Integration #2


Exploring Myself and My Surroundings

	Instead of basing my response around the given questions, I looked at the past content from Chapters 9-12 and saw two distinct categories of the things I’d take away from this second part of the semester. These two things were how I’ve grown as an individual and what I’ve learned about those around me, and these two things together encapsulate a lot of what I’ve learned both this second part of the semester and during the semester as a whole. I looked back to my first integration to look at the statements I had written for myself, and in modifying these statements to my current perspectives and reflecting on them, I think it says a lot about where I am at this point in time. The two statements I will redefine, one with regards to self-growth and the other with regards to what I see around me, are as follows:
I believe that I have plenty of room for improvement (1st Integration)/I believe that I need to be easier on myself and be okay with my shortcomings (2nd Integration)
	Building on my first integration and where I am with regards to feelings of shortcomings, I feel like I’ve come a long way this second half of the semester. In my first months at Notre Dame, I was harder on myself and expected myself to be a better version of myself than I thought I was at that point. In high school, I made sure to be as active as I could, and looking back that was both pretty exhausting and it set an unrealistic bar for me that I was expecting to reach at college. Faced with the new challenge of college life, I found myself in an adjusting period and quickly found out that the level of involvement I was used to at home was just not sustainable here, and that was frustrating to me. I came in wanting to make the most of my time here, because I’d always been told that the “four years goes by so fast,” and to see myself not doing everything I set out to do was hard for me to grasp at first. I believe I’ve gotten better at both setting more realistic expectations for myself and also not letting my shortcomings drag me down as much as they initially did. I see a connection between these ideas and Julia Hogan’s discussion of expectation in a Week 9 article. In talking about expectations, Hogan notes that “when we meet (or surpass) them, we feel like we are worthy. If we don’t meet those expectations, we feel like the exact opposite — that we aren’t good enough.” I think that this is certainly applicable to how I was initially feeling, as at points I can reflect on feeling like I wasn’t good enough to be here because of my personal failures to achieve what I set out to achieve, but now my expectations are more personalized to my lifestyle here having lived here for a few months now. I’m glad I’ve gotten past the stage where expectations were dragging me down and that now they are moreso a force to reassure me (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” - Julia Hogan, Moreau FYE Week 9). 
	I see another connection to the Kintsugi workshop video from Week 10, where the artist makes sure to emphasize that everything within us is a part of who we are, no matter if it’s good, bad, embarrassing, or something we want to forget. Just because something bad happened to us doesn’t mean we should be ashamed of it - it’s a part of who we are and we have to accept that part of us for what it is. In my failure to live up to my expectations early in the semester, I think I was ashamed of myself and the way I was living: lots of staying up late, not being as productive as I should be, etc. Every time I’d call my parents on the weekends, I’d just be reminded of how different I was living compared to high school and I’d feel uncomfortable discussing how I was living in college. This video gave me a sort of relief and sense of self-acceptance because we’ll all go through ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean that we have to be ashamed of who we are. I know that I can be more accepting of who I am and who I will become (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” - Moreau FYE Week 10). 
I am searching for a solid foundation (1st Integration)/I have found an accepting and diverse community around me as I explore my surroundings (2nd Integration)
	In my time here, I’ve also become much more familiar with my community and the various groups that make up Notre Dame. Initially, I was searching for a solid foundation in finding my type of people on campus, and I’m glad that as I’ve explored through the community and tried my hand with various groups of people, I’ve found a solid core group that I can really count on. I still am the shy person I came to Notre Dame as, but I’ve learned to appreciate the company and friendships that I’ve made while I’m here. My friends are some of the most accepting and caring people I’ve ever gotten close to, and I’m really grateful I feel comfortable counting on them for anything. This ties into Palmer’s article from Week 11, which includes a sentiment of using others to better yourself; it explains how we need others for “comfort, encouragement, and support, and for criticism, challenge, and collaboration.” I’ve found during the course of my relationships with them, I’ve been able to enjoy quality time with them but also have them push me to be more physically and socially active even if I don’t feel like it; I never end up regretting it though. They are there to make me a better person, and I’m thankful they’re a solid part of my foundation here (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” - Moreau FYE Week 11). 
	I’ve also learned to appreciate the diversity a Holy Cross education brings to my time at Notre Dame. What’s unique about Notre Dame is that it’s not just an institution focused on academics; personal formation, faith, and community are critical to the Notre Dame experience. This was one of the reasons why I chose Notre Dame, as I felt the community wouldn’t be as cutthroat when it comes to academics and would be more supportive when it comes to my college process. The Holy Cross and Christian Education article from Week 12 connects to this in emphasizing the five pillars of “Mind, Heart, Zeal, Family, and Hope” as all critical to the college experience, and I think as I continue to explore I’ll be able to see each of these pillars present in my life more fully (“Holy Cross and Christian Education” - Moreau FYE Week 12). All in all, it’s been a great semester - thank you so much! Unfortunately I got stuck with a late registration time and couldn’t make my schedule work around your class but hope you have a nice holiday season!