- Integration One Moreau Integration One 15 October 2021 The Me You Don’t See Root Beliefs 1. I believe that I am searching for life-giving relationships where I feel it is safe to be vulnerable. (Weeks 1, 2, and 4) 2. I believe that through faith, I can ease my anxiety and move forward from difficult situations even when I don’t see a clear path out. (Week 3) 3. I believe that I have been formed to be a force for good in the world. (Week 5 and 6) 4. I believe that I pursue truth by being mindful that my experience of the world is different from others’ experiences, and that my perception is not always telling the full story of a situation. (Week 7) Belief 1: I believe that I am searching for belonging in life-giving relationships where I feel it is safe to be vulnerable. I have had both good and bad experiences with friendship, experiencing not only life-giving relationships but also toxic relationships. I had a lot of friends that fit the signs of being a toxic friend, particularly “they don’t really listen to you” which was number two on the list from one of the week four resources (“5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship” by Olivia T. Taylor - Moreau FYE Week Four). Because of this, I have struggled, and still struggle at times with being vulnerable, and feeling like I belong. I often worry, “Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?” (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One). The TED talk by Brené Brown summarized my feelings very well in that quote- I was, and continue to often be worried about whether or not people really like me. I have encountered these feelings occasionally this semester as I’ve started forming new friendships. In the past, when my friends would be toxic and not listen to me, I would feel like they really didn’t care or enjoy my company. Fortunately, as I have grown and gotten older I have been more able to recognize that I am someone that is likeable, though I still sometimes feel irrational doubt and anxiety about this fact. The character strengths quiz was another affirming resource that was helpful in boosting my self-confidence; my top strength was kindness (VIA Character Strengths Quiz by the VIA Institute on Character - Moreau FYE Week Two). I know that being kind is one way to be a good friend. As I am evaluating which relationships to put further effort into, I search for other kind people who I can be vulnerable with. Because of my negative experiences in the past and anxiety about my likeability, I tend to be relatively guarded about forming close relationships in which people really get to know me beyond a superficial level. My instinct to be guarded is what led to my title “The Me You Don’t See” which gets at the idea that I’m not vulnerable with a lot of people, so there’s a lot of me that I don’t readily share with others. However, as Brené Brown articulated, the people who felt worthy of love and were able to more readily make connections with others were those who understood vulnerability was “necessary” and are “willing to invest in a https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0 https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register?registerPageType=popup relationship that may or may not work out,” so I am growing towards being more vulnerable with more people in my quest for finding life-giving relationships (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One). Belief 2: I believe that through faith, I can ease my anxiety and move forward from difficult situations even when I don’t see a clear path out. I’m not someone who is religious, but I still have faith. Like it was said in the article, “Spirituality concerns the real world, and how we see it, how we do it, how we approach it” (“Faith Brings Light to a Dark World” by Professor David Fagerberg - Moreau FYE Week Three). I approach the world with the perspective that I am merely one person of many on this planet, and that gives me faith when times are difficult. I know that even when my life isn’t going well, there are billions of other people who are continuing to go about their lives. They may be struggling like me, which brings solace, or they may be thriving, which brings me the opportunity to join them in their thriving. Either person could be an opportunity out of my struggle- the fellow struggler and I could work together to find our way out, and the thriver could help pull me out of my struggle. There are endless possibilities when the world has 7 billion people. I also believe that among those 7 billion people, there are more good people than bad, so my odds are never as bad as they may initially seem. I approach the world with that optimism about possibility, faith in humanity as mostly good, and with the humility of knowing that the world does not revolve around me. That faith and optimism also helps me to ease my anxiety. When it feels like the world is ending, I remind myself that there’s always a way forward, even if I can’t see it yet. Belief 3: I believe that I have been formed to be a force for good in the world. In reflecting on where I came from for my poem, I was reminded of the stories I tell others and myself about my life and where I come from. Fr. Kevin Grove said that “we believe that there is no failure that grace cannot transfigure into a blessing,” and I believe he is right (“Two Notre Dames: Your Holy Cross Education” by Fr. Kevin Grove, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week Five). When I had less confidence, I would tell myself that I was unliked, or incapable, and my failures felt like proof that I was and would always be some version of bad. But, now I feel that failure is an important part of success, like Fr. Kevin Grove said in his speech. Before, I cognitively understood how failure was important to success- I understood it in an abstract way. After overcoming significant failure (with grace, partly) I was able to really understand the importance of failure to success. I think that coming to a greater understanding of failure has helped form me into a compassionate person. I’ve always felt compelled to help others and be kind, but with greater self reflection have gained the conviction to be assertive about stepping in when something was happening that I believed was wrong. I think that’s the difference between just being nice and actually being a force for good. The article about the poem said, “no one else sees the world as you do; no one else has your material to draw on,” which before I was more confident in myself, made me feel like as an individual, I was inadequate (“Where I’m From” by https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0 https://grottonetwork.com/keep-the-faith/belief/faith-brings-light-to-dark-world/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=859bc1a8-0d0f-4eb4-a1c1-d0a45c429187 http://www.georgeellalyon.com/where.html George Ella Lyon - Moreau FYE Week Six). But, once I understood myself better and became more confident, I saw my difference and uniqueness as a strength, not a weakness. That perspective shift has been an important part of how I view myself even when I don’t feel confident or successful, and helped to catalyze me to be a force for good even when I’m feeling insecure. I believe my growth in confidence and self-knowledge directly impacts my ability to be a force for good, because if I don’t believe in myself, I can’t be nearly as impactful. Belief 4: I believe that I pursue truth by being mindful that my experience of the world is different from others’ experiences, and that my perception is not always telling the full story of a situation. I talked about it some in other belief paragraphs, but I have a belief that every individual has a unique perspective. That different perspective changes a lot about how you see yourself, the world around you, and others. I understand that I have implicit bias that informs and influences my perspective, and understand that “the same thought processes that make people smart can also make them biased” (“How to Think About Implicit Bias” by Keith Payne, Laura Niemi, and John M. Doris - Moreau FYE Week Seven). Knowing that I am biased doesn’t scare me, or make me feel defensive. Instead, I am committed to being open-minded about my beliefs and claims because what seems or feels true may not always be supported by facts. Truth is more than what ‘seems right’ to me. I know that truth is more than any one person’s perception, and that it is possible to miss sides of a situation depending on my perspective. I believe that moving through the world with the knowledge that I might be wrong is important to being a good person. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-think-about-implicit-bias/