Integration Three


To You, 40  Years Lived, A Legacy Immortalized

We will always disappoint people. We will even disappoint ourselves. But the world

doesn’t have to end when that happens. The world does not end whenever we are not totally

successful in whatever measures we set for ourselves; things may get tough, but ultimately,

there is always an opportunity to bounce back from disappointment and it is important to

realize that expectations aren’t concrete and that sometimes, you can truly never disappoint

other people if the relationship you share is genuine. This is the kind of life my brother, Jose

Luis Radilla Jr, sought after and preached to all those closest to him. Though he was

someone who was extremely motivated in both his professional and academic career and

spent a lot of his life making sure he was both successful and financially stable, at the end of

the day, none of those things are what made my brother truly happy, and he was very honest

about it with me and our whole family. One of the most important things he always recalled

to me, is that while it is always important to aim high and set yourself to a strict standard, it is

not healthy to believe that you can always meet that standard because sometimes, there will

be things in the way. For him, there were always many things ‘in the way’. One of those was

family, but he let that be a healthy obstacle to him because the things he most valued in this

world were the strength of the family and community he built for himself. Jose had a fiercely

strong sense of loyalty and respect to this community as well. All you gathered here today,

I’m sure, felt in one way or another, the all-encompassing love and friendship he so

genuinely tried to share with those close to him. You know that regardless of blood's bonds,

he treated anyone he even had an ounce of care for as if they were of his own creed, his

own family. He was totally unselfish in that he desired to exceed expectations and break

barriers that haven’t been done before in our family by simply embracing his unique identity

while also continually seeking to better himself as a man, a brother, a son, a husband, a

father; both for himself, but primarily for those around him. (“Week Five Discernment

Conversation Activity” by  - Week Five). In this way, this was the only manner in



which he ever disappointed anyone; I think we can all say that my brother was not selfish

enough at times, that he did not take his own advice and live more for himself than he should

have, because he truly deserved it. I know that Jose really valued independence, thus why

even though he allowed so many others to rely on him, he rarely, if at all, would let others

carry the burden of his own struggles. He set himself to a high standard, always seeking to

do the best he could do, and sometimes aspiring to that high mark tends to put you in

positions of isolation and suffering. He did not want this for any of his family and endlessly

fought to make sure they wouldn’t have to by taking that burden on himself and only

presenting himself in ways that showed the caring, loving, and passionate side of his

persona. To my little brother, I wish he would have known that everyone he gave his all to

wishes that he would’ve just taken back a little bit of that effort and care, and treated himself

with the same kindness and passion he did others. This was truly the mark of a man who

focused on what we could do for others instead of what he could not do and what he did not

have yet. (“Why Does God Allow Suffering?” by Tania Brown, Moreau Week Six). Despite his

suffering and the mental anguish caused by it, he still came out of it wanting to serve others.

Everyone can relate to the fact that they have gone through or will go through the suffering

that can cause them to develop a negative outlook on life. However, it is only further

perpetuated by things like pessimism, self-pity, or negativity; Jose knew that these were very

human reactions to suffering and that one must go through the wringer to learn, but whether

it be with God, with loved ones, or through some other source, one has to eventually learn to

look past the suffering and not let it define their lives. Even though he is not with us today,

his life is not defined by the fact that he took it from himself, and by no means does this

suggest that the suffering it caused for all of us here today is meaningless. We can still find

comfort and ultimate meaning in learning to look outwards, learning to seek ways that we

can still make ourselves feel useful to others so that they make a positive impact on

themselves and the world around them. And that he did. I cannot echo enough how much

every action he undertook was in service to others. But it is also why I urge all of you to take

my brother’s life as an example and a reminder that doing nothing for a while, that living for



yourself for a while, is one of the hardest things in life, but one of the most necessary. (“Why

We Need To Slow Our Lives Down” By Pico Iyer, Moreau Week One). I share with you all a

quote Pope Francis that embodies what my brother’s life truly stood for and will continue to

stand for well beyond his days on this Earth; “Hope is the virtue of a heart that doesn't lock

itself into darkness, that doesn't dwell on the past, does not simply get by in the present, but

is able to see a tomorrow” (“Why The Only Future Worth Building Includes Everyone” By

Pope Francis, Moreau Week 7). My brother held out this hope for much of his life and though

the embers of that flame monetarily ran out, do not allow them to die within yourselves. Live

in memory of him and pursue the life he would’ve you all wanted to live, pursue the

happiness that you most hope for, the life that you most envision. He is no longer with us in

flesh, but in heart and in mind, he will live forever.

The contemplation of new ideas and needs beyond our comfort zones requires a

sacrificial willingness to put at risk everything that we think we already know. To grow

as a person, we must face adversity and situations that force us into changing our

habits, our beliefs, our fundamental core identities, and though something that is

quite obvious, this aspect can go overlooked in today’s society due to the prevalence

of routine and comfort in life derived from the hierarchy of systems that fuel our

society today. Jumping headfirst into this gray unknown