for , as bravely carried , as nobly bred and managed .

Wid.

What 's all this , I understand you not , what Niece , what marriage-knot ?

Unc.

I le tell plainly , you are my Niece , and Valentine the Gentleman has made you so by marriage .

Wid.

Marriage ?

Vnc.

Yes Lady , and t was a noble and vertuous part , to take a falling man to your protection , and bouy him up again to all his glories .

Wid.

The men are mad .

Mer.

What though he wanted these outward things , that flie away like shadowes , was not his mind a full one , and a brave one ? You have wealth enough to give him glosse and outside , and he wit enough to give way to love a Lady .

Vnc.

I ever thought he would do well .

Mer.

Nay , I knew how ever he wheel'd about like a loose Cabine , he would charge home at length , like a brave Gentleman ; Heavens blessing a your heart Lady , we are so bound to honour you , in all your service so devoted to you .

Unc.

Do not look so strange Widow , it must be known , better a generall joy ; no stirring here yet , come , come , you cannot hide um .

Wid.

Pray be not impudent , these are the finest toyes , belike I am married then .

Mer.

You are in a miserable estate in the worlds account else , I would not for your wealth it come to doubting .

Wid.

And I am great with child ?

Vnc.

No , great they say not , but t is a full opinion you are with childe , and great joy among the Gentlemen , your husband hath bestirred himself fairly .

Mer.

Alas , we know his private hours of entrance , how long , and when he stayed , could name the bed too , where he paid down his first fruits .

VVid.

I shall beleeve anon .

Vnc.

And we consider for some private reasons , you would have it private , yet take your own pleasure ; and so good morrow , my best Niece , my sweetest .

VVid.

No , no , pray stay .

Vnc.

I know you would be with him , love him , and love him well .

Mer.

You 'l find him noble , this may beget â��

Unc.

It must needs work upon her .

Exit Unc. and Mer. Wid.

These are fine bobs ifaith , married , and with childe too , how long has this been , I trow ? they seem grave fellowes , they should not come to flout ; married , and bedded , the world takes notice too , where lies this May-game ? I could be vext extreamely now , and rail too , but t is to no end , though I itch a little , must I be scratcht I know not how , who waits there ?

Enter Humphrey , a servant . Hum.

Madam .

Wid.

Make ready my Coach quickly , and wait you onely , and hark you sir , be secret & speedy , inquire out where he lies .

Hum.

I shall do it , Madam .

Exit . Wid.

Married , and got with childe in a dream , t is fine ifaith , sure he that did this , would do better waking .

Exit . Enter Valentine , Fran. Lance , and a boy with a torch . Val.

Hold thy torch handsomely , how dost thou Francke ? Peter Bassell , bear up .

Fran.

You have fried me soundly , Sack do you call this drink ?

Val.

A shrewd dog , Francke , will bite abundantly .

Lan.

Now could I fight , and fight with thee .

Val.

With the , thou man of Memphis .

Lan.

But that thou art mine own naturall master , yet my sack sayes thou art no man , thou art a Pagan , and pawnest thy land , which a noble cause .

Val.

No arms , nor arms , good Lancelot , dear Lanec , no fighting here , we will have lands boy , livings , and titles , thou shalt be a Vice Roy , hang fighting , hang , 't is out of fashion .

Lan.

I would fain labour you into your lands again , go too , it is behoovefull .

Fran.

Fie Lance , fie .

Lan.

I must beat some body , and why not my master , before a stranger , charity and beating begins at home .

Val.

Come , thou shalt beat me .

Lan.

I will not be compeld , and you were two masters , I scorn the motion .

Val.

Wilt thou sleep ?

Lan.

I scorn sleep .

Val.

Wilt thou go cat ?

Lan.

I scorn meat , I come for rompering , I come to wait upon my charge discreetly ; for look you , if you will not take your morgage again , here do I lie Saint George , and so forth .

Val.

An here do I St. George , bestride the Dragon , thus with my Lance.

Lan.

I sting , I sting with my tail .

Val.

Do you so , do you so , Sir , I shall tail you presently .

Fran.

By no means , do not hurt him .

Val.

Take this Nelson , and now rise , thou maiden Knight of Malligo , lace on thy helmet of inchanted sack , and charge again .

Lan.

I play no more , you abuse me , will you go ?

Fran.

I le bid you good morrow Brother , for sleep I cannot , I have a thousand fancies .

Val.

Now thou art arrived , go bravely to the matter , and do something of worth Franke.

Lan.

You shall hear from us .

Exit Lance and Franke. Val.

This rogue , if he had been sober , sure had beaten me , is the most terrish Knave .

Enter Uncle and Merchant : May with a torch . Vnc.

'T is he .

Mer.

Good morrow .

Val.

