Week 8: Integration 3 Dear Younger Self, It’s you from the future! What are you up to? How is life treating you! My guess, considering I AM you, is that you are doing awesome. No cares in the world, just focusing on multiplication tables, swimming techniques, and figuring out how to pull out your next tooth so that the tooth fairy will bring you 5 bucks. Sounds pretty awesome to me. A lot of what I’m going to write to you about in this letter isn’t going to make sense yet. But it will one day. If I was to ask you what the meaning of life was, you would probably say to have fun. To smile. To enjoy your friends and family, the laughs, the monkey bars, the trampoline parks. And as you grow I don’t think that definition will change. Too much, at least. I have learned a lot since I was seven years old. A lot has changed since I was seven. But no matter what, it is critical that you stay true to yourself, no matter what anyone says, because that is the key to true fulfillment. I’m going to tell you a few stories you will experience later in life, and some of the lessons I have learned along with them. I’m not telling you these so that you can change the course of your life. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and it is important that you are aware that not everything is going to go smoothly. I also know your attention span is shorter than a baboon and you have the memory of a goldfish, so I don’t think any of this will be too much of a concern to you anyways. I, also you, am currently a freshman at the University of Notre Dame. You probably haven’t even heard of this school before, all you know right now is the University of Southern California. Bleh, you’ll get over that school fast. Especially when you find out how much better we are than them at football. It’s far from home, and that can be really scary. But there is also nothing better for our personality. It will get you to branch out, explore outside your comfort zone, and learn more about yourself than any local college would. You are going to meet some amazing people, some who might even be groomsmen at our wedding one day. But don’t get me wrong, there have been a lot of hard parts. Especially when it came to leaving my best friends and family. But I have grown so much since coming to Notre Dame, and there are four main pieces of advice I want to share with you, younger me, to help you live a fulfilling life. Being apart from people I love with all my heart has been difficult. Since even before your age, we have been extremely independent, never needing someone to tell us what to do, how to do it, or when to get something done. I mean by the age of 10 we started thinking of where we wanted to end up for college. The distance was never a concern. But being away from other people and distractions made me look internally, focusing on how I can better myself. Tasha Eurich says, “people who possess greater insight- which he defines as an intuitive understanding of ourselves- enjoy stronger relationships, a clearer sense of purpose and greater well-being, self-acceptance and happiness.”(Moreau week six). For a long time, I wondered why I was so unhappy here at Notre Dame. I had plenty of friends, was doing fine in school, although extremely stressed, and swimming was going okay. While I was fitting in, I realized that I hadn’t found my true identity here. I started reflecting more, I began praying, taking walks to the grotto, and even meditating when I found time. Pico Iyer says, “The need for an empty space, a pause, is something we have all felt in our bones; it’s the rest in a piece of music that gives it resonance and shape”(Moreau week one). That was the missing puzzle piece. I mean you know, our family has always been pretty religious. And every night when our head would touch the pillow, a quick prayer would be said. For your mom, your dad, the cops, the military, your friends, teachers, for good luck on tests, anything and anyone throughout the day that would cross your mind. As we grew up, we began to lose touch with this. But that is the seed that keeps us rooted. Coming to a Catholic institution has allowed me to rekindle my prayerful relationship with God, and focus on reflecting on things that we are grateful to have. So my first piece of advice younger me: never stop praying, never stop reflecting. It completes our identity, is what continues to give us hope, and allows the brain to decompress the constant overload of information we receive every day. It encourages us to continue to live a life well-lived. If I were to describe the meaning of life in one word, it would be relationships. The bonds we form with one another are essential to the feeling of fulfillment. There are a lot of aspects to relationships, many ups and downs, but for someone as outgoing as us, the key to a strong relationship is joy, and the best way to experience joy is through fun. The other week I had a discussion with two of my closest friends here at Notre Dame. The goal of the talk was to learn more about myself through others, and I think it's safe to say I learned a lot. My friends, Andrew and Chris, discussed how I am full of excitement, adventure, and fun. They told me they have never had a negative interaction with me, which is something I really took to heart (Moreau week 5). As you know, we have always been happy, outgoing, and fun. All the friends we would make in the Burger King play place can attest to that. So hearing that we haven’t changed since made me feel really good. Enjoying the ride is a part of having a good life, so my second piece of advice is to always keep things lighthearted and fun. Enjoy the moment, for it only lasts so long. And I plan on carrying that throughout my career. The Meruelo center for family development says, “You have to know yourself first - your values, interests, personality, and skills (VIPS) - before you can make effective career choices” (Moreau Week 4). I think I have always known myself pretty well, but I think talking with my friends made me realize how important it is to keep the mentality of younger me at the center of everything I do. Sometimes I slip away from myself, but knowing my true personality, my passion to do good, my ability to make anything enjoyable, is something I need to carry with me throughout my life. I know I am going to fail. Not everything in life can be smooth sailing. But as Father Hesburgh said, “It is impossible to have a complete and honest human story if one doesn’t speak of human failings as well as human successes” (Moreau Week 2). As long as I keep my passions, talents, and traits at the center of everything I do, passions I’ve had since childhood, I see myself living a fulfilling life. So my third piece of advice: never change for anyone, and stick to being yourself. Relationships go beyond simply the people we interact with every day. I know you hear the stories from mom all the time. She tells you about her home, where she grew up, the densely populated city of Manila, Philippines, where almost 2 million people reside. She is one of the most prayerful and grateful people in our lives, because of the situation she had to grow up in. We were blessed enough to not have to deal with what she did, and have been given so many opportunities to succeed and live a prosperous life. And this is a passion that has been a part of who we are, but giving back to other people is by far the most important aspect of a life well-lived. As Pope Francis said, “None of us is an Island, an autonomous and independent ‘I’ separated from the other, and we can only build the future by standing together, including everyone” (Moreau Week 7). Sharing your talents, your gifts, your abilities with others. Father Michael Himes said it best. Fr Michael Himes says it best. “The central issue in being a human being… is what the New Testament calls Agape, a very particular form of love, a love which is self gift, a way of giving oneself away to the ‘other’” (Moreau Week 3). Showing love to others helps us develop a greater connection with them, and also makes us feel better about ourselves. Showing others we care, giving back to the community, giving peace and love, makes humans feel, well, human. So my fourth and final piece of advice: never be afraid to show love, and always pay your blessings forward. I know you probably can’t pay attention to this many words, younger me. And that’s okay. I don’t expect you to understand everything. But as you grow, keep those four things at the center of your life, and never let them go, for that is what will help us live the most fulfilling life we can. Take care of yourself, and never forget to do good for others. Works Cited “Why We Need to Slow Down Our Lives” by Pico Iyer, Moreau FYE Week One “Hesburgh” produced by Jerry Barca and Christine O’Malley, Moreau FYE Week Two “Three Key Questions” by Fr. Michael Himes, Moreau FYE Week Three “Navigating Your Career Journey” by MFCCD, Moreau FYE Week Four “The Right Way to Be Introspective (Yes, There’s a Wrong Way)” by Tasha Eurich, Moreau FYE Week Six “Why the Only Future Worth Building Includes Everyone” by His Holiness Pope Francis, Moreau FYE Week Seven