You Are your Greatest Critic

	Throughout high school I’ve had a class very similar to Moreau called RSB (Reflective Spiritual Being). And it was in those moments in that class did I discover and learn more about myself. Often times when we are going about our normal day: going to classes, eating, socializing, studying, and sleeping, we often don’t have that much time dedicated to ourselves. Thus, it is those moments when you are by yourself, all alone and reflecting on your life, that you learn the most about yourself, Daloz Parks. Sure, we learn in class with all the new material that we process, but I believe that it is when we are by ourselves, really thinking about who we are, in those short but crucial moments that we grow the most. Oftentimes, those thoughts end up leading to sad and emotional destinations, but through those times we are knocked down we get up stronger and better. 
	These experiences have shaped me to become who I am today. Deresiewicz (2010) states that “true leadership means being able to think for yourself and act on your convictions.” The convictions that I act on are often those that I discover when I’m all alone by myself. There is a big reason as to why I’m deciding to double major with Business Analytics and Psychology, with an original intention of just majoring in Business Analytics. Back in high school, I realized I loved being the person that people could always reach out to and contact whenever they had any issues regarding their mental state or health. I would often leave my phone ringer on throughout the night just in case one of my friends really needed someone to talk to. And it was this one instance at night when one of my good friends Nic called me at 3 AM panicking about his mental health. And it was at that moment that I realized I loved helping people, I loved talking to people, and I loved guiding people on what they could do to help their state. But after all this time, I realized that it is so much easier to tell other people what to do than doing it yourself if you were faced with the exact same circumstances, Father Michael Himes – 3 Key Questions and what am I going to do with my life. 
	This is why I believe that I still have so much more to improve in terms of being a leader. Often times I feel so hypocritical of telling people things, that indeed are the best for them, but when it comes to me, I wouldn’t force it upon myself. Meaning that I wouldn’t be able to follow through with it myself. And sometimes I feel like that is equivalent with me lying to myself about things when other people tell me other things. For example, my friends from back home and friends here at Notre Dame did not like my now ex-girlfriend and they all told me that it was extremely toxic and was not good for my health. They all told me they could see with the interactions that they had with me that she was not good for me at all. But I would always lie to myself and convince myself otherwise. I often did this by reminiscing about the good, happy moments I had with her, and that was a terrible coping strategy. But through this experience I’ve been able to learn a lot about myself. Discovering that I lie to myself about these things earlier, is always better than discovering that I do this in my later forties. In addition, now that I know I do this, I subconsciously realize that I could be lying to myself and that would also help me make better leadership decisions.
	It is quite often that when I think of someone who has been a crucial leader in my life, that they don’t think of themselves as acting as a leader. I believe a leader has to be selfless instead of selfish. One that isn’t doing it for his own benefits, but rather for the greater good of other people. One leader that played a big role in my life was my brother. Since we are in the same family, he knew exactly how to guide me through the process of high school and now, college. There is this memory that I remember extremely vividly where he was having an argument with my parents during his high school years and he sat me down in my room and put on Avatar the Last Airbender for me to watch and wipe out the loud shouts in the background. But being the child I was, I understood concepts that a normal 8–9-year-old didn’t. I understood that these things could get super violent, and the damages done on our family dynamic couldn’t be repaired. However, my brother, even in the midst of the anger he had inside him was able to do the selfless thing and take care of me and what I was feeling.
	I hope that one day I could be a fraction of who he is. I’ve come to recognize that I let my emotions get the best of me. In moments of heated argument, it is extremely hard for me to take a step back and evaluate the moment. Especially if the person I’m arguing with has extremely flawed logic. However, after growing up and experiencing more events, I’ve understood that arguing with someone is quite pointless. When you argue with someone, no one listens to the other person. Thus, now I’ve learned to take a step back from the situation and communicate with the other person when both parties are better suited to talk properly. 
	As days go by, as time passes, as I grow older, I have to do my part in today’s society. There are so many issues that I see go by unnoticed and I believe it is my job to do my part in fixing these situations. There’s this funny poster that are posted all over urinals in China, which translates to: “One small step forward, makes a huge difference”. And I guess all I can do is to take that step forward – but oftentimes that’s the hardest part.