Integration 2 1 Stephanie Rincon-Brambila Professor Whittington Moreau 03 December 2021 In The Pursuit of Life It is common knowledge that in order for a flower to grow it needs sunlight, water, and soil with nutrients. Matshona Dhliwayo once said, “If you tend to a flower, it will bloom, no matter how many weeds surround it” (Matshona Dhliwayo). Growing up surrounded by violence and a low appreciation for education, at times it was difficult to find the motivation to further my education. By starting a new phase in my life where there are new experiences and opportunities I did not have before, I have developed an understanding of the different perspectives individuals have. Thus, this has allowed me to find a reason, a motivation, to further my education. In my short time at Notre Dame, I have encountered life and each day my response to my experiences differs. As I have mentioned previously, I used to find it nearly impossible to develop the motivation and encouragement I needed in order to go to college. Thus, when I got my acceptance to Notre Dame I was in utter disbelief, my immediate reaction was that it had to have been a mistake, that there was no way I had gotten accepted into the University of Notre Dame. When I started attending Notre Dame I could not shake off the feeling that despite my so-called accomplishments, I was not good enough to be a student here. “Why can’t so many of us shake feelings that we haven’t earned our accomplishments, or that our ideas and skills aren’t worthy https://www.bloomaker.com/blog/55-inspirational-flower-quotes 2 of others’ attention,” Elizabeth Cox continues to say that “she and her patients experienced something that goes by a number of names- imposter phenomenon, imposter experience, and imposter syndrome” (“What Is Imposter Syndrome” by Elizabeth Cox - Moreau FYE Week Nine). Imposter Syndrome would be one of the first challenges that I would face during my time at Notre Dame. As days go by I have to constantly remind myself that I do belong here, that I earned my admission into this community of people. I am sure that I am not the only one who feels that, and in some strange manner that is comforting. Every day is a struggle in fighting these thoughts that I do not belong, but every day I fall more in love with this institution, making it a bit more bearable. I know in due time, I will feel as if I truly belong, and hopefully, anybody else who has a similar problem will also realize that they belong as well, that they deserve to be here. With this in mind, it seems that I have encountered life, the life that I am willing to fight for. One of the primary reasons why I am willing to challenge these difficulties is to keep encountering this glimpse of the future life I want. If I continue to encounter life, it reminds me that I endure these rough patches in life in order to give back to my community that despite its flaws made me the person I am today. Father Jenkins once said, “There is no law of motion in the physical universe that guaranteed that you would end up where you are today. More likely, the many demands of life were pushing you in other directions, and you pushed back” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr John Jenkins C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week Ten). In my community, I grew up constantly being surrounded by violence, gangs, gunshots, and deaths. Since I was small and I did not have a complex understanding of how the world worked, I thought that every kid grew up the way I did. At the time I did not understand https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ 3 that I had encountered a life many people did not face, that the conditions I lived in were not typically normal. At Notre Dame, I have met so many distinct individuals who grew up with unique circumstances. Although at times, to be honest, I feel this sadness envelop me when I realize the different lives we each lived. It has allowed me to develop the idea that despite the unfairness of the world, we have no control over the circumstances we are born into, but as Notre Dame students we can comprehend different perspectives and become more open-minded. The love I have for my community serves as a motivation to keep working hard during my journey at Notre Dame. Instead of holding me back, my community pushes me forward to a future where I can aid them just as much as they aided me. These past couple of months have allowed me to encounter life and its challenges on a new plate, they have allowed me to become more understanding and compassionate. Although I speak highly of my love for my community, I have a long way to go until I can encounter a community at Notre Dame with the same love I have for my home. When encountering life in a different community, there are many challenges involved, some might say there might even be a sense of suffering. Parker Palmer describes suffering in such a vivid manner, Palmer says that “suffering is what happens when you hold in trust a space for community to emerge but others lack the trust to enter the space and receive the gift. Suffering is what happens while you wait out their resistance, believing that people have more resources than they themselves believe they have” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau Week Eleven). The University of Notre Dame does an excellent job of providing a variety of communities for its students, however, it also takes an effort from the student to become part of the community. Here at Notre Dame, I am part of the community of http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ 4 students and of the Latino community. Becoming a part of this new community made me feel like a stranger to my own culture and the culture of others. On the inside I was suffering, I was suffering from this immense sense of loneliness and sadness. However, as I grew to appreciate these cultures and make time to learn about them, it made me feel as I belonged in this community of diverse students. My time here at Notre Dame has taught me how to encounter life one step at a time, facing my challenges and fears piece by piece. Every day, I face life with an optimistic lens. Before arriving at Notre Dame, my spiritual faith was rapidly deteriorating to the point where it was almost non-existent. However, as time passes on, Notre Dame has given me the opportunity to strengthen my relationship with God. In the Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis comments that “humans are amphibians- half spirit and half animal. As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time. This means that while their spirit can be directed to an eternal object, their bodies, passions, and imaginations are in continual change, for to be in time means to change” (“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). By strengthening my belief and faith in God, it is almost as if my sense of comfort in this new community has increased. With this new opportunity, it was as if I was a blossoming flower finally receiving the nurishment that I needed. I will always be grateful for the chance to attend mass in my dorm and in the basilica, grateful for the chance to talk to others who have such an amazing connection with God. Here at Notre Dame, I have encountered life from a spiritual perspectove. Throughout this semster, one reoccuring question that popped into my mind was “what do I have to gain from this experience?” This university has given me the necessary tools to grow as a citizen of the world, to grow as a blossoming individual. I used to think that there was https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28308/files/189486/download?download_frd=1 5 only one path that I could take, that I would never be able to grow as a person. However, I now see that is not the case, every day I encounter a new day of life with all its ups and downs. My response to these challenges is not always optimistic, sometimes I lose motivation or I become sad, but I have met people who have become like a second family to me that support me. It is now clear to me that everyone lives and approached life differently, but I will continue living face-on despite my upbringing. Despite us having different availability of resources (sunlight, water, nutrients), I have no doubt in my mind that we will all blossom to greater heights.