- Integration 3 “The butterfly effect” If I were to die today, I’m not sure if I would be content with my life. Not that I think I’ve lived a bad life or anything, I’ve dealt with complicated challenges, achieved big things, moved a couple of times, and have a good understanding of what type of relationships make me the happiest. However, I still think there’s a lot left to learn and experience in the years to come. Today, I’ll be reflecting on my life, the things that I’ve learned about myself in the past couple of months at Notre Dame, and how I think that might impact the way I want to live and be remembered. I’m a person who believes suffering always serves a purpose, whether it aids our coming to an internal realization or it has an impact on someone else, suffering never comes without a reason. One of the biggest pains I’ve felt in my life has been leaving my older brother and dad in El Salvador when I moved to New York. We all knew it was the right decision for our future and that they would eventually join us (hopefully soon!) when their residences were approved. At this moment I really wish I would’ve heard this: “Life isn’t just about overcoming suffering. Suffering is part of our lives, always there, it is about how to respond to suffering from God.” (5 minutes: A Grotto Short Film, by Dr. Jihoon Kim- Moreau FYE Week 6). When I first got to New York, and similarly when I came to Notre Dame, it felt like everything was to endure the suffering and I never asked myself about responding to it. After a while, I eventually found out that I could turn the pain or loneliness into something else that could heal. I heard somewhere that challenging times in our lives are just periods of accelerated inner growth, and I couldn’t agree more because “it’s actually in facing the darkest realities of life that we find light in them” (Meet the Nun Who Wants You to Remember You Will Die, by Ruth Graham- Week 3). A life well lived for me wouldn’t be one without suffering or challenges that lead me to tears, but that I may recognize that all pain is temporary and that the most important thing is how I choose to react to it. Another thing I’ve learned is that I really appreciate the people that choose to stick around and even more those who willingly give me hugs (I LOVE GOOD HUGS). Before coming to college, I was really nervous about making friends. I had heard many times that college is the place where you find your people and I anxiously awaited for the moment where my people would arrive knocking on my door and we would just know. That however is not how my first weeks went. After meeting what felt like hundreds of people every day and then failing to make a meaningful connection with them, I felt lost and disconnected. Looking back, I think my mistake was trying to find people who were too much like me. I didn’t realize that “Differences can coexist with friendship and even love” (Hesburgh, directed by Jerry Barca; Christine O'Malley- Moreau FYE Week 2), but looking at my friends now, it’s clear that we’re different in more than one way. While we disagree on some issues and have different views on others, at the end of the day, we know that we can’t let that get in the way of our friendship. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0H7mXL7LsK8 https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/transform/why-does-god-allow-suffering/?utm_source=moreau&utm_medium=class&utm_campaign=spring_2022 https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/transform/why-does-god-allow-suffering/?utm_source=moreau&utm_medium=class&utm_campaign=spring_2022 https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/14/us/memento-mori-nun.html https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/39639/modules/items/146760 Having friends that are different from me has been very enriching as it allows my view of the world to grow and has helped me grow into a more empathetic person. Like Boyle reminded us, “We have a chance, sometimes, to create a new jurisdiction, a place of astonishing mutuality, whenever we close both eyes of judgment and open the other eye to pay attention” (Chapter 8: Jurisdiction on tattoos on the Heart, by Gregory Boyle- Moreau FYE Week 7). I’m glad I’ve become more open about talking to people I would’ve never talked to before and found a way to connect with them on a meaningful level. This has made me realize that an important element of a life well-lived is how you relate and connect with others. When I die, I want to be remembered as someone who was easy to talk to and who could listen. This is because the people who I love most are always open to listening to me, consoling me, and picking me up right after a hard day. I want to be that person for everyone, but especially those I love. A life well-lived isn’t just about pleasing and finding joy in others, but also within ourselves. During the first week of the Moreau, we learned about having an internet sabbath to process all the information we receive every day. When I think about the life I want to live, I envision quiet periods of reflection where I can examine where my life is going at the time and really consider if I’m happy with what I’m doing. I think one of the dangers in life is becoming complacent with what we have and stop aspiring to reach for more. I haven’t been able to implement a day of complete rest yet but I sure do hope at some point in my life. Maybe it won’t be an entire day as that seems a little too extreme but, an evening or night routine without electronics would greatly improve my overall well- being. As mentioned in the material for the week: “it’s like a retreat house that ensures we’ll have something bright and purposeful to carry back into the other six days.” (Why we need to slow down our lives, by Pico Iyer - Moreau FYE Week 1). After all my time here at Notre Dame, it has become more and more clear that every little event that happens in our lives, has an impact later. At the end of the day, when I leave this world, I want to have lived a life with almost no regrets, not because I never made mistakes but because I was able to realize that every mistake led me somewhere else. “Every experience shapes you in some way, whether you realize it at the time or not! We know that life is busy and it’s hard to take the time to slow down and process. But if you give yourself that time you will gain so much” (Navigating Your Career Journey, by Meruelo Family Center for Career Development- Moreau FYE Week 4). Recognizing the importance of self-care is also something that my brother, whom I love very much, told me during the interview of Week 5 of Moreau. And that’s what I need to remind myself more often, in his words “deje tiempo para usted” (conversation with my brother, Emiliano Vaquero- Moreau FYE Week 5) which translates to leave time for yourself. Despite the challenges along the way, I’m enjoying being a college student at Notre Dame where I’m surrounded by people who care about me simply for who I am and not only because I knew https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/39639/files/523844/download?download_frd=1 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/39639/files/523844/download?download_frd=1 https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-need-a-secular-sabbath/ https://undergradcareers.nd.edu/navigating-your-career-journey---moreau/ https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yZ7hqvx-u4EuW2nlK-fRbWFiurQm1mZv_KpoeeiN4So/edit?usp=sharing https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yZ7hqvx-u4EuW2nlK-fRbWFiurQm1mZv_KpoeeiN4So/edit?usp=sharing the answer to the hard math questions. I’m looking forward to discovering what other small actions lead to new opportunities in the future. The butterfly effect is all too real and I’m excited to see where these butterflies lead me to.