Anderson Integration Three Final Anderson 1 Dr. Chan Moreau FYE 3/4/22 Integration Three: May I Rest in Peace We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of . Though we are grieved, she would want us to come together and share tears and laugh through stories about her character and our mutual experience of having her in our life. In the wise words of Sister Aletheia, “Remembering death keeps us awake, focused, and ready for whatever might happen — both the excruciatingly difficult and the breathtakingly beautiful” (Sister Aletheia - Moreau FYE Week Three). This death was a shock to us all, but it calls us to remember our final end. No one is meant to stay on earth. Our true home is in heaven. Annaliese would want us to remember that. Even here, we can see that in this tragedy there is also beauty. We would not be experiencing such deep sorrow and pain if we did not have such deep love for her. And we should all be grateful that we had a relationship with such value and love in it. We can still benefit from that relationship. No one can take it away from us. Though Annaliese is no longer with us, the memory of her lives on. If we are in a situation, we can still think, “What would Annaliese do?” and an image of her will come to us. In fact, she would probably be very flattered by that. She always loved to give advice and would be honored if her memory could continue this mission. So, let us use this death as a chance to meditate on our own life and inevitable death. Are we the people we want to be? If we died today, suddenly, just like Annaliese did, would we be ready? Would someone describe our life as well-lived? Annaliese loved practicing self-reflection. One of her favorite stories to tell went like this: “One day Mahatma Gandhi was Anderson 2 said to have woken up and told those around him, “This is going to be a very busy day. I won’t be able to meditate for an hour.” His friends were taken aback at this rare break from his discipline. “I’ll have to meditate for two,” he spelled out (“Why we need to slow down our lives" by Pico Iyer, TED - Moreau FYE Week One). Annaliese believed that self-reflection and knowledge were key to personal growth. She thought that if everyone practiced self-reflection the world would be a better place. She thought it was ironic that when people were busy, the first thing they would give up is this time for reflection (be it spiritual reading, deep conversations with a friend, mass, quiet time alone) when this time could be the very thing they need to reach interior peace. She used to say, “How can people not stand to hear their thoughts? I don't know what I would do without them. I genuinely enjoy just quiet time alone to think”. She had a rich inner life. This is probably why she was not swayed by the pressures of the world. She was known for being brilliant and perfectionistic, but not ambitious. She often wondered why people were so allured by prestige and worldly success. She did well in her studies, but she claimed that this was because of her love of learning and desire to do things well, not her need to check off a rubric and gain a perfect GPA. This struggle was apparent in her when trying to choose a major. Many people encouraged her to do law or engineering to be more “successful” but she was not interested in pursuing those subjects. She had no passion for them. She found support in an article from the Notre Dame Center for Career Development which said, “We view studying what you love as highly practical. If you are in a major you enjoy, you will be more motivated to go to class, get better grades, and overall be happier - all of that leads to better post-graduate outcomes. That sounds pretty good, right? I’m sure you’ve all done things that you really haven’t enjoyed - maybe it was something a friend or family member wanted you to do or a required course in high school. It’s really hard to motivate yourself to do well if you’re just not https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-need-a-secular-sabbath/ https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-need-a-secular-sabbath/ Anderson 3 interested in that subject matter or activity, or maybe your skill is lacking so it gets frustrating quickly. Now imagine focusing primarily on that activity for four years. Does that seem appealing?”(CCD - Moreau FYE Week Four). She believed that true education should enrich your mind and heart and that material success was not as worthy a goal as virtue, wisdom, and character formation. She believed that you should have a passion for what you do. That way it doesn’t even feel like work even if you spend hours and hours doing it. She loved history, literature, film, music, art, psychology, genetics, statistics, creative writing and many other subjects. She loved to just learn without needing a grade. Where classmates saw guest speakers as a chance to nap, she saw them as a chance to learn and the best part of the school year. She loved conferences as to her they were a chance to just listen and converse with great minds and absorb what they have to offer. She said that she loved “leisurely learning” and believed that true education was a deeper endeavor than just “schooling”. One of her passions was literature. Specifically, the psychology and philosophy of story. She believed that the perspective literature gives the reader allows them to awaken their conscience, deepen their empathy, and gain wisdom about human nature. Tattoos on the Heart was a book that she found very powerful. It is a collection of stories by a priest describing his experience in running a gang intervention program in the ghettos of LA. In