The Struggles to Achieve Happiness
At the start of the semester, I believed that I would be living my best life here at college. While this is true, I never imagined my best life to include moments of difficulty and pain. But I have learned that with the greatest happiness, there comes some of the most painful lows. At points, I had to ask myself at what point is a person truly broken beyond repair and how is it even possible to survive certain situations. But the more time I have spent in this community and with friends, I have learned that in brokenness, there is beauty, and in every situation that seems hopeless, there is a strength in me that allows me not just to survive but come out with a zeal to live and be happy.
In high school, I never truly fit in, but at the same time, I never had that expectation. I always imagined that in college, I would be accepted and find my place. For the first time in my life, I would no longer feel like an outsider. However, I discovered that, through the ups and downs, I sometimes feel alone and like I do not belong. Especially at a school like Notre Dame, where half of the time I feel like I am one of the stupidest people in the room, I can feel like an imposter. Still, I always force myself to remember that I got in for a reason, and while I might not be the best at calculus or any science, I can write a history paper with a solid argument. As Elizabeth Cox states, “perhaps we can feel freer to be frank about our feels and build confidence in some simple truths: you have talent, you are capable, and you belong (“What is Imposter Syndrome” by Elizabeth Cox – Moreau FYE Week Nine).” Each person has strengths and weaknesses, and sometimes my weaknesses can feel overwhelming and form these ideas that, while completely wrong, cloud my thinking, causing doubt. But one of the best things about Notre Dame is the people and places. A walk around the lake or a stroll by the grotto gives me a break from what can seem like a never-ending class relentless day. And the people we meet here help us see clearly and keep going even when we feel like we have hit our limit. The support available gets students to push past their limits and grow beyond what we thought was possible.
Even though this university has incredible support to help students, I have learned that beyond just academics and life on campus, the world can throw curveballs that can truly knock a person down.  This semester I have experienced the highest of highs, but I have also experienced extreme lows. Even though no one ever says life is easy, to a degree, I never understood just how hard it could be. But even though I have felt like I’m in an endless black tunnel, I know that the light will come soon, and when it does, I will come back stronger than ever. Even amid my brokenness, I know that when I put back all the pieces, the result will be even more beautiful than how I started. As Kirsten Helgeson says, “Everybody, I hope, walks away with this greater connection to who they are. That they learn that the things they’ve experienced — the good, the bad, the ugly — it has made them this beautiful, dynamic, interesting person they are today. (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” by Kirsten Helgeson – Moreau FYE Week Ten)” The philosophy behind the Japanese art of kintsugi describes the beauty that exists in brokenness. Each painful experience ends in a person realizing their own strength and building their character. Even though I have felt like I am broken beyond repair, I have discovered that the only way to stay broken is to give up. As long as I am still willing to fight for the life I want, I will always pick up the pieces and come back a stronger person. 
But even when I feel alone and broken, I’ve always found that the bonds I’ve made while at college are stronger than I could have ever expected. The community I am a part of is unlike one I’ve ever known. I always knew that you could not force yourself into a community because a community is a natural sense of belonging. I have learned that I have no control over the communities I am a part of, but I am beyond grateful to have them. As Parker J. Palmer says, “community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received (“Thirteen Ways of Knowing” by Parker J. Palmer – Moreau FYE Week Eleven).” The Notre Dame community and my community of friends are a gift that has no price tag or conditions for acceptance but only require me to accept them and simply be me. Throughout the semester, I have received some extremely hurtful comments, many of which made me question my value and worth; however, my friends immediately noticed my silence and talked with me so that once again, I regained my confidence. My community gives me the motivation to keep pushing forward and find my way back to happiness. In a single word, they give me hope. 
Even at my lowest moments, small little glimmers of hope gave me the motivation to keep on moving forward toward the life I want for myself. As Fr. James B. King said, “The contemplation of new ideas and needs beyond our comfort zones requires a sacrificial willingness to put at risk everything that we think we already know. We need to have hope in that process to stick with it, to believe that what is born of questioning beliefs previously taken for granted will lead us to a new and better understanding of our vocation as citizens in this world and for the next (“Hope – Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Fr. James B. King – Moreau FYE Week Twelve).” Especially this semester, I have learned that no goal or achievement comes without any difficulty or obstacles. Specifically in academics, I realized that I needed to improve my Spanish writing skills in order to attain a good grade. While this did not come easy, over time, I developed these necessary skills, and now I am almost at an A. No matter how impossible an obstacle may seem, determination and resilience will ensure success. Anything truly worth achieving will have obstacles, but those difficulties are what make success all the more worthwhile. 
My experiences throughout the semester have taught me that no matter what happens, through hope and a community, I will survive and actually thrive. I discovered the skills to deal with challenging situations, and more so now than ever before, I have the resilience to come out of any situation stronger and happier. I have learned that each person has experienced brokenness, but that brokenness does not define a person. Instead, their strength and resilience define them. Every argument among friends, each low grade, and every painful comment pushes me to become a fiercer me. No person or event can totally ruin me because I have the power to build myself back up, and I control my own happiness. Every situation has hope for a happier life, and with my community, I will never feel completely alone. This semester has shown me my own strength and the strength that I have found in my friend group.