Cormac Mc Carthy 
Moreau Integration One
What makes Cormac, Cormac?
I believe that it is essential for me to focus on my self-improvement and become a better version of myself each and every day. In high school, I didn’t like who I was. I had poor habits, minimal motivation and was constantly unproductive. I isolated myself, automatically forcing myself into a situation where I had a constant negative attitude.  I knew I had to make a change. After getting accepted into Notre Dame, and deciding that I wanted it to be my future university, I wanted to make a change. I didn’t want to carry the same behavior over. I knew by moving far away, and giving myself a complete fresh start, I could be anyone I wanted to be. I realized that I should stop overthinking about what people thought of me. I just needed to do my own things, participate in activities that I like, and that would result in my overall wellbeing. This situation reminds me of Dr. Brown's Ted Talk from Week One. She said “When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they’ll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. When you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection,” (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One). She is talking about what it’s like to have a negative attitude, which I was stuck in. Thankfully, now, I’m working on myself everyday to maintain a positive can-do attitude so I can stay motivated and confident in myself. David Brooks solidified this idea even more in his Ted Talk from Week Two by saying “In order to fulfill yourself, you have to forget yourself. In order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself,” (“Should You Live for your Resume or your Eulogy” by David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week Two). I felt like I had a version of myself that I wanted to just completely forget and lose, and now I’m slowly fulfilling and finding myself. It’s hard to truly figure out what makes you feel better about yourself though. 
So how would someone know how to fix their flaws and make slow changes? Self-discovery. In Week Three, Father Pete mentions how self-discovery is the greatest journey anyone will ever go on (“The Role of Faith in Our Story” by Father Pete - Moreau FYE Week Three). To pursue self-discovery, we need to try new things, interact with new people, and challenge ourselves. This allows us to figure out who we are as individuals and what makes us happy. Again, this is another step towards my goal of a constant focus on self-improvement. 
I believe that I am searching for a thriving family. As I mentioned in my Where I’m From Poem (‘Where I'm From” by George Ella Lyon - Moreau FYE Week Six), I grew up in a very broken family. My parents had divorced. Before this, at age two, my mother broke up my family by fabricating allegations, preventing my father from seeing me. She then told me that my father was dead. My brother and I were left neglected with her. Thank God my dad won full custody after an extremely long battle in the court system and two years of my brother and I not seeing him. Even though we lived in a much more supportive and structured household, the absence of a mom, and living in a single-parent household was a challenge. Due to this experience, when I’m older, I want to fight to do everything I can to have a great relationship with my wife and kids. I don’t want my kids growing up in a divorced household. I know how it affected me, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through that. In Week Seven, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie mentions a lot about stereotypes and her past experiences. First she explains that “as a child, I saw jam disappear from the breakfast table, then margarine disappeared, then bread became too expensive, then milk became rationed,” (“The Danger of a Single Story” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Moreau FYE Week Seven). This quote reminded me of my situation from my divorced parents. Through the divorce, my dad spent all of his money in legal fees fighting for my brother and I. We survived off SPAM meat, toast, and banana sandwiches. Then, she also mentions stereotypes and it made me wonder if they can really be broken. I feel like divorce has become a normal, common thing and I hope it’s something that can be broken. From this information, you can really see why I believe that I am searching for a healthy future family. 
I’ve always had trouble understanding why bad relationships happen so often. Olivia Taylor talks about some simple traits that could hint to a bad friendship. For example, they only talk about negative things, they don’t listen to you, or they use you to get what they want (“5 Signs You're in a Toxic Friendship” by Olivia T. Taylor, Grotto - Moreau FYE Week Four). To me, it just seems obvious that if you’re in any negative relationship, that relationship should just be ended for the benefit of all parties involved. From this, since my parents didn’t have a working relationship that could last, why did they even get married? Why is it common for people to stick with their toxic relationships? I guess it’s hard to really know. 
Staying on the topic of my mission for family, I believe that my search for family extends out of just biological family. In Week Five, Father Grove explains how one of the most important part of how a Holy Cross Education happens is through family (“Two Notre Dames: Your Holy Cross Education” by Father Kevin Grove - Moreau FYE Week Five). One of the most major reasons why I chose Notre Dame as my university is because of how much I heard how great the community is. Within my hall, I’ve met a lot of great people and made a couple really close friends. I think we’ll all be close for a very long time. I think that I’ve been social enough to help bonds form, which makes everyone happy. I’m very thankful for that gift and experiences that Notre Dame gives. So, in my belief that I am searching for a healthy family, it extends past my future wife and kids. It also includes the people who I am very close with in general.  
Overall, I believe that everyday I’m striving to better myself and that I’m looking for a healthy family. To better myself everyday, I’m going to work on keeping a positive mindset by setting daily goals for myself. This will allow me to feel accomplished, motivated, and push me to work hard. To find my family, I need to keep my close peers close. Since being at Notre Dame, I learned that communication is important. When I feel like there are struggles going on, I need to communicate with those close ones. Going to my Moreau class taught me that it’s okay to be vulnerable and open. If I can do that, I think I’ll be on a good path for me.