Integration #1: Breaking My Beliefs Breaking My Beliefs Of the many I believe statements I've made in my life, from the innocent, ignorant, increments I professed as a child, to the ones I confess now, I've made quite a bit of I believe statements throughout life. Yet, looking at this prompt, and inspite the amount of directions, instructions, and startups given, I still had to think for a while about what I believe. Who would have thought that such a common statement that we profess every day in life knowingly and unknowingly would cause me this much turmoil and aggravation? Ultimately, I decided at the end of the day that I would discuss as many beliefs as I can from the ones that shaped my childhood, to the ones I know, and learn from now. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Of course, this common statement is not anything surprising. It is a saying confessed everywhere, and by everyone, including the ones who don't believe it either. Since I was a child, I went to church. I still remember the praise dances we did on special occasions such as mother’s day and father’s day, Christmas, and Easter. I remember my igbo songs and the beating of the drums as we, the church, sang in harmony about the glory of god. God. He who knows everything and should not be questioned. ( “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZMeqWWOIs&feature=youtu.be&ab_channel=Universit yofNotreDameCampusMinistry” by Fr. Pete McCormick, C.S.C.- Moreau FYE Week three). Yet, as I grew older I began to question him. I was scared to question him and things “he would do”. I wasn't supposed to question him, I thought. Whatever occurred, happened because he wanted it to happen. But I still found myself pondering why Jesus, a man who I was told loved me, would make me and my close friend get into a fight? Why was it that I got in trouble on the school bus https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZMeqWWOIs&feature=youtu.be&ab_channel=UniversityofNotreDameCampusMinistry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZMeqWWOIs&feature=youtu.be&ab_channel=UniversityofNotreDameCampusMinistry when I was younger, and was embarrassed in front of the whole bus? Why would these things happen? There were always moments in life when I would think that. All these experiences made me feel the one thing I hated feeling, because I couldn't control it:vulnerable. Vulnerability: “Vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, love…”(“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One). I always hated being vulnerable. It was the worst feeling ever. I never associated it with neither good nor bad, but the power of vulnerability versus the need to numb that very feeling was a recurring theme in my childhood days. God wasn’t supposed to make me feel vulnerable. He wasn’t supposed to put me in vulnerable situations, in which I felt exposed, and naked to the things-teh “Adams”. I did not want people to see. (“https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLW TrAIN” by David Brooks- Moreau FYE week two). I wanted my strong side to show. The laughing side and intelligent side, not the weak parts. But as I stated before: Everything happens for a reason. I eventually began seeing the reasons. The reason I fail;eda test, got into a fight, got in trouble, broke ties with my closest friend, was all for a reason- a good one at that. These things caused me to be the girl I am today. That friend I used to hold on to was manipulative, and it needed for me to be put in a vulnerable position, in which we did get into a fight, for me to see that the toxic friendship needed to go. (“https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/” by Olivia T. Taylor- Moreau FYE week four) The times I got embarrassed in front of the schoolbus, and things didn't go my way, were the times my other Adam was to be seen, and embraced. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/ These moments taught me to accept both parts of myself wholeheartedly. I should not weigh one over the other, nor should I strive to only embody one over another. Having multiple Adams is a good combination that builds character. One should not be valued more than the opposite. Similarly, Vulnerability, in spite of the kind of the core of shame and fear it brings, appears to be the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, love. I've always regarded vulnerability as a trait that is neither bad nor good, I never once had tried to acknowledge it as something that could be the core of many positives in life. In a way it is a type of authenticity, and as someone who seeks truthfulness over all kinds of relationships in [my] life, be it platonic or intimate, I surprisingly learned that being fully vulnerable is an emotion we should embrace. It keeps our connection and ultimately understanding of and with others raw. I am from sweatsuits and church dresses, to sneakers and high heels. I am from the color green and white the color of a nation far but near. From bacon, egg, and cheese with an Arizona in the mornings to jollof rice and eba in the night time. All these things are for a reason. (“Where I’m From Poem”- Moreau FYE Week five and six). These things happened for a reason as well. The blending of cultures I experienced growing up was God’s way of telling me that I’m unique. I used to be ashamed of the background I’m from, especially because it was that of a country in which many stories were told for it by the people in power to form it. (“Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: The danger of a single story” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie- Moreau FYE Week seven). I was even impressionable enough at a tender age to believe those fables, so I hid in the shadows, trying to blend in with the crowd. However, now I see, I’m of that background for a reason. I embrace it and wear it around my classrooms for a reason. I speak igbo, and put on https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story “shaku” during Dance Africa Club ND for a reason. I’m in ASA and BSA for a reason. These reasons are to be exemplified, not minimized. So, even now, as I sit in this library chair, and reflect on what my life has been like and my core beliefs-or should I say belief from childhood till college, I know there was a reason I chose ND, and it chose me.I am from the name Lisa, derived fromElisabeth in the bible; the ultimate mix of anything and everything. Notre Dame is the ultimate mix of everything. It is where we come to connect our minds, heart, and soul, something I am doing and hope to continue doing throughout my time here, and life onwards. Because, everything happens for a reason.