Integration 2 Dr. Vanessa Chan Moreau FYE - Section 10 27 November 2021 Encounters as Catalysts for Personal Growth As we approach the end of the semester, reflecting on the past few months has allowed me to attain a greater perspective on the challenges that I’ve faced as a new college student, and I’ve been able to find gratitude for the tools that have helped me to navigate this time of my life. Among the many lessons that I’ve learned here at Notre Dame so far, I have learned about the complexity of dissonance, brokenness, community, and hope, and I have seen how encountering these in my life can both challenge me and offer opportunities for growth. It is inevitable that a person will encounter some form of dissonance no matter what period of life that person is in. During the transition to university life, a time when one is completely uprooted from everything that is known or familiar, this is especially true. In class, we discussed the technical meaning of dissonance, the combination of clashing musical notes; when two elements don’t quite agree with each other. In college, as a person is trying to find their path, this dissonance is exhibited as we “try on” different careers, start down various paths, and discover that the journey of figuring out our lives isn’t quite so linear. One cause of the dissonance experienced by college students is the expectations of others. I know that, like many other young people, I’ve encountered this pressure to make my parents proud and to meet the expectations of friends and family members, but one article we read in class reminded me that, when you live to please others, “you aren’t living your own life –– you’re living someone else’s life” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). When I left home after telling everyone in my life what I intended my major and future career to be, I found myself tied to that statement as if it was a promise that I made rather than simply a guess as to where I’d end up. However, the truth of the matter is that of all the people in my life, I am the only one that has to follow through and actually live out the reality of my choices. I left home intending to obtain an engineering degree, and perhaps I will follow through with this decision, but my first few months of college have made me realize that I need to sit down and ask myself some difficult questions about what it is that I want. In the places where there is a dissonance between my own goals and the expectations of others, I need to prioritize living for myself. As I’ve grown up, I’ve come to recognize brokenness as a sort of omnipresent force. No one escapes life perfectly intact, but I think that it is up to us to decide whether we let our brokenness turn into hatred or into hope. For our in class discussion on brokenness, we read a piece by Fr. John Jenkins where he explained that “we have to accept for practical purposes that hatred is not out there. It is in here — ready to rise in disguise inside of us, posing as virtue, sowing destruction” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C - Moreau FYE Week Ten). When it comes to my own brokenness, I believe that a mark of my own maturing has been the recognition of the choice that comes with brokenness. In my bouts with cancer and the medical situations that followed, it at times felt as though the universe was against me. When you feel broken, it’s immensely difficult to avoid a growing mindset of pessimism and defeat, but I had to find ways to turn these difficult experiences into sources of hope and reasons for kindness. Instead of feeling like I had a bone to pick with the world around me, I came to realize that my own struggles could instead serve as a source of motivation for kindness. The world is broken enough on its own, and I believe that the least we can do is to try to add as little damage to that total as possible. When it comes to encountering brokenness in those around us, we have to remember that everyone has something they are healing from. You turn on the news and you find brokenness. You look at the people you hate and you find brokenness. You look at the people you love and you find brokenness. This can be discouraging, sowing pessimism in our minds, or we can choose to find hope in this truth. Broken things can be understood. Broken things can be put back together. One of the most meaningful lessons I’ve learned over the past several months has been how to become a part of a community. Arriving at Notre Dame meant being a thousand miles away from everyone and everything that I had previously known. I found myself surrounded by strangers, living and learning with people I barely knew. For any new college student, it’s easy to feel isolated and alone, even when constantly surrounded by others. The realization that finally allowed me to begin to feel at home here was perhaps best put in a reading for class by Parker J. Palmer. He wrote that “community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). Once I accepted the fact that community was not something that I had to build from the ground up, but rather something that I simply had to embrace, my time at Notre Dame transformed into a much more joyful and fulfilling experience. I realized that I was part of already existing communities within my dorm, with my fellow engineering majors, and even with the community of the entirety of Notre Dame. All you have to do to be welcomed to these communities is to show up and be willing to be present and vulnerable with others. However, beyond these communities that I’ve become a part of based on similarities, I’ve also realized that I have the opportunity to seek out communities that can challenge me and help me grow. One of my goals for my time here at Notre Dame is to expose myself to communities that offer new perspectives and ideas. I’ve lived most of my life in one city. I’ve grown up surrounded by mainly the same people. Being at a university like Notre Dame is a perfect opportunity to encounter new communities, ideas, and experiences, and I plan to take advantage of this by taking classes, joining extracurriculars, and participating in conversations that broaden my mind and perspective on the world around me. Finally, my time so far at Notre Dame has allowed me to encounter hope in various forms, both through others and within myself. In class, we discussed what hope means to us and how we can recognize hopefulness in others. Beyond a common link to optimism and perseverance, the idea of hope as a tool for growth struck me as particularly profound. In preparation for class, we read a piece by Fr. James B King, which included the statement that we should use hope in order “to believe that what is born of questioning beliefs previously taken for granted will lead us to a new and better understanding of our vocation as citizens in this world” (“Hope - Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Fr. James B King, C.S.C - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). I hadn’t previously considered the need for hope in an educational sense, but it makes sense. I have no doubt that my time at college will lead to me being constantly faced with ideas and beliefs that are new to me, and it takes hope in order to allow ourselves to seriously consider new ideas and decide for ourselves what we will make of them. Hope is also required as, during these formative four years, I will have to make decisions about my future, my goals, and what impact I’d like my life to have. Being at university means that every step forward is a step into the unknown, and yet we have to keep moving. One thing that keeps me motivated to live with this hope, is the hope that I see in others. For all the uncertainty that this time in my life offers, there is also a wonderful opportunity to watch my mentors and friends push fear and doubts aside in the pursuit of something greater. As my first semester of college comes to a close, I look forward to implementing the lessons that I’ve learned throughout the remainder of my time on campus and beyond. Perhaps the next time I am faced with dissonance or brokenness, I will see these challenges as opportunities to ask myself meaningful questions and to change my approach to one that considers different perspectives. And when I find myself searching for community or a source of hope, I will have learned that I simply need to embrace those around me in order to find them.