Integration Two FYE Catherine Wagner Integration Two 07 December 2021 A Look into First Semester Encountering Dissonance When I first arrived on campus, I had the opportunity to meet hundreds of new people. Everyone was looking for new friends, so I was able to quickly find people with which to spend my time. During Welcome Weekend, I met some amazing people in my dorm and we were soon eating every meal together and hanging out all of the time. However, I still missed my relationships from home. I was trying to recreate the years of friendship and growing together that I had with my old friends with these new people, even though it had only been a few weeks. I missed the people that knew everything about me, and I knew everything about them. My ol relationships felt more deep, while my new ones seemed a little bit forced and superficial. The reading from Emery Bergmann pointed out exactly my issue: “You can’t clone your high school friends” (“Advice from a Formerly Lonely College Student” by Emery Bergmann - Moreau FYE Week Nine). I was trying to remake all of my memories and relationships because I remember them very fondly and value them to a great extent. But, no two people are the same, and each relationship is very different. Once I realized that my new friendships were just making up for the people I missed, my response was to evaluate these new relationships on their own. While I do still value these friends I made the first few days of school, I saw that their main purpose in my life was to fill in for my high school friends. Since, I have made new friends that value me for who I am, and that I treasure for themselves completely separate from those people that I https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html knew before college. Now, I feel truly connected to my college friends on a deeper level, not just out of convenience or haste. In the future, I will strive to see everyone I meet for who they are and accept everyone without comparing them to other people. Encountering Brokenness My sociology class visited the Snite Museum of Art one day. One of the works we observed was called Earth Kid (Boy). The piece is composed of a boy whose head is a globe that seems to depict the effect of global warming and a sack of trash on his shoulder. As I was looking at this work, the brokenness of the world was clearly conveyed. Not only could I see the themes of wastefulness and materialism that taint society, but the piece also made me think of the other ways that the world is hurting. The boy appears to be struggling under the weight of the trash, and I think that feature points to the way that everyone is suffering trying to hold up some burden. We are all broken and weighed down in some way or another. Yet, everyone tries to cover this part of themself up and act as if they are perfect. However, as the kintsugi video points out, “The things that they’ve experienced- the good, the bad, the ugly, all of that- it has made them this beautiful, dynamic, interesting person that they are today” (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” by Grotto- Moreau FYE Week Ten). Our brokenness is part of who we are, and we cannot ignore it. I often try to avoid negative emotions and just move on, but this class helped me realize that I need to experience those too. In our suffering is where we can strengthen our relationships and grow in our faith. However, if we act like we are not broken, then we lose these opportunities for development. In the future, I plan to be more vulnerable and open with others about my experiences so that I can allow myself to grow from them. I also want to share who I am more truly so that I can help others who have gone through similar experiences or inspire people who are. While it may seem easier to ignore my brokenness, it is https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ part of who I am and part of our world. It cannot be hidden forever, and it can actually bring forth a beautiful outcome. Encountering Community Since I have been at Notre Dame, I have encountered a variety of sub-communities within the larger community. All of my classes are their own community; my clubs are their own communities; my dorm is its own community. One class community that stands out in my experience so far has been my physics class. Whether in making it to class on time or in getting through the lab, I have faced many challenges. In a sense, the professor is the leader of the community and the students are the members of this community. My professor utilizes a flipped classroom style in which we have to learn the material on our own and he demonstrates a few applications in lecture. This style of teaching forces the students to do more work and put in a considerable amount of time, which is not my favorite. Palmer explains my dislike for this style: “We often resist leaders who call upon our resourcefulness” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). I was honestly used to my teachers, the leaders of the classroom community, doing a lot of the work for us or walking us step by step through the process of certain projects and assignments. However, I have started to have to rely more on my own knowledge and strengths to accomplish my goals. As a result, I have grown to be a more disciplined individual who can work better with those around me. I have been able to collaborate with my classmates who are also facing the same struggles. We have all bonded and grown close through this experience, and I feel the sense of community generated by the choice of the class leader. While I do think I learn better when the professor teaches the material in class instead of us trying to teach it to ourselves without much prior knowledge, I can appreciate the community that has formed. I am now ready to take on my own http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ responsibilities in the future without expecting assistance from others. I can trust in myself to get through the challenges and be more open to facing obstacles by myself. Encountering Hope Until the past month or so, I had been attending mass on Sunday nights in my dorm. However, I have recently had something at the same time as this mass, so I decided to attend mass in the basilica on Sunday mornings instead. I was amazed by this mass. I had never been in the basilica before, so when I went, I was shocked. Its beauty and grandeur surrounded me. While I did also love dorm mass, the basilica mass feels more special and powerful to me. After I went the first time, I could not stop thinking about it for the entire week. I was so excited for next Sunday when my friends and I would get to go to basilica mass again. While I have always enjoyed attending mass, I cannot honestly say I have ever been that excited for it. But now, it is one of the highlights of my week. God wants us to desire Him on our own without forcing us to do so: “He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away his hand” (“The Screwtape Letters'' Chapter 8 by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). Prior to attending basilica mass, I attended mass mainly because it felt like the right thing to do, not necessarily because I desired to be there. However, I can now appreciate the sacrament for its beauty and intended purpose rather than out of a sense that I should probably go. I now notice more nuances in the mass and feel more connected to God when I am there. As a result, I have a more positive attitude towards each week and I can appreciate my daily life to a greater extent. In the future, I plan to invite more of my friends to attend mass with me because it can also bring them this sense of peace that I have found. I want to help others feel welcome and grow in their faith. By attending mass and inviting others to do so as well, I can live my life the way that God intended it to be lived. https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/24970/files/188325?module_item_id=105117 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/24970/files/188325?module_item_id=105117