one excerpt, he describes a common situation where a boy from one gang would join the program and see a boy from a rival gang as follows: “He thinks a bit and invariably will say; “I'll work with him, but I’m not gonna talk to him”. In the early days, this would unsettle me. Until I discovered that it always becomes impossible to demonize someone you know”(Tattoos on the Heart. Pg 142 - Moreau FYE Week Seven). Annaliese believed this as well. .She would always say that it is easy to demonize someone when they are reduced to nothing but an impersonal being or statistic in your mind. You can blame them for your Anderson 4 problems, villainize them, judge them to your heart’s content. This “depersonalization” allows you to be cruel and unfeeling to them. However, as soon as you begin to learn about them, know their story, and interact with them as a person you begin to empathize with them. You see their humanity and are not as unfeeling towards them. When you get to know a person and their story you see their depth and humanity and are not as likely to take the simple route and “demonize” them. You see their complexity and depth. For example, the previously mentioned boy who at first wouldn’t talk with the other boy was willing to donate his blood to save his life after he had been beaten by gang members. He learned through personal interaction that the other person was not a villain but another human being made in the image and likeness of God. Annaliese believed that humans are complex and that generalizations undermine the depth and dignity of each individual. She also believed that fulfilling relationships are based on mutual respect and focused on depth. Anyone who knew Annaliese knew that she loved the word “depth”. And she would tell you if your commitment to seeking depth did not meet her standards. For example, in college she had to complete a “Meaningful Conversation Discernment Activity” for one of her classes. She asked me some questions (which she found to be stilted and claimed that they ironically prevented the conversation from reaching any deep level). One such question was: “Can you reflect on a specific episode when you saw me “in the zone,” when I was at my very best? What was I doing? How/Why does this episode demonstrate my best self?” (Moreau FYE Week Five). For me, “in the zone” meant something that she does well. To her, she focused on the later half of the questions, the “best self” part and interpreted this to be her virtue and character. Thus, when I answered that she was an excellent harp player she told me, “No. That’s not deep enough”. I said that she was supposed to record my answer, not reject it, to which she responded with a smirk, “Is that all I am to you, a harp player?”. You who knew her well can picture her saying this. Her Anderson 5 bluntness reminds me of a quote by Fr. Hesburgh which says, “The most loyal thing one can do is be honest” (Fr. Hesburgh - Moreau FYE Week Two). She was only blunt to those she knew best. When meeting strangers she had a demure, warm, and gentle way about her. People would always tell me, “Oh that Annaliese is the kindest person in the world. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body!” And I would think, “Are we talking about the same Annaliese?”. Most people never saw the fiery, passionate, defiant, argumentative, brutally honest, witty, sarcastic side of Annaliese. But she tempered all of these traits with elegance and a genuine thoughtfulness and investment in those she was closest to. They say that it is the love language of a melancholic. They express their negative emotions only to those that they love most. Perhaps that is why she was so interested in the concept of suffering. She would often say that suffering is the only universal human experience. She believes that suffering and failure are inevitable, yet nonetheless overcomable and redeemable. One quote that really resonated with her was as follows: “The purpose of my life is not simply about overcoming suffering; suffering is part of our lives; it is always there. It is about how to respond to suffering with God. And that's the reason I was able to go through this and trust in God and live with joy and gratitude” (“5 Minutes” by Aria Swarr, Grotto - Moreau FYE Week Six). Every single person experiences suffering. We are suffering now in our mourning. However, Annaliese firmly believed that this does not dictate that we must be miserable. Suffering is overcomable. She would always say that the most important thing is how we respond to suffering and allow it to affect us - do we let it make us miserable and bitter or do we let it help us become closer to God? Suffering can always be united to Christ and it can forge us into better people. That is what she would want us to do now. To channel our pain at her loss into wisdom and love, into a chance to become closer to the others in this room and to our Lord Jesus Christ. Annaliese believed that being your best self is https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/transform/why-does-god-allow-suffering/?utm_source=moreau&utm_medium=class&utm_campaign=spring_2022 https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/transform/why-does-god-allow-suffering/?utm_source=moreau&utm_medium=class&utm_campaign=spring_2022 Anderson 6 more than just when you are “in the zone”. It is more than material accomplishments. It is rooted in interior life and the expression of that interior life through relationships. She always said that she preferred “eulogy” virtues over “resume” virtues. So I hope this Eulogy does justice to her expectations. She was truly an example of a life well-lived.