Gonyea Integration Three Gonyea 1 Erik Oswald FYS 10102 64 04 March 2022 The Unexpectedly Remarkable Life of a Girl From New Jersey Today we commemorate and celebrate the life of , a loving mother, wife, daughter, and colleague. Riley lived an extraordinary, joy-filled life each and every day. When she walked into a room, there was never a dull face left. During her ninety-five years, she made wonderful, lasting friendships, married her other half, and with him raised spectacular children. She completed all of this while having a successful career as a businesswoman. Riley put the totality of her heart into all of these relationships, inspiring all of those around her. If one thing can be said about Riley’s life, it was well-lived. But what made it so well-lived? Throughout her years, she lived by the words of others, those who inspired her. Outlined below are some of the core notions that Riley kept in mind and lived by until her dying day, most of which originated during her freshman year Moreau class at the University of Notre Dame. As everyone who knew Riley is aware of, she was a very busy woman. When she first began her four years at Notre Dame, she doubted that she could handle all of the work being thrown at her. One memory in particular was prominent in her mind. During her first finals week in December 2021, Riley had three exams in one day. She was very stressed out and spent the three days prior to the exams in isolation, studying at all waking hours. The night before, however, Riley thought of a quote written by Pico Iyer in his TED article that focused on the reasons people should occasionally slow down and rest. He said “[y]et it’s precisely those who are busiest, I wanted to tell her, who most need to give themselves a break” (“Why We Need To Slow Down Our Lives” by Pico Iyer - Moreau FYE Week 1). With this in mind, Riley stopped her studying for an hour and gave herself a break. She went to the Smith Center and exercised https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-need-a-secular-sabbath/ https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-need-a-secular-sabbath/ Gonyea 2 with her friends. Not only was this a rewarding experience, but it alleviated her stress even if just for the hour. From that day forward, Riley decided that she was going to put a greater effort into giving herself breaks from time to time. She proceeded to fulfill this goal all throughout her college career, using the gym as an outlet for when she needed a break from academics. Another skill that led to Riley’s life well-lived was communication. In middle and high school, Riley, and those around her, would always label her as shy. As you are all aware of, once you got to know her, Riley was far from shy, but it took her some time to warm up to others. Due to this trait, sometimes her communication skills were not as sharp as she wanted them to be. When she arrived at Notre Dame, Riley realized that in order to make friends, she must be able to get out of her comfort zone and talk with strangers she was not the most comfortable around. This was a goal she had set for herself prior to arriving in South Bend. Riley was successful in achieving this goal and was reminded of it by Father Hesburgh. In his documentary, Father Hesburgh claimed that “peace is important, that human life is important and sacred, that we have to learn to talk to each other” (“Hesburgh” produced by Jerry Barca and Christine O’Malley - Moreau FYS Week 2). This quote not only reminded Riley of her achieved goal, but also further inspired her. In this quote, Father Hesburgh was not simply emphasizing communication, but was also encouraging uncomfortable discussions in which two people do not see eye to eye. With this in mind, Riley set a new goal. She strived to become comfortable with discomfort when in conversations with people who disagreed with her. Further, rather than immediately closing herself off to different perspectives, she decided to work towards understanding the viewpoints of others. Riley was very lucky. She was blessed to not have had to go through too many hardships in her life. For those few that she did face, however, she always tried to find a light in them. https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=10159379-7eca-4549-8581-ab9500c9ecd9 Gonyea 3 During her second semester of her freshman year of college, Riley was in an applied linear algebra course. She despised that class. The material was very difficult, she did not like her professor’s teaching style, and she overall felt like she lacked all background knowledge needed for the class. Riley would push off her assignments and procrastinate studying for her exams in the course. Sister Aletheia, however, brought to her attention that “it’s actually in facing the darkest realities of life that we find light in them” (“Meet the Nun Who Wants You to Remember That You Will Die” by Ruth Graham - Moreau FYS Week 3). Now, this example is very slight in regard to the topic of death that Sister Aletheia was referencing, however Riley still felt her experience applied to that quote. From it, Riley set a goal for herself. Rather than avoiding them, she would face her tragedies head on, leaning into family and friends and always remembering to find the light in the darkness. If she were here, I am sure she would want all of her loved ones to do the same at this tragic time. When Riley began college, she had no idea what she