Integration 3 - 




Maria Finan

Moreau FYE

March 4, 2022

Advice For Existing: A Letter to a Younger Me

A life well-lived is difficult to define. At age five, you would have imagined this life as

days filled with kayaks and vegetable gardens and laughter, never letting go of the hands of your

parents. A few years later, and a life well-lived would have meant reading as many books as

humanly possible in the span of a lifetime, becoming a writer, and doing ballet on the side.

Perhaps soon enough you’d reach an age where the image of this life would simply mean being

good as you can be; a period of naivety where the world was still easily definable, and being

purely and completely good seemed like a goal easily in reach. But as you get older, this picture

becomes blurry. It becomes more difficult to find the intersection between what you want, what

you can achieve, and what you value. And so, at age eighteen, here I am sitting down in front of

this metaphorical mirror, and asking myself what I have come to understand about what it means

to truly live life well.

“To me, the point of sitting still is that it helps you see through the very idea of pushing

forward ("Why we need to slow down our lives” by Pico Iyer - Moreau FYE Week One).” I

think that this quote, from the beginning of the semester, showcases the importance of slowing

down and appreciating life. I don’t think there has ever been a version of myself that was content

with the pace of life. What might be my earliest memory is one of a younger Madeline bawling

in the living room because she wasn’t ready to be four years old. By age eleven, I was wishing

the days away, counting down towards summer or a holiday or any future plan that seemed more

enjoyable than the present. At the present time in my life, I find myself caught between the two;

the days are busy and never long enough, while the weeks fly by before I can make enough



memories. Taking moments to stop and appreciate the present is something that I am continually

working on, but I really do believe that you can’t experience a life well-lived if you’re never

actually living in the present.

I think that the version of myself to which this letter is directed is a Madeline existing on

a precipice. I can honestly say that I had a beautiful childhood. There were endless summer

nights on the lake with grandparents, koi fish ponds and cherry tomatoes in the spring, family

recipes in the evenings. The younger version of me was gifted a worldview full of optimism and

hope and security. But at age twelve, I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, otherwise known as

bone cancer. If I could go back in time, I don’t think that I would warn younger me of this twist

of fate, but nevertheless this experience has had significant influence on how I view the concept

of a life well-lived. “In my faith, you learn that there is meaning in suffering, but to truly

understand that you have to first suffer yourself ("Hesburgh" produced by Jerry Barca and

Christine O'Malley - Moreau FYE Week Two).” This quote from a film we watched earlier in the

semester does a good job of communicating my perspective on my experience of having cancer.

The time I spent undergoing cancer treatment was difficult. It’s an exhausting and painful

process, but it also brought a sense of meaningfulness to my life that I think was crucial in my

development into the present version of myself. It pushed me off the precipice of naivety and

into the reality of what it means to live: to endure a full range of human experiences and to be

able to find beauty and meaning in them all.

Perhaps as best said by Sister Theresa Aletheia Noble, “… it’s actually in facing the

darkest realities of life that we find light in them ("Meet the nun who wants you to remember

that you will die" by Ruth Graham - Moreau FYE Week Three).” I’m not sure that it would be

true to say that I am grateful that I had to endure what I have, but I do believe that my



experiences have allowed me to appreciate life with a greater perspective. Life is difficult for

everyone, at different times and in many different ways, but I think that the greatest lesson I’ve

learned from my past is that to live means to endure and appreciate every moment. From the

moments of overwhelming grief to the purest of joys, and all the ordinary moments in between, I

think that a life well-lived means appreciating the expansive variability of life for what it is.

As I moved past that chapter of my life, I found myself both thrilled and intimidated by

the prospect of having to actually plan the life that I had fought so hard to get back to. Even

though I’d made the irreversible decision to have my leg amputated just a couple years before

arriving at college (a longer, cancer-related story for another time), somehow choosing a major

and career path seemed much more permanent. One quote from this semester’s Moreau FYE

course that brought me some clarity and comfort throughout the discernment process was that

“there is no “best major” out there - but there is a “best major” for you ("Navigating Your Career

Journey" from the Meruelo Family Center for Career Development - Moreau FYE Week Four).”

I think that a life well-lived means using our time to do something that we enjoy, which we have

some aptitude for, and that has some meaningful positive impact. I have found the difficulty I’ve

had throughout my discernment process resulted from focusing too much on any one of these

individual pillars. I could think of majors that seemed interesting but that I didn’t seem to

possess any natural talent for. There were other options that I seemed fit for skill-wise that I

didn’t believe I’d enjoy. And I felt this looming obligation to follow a medical-related path,

because it seemed to be the avenue for good that aligned the most with my past. Now, with my

current major, I seem to have found space for all three of these key parts. My advice to my

younger self is to let go of expectations for yourself based on what you think “makes sense” in

the eyes of others.



One avenue for finding an individually-tailored concept of a life well-lived is to discuss

with the people around you who know you the best. A conversation that I had with my parents

was an eye-opening chance to see myself from the perspective of someone else (Conversation

Discernment Activity - Moreau FYE Week Five). My discussion with my parents was a very

grounding experience for me. Caught up in the success-driven buzz of college, for a time I lost

sight of the lessons that younger me had gone through the pain-staking process of learning. My

parents  reminded me that a life well-lived is one with a foundation of happiness and wellness,

regardless of level of ambition or success. You can’t do what you’re good at, do what you love,

or do good for others if you don’t make time to care for yourself.

On the topic of reminders, I have spent much of this letter reflecting on past versions of

myself, but it’s important to know when to stop looking into the past. Often, a life well-lived

requires an ability to know where to draw the line between looking for lessons and digging up

buried regrets. One way I’ve learned to draw that boundary this semester is by bringing my

assessment of situations back to the present. Especially in the ever-busy routine of college life,

I’ve found that the best way to feel better in a moment is to ask myself what I’m feeling and, if

it’s something not-so-great, what I need to remedy it, rather than picking apart everything that I

could have done differently in the past.  As put by Tasha Eurich in an article from this semester

of Moreau FYE, “asking what could keep us open to discovering new information about

ourselves, even if that information is negative or in conflict with our existing beliefs ("The Right

Way to be Introspective (Yes, There's a Wrong Way)" by Tasha Eurich - Moreau FYE Week

Six).”

Finally, a life well-lived cannot be lived in isolation. The relationships that we foster with

other people are perhaps the most defining characteristic of our lives. Our friendships,



communities, and impacts on those around us are the mark we leave behind on the world after

we’re gone. To truly take advantage of the breadth of life means to open ourselves up to the

possibility of love and friendship with others “We have a chance, sometimes, to create a new

jurisdiction, a place of astonishing mutuality whenever we close both eyes of judgment and open

the other eye to pay attention ( “Chapter 8: Jurisdiction” by Fr. Greg Boyle, S.J. - Moreau FYE

Week Seven).” I think that this quote from Fr. Greg Boyle does a really beautiful job of

explaining the possibility for belonging and love and unity that the world has to offer. I truly

believe that a life well-lived doesn’t rely on any marker of success, wealth, or even

accomplishment. To me, a life well-lived is one in which we do our very best to be as good to

others as we possibly can, and in which we open ourselves up to accepting that same experience

of goodness for ourselves.

All the best,

Madeline