Moreau FYE Integration

My Notre Dame and Moreau Experience: Changing Perceptions
	Over the past thirteen weeks, I have embarked on a journey of self-discovery through discussion and readings for our Moreau First Year Experience class. Although it may sound cliché, self-reflection was something I had never truly attempted before Moreau. Each week challenged me to examine my mindset and lifestyle while gaining a deeper understanding of my thoughts, emotions, and community. The first half of the semester helped me identify and develop the core beliefs that constitute who I am as a person. The latter half of the semester focused my reflection on my perceptions of the world around me and how I am involved in my community. Not only did this involve the way I view things around me, but also how I respond, or should be responding, to them. My view and response to what occurs in my community is crucial for my development at Notre Dame, but also beyond my collegiate career. The resources provided by our Moreau class have helped me examine these aspects of my life each week.
	First, week nine helped me reflect on impostor syndrome and how it has been present in my life, even if I am not willing to admit it. In one of the provided articles for week nine, Julia Hogan discusses the consequences of basing our actions on other people’s expectations for us. This can have adverse effects on our success and requires careful consideration. She writes, “Instead of asking, ‘What should I do?’ or ‘What would my friend/parent/significant other expect me to do?’, ask yourself, ‘What do I want to do?’ and ‘What do I think is best?’” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan- Moreau FYE Week Nine). This quote exemplifies how comparing ourselves to what others think of us has negative effects on our mindset and image. I was able to relate this quote to a TED Talk video regarding impostor syndrome also from week nine. After watching the video, I realized that I suffer from all the same things described and have felt the same way since middle school. I would feel as if I was never good enough and needed to always improve. According to my brain, I could never measure up to what others perceived me to be capable of.  In school, I would find myself completing my work to gain the approval of others. I had created a reputation for myself of being “the smart kid,” so I always had to do well to impress my peers. I also wanted to live up to the expectations my parents had for me, but I always felt as if I was living in my sister’s shadow because she was always smarter than me. The first two questions in the passage I quoted were legitimate thoughts in my head that guided my decisions. My college decision was the first major decision in my life that made sense for me without any advice or guidance from others. It gave me a level of confidence in myself that I have never felt before and I have been trying to carry this feeling with me. Week nine helped me identify areas of my mindset and decision making where I can improve by not trying to satisfy other people’s expectations of me.
	Next, week ten called for me to reflect on what community means to me and how I can work to benefit the communities I am a member of. When discussing issues in our community, Fr. John Jenkins says, “We cannot pretend to stand outside this. We are woven into it” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr. John Jenkins- Moreau FYE Week Ten). Discussing social injustice within the country, Jenkins is trying to make it clear that we cannot just stand on the sidelines. We are inherently members of a community much larger than us, and it is our duty to work for the benefit of this community. The most basic aspect of community in my life is my closest circle of friends and family. Another example of a community I am involved in would be my dorm. I am also a member of the Notre Dame community as an entire student body and school. Even in the broadest sense possible, I am a part of the community of American citizens, and the community of all mankind. Realizing that I am involved in so many communities also brought to my attention how I must prioritize their well-being. By simply acting morally, I believe that it can benefit my entire community. One controversial topic within my communities is racism and racial relations. Understanding racial relations and tension is crucial in doing work that will benefit society. Therefore, if I wish to be a positive member of my communities, I am obligated to understand such topics. Accepting and embracing diversity is what can enhance a community. Personally, I will admit that I have not done a great job of this. It is not that I have been opposed to learning about such topics, I just have not put in the effort to do so. I don’t hold my education responsible for this even if it could have been better, but I hold myself responsible for not becoming involved. Week ten directed my focus towards improving and maintaining my communities through being able to understand and address difficult topics like racism and racial tension.
	Furthermore, week eleven of the Moreau First Year Experience once again examined the topic of community and how encouraging things such as diversity can enhance the well-being of my community. In his talk, Professor Agustin Fuentes says, “Understanding the landscape of the United States is absolutely central to understanding who we are as students, who we are as scholars, who we are as members of the Notre Dame community” (“Diversity Matters!” by Prof. Agustin Fuentes- Moreau FYE Week Eleven). Fuentes recognizes the acceptance of diversity to be an important aspect of community that can enhance relationships and overall production. Another idea that I recall standing out to me was the statement that community is not a goal but a gift. Admittedly, I have viewed community as something that we should try to achieve. It never truly occurred to me that community is something we are freely offered. Another important point from the reading was how we achieve a better connection to our community, such as through self-reflection. I have never really taken the time for self-reflection because I never thought that my community would be reliant upon my personal growth. I have now found areas where I can grow to improve myself and therefore my community. Also, community requires a sort of leadership. This leadership comes in the form of maintaining a trustworthy space where people are safe to create relationships and grow. By embracing community, I have the responsibility to reflect and protect the sacred space that a community is. It is also important to remind myself that community is not solely reliant on me, but each individual member. The discussion surrounding week eleven helped further my understanding of community from week ten and directed me to pieces of my view on community that need realignment.
	Finally, week twelve reverted my reflection back to what is most important: my spirituality and relationship with God. A quotation that stood out to me from this reflection was when C.S. Lewis writes that our relationship with God “relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks” (“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis- Moreau FYE Week Twelve). The “troughs” of life Lewis references prove to be a test of faith, but also a revelation of God’s love. In instances of hardship in my life, whether it be the illness of a family member or internal struggles, I have found that I do not turn to God. I have always just thought that I need to deal with problems myself. I have come to realize that even though God is all powerful and on a different level than humans, he can still act like a friend. For much of my life, this is something I failed to understand. Moving forward, I need to do a better job of bringing my problems to God and putting my faith in him that they will be resolved. I also need to change my view on struggles because if God has allowed them in my life, then he knows I can handle them, and he is willing to help. I appreciated week twelve’s return to reflection regarding God because that is one of the main reasons I chose to attend Notre Dame. I am searching to better understand my relationship with God and these materials showed me how God is present in my life. 
	The second half of our Moreau class has opened me to be more perceptive of the world around me. Week nine challenged me to examine how I have altered my life to meet the expectations of those around me and how I can move forward to change this habit. Weeks ten and eleven both focused on how a membership in community holds me responsible to protect my community and foster growth by addressing controversy. Lastly, week twelve aimed my reflection towards how I view my relationship with God and ways I can alter my thought process to deepen my spirituality. Overall, I am appreciative of my experience and reflection in Moreau. Each week of Moreau challenged me to reflect on the man I have been and the ways in which I can change to better myself as I continue to grow at Notre Dame.