Why sir , good morrow to you too , and you be so lusty .

Unc.

You have made your brother a fine man , we met him .

Val.

I made him a fine Gentleman , he was a foole before , brought up amongst the midst of small Beer Brew-houses , what would you have with me ?

Mer.

I come to tell you , your latest hour is come .

Val.

Are you my sentence ?

Mer.

The sentence of your state .

Val.

Let it be hang'd then , and let it be hang'd high enough , I may not see it .

Unc.

A gracious resolution .

Val.

What would you have else with me , will you go drink , and let the world slide Uncle ? Ha , ha , ha , boyes , drink sack like whey boyes .

Mer.

Have you no feeling , sir ?

Val.

Come hither Merchant : make me a supper , thou most reverent Land-catcher , a supper of fortie pounds .

Mer.

What then , Sir ?

Val.

Then bring thy wife along , and thy fair sisters , thy neighbours and their wives , and all their trinkets , let me have fortie trumpets , and such wine , we 'll laugh at all the miseries of morgage , and then in state I le render thee an answer .

Mer.

What say you to this ?

Unc.

I dare not say , nor think neither .

Mer.

Will you redeem your state , speak to the point , Sir ?

Val.

Not , not if it were mine heir in the Turks gallies .

Mer.

Then I must take an order ,

Val.

Take a thousand , I will not keep it , nor thou shalt not have it , because thou camest i th' nick , thou shalt not have it , go take possession , and be sure you hold it , hold fast with both hands , for there be those hounds uncoupled , will ring you such knell , go down in glorie , and march upon my land , and crie , All 's mine ; crie as the Devil did , and be the Devil mark what what an eccho follows , build fine March panes , to entertain Sir Silk-worm and his Lady , and pull the Chappell down , and raise a Chamber for Mistresse Silver-pin , to lay her belly in , mark what an Earthquake comes , then foolish Merchant my Tenants are no Subjects , they obey nothing , and they are people too , never Chistened , they know no Law , nor conscience , they 'l devour thee : and thou mortall , the stopple , they 'l confound thee within three dayes ; no bit nor memorie of what thou wert , no not the wart upon thy nose there , shall be ere heard of more , go take possession , and bring thy children down , to rost like Rabbets , they love young toasts and butter , Bow-bell Suckers ; as they love mischief , and hate Law , they are Cambals : bring down thy kinred too , that be not fruitfull , there be those Mandrakes that will mollifie um , go take possession , I le go to my Chamber , afore boy go .

Exeunt . Mer.

Hee 's mad sure .

Unc.

Hee 's half drunk sure , and yet I like this unwillingnesse to lose it , this looking back .

Mer.

Yes , if he did it handsomly , but he 's so harsh & strange .

Unc.

Beleeve it 't is his drink sir , and I am glad his drink has thrust it out .

Mer.

Canibals ; if ever I come to view his regiment , if faire termes may be had .

Vnc.

He tels you true sir , They are a bunch of the most boystrous Rascals disorder ever made , let um be mad once , the power of the whole Countrey cannot cool um , be patient but a while .

Mer.

As long as you will sir , before I buy a bargain of such Runts , I le buy a Colledge for Baers , and live among um ..

Enter Franscisco , Lance , boy with a Torch . Fran.

How dost thou now .

Lan.

Better then I was , and straighter , but my heads a Hogs-head still , it rowls and tumbles .

Fran.

Thou wert cruelly paid .

Lan.

I may live to requite it , put a Snaffle of Sack in my mouth and then ride me very well .

Fran.

T was all but sport , I le tell thee what I mean now , I mean to see this wench .

Lan.

Where a devil is she , and there were two , 't were better .

Fran.

Dost thou hear the bell ring .

Lan.

Yes , yes .

Fran.

Then she comes to prayers , early each morning thither : Now if I could but meet her , for I am of another mettle now .

Enter Isabel , and Shorthose with a Torch . Lan.

What lights yond .

Fran.

Ha , t is a light , take her by the hand and court her .

Lan.

Take her below the girdle , you 'l never speed else , it comes on this way still , oh that I had but such an opportunity in a Saw-pit , how it comes on , comes on , t is here .

Fran.

T is she , fortune I kiss thy hand â�� Good morrow Lady .

Isa.

What voice is that sirra , do you sleep as you go , t is he , I am glad on t , why Shorthose .

Short.

Yes forsooth , I was dreamt , I was going to Church .

Lan.

She sees yon as plain as I do .

Isa.

Hold thy torch up .

Short.

Here 's nothing but a stall , and a Butchers Dog asleep in 't , where did you see the voice .

Fran.

Shee looks still angry .

Lan.

To her and meet sir.

Isa.

Here , here .

Fran.

Yes Lady , never bless your solf , I am but a man , and like an honest man , now I wil thank you .

