FYE: Integration II 


Experiencing Life & Developing Character

Experience is the kingpin of progress. Thus, failure is both inevitable and necessary for
growth of any kind, particularly in new situations. Entering into a new chapter of life, one cannot
allow their fear of failure to become a setback, keeping one from pushing out of their comfort
zone. Starting my first year of college in a new state with new friends, places, and encounters has
taught me this important lesson. As the semester progressed, I began to encounter dissonance,
brokenness, community, and hope, enabling me to develop a better understanding of myself and
my future.

Encountering dissonance has been among the more difficult journeys of understanding
for myself and many others this semester. Following welcome weekend, the weeks seemed to
blur together; my days were busy with classes and work, coupled with countless new
interactions, faces, and events. Each second of the day seemed filled with expectations and stress
amidst the confusion of a new environment. Though I did not struggle to find close friends
within my dorm and companions in my classes, my hopes for meeting new people had fallen
slightly. Unrealistically, I had believed it possible to meet my closest friends for the next four
years within the first few days, discouraged seeing others grouping together so quickly. As the
months passed, however, I found myself growing with my friends both within and outside of my
dorm, finding comfort and companionship in people with whom I could fully be myself.
Changing my mindset, I have begun to worry less and less about becoming best friends with
each new acquaintance, focusing on being authentic and honest with myself and those around
me. The insight of Emery Bergmann helped me to understand that I was not alone in these
feelings and that change is essential for growth. She states “I couldn’t get past superficial
conversation, how I couldn’t seem to enjoy parties, feel comfortable on campus, or just meet
people who I wanted to spend more time around. I felt so lost and beyond confused” (“Advice
from a Formerly Lonely College Student” by Emery Bergmann - Moreau FYE Week 9).
Bergmann’s words offered a refreshing take on the college freshman, allowing myself and others
dealing with loneliness and crestfallen expectations to relate to her. She talked of “expecting
close relationships like the ones that had taken years to develop was unfair to myself and the
people around me. Going to college is a massive change — so many students are being uprooted
from the familiar comforts of their homes and thrust into a completely new place”(“Advice from
a Formerly Lonely College Student” by Emery Bergmann - Moreau FYE Week 9). Emery’s
words helped me feel less alone in this struggle, helping me to put less pressure on my social
relationships. In the upcoming semester, I hope to utilize Emery’s advice, growing my
relationships with friends, new and old, in a way that is organic and stress-free. This encounter
with dissonance has helped me to question and develop a deeper understanding of how to form
strong, healthy relationships and the importance of my mental health.

Over the past few months, I have developed an understanding of others within my
community by encountering brokenness. Growing up in New York, I was always surrounded by
music and art, learning instruments, visiting museums like MoMA, The Met, and The



Guggenheim. The presence of art in my life became a constant comfort, filling my head with
melodies and allowing me to pursue hobbies that allowed my creativity to flow freely. With my
violin, I am able to translate my feelings into music, letting go of my thoughts and allowing
myself to fully let go of any anger, sadness, or stress that fills my mind. Using music and art, I
have been able to not only develop a positive, productive way to channel my emotions and
release stress but also bring joy to others. Similarly, Kirsten Helgeson’s kintsugi art workshops
helped me to understand the importance of compassion and healing in making change within a
community. She states that she “used this as a way to both heal things for who I am and celebrate
who I am, but then also to help other people learn to do that same sort of healing” (“Women Find
Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop by Grotto” - Moreau FYE Week 10). As she explained that
this form of art is used as a way to help members of her community to heal as well as herself, I
was inspired by the power of her art. Helgeson says that her clients “come from lots of different
walks of life. I’ve had people that have been survivors of domestic violence, survivors of human
trafficking go through and create kintsugi. I’ve had women that have been experiencing divorce,
even if it was like 10 years ago, and trying to let go and process some of the emotion around
it”(“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” by Grotto - Moreau FYE Week 10).
Allowed to visualize their suffering and experiences in a piece of art made by their own hands,
these individuals are able to process their emotions, letting go of those which continue to plague
their minds. Listening to Helgeson speak of how those who participate in kintsugi use it to
mentally heal from traumas, such as domestic violence and human trafficking, I understood, as I
often use music as a form of healing, either through listening or playing. I believe that music and
art therapies like this are essential to helping students and adults alike, allowing them a
productive outlet to deal with the stresses of their daily lives, as well as more serious
experiences. Helgeson’s words have allowed me to prioritize and fully understand the
importance of healing from one’s past and present experiences in order to live in a fulfilling
manner. I hope to continue using music and outlets like knitting and crocheting to help me to
relieve stress, anxieties, and relax throughout the semester, developing a greater understanding of
how to heal from brokenness.

