Word count [1334]

Encountering, Envisioning, and Enacting new Experiences

	As I enter into these final weeks of my first semester in college, I reflect on the many things I’ve encountered: a new environment, new friends, new professors, new classes, new responsibilities living on my own, and so much more.  For the most part, each of these encounters have been exciting new experiences and opportunities to grow as an individual, on the other hand, some encounters have tested my confidence and my beliefs that I am able to handle things on my own.  Yet what has defined my ability to live on my own and act as an adult is how I’ve responded to each of these encounters.
	Throughout my journey this semester, I’ve asked many questions whether that be anything from the basics of college life, to asking deeper questions such as whether I am fit for Notre Dame.  During Week 9 of Moreau, we watched a video that discussed “Imposter Syndrome,” a phenomenon where one does not think they are fit to belong whether that be at a university, in the workplace, or elsewhere, nor do they believe they are worthy of their accomplishments.  (“What is Imposter Syndrome?” by Elizabeth Cox - Moreau FYE Week 9).  Going into midterms week right before Thanksgiving break, my stress level was high.  I was worried I wasn’t going to get all of my assignments in on time nor was I going to do well on all my exams.  I kept having the thoughts that everyone around me was doing so well and just kept asking myself why I couldn’t keep up.  After opening up to my friends, I came to learn that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.  As much as everyone may have tried to keep themselves composed, everyone had a bit of stress or worry for the exams ahead.  This feeling of “imposter syndrome” went away once I realized that just like all other students at Notre Dame, we all worked hard to come here and are deserving of our accomplishments.  I’ve found that when I have doubts or questions it helps to talk them out whether that be with friends, mentors, or anyone I trust.  I will use this method of responding to questions in the future in order to give me comfort in knowing that I am supported by the people around me.     
When I imagined being in college, I had a slightly different idea of what would truly have importance to me, but now after being at ND, some things have grown in importance as a result of my ND journey while others have shrunk in importance.  During Week 10 of Moreau, we discovered that “Love is the deepest human need. Each human being has a deep spiritual, psychological, emotional longing for love. And not to get it injures us deeply.” (Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement by Rev. John I. Jenkins, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week 10).  In stating this I believe Rev. Jenkins intended to encourage others to spread love, and in doing so know that love is felt/received in many different ways.  Before coming to ND I would have interpreted this quote differently.  I had imagined that my social life would hold a lot of importance, it would be the place where I “felt and received” love: I should be going to every football game, I should be having fun on the weekends, I should be making lots of friends, I should want to be social.  Towards the end of the week leading up to the weekend before Thanksgiving break, I came down with the flu.  I was super congested, had an awful cough and had a high fever. I didn’t want to leave my bed nor did I want to get anyone else sick, so for me, that meant missing the last football game.  I felt disappointed and that I was going to miss so much just because I was sick for one game.  What I came to realize was that missing out on things isn’t a bad thing and doesn’t mean I’m not loved.   While I was sick, my friends came to visit me everyday and bring me tea.  With friends like them who genuinely care about me I now know that we spread and receive love through kind acts for one another.  With this I’ve also realized that my faith is important to me.  I genuinely love going to my dorm mass every Sunday night and praying for the week ahead.  My scope of what is truly important to me has been changed by my journey at ND.     
Along with questions and things changing their importance to me, some things that seemed “black and white” are now more ambiguous.  During week 11 of Moreau we discussed how “People don’t consciously realize how racialialized and racist our society is, but change is more possible when we hear different voices” (Diversity Matters by Prof. Augustin Fuentes - Moreau FYE Week 11).  My writing and rhetoric class surrounds the topics of environmental and racial justice and oftentimes talk of implicit biases comes up.  For one assignment we were asked to look at different advertisements promoting vaccines as well as advertisements about adoption.  In analyzing each of these advertisements, which at first glance seem perfectly normal, I came to truly see that some were exclusive and did not do a good job of promoting inclusivity amongst all people.  For example, the advertisement promoting getting the flu vaccine featured a white middle class family; it failed to include people of all ages (considering older people may be even more recommended to receive the vaccine) of different socioeconomic backgrounds, and minorities.  It seemed to merely use a “poster child” type family to say what everyone should be doing rather than being realistic about who “everyone” is.  I believe that in creating and looking at these advertisements people do not have mal intentions, but rather have a lack of knowledge about perspective and their own implicit biases.  In order to mitigate any times where our biases may be present, we need to educate ourselves by listening to different people/perspectives and understanding their thoughts. This is why I chose to go to a school like Notre Dame, I feel as though all students try to be inclusive, engage with diversity, and listen to others.  ND recognizes that these biases exist and is trying to educate their students so they will be able to recognize it and see how it may affect others.
With some ambiguity comes clarity, and something that has become more clear to me is the journey and experience I hope to have at Notre Dame.  During week 12 of Moreau we learned that “Competence can be acquired externally in many different ways, but courage is instilled over time by cultivating one’s heart and constantly directing its purposes beyond one’s self” (Holy Cross and Christian Education by University of Notre Dame - Moreau FYE Week 12).  “Courage” specifically is a crucial attribute that all should learn and build in order to better understand how to care for and be conscious of those around you.  It took courage to sign up for clubs, to try out for a team, to show up to meetings, and meet with my professors.  With support from those around me I see that my courage has strengthened, I’m no longer scared to try and fail but rather see that failing is just another opportunity to try again.  I’ve realized that I want to get the most out of my ND experience by participating in as many school-wide events as possible, being involved and with courage trying new things.  For the future and my next four years, I will respond to new opportunities by taking the courage to pursue them.       
Within this first semester in college I feel as though I have encountered a multitude of things, but with each of those encounters I have grown and am coming closer and closer to discovering my true self.