Week 14 - Integration 2 Navigating an Unexpected First Year I still remember the excitement I had leading up to college during the summer. I told myself I was going to meet new people, workout everyday, start following a strict daily schedule, get my homework done early, and had so much more planned. For the first few weeks of school this was going great, until I hurt my knee and all of my plans for a perfect college experience came tumbling down. My hopes for fun football games and interhall soccer were confined to a riding scooter that drove at a snail's pace. After coming back from fall break, I was nervous to get started on school again. All of my excitement from the beginning of the year was gone as my expectations were no longer possible. However, one quote from our Moreau assignment that week stuck out to me. It stated ““But I’m going to let you in on a little secret: these expectations are arbitrary.”(“Why letting go of expectations is a freeing habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week 9). This quote related not only to my injury situation but also life in general. It forced me to take a step back and realize that things were ok even though they were not perfect. I mean, if everything is perfect all the time, what chances do you have to grow and learn new things? This acceptance of understanding the faults in expectations segways perfecting into accepting brokenness. Unfortunately, I have dealt with lots of different brokenness in my life. Whether it be personally, with friends and family, or in my community, it has always been something I have needed to deal with. Ever since getting back from fall break I had to deal with no knee, consoling a friend who had a friend from home passed away, and getting a brutal case of the flu that took me out of school for a week. Through these situations it became very difficult to find motivation to do school work, hang out with friends, and even get out of bed in the morning. While it was extremely difficult I remembered the Kintsugi workshop and how the main girl said, “I want people to also know that their hearts are breakable, and it’s a very good thing, that it’s worth celebrating because it allows you to grow and expand. And you get to put your heart back together.”(“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” from Grotto - Moreau FYE week 10). Just like my commentary on dealing with failed expectations, a similar mindset can be used to deal with adversity and brokenness in your own life. Noted, I would not wish brokenness on anyone, but if they had to experience it I pray that they would know things get better. https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ I will now transition away from my knee. While it has been a major part of my first year there still are other things that happened. After returning from thanksgiving break I realized how fortunate I am to be at Notre Dame and to have met the people that I have. The community that we have here on campus is unlike anything my old friends talk about at their schools. The biggest difference that I have found with my friends here is that we talk about bigger things than just “what’s the plan tonight” or “who's hosting”. This ties into the quote “We cultivate a capacity for connectedness through contemplation”(“Thirteen ways of looking at community” by Parker Palmer - Moreau FYE Week 11). It draws into the fact that the deeper communication and experiences people share the deeper their connection grows. I can honestly say that my friends here are some of the most fun and genuine people that I have ever met and for that I am eternally grateful. Finally, I will talk about hope. Unfortunately I will tie this back into my knee, but will also connect it to my faith. I remember asking in my week 12 QQC “Why is hope so difficult to maintain during hard times?” This was a genuine question that I was struggling with. On the outside it looked like I had everything together, was staying composed, and my inability to do most things wasn’t bothering me. I knew that in a matter of weeks I would be able to walk again, and in a matter of months would be able to participate in all the activities I love. But yet on the inside I was freaking out, breaking down, struggling to find any strands of hope that I could cling to for just a few days at a time. Looking back now I see that everything turned out great, I am able to walk, no major bad things happened, I didn’t really miss out on any big activities. So, why was it so hard to maintain my hope when I was going through it? I knew these things would come to an end eventually but still struggled with my current state. This is where I began to question my relationship with God. “Why me?” I would ask as I lay in bed in pain while my friends were at a football game. I kept being told I just need to stick through it and everything will be better eventually. For me, reading something has much more effect on me than hearing it because hearing things like that can sound a bit shallow and dismissive. A quote that stuck with me more than any words did was “We need to have hope in that process to stick with it, to believe that what is born of questioning beliefs previously taken for granted will lead us to a new and better understanding of our vocation as citizens in this world and for the next.”(“Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Notre Dame - Moreau FYE Week 12). The quintessential “trust the http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28308/files/189414?module_item_id=106246 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28308/files/189414?module_item_id=106246 process” idea but put in the context of faith. This small reminder of motivation to trust the Lord is the hope that I was looking for to keep a healthy mindset. Writing this paper now feels a little bit Ironic as I wrote the first integration assignment the day after my surgery and now I am writing this one a few days after I was cleared to walk normally again. I have learned and grown so much through the first semester of Moreau. Accepting vulnerability and talking with others has taught me so much about how to interact with others and instilled a curiosity and desire to meet new people.