“Week 13- Integration” Webb 1 Prof. Polotto Moreau Se. 83 3 December 2021 The Formation of a Loving Human Being Through Self-Identification In this semester, I have encountered many experiences, many of which were not easy; however, I have learned that that is okay, because I can use all of my experiences as a chance to grow. I have had to ask myself many questions this semester such as– “Are my actions bringing me to be my best self?”, “What can I do to make myself happy?”, and “Who am I as a person? Who do I serve?”. Now many of these questions were in fact brought about by my struggles to find and build a community at Notre Dame, which proves that even the bad can be fruitful to growth, especially the bad. Throughout this semester, I have learned to serve myself in a manner that is both fruitful to myself and to others, whether that be through Dance Company or in my own dorm. When I am my best self, I feed both my own soul and the energy of the community around me. Learning how to focus on my own wants and needs first, and knowing how to increase my own happiness decreases feelings of hatred which could be projected onto the world around me through my daily interactions. And my joyous feelings have been and are continually being projected onto those around me, and especially those who may share hateful sentiments towards me, a problem I have encountered within my dorm. However, despite my wanting to spread positivity around me, I find myself asking what happened to the girl where positivity came so easily, and how have I been transforming throughout this semester? Was my joy and positivity before naive, whereas now it holds more meaning? Webb 2 This semester, I have had struggles with self-identification from both within and the surrounding world. Internally, I am struggling to differentiate myself from the person I am now and the life that I live now in comparison to before college. There are many aspects of myself that I feel more secure in now including my independence and decisions; however, I am often extremely doubtful of my moods and mindsets. With so many adjustments in college, nothing in my life has been consistent except inconsistency, and I find myself battling to come to terms with that. Despite feeling much more independent after leaving my toxic “friends”, moments of loneliness come, and I find myself seeking for the acceptance of those who would never has=d looked out for me, and it is difficult to come to terms with this realization and to resist the urge to give myself “ultimatums in order to be accepted by others” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations Enables You to Live a Better Life” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). However, I have learned to follow my desires and not expectations of what I should do, and just trust myself in my choices, relationships, and paths. I believe that the search for my independence and my identity is what will lead me to become a great factor within my community in my dorm and Dance Company. My own recognition of the right and wrongdoings of others, and experiencing these happenings grants me the courage to act and to call for change in my community, especially in my dorm. I must change my own view that the other will act first when dissonance exists, and calmly approach the issue. My relationships with others are not clear cut, most of them lie somewhere in the acquaintance range, some in close proximity, and others in disdain; however, what is clear is my attitude towards all relationships– kindness. To “love is the greatest commandment” (“Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement | Office of the President | University of Notre Dame” by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week Ten), because even love can overcome the effects https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ Webb 3 of hatred. I cannot “reduce anyone else’s hatred” (“Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement | Office of the President | University of Notre Dame” by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week Ten) or their feelings towards me, but what I can do is continue to grow into my best self and spread love everywhere I go, and maybe that will change their hearts. In fact, I am more beautiful for letting my love for others overpower my hatred from past experiences. And this is one way that my actions are leading me to grow into my best self. This semester, I have greatly struggled with my community. However, I recognize that all of humanity is “embedded in community” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community • Center for Courage & Renewal” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven), and this is why I continually fight for a community and put my efforts into it. I may not love everyone in a community; however, a community will always be a source of support for me when I fall down, because I need them to lift me up, especially now where I have to cut many of my old ties that are preventing me from growing. And I can only have this community once I open up my heart to it. I have found this community at Dance Company, and many of my closest friends are from here. I know that because I opened up to them first, they will come to me. Once I begin to serve others and upon up my own heart to them, can I grow into love. I must be accepting of a community, accepting of receiving it instead of forcing it, which is something that I have learned in many of my experiences. I wait with patience now whereas I acted in desperation before, knowing that God’s love will come to me if I have trust in Him. I have had many experiences solely in my first semester, and my reactions may not have always been the best, especially when I faced dissonance in my dorm community. However, I am learning to respond in a manner that both grows my spirit, and points to God's wishes. In other words, I am rebuilding the relationships around me and showing every single person love https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ Webb 4 no matter my experience with them. Despite my mistakes, the sole fact of my efforts is enough to please God, because no matter how much we mess up, I can still please God just by the act of trying., by continuing to spread kindness And this gives me hope. My responses to the world around me drive me towards reformation and completeness as I strive to live as a citizen of this world imitating the person of Christ as the gateway to citizenship in heaven” (“Hope- Holy Cross and Chrsitian Education” by Fr. James B. King C.S.C.- Moreau FYE Week Twelve). I can respond to the hatred in this world by bringing about hope through my own cross, through the little sacrifices that I make and can make daily, like giving up my free time to help a friend and to spread joy even when I am exhausted. My cross leads me to live in a Christ-like manner and gives me fulfillment. My first semester here at Notre Dame has taught me self- motivated thought and independence. I am choosing my actions for myself in a manner that advanzes my community. Although self-service and serving a community may seem a little contradictory, the two are simultaneous. I cannot fill up other’s cups if mine is empty. And by serving others, I fulfill myself, and by putting my needs and self-discovery first, I can more authentically serve my community. I am still learning my purpose here, but I have hope that my experiences here will lead me to fulfillment, even if it requires some reformation of thought and being on my behalf. I am still unsure of who I am transforming into, but I am confident that I am the driving force behind it and not others’ and their expectations. I will no longer let the expectations of others dictate my life. I will continually participate in God’s love, and my identity, community, outlook, and actions will change because of it.