Isa.

What do you mean , who sent for you , who desired you .

Short.

Shall I put out the Torch forsooth .

Isa.

Can I not go about my private meditations , Ha , but such companions as you must ruffle me , you had best go with me sir.

Fran.

T was my purpose .

Isa.

Why , what an impudence is this , you had best , being so neer the Church , provide a Priest , and perswade me to marry you .

Fran.

It was my meaning , and such a husband , so loving , and so carefull , my youth , and all my fortunes shall arrive at â�� â�� Harke you .

Isa.

T is strange you should be thus unmannerly , turn home again sirra , you had best now force my man to lead your way .

Lan.

Yes marry shall a , Lady , forward my friend .

Isab.

This is a pretty Riot , it may grow to a rape .

Fran.

Do you like that better , I can ravish you an hundred times , and never hurt you .

Short.

I see nothing I am a sleep still , when you have done tell me , and then I le wake Mistris .

Isab.

Are you in earnest Sir , do you long to be hang'd .

Fran.

Yes by my troth Lady in these fair Tresses .

Isa.

Shall I call out for help .

Fran.

No by no means , that were a weak trick Lady , I le kiss , and stop your mouth .

Isa.

You l answer all these .

Fran.

A thousand kisses more .

Isa.

I was never abused thus , you had best give out too , that you found me willing , and say I doted on you .

Fran.

That 's known already , and no man living shall now carry you from me .

Isa.

This is fine ifaith .

Fran.

It shall be ten times finer .

Isab.

Well , seeing you are so valiant , keep your way , I will to Church .

Fran.

And I will wait upon you .

Isab.

And it is most likely there 's a Priest , if you dare venter as you profess , I would Wish you look about you , to do these rude tricks , for you know the recompences , and trust not to my mercy .

Fram .

But I will Lady .

Isa.

For I le so handle you .

Fran.

That 's it I look for .

Lan.

Afore thou dream .

Shor.

Have you done .

Isa.

Go on sir , & follow if you dare .

Fran.

If I do not hang me .

Lan.

T is all thine own boy , an were a million , god a mercy Sacke , when would small Beer have done this .

Exeunt . Knocking within . Enter Vallentine . Val.

Whos 's that that knocks and bounces , what a Devil alles you , is hell broke loose , or do you keep an Iron mill .

Enter a Servant . Ser.

T' is a Gentlewoman sir that must needs speak with you .

Val.

A Gentlewoman , what Gentlewoman , what have I to do with Gentlewomen ?

Ser.

She will not be answered Sir.

Val.

Fling up the bed and let her in , I le try how gentle she is â�� Exit Servant . This Sack has fild my head so full of bables , I am almost mad ; what Gentlewoman should this be , I hope she has brought me no butter prins along with her to lay to my charge , if she have t is all one , I le for wear it .

Enter Widow . VVid.

O you 'r a noble Gallant , send off your servant pray .

Exit Servant . Val.

She will not ravish me , by this light she looks as sharp set a Sparrow hawk , what would thou woman .

Wid.

O you have used me kindly , and like a Gentleman , this is to trust to you .

Val.

Trust to me , for what ?

Wid.

Because I said in jest once , you were a handsom man , one I could like well , and fooling , made you beleeve I loved you , and might be brought to marrie .

Val.

The widow is drunk too .

Wid.

You out of this , which is a fine discretion , give out the matter 's done , you have won and wed me , and that you have put fairly put for an heir too , these are fine rumours to advance my credit ; i th' name of mischief what did you mean ?

Val.

That you loved me , and that you might be brought to marrie me ; why , what a Devil do you mean , widow ?

VVid.

'T was a fine trick too , to tell the world though you had enjoyed your first wish , you wished the wealth you aimed at , that I was poor , which is most true , I am , have fold my lands , because I love not those vexations , yet for mine honours sake , if you must be prabing and for my credits sake in the Town .

Val.

I tell thee widow , I like thee ten times better , now thou hast no Lands , for now thy hopes and cares , Lye on thy husband , if ere thou marry est more .

VVid.

Have not you married me , and for this main cause , now as you report it to be your Nurse .

Val.

My Nurse , why , what am I grown too , give me the Glass , my Nurse .

Wid.

You nere said truer , I must confess I did a little favour you , and with some labour , might have been perswaded , but when I found I must be hourly troubled , with making broths , and dawbing your dacaies with swadling , and with stiching up your ruines , for the world so reports .

Val.

Do not provoke me .

Wid.

And half an eye may see .

Val.

Do not provoke me , the worlds a lying world , and thou shalt sinde it , have a good heart , and take a strong faith to thee , and mark what followes , my Nurse , yes , you shall rock me : Widdow I le keep you waking .

Wid.

