Mr. Oswald Moreau FYE 3 December 2021 Finding Family and Balance Due to Cross Country being a fall sport, I arrived at campus a week before the student body. I remember getting dropped off at the teams off campus house and right before knocking on the door thinking, “I am about to meet my best friends for the next four years of my life.” While this was an exciting moment, as one can imagine it was also quite nerve wracking. From that moment on, the week went by in a blur of excitement and exhaustion. Thinking back on the time that has passed since that first knock on the door to where I am now, nearly done with my first semester of college, I am amazed at the growth I have been able to achieve. It feels like I have been here a lifetime when it really has only been four and a half months. Fred DeVito once said, “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you,” and this is how I would best describe my last few months as I transitioned into a new life. It has been a fantastic experience that makes me extremely excited for the rest of my time here, but it has also presented its fair share of challenges. From the freshman plague, doing laundry on my own, to more challenging issues like times of loneliness and experiencing imposter syndrome, I have encountered a lot that required responding too. But through these encounters I have adapted, grown, and learned how be ready to respond better in the future. One of the things I was most nervous about coming into college was finding good friends. I knew I would have plenty of friends because I had a team, but there is a difference between being acquaintances with people and having real relationships. This was a concern of mine because I have always struggled to form deeper relationships with others. I have a hard time trusting people and opening up because I have been hurt in the past, but a quote from Kirston Helgesen has helped me see this vulnerability in a new light, “A breakable heart is a good thing because it allows you to grow and expand,” (Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop by Kirston Helgesen- Moreau FYE Week 10). This is the concept behind Kintsugi, an artform which is intended to rebuild the soul. I had never heard of Kintsugi before, but am absolutely in love with the idea of it. It offers a creative way to reflect on the pieces of yourself that maybe aren’t whole. And by channeling these emotions into the cup and letting them “break the cup”, the healing process can begin. Because if the emotions can break the cup, but the gold glue can put the cup back together, than that is representative of your soul having the ability to be glued back together too. I have switched my mindset to view the new relationships I am forming as glue for my soul rather than a force that can break it. And I can say so far, that it has worked excellently. I would do anything for all my teammates, and I know they would do anything for me. It has been so comforting through this transition to have a team that has become a family away from home. In week eleven, we explored the idea of encountering community and I found the following quote especially helpful in my journey, “Community begins not externally but in the recesses of the human heart,” (Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community by Parker Palmer- Moreau FYE Week 11). I feel this idea gives more purpose to the personal growth I have been trying to achieve because it shows that my personal growth effects more than just me. It improves the community and family I am in, which only adds motivation to keep trying to get better. https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ While I love a good challenge and wanting to improve myself is something engrained into me, sometimes I need to step back and be happy with who I am now. My whole life I have been dedicated to being an athlete and student. Over the years I think I started to lose my sense of identity and I began to let my sports and academics define me rather than just being something I did. I was told that if I worked hard all the time I would get where I needed to go. Well, I got to the place I worked the first 18 years of life towards and now just feel pressure to achieve the next big thing. Elizabeth Cox says in her TedEd, “There’s often no threshold of accomplishment.” (What is Imposter Syndrome? By Elizabeth Cox- Moreau FYE Week 9). This is something that I am recently coming to realize, and I’ve decided it is time to figure out the fine line between work and enjoyment in life. I do still believe having reasonable expectations, aspirations, and goals are healthy for producing a drive to succeed. It is just when these become consuming that they are no longer healthy. To combat this consumption in work, I have instilled a routine in my week consisting of little things that I know I will enjoy. For example, Sunday mornings are for getting a smoothie bowl at purely pressed and Sunday nights are for getting dinner with a few seniors on the team. Monday mornings are for a warm coffee and Thursday mornings are for a bagel for breakfast. It is these little things that are beginning to make a big difference in my work-life balance. Here at Notre Dame, we as students are at a critical point in our lives. We are formed by our encounters and experiences over the next four years. The goal over the course of our time here is not necessarily to grow into the person we are destined to be the rest of our lives, but rather learn how to stand up on our own and take life head on. The following quote from C.S. Lewis’s Screwtape letters sums this up perfectly, “He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs- to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish,” (The Screw Tape Letters https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28199/files/192826?module_item_id=109705 by C.S. Lewis- Moreau FYE Week 12). Life is not easy and I know I will be continuously challenged, but I am confident that I will learn how to respond well to these challenges during my time here at Notre Dame.