Mangino Integration III




FYS 10102

4 March 2022

Integration Three

A letter to my fifteen-year-old-self.

Dear Emma,

I hope this finds you well. I don't know how to tell you this, but….I'm you, from the

future.

Okay, you're probably freaking out now. Please don't worry, I'm not going to tell you

anything about what my life is like now. I won't spoil it for you. I was just compelled to write to

you because I know everything probably seems dark right now, I want to remind you what's

important in this life.

You've probably just come to the conclusion that high school is meaningless. You're stuck

in something that seems like it has no purpose. I get that. Even when it ends, you might find

yourself aimlessly floating around, wondering "what now?" You might know what's not

important, but you're struggling to discern exactly what is.

And I'm not going to pretend I have the answer to that. But I will say this: if you spend all

of your time wrapped up in thinking about the downright awfulness of it, it's not going to help

you. You ask yourself "why" constantly. It's just how we think. But it's going to drag you down

even further, my dear. It took a long time, but I've learned that “if you ask why…you’re putting



yourself into a victim mentality …. When I feel anything other than peace, I say ‘What’s going

on?’; ‘What am I feeling?’; ‘What is the dialogue inside my head?’; ‘What’s another way to see

this situation?’ or ‘What can I do to respond better?’” ("The Right Way to Be Introspective (Yes,

There's a Wrong Way)" by Tasha Eurich - Moreau FYE Week Six). You can't passively wait for

your life to improve. Change requires big decisions, ones you might not be ready to make yet,

but that's okay. You'll grow into an adult and you'll have to learn to stand on your own two feet.

And it will be painful, but you'll make it out alive.

You're at the time in your life where you've numbed yourself to everything that's going on

in the world around you. It's okay, it really is…you probably had to in order to survive. I

understand that. You used to feel everything too much. I can't wrap my head around issues and it

makes me feel like a moron ninety percent of the time, but I have the same ideals you probably

do. The wish to see a world where " solidarity, this beautiful and, at times, inconvenient word,

were not simply reduced to social work, and became, instead, the default attitude in political,

economic and scientific choices, as well as in the relationships among individuals, peoples and

countries." ("Why the only future worth building includes everyone" by His Holiness Pope

Francis - Moreau FYE Week Seven) It's easy to feel hopeless in a landscape where every leader

seems corrupt in his own way and debates turn into wars of rage. I still want to change the world,

the way you do. But soon you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that you can't fix

everything right now. You can do some things, though. I know you have that all-or-nothing

mentality. But if you dedicate your life to serving even a small group of people, you will make a

difference. Maybe it won't be on a large-scale level, but everything counts and you have to learn

to accept that at some point. I know in the past few years you've been happiest at youth group,

especially when you'd go out into the community and volunteer. Even then, you would say that



"the most gratifying things I think I've ever done have always been hands-on service activities.”

(7 Clues Career Survey, Meruelo CCD - Moreau FYE Week Four) I know for sure now that

whatever I wind up doing with my life will be service-based to some degree. I'm letting you

know of that now ahead of time: serving others is the best thing you can do. Always. Whether

you take my advice or not…just please do something. Our….your time here is limited. And that

doesn't seem real right now, because something has kept you from understanding what death

means.

A nun once said that "remembering death keeps us awake, focused, and ready for

whatever might happen — both the excruciatingly difficult and the breathtakingly beautiful.”

("Meet the Nun Who Wants You To Remember You Will Die" by Ruth Graham - Moreau FYE

Week Three) Some days I have to force myself to think about things in this way. And I haven't

been able to halt the panic that comes with it, but those moments of clarity have driven me away

from my mindless Tumblr browsing and, for the briefest moments, into the world of the light.

But I don't even know if that's a place you can reach now, I'll be honest. Everything is a

bit foggy and it might be that way for a while. I'm sorry. There isn't much I can do about it. I

wish there was. I wish you didn't have to go through that alone, but the one thing I will promise

you is that you won't be alone for long. I hate to say this, but before you hit puberty you were

kind of a cruel kid. You made fun of people for things they couldn't change. And although I

wouldn't have wished this on us, maybe you're more empathetic now because of it. You don't

know how now, but in time you'll learn how to help the people you care about (and you will find

people to care about in the first place).

I watched a documentary recently. It hasn't come out where you are, or maybe it just has.

I'm not going to tell you about it, because it might reveal a little too much about me, but I have



this line for you: "In my faith, you learn there's meaning in suffering, but to truly understand that

you have to first suffer yourself. It tests your faith, but in the end I found strength…I wanted to

help others find their own strength, even in the greatest of suffering." (Hesburgh - Moreau FYE

Week Two) You've probably heard this a hundred times, but maybe hearing it from you (me?)

makes it a little more bearable, because it's true. Your heart will break for the weird kids and the

outcasts. It will probably make you want to become a teacher. You'll be able to understand what's

going on when your friends' worlds turn upside down. Whenever there's a crisis, you'll be there.

It's a part of you: "the ability to rise to the occasion in the face of pressure. If I were able to do

that in every situation, I think I could be proud of that at the very least. (Moreau FYE Week 5).  I

will warn you: sometime soon, your community will suffer another loss. Two, actually. You'll go

back to lying awake at night worrying that your best friends could be planning their own demise

and you would never know. But I promise you're better at picking up on things than you give

yourself credit for. You're not completely cold and soulless. You're capable of caring for other

people, no matter how self-absorbed you might be. And that's the thing that sticks with me now:

the people in your life are the most important part of your life. You want to do a million things,

but you'll figure out what you want to be eventually, and whatever you decide you'll be okay. But

it's love that you're missing, and I don't just mean romance. The love of having friends and

knowing that you would both do anything for each other. You act like you don't need people right

now, but that's just not true. Humans are social animals, and you deserve to have people in your

life who care about you. You just need to make it a priority to care about them, too.

You may not know who you are right now. You feel lost. You don't know yet that there's a

spark of the young girl you once were, waiting inside the depths of your soul for you to talk to

her again. She's hiding in the places you used to love. "The places that move us most deeply are



often the ones we recognize like long-lost friends; we come to them with a piercing sense of

familiarity, as if returning to some source we already know." ("Why We Need to Slow Down Our

Lives" by Pico Iyer - Moreau FYE Week One) Go to the pond at the edge of the street where you

used to sit for hours. Open up your sketchbook. Don't tell yourself what you should and shouldn't

think, just let your soul pour itself out onto an empty page. The greatest beauty in life is in your

bonds, and they will come to you with time. Don't lose hope. Don't become your own canvas.

The world is waiting for you to leave a mark on it – waiting for you to crawl out of your head

and finally understand where goodness is to be found and find that spark again and use it to make

someone's life whole. To love and to be loved, and to fight for what you love.

I promise it will all come with time. Just try to carry these words with you.

With love,

Emma (March 4, 2022)