You are disposed sir.

Val.

Yes marry am I Widdow , and you shall fell it , nay and they touch my freehold , I am a Tiger .

Wid.

I think so .

Val.

Come .

Wid.

Whither ?

Sings . Val. Any Whither . The fit 's upon me now , the fit 's upon me now , Come quickly gentle Ladie , the fit 's upon me now , The world shall know they are fools , And so shalt thou do too , Let the Cobler meddle with his tools , The fits upon me now

Take me quickly , while I am in this vein , away with me , for if I have but two hours to consider , all the widows in the world cannot recover me .

Wid.

If you will , go with me sir.

Val.

Yes marrie will I , but 't is in anger yet , and I will marrie thee , do not crosse me ; yes , and I will he with thee , and get a whole bundle of babies , and I will kisse thee , stand still and kisse me handsomely , but do not provoke me , stit neither hand nor foot , for I am dangerous , I drunk sack yesternight , do not allure me : Thou art no widow of this world , come in pitie , and in spite I le marrie thee , not a word more , and I may be brought to love thee .

Exeunt . Enter Merchant and Uncle at severall doors . Mer.

Well met agen , and what good newes yet ?

Unc.

Faith nothing .

Mer.

No fruits of what we sowed ?

Unc.

Nothing J hear of .

Mer.

No turning in this tide yet ?

Unc.

'T is all flood , and till that fall away , there 's no expecting .

Enter Fran. Isab. Lance. Shorthose , a torch . Mer.

â��s not this his younger brother ?

Unc.

With a Gentlewoman the widows sister , as I live he smiles , he has got good hold , why well said Franks faith , let 's stay and mark .

Isa.

Well , you are the prettiest youth and so you have handled me , think you ha me sure .

Fran.

As sure as wedlock .

Isa.

You had best lie with me too .

Fran.

Yes indeed will I , and get such black ey'd boyes .

Unc.

God a mercie , Franke.

Isa.

This is a merrie world , poor simple Gentlewomen that think no harm , cannot walk about their businesse , but they must be catcht up I know not how .

Fran.

I le tell you , and I le instruct you too , have I caught you , Mistresse .

Isa.

Well , and it were not for pure pitie , I would give you the slip yet , but being as it is .

Fran.

It shall be better .

Enter Valentine , Widow , and Ralph with a torch . Isa.

My sister , as I live , your brother with her , sure I think you are the Kings takers .

Unc.

Now it works .

Val.

Nay , you shall know I am a man.

Wid.

I think so .

Val.

And such proof you shall have .

Wid.

I pray speak softly .

Val.

I le speak it out Widow , yes and you shall confesse too , I am no Nurse-childe , I went for a man , a good one , if you can beat me out o th' pit .

Wid.

I did but jest with you .

Val.

I le handle you in earnest , and so handle you : Nay , when my credit cals .

Wid.

Are you mad ?

Val.

I am mad , I am mad .

Fran.

Good morrow , Sir , I like your preparation .

Val.

Thou hast been at it , Franke.

Fran.

Yes faith , 't is done sir.

Val.

Along with me then , never hang an arse , widow .

Isa.

'T is to no purpose , sister .

Val.

Well said Black-brows , advance your torches Gentlemen .

Unc.

Yes , yes Sir.

Val.

And keep your ranks .

Mer.

Lance , carrie this before him .

Unc.

Carrie it in state .

Enter Musicians , Fount . Hare . Bell. Val.

What are you Musicians , I know your comming , and what are those behinde you ,

Musi.

Gentlemen that sent us to give the Lady , a good morrow .

Val. O I know them come boy sing the song I taught you , And sing it lustily , come forward Gentlemen , your welcome , Welcom , now we are all friends , go get the Priest ready , And let him not be long , we have much business : Come Francke , rejoyce with me , thou hast got the start boy , But I le so tumble after , come my friends lead , Lead cheerfully , and let your Fiddles ring boyes , My follies and my fancies have an end here , Display the morgage Lance , Merchant I le pay you , And every thing shall be in joynt agen . Vnc.

Afore , afore .

Val. And now confess , and know , Wit without Money , sometimes gives the blow . Exeunt . FINIS .

Plays written by Francis Beamount ; and John Flecher , printed in . Quarto .

1 VVit without Money . 2 Night walker : or , the Little thief . 3 Opportunity . 4 Coronation . 5 Scornfull Lady . 6 Elder Brother . 7 Philaster . 8 King and no King. 9 Mounsteur Thomas . 10 Rollo Duke Normandy . 11 Rule a wife and have a wife . 12 Thierry and Theodoret. 13 Woman Hater . 14 Maids Tragedy . 15 Knight ot'h Burning Pestle . 16 Cupids Revenge . 17 Noble Kinsman .