wanted to do in the future. This may be surprising due the successful career she had, but it is true. The only thing Riley knew when she started her first ever college course was that she was going to be a finance major. What did this even mean? She had no idea. Oftentimes Riley would be asked what she wanted to do after she graduated and everytime she responded “something in finance”. Truthfully, she had no idea what this even meant. After reading an article by the Meruelo Family Center for Career Development, Riley realized she was containing herself to one specific path due to her major. The CCD however, switched her mindset, informing her that a specific major does not equal a specific career path (“Navigating Your Career Journey” by Meruelo Family Center for Career Development - Moreau FYS Week 4). After this encounter, Riley became more open to all career https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/14/us/memento-mori-nun.html https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/14/us/memento-mori-nun.html https://undergradcareers.nd.edu/navigating-your-career-journey---moreau/ Gonyea 4 possibilities, not just those labeled finance. All throughout college she worked to improve this quality. Due to her growth, Riley was able to have the successful career she did. Riley cherished her relationship with her parents. She loved them dearly and felt comfortable sharing anything with them. In college, Riley had many enlightening conversations with both of her parents, but particularly her mother, Jen. Her mother knew her better than anyone else, and Riley was aware of this. Because of this, Riley put a heavy weight on her mom’s opinions and observations about her. In one conversation, her mother emphasized how Riley has always been her own toughest critic (“Conversation with Mom, February 05, 2022, Week 5”). This was something Riley had been aware of, but it meant a lot coming from her mom. After that conversation, Riley decided she was going to work on being kinder to herself, and lessen the pressure she put on herself. She practiced this skill throughout her entire life, working everyday to improve it. As an athlete, Riley was told throughout her entire childhood to move on from the past. In sports games, having a short term memory was extremely beneficial. Riley, however, never really thought that skill also applied to life in general. After reading a TED article by Tasha Eurich, however, it was brought to Riley’s attention just how vital this skill is. In this article, it was mentioned that asking why something happened causes a person to get stuck on an occurrence rather than healthily moving on from it (“The Right Way to be Introspective (Yes,There’s a Wrong Way)” by Tasha Eurich - Moreau FYS Week 6). This statement caused Riley to reflect on her previous experiences she had gotten hung up on. For example, in her marketing class, Riley had stumbled on her words during a presentation to the entire class. She got caught up in that minor mistake and it became the only aspect of her presentation that she remembered. Rather than replaying moments like this in her head, wondering why they occurred, https://ideas.ted.com/the-right-way-to-be-introspective-yes-theres-a-wrong-way/ https://ideas.ted.com/the-right-way-to-be-introspective-yes-theres-a-wrong-way/ Gonyea 5 Riley decided to quickly move on from minor trip-ups. She did this using Tasha Eurich’s advice and refraining from questioning why something occurred and rather asking the “what” question. The last great, and most important, element of Riley’s life was happiness. There were an uncountable number of things that brought Riley joy on the daily. She was surrounded by people who she adored and people who adored her. She loved her work and was the proudest mother out there. This happiness, however, was not so apparent at all times. For example, in her freshman year University Seminar that focused on current events, she had a classmate whose viewpoints she completely disagreed with. At first, his comments during class brought her rage. How could she ever get along with someone whose perspective on issues was so different from her own? She got minimal happiness from this class due to this classmate. Later on in the year, Riley read a TED article written by Pope Francis. In it, he stated that “happiness can only be discovered as a gift of harmony between the whole and each single component” (“Why the Only Future Worth Building Includes Everyone” by Pope Francis - Moreau FYS Week 7). When reflecting on this quote, Riley realized that it was up to her whether or not she could attain happiness in any situation. She got to decide whether there was harmony between herself and all other moving parts of her life. She began to practice this habit, nearly mastered it, and continued to live by it up until her dying day. lived a spectacular life guided by principles she picked up along the way. She practiced these principles each and every day, coming closer and closer to mastering them and reaping their complete and total benefits. Riley’s life brings inspiration to us all, and we should all strive to leave this earth with even just a fraction of the well-lived life that Riley exposed us to. https://www.ted.com/talks/his_holiness_pope_francis_why_the_only_future_worth_building_includes_everyone/transcript https://www.ted.com/talks/his_holiness_pope_francis_why_the_only_future_worth_building_includes_everyone/transcript