Merriam 

March 2, 2022
SP22-FYS-10102-35 Moreau First Year Experience
Ryan Retartha

Hearts Touched

	While I may only have been on this earth for 18 years, I’ve still managed to experience much of what life has to offer. I’ve visited 22 countries, embracing a variety of cultures and meeting people whose stories are wildly different than mine. I’ve lived overseas several times, as I was forced to assimilate to an foreign environment that eventually became my home. I’ve experience genuine and true love, meeting people who lit a fire of joy inside me and fanned that flame to burn even brighter. I’ve felt loss, whether this be in the death of a close friend, when I’ve let myself down, or something as simple as when I don’t do well on an assignment I worked hard on. This experiences have undoubtedly taught me lessons and have padded my resume of cool conversation starters to break the ice. However, I would never want to be remembered for the things I’ve done or achievements I’ve earned. I would want to be memorialized for the person I was, the people I affected, and the moments we shared together. My life was about the hearts I touched, not the boxes I checked. I would hope my eulogy would go somewhat like this. 
	Anna’s life was well-lived, as she brought joy and energy into any room she stepped into. She took time to make sure people felt noticed and seen, dedicating time to get to know someone or going out of her way to show someone they’re appreciated. She was always doing something, running an errand, doing an assignment, helping a friend, or calling her family. However, as written in a quote from Pico Iyer, it is “the very people… who have worked to speed up the world are the same ones most sensitive to the virtue of slowing down” ("Why we need to slow down our lives” by Pico Iyer - Moreau FYE Week 1). Anna was an occupied and driven person, but simultaneously someone who valued small moments of quality time spent with others. She took steps to make others feel loved and that their time was as precious to her as it is. She learned the hard way that getting caught up in the intensity of a moment means you miss out on the important ones, and therefore live a life where you are disconnected and preoccupied. While she was always busy, she made time to be present and thoughtful, spending small moments with others which filled her heart with joy and fulfillment.
	She was someone who stood up for what was right, advocating for justice and that all men are created equal under the eyes of God. Anna stood up against injustices in her community, and protected the rights of those who were discriminated against. Anna saw the goodness of an individual and admired those who acted similarly. She was particularly drawn to the legacy left by Father Hesburgh, a Notre Dame icon and a man whose Catholic values guided him through chaos. Father Hesburgh lived a well-lived life in his protection of others and advocacy for what is good and Catholic. He put “his moral weight behind Martin Luther King what he was trying to do” ("Hesburgh" (Produced by Jerry Barca and Christine O'Malley)
49:53 - Moreau FYE Week 2). His advocacy for what was right - especially in the face of contention and hatred - was inspiring to Anna. He stuck out as a figure who lived a “well-lived life”, following what the Church taugh him about the beauty of a person, even in the midst of hatred and dissent. Anna sought to live her life similarly, whether that was simply defending someone who was generally disliked or approaching conversations and confrontations with an open and receptive mind. She valued justice, discourse, and the beauty and inherent goodness of every person, proudly carrying those values with her in every interaction. 
	However, Anna was not a person without flaws. She experienced sadness, loss, darkness, and hardship. She sometimes struggled to maintain longlasting happiness, blurring the distinction happiness and joy and consequently leaning into the things that only made her happy. As thoughtfully put by Fr. Michael Himes, “Happiness changes from moment to moment, day to day. Joy, on the other hand, is much deeper and much more central, it comes from within, and it’s a genuine rightness of how one lives one’s life” ("Three Key Questions" by Fr. Michael Himes - Moreau FYE Week 3). One of Anna’s key and cultivated skills was her ability to distinguish between two emotions, as one is short-lived and temporary. One the other hand, joy is transformative and is necessary to build a passion for a pursuit or a strong relationship with another person. Anna was joyful and fervently sought to bring out joy in others. She learned that tapping into joy is the gateway to unlocking one’s passions, and without being passionate, it is impossible to truly live a well-lived life. Anna found passion in giving back to others and helping people feel encouraged and capable. She wanted to touch the hearts of others, and in doing so, she felt that same joy reflected back at her.
