Integration Three Abigail Moore Moreau FYE Erik Oswald February 26, 2022 Stubborn Inquiry Became Care Became Love Some of us know Abby as the well-dressed, exacting albeit curt professional and others of us know her as the kid way up in the tree who couldn't keep shoes on her feet or sand out of her hair, but I can only speak to who she was as I have known her. Abby’s life was riddled with faults—always picking up the unwarranted argument, always choosing to be right before choosing to be kind, and always the last one ready to go. Her slowness and stubbornness meant she required more than her fair share of patience, but those who persisted in their grace were rewarded in turn. She was slow, yes. Dinner would be cold by the time she was done cooking it, you’d give her a book recommendation and wait months before she was done reading and ready to discuss, and Lord help us if she was picking out candy and we wanted to make it to the movie on time. But this sluggishness was also a thoroughness and stillness. Her movement was slow but intentioned and critical. Unbothered by the limitations of efficiency, she could sit with something and work it all the way out to the end while everyone else buzzed by in the hurried sweep of life. The old Japanese maxim, “‘Don’t just do something. Sit there,’” was surely not wasted on her (“Why We Need to Slow Our Lives Down” by Pico Lyer - Week 1). Abby never acted just to do something. She was not afraid of motionless quiet or solitude and knew they had more worth than an endless stream of motion without cause. When you gave her a task, despite the lengthy time needed for her to complete it, you were guaranteed a level of excellence few would care enough to give, and she brought this attitude of slow, methodical carefulness to anything from cleaning a bathroom to completing a project at the architecture firm. This tenacious attention to detail drove much of her success in work and in the few close friendships she held. The truth is “[w]e don't prove anything by burning something down; we prove something by building it up,” and Abby came into this world with a lot to prove—in a family with five kids there’s not much avoiding that (Hesburgh - Week 2). Despite all her attempts to push people down with her mischievous wit, she was a builder at heart. Her thorough analyses could pick out faults and her resourcefulness responded with the necessary perfecting. We can see it in her buildings, and we can see it in the people who came here today to celebrate her life. Any burning Abby did was for the direct purpose of building it back better, and whether we liked it or not she was working us the same way with the loving but nagging desire to see us grow alongside her. To quote St. Augustine and Fr. Micheal Himes, “‘Dissatisfaction is not a bad thing...indeed it’s the best thing about us.’ It’s what constantly moves us forward, makes us grow, expands our horizons, and deepens our perceptions” (“Three Key Questions” by Fr. Michael Himes - Week 3). It is with that powerful dissatisfaction that inspired her to keep changing for the better. From investing herself in non-major courses that stirred her wonder at Notre Dame to studying abroad in high school and again in college, she was always seeking to deepen her perceptions. One question, one answer wasn’t enough for someone who admired the cat killed by curiosity. She sought new ways of looking at things, be it from the tops of tree branches as a kid or from asking the opinions of upperclassmen in the studio. I was honestly surprised when she decided to pursue architecture, a major with such a definitive path, considering “[t]here are so many career paths and industries out there that it’s best not to limit yourself too much right off the bat” (“Navigating Your Career Journey” by Meruelo Family Center for Career Development - Week 4). Perhaps it was healthy for her to limit herself in this way so that she could focus on her growth, her building, rather than getting bogged down by all the potential subjects she’d have liked to explore. Her choice since has been confirmed by not only the artfulness and creativity she has showcased in the buildings she designed, but also in the thoughtfulness she brought to improving architecture as a craft, especially with her focus on sustainable construction. While her thoughtfulness in these areas has born much fruit, I know that it too—like her slowness and stubbornness—had a double edge. A good friend of hers, who is sitting in among us morners now, once cautioned: “If you keep thinking of yourself a certain way, you’ll probably stay that certain way” (Conversation with Lily, February 6, 2022, - Week 5). Her pride brought on a mind-over-matter mentality and her stubbornness sealed it in stone. These traits fueled her in her walk from Mexico to Canada on the PCT but also kept her stuck in her head. When the mind is so domineering and also so critical we get the pessimistic perspective we all watched her struggle to overcome. Studies show that “self-analyzers tend to have more anxiety, less positive social experiences and more negative attitudes about themselves” (“The Right Way to be Introspective” by Tasha Eurich - Week 6). Although many of us wished she saw herself as the sharp, dutiful, and illuminated adventurer we loved, her ever-working analytical mind painted a harsh self-image. While she exceeded many of our expectations in school and work thereafter, it is hard to say whether she ever met her own. I cannot deny that she bore a darkness with her, but she also learned how to balance it. Loving other people freely does not come naturally to everyone, and that certainly was the case for Abby. Sometimes you’d have to weed through her brazen insults to find they wrapped her shyly intended love. To love for her was like a distasteful medicine that had to be dissolved, congealed, and ultimately disguised in a gummy bear vitamin of derision and apparent indifference. However, I witnessed her evolve. The realization that “none of us is an island, an autonomous and independent "I," separated from the other” was a long time coming for her—someone who intrepidly leaned on her own independence (“Why the only future worth building includes everyone” by Pope Francis - Week 7). The connections she fostered during her time at Notre Dame and the few that lasted from before it helped to mold her heart into accepting and appreciating vulnerability, and it is that heart I know many of us mourn the loss of today. The Abby I remember and hope to hold in my own heart until I join her among the dust was annoyingly slow and contrarian, fervently resilient and critical, and above all had a sparkling curiosity for this world and its people that matured into a deep and resonating love.