Throughout my life, I have learned much from my encounters with community, both
positive and negative. During the pandemic, I watched countless instances of hate crimes and
racial slurs within the greater community of New York as well as those recounted on social
media platforms by East Asian youth, feeling powerless sitting behind a screen. It was then that I
first understood what it was to fear for the safety of my family, what it was to explain to my
grandparents that it was no longer safe for them to make their weekly trips to Chinatown. When
discussing outbreaks of the coronavirus at my high school, racist and ignorant comments were
uttered by a number of my peers, broadcast to the remainder of the grade to witness on social
media. Though some students, as well as myself, had attempted to correct this language, these
students continued to display their ignorance. Such experiences have allowed me to understand
the complicated topic of how bigotry and racism can deteriorate a community. The snapshot
summary allowed me to understand the experiences of other students of color within the Notre



Dame community; one student spoke of his experience with another student, saying “I saw him
in the dining hall and asked if I could sit with him”... “He greeted me by saying
something...made a joke about something with the coronavirus and called me a name” …
“implied that all Asians are basically the same”(“With Voices True Snapshot Summary” by Klau
Center Archive on Race” - Moreau FYE Week 11). Later, a professor stated “if you’re black and
99% of the other people are white when you are sitting in the dining hall...no wonder you would
choose then two sit with the two or three black students”(“With Voices True Snapshot Summary”
by Klau Center Archive on Race” - Moreau FYE Week 11). Experiences and occurrences such as
these often dissuade students of color from associating with these individuals, causing them to
stick together in social groups, as cited in the dining hall example. These events break down the
ties of interconnectedness within a community. Though education, shared experience, and
awareness are instrumental in strengthening and rebuilding connection within a community in
the face of  ‘conflict and dissimilarity’, there comes a point at which it is entirely impossible to
understand the experiences of people of color and individuals belonging to marginalized groups
without having lived them. To this same point, those whose racism, bias, and bigotry are so
ingrained in their paths of thought and everyday actions cannot simply be changed without the
will to do so. However, it is necessary that myself and all other students, faculty, and staff work
towards a future of progress, educating others on other religions, cultures, and ethnicities in an
attempt to create ground for conversation about difficult topics like racism within our
communities.

As the semester comes to a close, I have continued to reflect on my encounters with hope,
both within and outside of the Notre Dame community. I immediately thought back to the ways
in which acting according to the words of Christ has brought hope into my life: making new
friends by reaching out to strangers in my dorm, reigniting my passion for music after playing
violin alongside my church choir, or discovering the things that matter most to me through daily
prayer. At Notre Dame, I have found new hope in small things: the promise of fall seen in trees
filled with vibrant leaves, looking forward to Ryan Hall’s FJ’s on Tuesday nights, and Friday
movie nights with my friends. Finding a sliver of hope in the most stressful and grueling of days
has allowed me to endure struggles and push past negativity in my life, discovering positivity in
the light of a dark moment. Hope has allowed me to open myself up to new experiences,
reaching out to others and finding reasons to be thankful.  The text written by Father James B.
King helped me conceptualize how one lives and grows in hope, particularly as a Christian. He
states that “Striving for completeness means spending one’s life as a citizen of this world
imitating the person of Christ as the gateway to citizenship in heaven. On this bedrock principle,
all faith and thus all human hope rests” (“Hope - Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Fr.
James B. King - Moreau FYE Week 12). To grow as an individual, we are called by God to live
like his son, not only to live a life that will allow us to be with God in heaven but to have hope.
Father King continues, preaching that “In both light and shadow, the cross is Christ’s gift to us,
our only hope.” … “We must be men with hope to bring”(“Hope - Holy Cross and Christian
Education” by Fr. James B. King - Moreau FYE Week 12). In both dark times and light, the cross



represents Christ’s gift to humanity; the greatest symbol of hope. In our own lives, we must find
symbols of hope in our future, religious or not, to allow us to move onward, fueled by hope, by
anticipation. This encounter with hope has brought me clarity as to how hope can allow us to
grow as individuals and propel us forward through life.

These experiences with community, hope, brokenness, and dissonance have helped me to
look forward, using my encounters to build character, contribute to my communities, and
prioritize my own spiritual and mental health. As I look towards my future at Notre Dame, I
hope to use my newfound knowledge to help me to grow in faith, happiness, and as an academic,
developing a deeper understanding of myself along the way.