	Unlocking this passion was crucial, as Anna was only successful because she was so thoroughly joyful. In college, she struggled to find a career path and was overcome by anxiety about her future, as she feared she would not find joy in a simple desk job. She had to learn the lesson that “there is no “best major” out there - but there is a ‘best major for you’” ("Navigating Your Career Journey” (Meruelo Family Center for Career Development - Moreau FYE Week 4). While this quote pertained to her career exploration, it can be broadened to extend to all aspects of Anna’s life. There is a strong discrepancy between what is right and wrong, good and evil. However, a fair amount of the time, a decision or path can be “good” because it was good for her. She learned to walk the line between what was selfish and what was beneficial for her. She was firm in what friends she chose, what lifestyle she subscribed to, and what decisions she made that conformed to preserving the truest version of herself. She lived her life authentically and without regret, chasing her passions and deriving success - but more importantly joy - from them.
	The people who know Anna the best are her family, her lifeline and rock for her whole life. ​​Almost no one knows Anna in the way that her family does, and her mother’s advice was always something she valued heavily. She is someone who was not only a role model to Anna, but who had nothing but her best interests at heart. She saw Anna's deepest passion and value in fairness, justice, and service to others. She believes this is what gives her the affinity for teaching, because her career path aligned with her values: equality, education, and the potential of every person. Her blind faith in Anna motivated her every day, and Anna would want her mother to know how large a role and influence she played in her life (Moreau FYE Week 5).
	Anna valued the opinion of others and took careful consideration into what others thought. However, she took pride in her ability to self-reflect, as her self-assured nature was a direct result of time spent with self. This ability to self-reflect took time to master, as there is a hard difference between introspection and self knowledge. As she came to discover, simply thinking about one’s self and situation is wildly different. “We can spend endless amounts of time in self-reflection but emerge with no more self-insight than when we started” (“The Right Way to be Introspective (Yes, There’s a Wrong Way)” by Tasha Eurich - Moreau FYE Week 6).
 Hyperfocus on one’s life can be more detrimental, as introspection can cloud one’s life, impeding positive change and sometimes creating a false sense of security. She learned to walk the line between self-reflection and self-knowledge, creating a healthy space where she could grow in self-knowledge without lulling herself into a false sense of security. This self-reflection allowed Anna to be the best version of herself so she could be there for others. She spent careful time in reflection alone so she could be present in conversation, giving the best and most present side of herself to the people she cared about. This allowed her to continue to touch the hearts of those she loved.
	This love for others was carefully cultivated, as Anna was an affectionate person whose love radiated towards everyone she touched. However, she sometimes struggled with feeling that reciprocal love from others. It was like “You knew people loved you, but words never brought you to that knowledge” (Tattoos on the Heart by Fr. Greg Boyle - Moreau FYE Week 7). She struggled to feel love in a way that seemed unconventional to her, because her family life emphasized affection and affirmation on a daily basis. Anna felt college was an affirming process for her, because she found friends who genuinely carried her best interests at heart and made her life more well-lived. While they expressed affection nonverbally, she struggled to hear it and feel secure in their relationships. However, she learned how to appreciate their affection and saw the magnitude of their love in everyday actions and little moments. While at first it was hard for her to find that connection, she was able to find life-giving relationships that enhanced her life and made it more well-lived. As time went on, she was able to express and have love expressed back, which was her greatest joy in life. 
	Anna found love wherever she looked. She sought it out. She cultivated it in her heart and in the hearts of others. She loved to love others, standing up for justice and taking time to appreciate the nuances of life. She was driven by a need to help others, to love others, to connect and share moments of beauty and pure joy.  Her memory will last forever because love is infinite and her love and presence will persist. Her life was well-lived and lives on forever in the hearts of those she touched.