Integration II Conway 1 Professor Pruitt Moreau First-Year Experience 3 December 2021 I Am Powerful and Have the Duty to Cultivate that Power in Others One thing that has definitely solidified for me over the past semester is my sense of self. I believe I have grown both more confident in my abilities as well as more unapologetic in expressing my personality and this is something I am extremely proud of. I have never been the most self-assured person out there, and certainly not the most assertive, but in the last few months I have really grown into myself and become proud to be me. I think a major part of this journey has been changing expectations I have set for myself into goals. In Week IX of Moreau, we discussed imposter syndrome, the constant fear that sits at the back of our minds that we aren’t good enough. It was something that all, or at least most, of us felt and the solidarity we had in this emotion was comforting to me because it helped to banish the fear that my inadequacy was real. We also discussed how the expectations we set for ourselves can be so damaging to our sense of self-worth because they represent an unreachable minimum. We base our value off of arbitrary standards set with the assumption of perfection and feel awful when we can’t live up to them. We “believe [we] must be perfect and that [we] must live up to the expectations of others” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). Especially during the college application process I felt the pressure to succeed, not necessarily because I wanted to get into the best school I could, but because if I didn’t get into the best school I would be letting everyone, including myself, down. I came to realize that this is unhealthy and have since changed my mindset. Now, I set goals for myself on https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau Conway 2 the basis of my own capabilities because I am very much capable and no fear of failure to meet arbitrary standards will prevent me from realizing that. Through Moreau discussions, meeting new people here, and classes this semester, I have become the most confident I have ever been. I truly believe that coming to Notre Dame was the catalyst for my mental switch from expectiations to goals because, out of all the colleges I applied to, this was my goal and my success. In a sense, I really do feel like I won because not only am I attending the school I wanted to be at, but I am thriving more than I had ever imagined I could here. Since I now have clarity in my sense of self and a newfound confidence in the present me, I can more properly engage in hope for the future. In Week XII, we talked about hope and the power it has as a mindset. We also discussed what the source of hope is in our lives, whether it is religious, internally motivated, or goal based. What has solidified for me, both through these discussions and through personal reflection, is that hope rests within oneself. Life is “a series of troughs and peaks” and we must understand and appreciate the balance (“The Screw Tape Letters Chapter 8” by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). I believe that hope is manifested through goals and sustained through satisfaction of the present. In other words, being excited for the future and striving for the next big thing is healthy and a driving force in life, but it should also be backed by recognition of past goals that have been met. For example, I recently finished a book, Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr. I had been wanting to read it ever since it came out because I absolutely loved All the Light We Cannot See and wanted to experience another Doerr novel. Though, the book was long and school is tough so it took me ages to read and, despite it being fabulously written with a wonderful story, I was frustrated I couldn’t get through it. Over Thanksgiving break I finished it, simple as that, and I am proud of myself for it. It was one small thing I had hoped to do and I did it, and since I am grounded in that little satisfaction I https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/23665/files/190625?module_item_id=107420 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/23665/files/190625?module_item_id=107420 Conway 3 have the strength to prepare myself for greater hopes in the future. By encountering inner dissonance and pondering on hope, I have solidified in my mind my own power and this has transformed my self-image for the better. Though, not only is it important for me to recognize my own capabilities, but I also have a duty to use this power to support and promote the individuality of others. While the world is filled with so many good, kind, and considerate people, there is still a dire need for improvement in society, especially in the area of diversity and inclusion. Right now, society is especially struggling with lasting prejudice, biases, and unjust treatment. Father John Jenkins states that “a country whose citizens treat one another with scorn does not have a bright future” and, moreover, as we discussed in Weeks X and XI of Moreau, diversity is crucial to a well-functioning, healthy society (“Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement” by Fr. John Jenkins - Moreau FYE Week Ten). Diversity is the catalyst for personal growth and group improvement because the more opinions and perspectives we are exposed to, the more comprehensive our understanding can become. In class, we discovered that our hometowns had a wide range of diversity and mine, admittedly, didn’t have much. Although I went to public school for most of my life, I went to an all-girls Catholic high school in northern New Jersey in which there was very little diversity. This being said, my school’s inclusion policies and diversity programs, for example diversity training for the teachers, were extremely minimal. They emphasize our shared commonalities at the expense of our differences and, though many current and former students including myself are trying to change this, progress is slow. This being said, it is so crucial to respect individuality because “every story is a testament of personal truth and each must be heard as part of the larger story” (“With Voices True Snapshot Summary” by Klau Center Archive on Race - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). Individuals make up communities and it https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://voicestrue.nd.edu/ Conway 4 is the diversity of those individuals which make the societies so wonderful. Here at Notre Dame, I get to experience more diversity than I ever have before and I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to grow in my perspective and share in life with so many people. Now that my own sense of self is clarified to me, I can be that much more ready to engage with others in a meaningful way, contributing what I know and learning from friends, classmates, and peers.