W13 Integration Nguyen Le 1 Kieu Anh Nguyen Le Andrew Whittington Moreau First Year Experience November 28, 2021 Navigating College through Street-Art, Sweetgrass, and Self-Reflection As my first semester wraps up, I am surprised by how much my thinking has changed and evolved over these short three months. I have so many fascinating memories to unpack and reflect upon. I have encountered unique discomforts and challenges I never thought I would experience and I have resolved to respond to them with compassion, understanding, and kindness. When I found out I would be attending Notre Dame, I knew I could no longer expect to be at the top of the class and I thought I had prepared myself for this, but I did not realize how intensely imposter syndrome would settle down on me. Elizabeth Cox explains: "People who are highly skilled or accomplished tend to think others are just as skilled. This can spiral into feeling that they don't deserve opportunities or accolades over other people" ("What is Imposter Syndrome" by Elizabeth Cox - Moreau FYE Week Nine). Going to an "elite" university almost guarantees feelings of imposter syndrome. There have been times when I look at the accomplishments of my peers and wondered if the biggest factor in my admissions was the fact that I went to a Title I school. I know colleges do not have access to income information when admitting students, but I also know that they have information about what types of high schools we went to. When I was struggling with schoolwork towards the beginning of the semester, I questioned whether I was admitted just to "diversify" Notre Dame. I did not have the national titles or awards that my friends did. I could barely manage my schoolwork while they were doing that on top of many mailto:whittington@nd.edu 2 extracurriculars. I kept thinking that if someone else had my spot, they could be making so much more of the opportunities Notre Dame provides. This destructive mindset boggled me down for weeks until I had a conversation with one of my friends. He was someone who I had compared myself with endlessly as I watched him breeze through homework and exams. I was shocked when he said he is afraid to ask questions in his class because he has been terrified of seeming dumb. Cox is right in believing that the best way to combat imposter syndrome was to talk about it. The change in perspective did not happen immediately after this conversation. It has been a slow and gradual process. I still over criticize myself from time to time but these moments of doubt have been less frequent. I try to treat myself with kindness and look at things from a larger perspective. A bad grade does not mean I do not deserve to be here. It means I can do better on the next exam if I identify how I can improve from this one. I know I deserve to be and belong at Notre Dame. As I was getting better at understanding why I was a good fit at Notre Dame, I was also starting to see why Notre Dame was a good fit for me and the biggest reason was because of its emphasis on community. This idea is perfectly summed up in both my Appalachia immersion and in the article, "Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community." Palmer writes: "Contrary to popular opinion, community requires leadership, and it requires more leadership, not less, than bureaucracies." ("Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community" by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). During the immersion, our group stayed in a Catholic Worker House that abided by the Catholic Social Teachings (CST). Despite growing up Catholic, I had never heard about CST before coming to Notre Dame and I found myself very intrigued by the Catholic Workers' aversion to structured bureaucracies especially when applied to service. The work being performed was personal. It was done through a faceless, bureaucratic organization. Community 3 members were able to speak to real people who listened to their stories and hardships. This personal approach allows service to be tailored to the needs of the specific community. For example, the Catholic Worker House started a street newspaper that published work from the community. I especially loved seeing the art and reading the poetry in the paper and then being able to meet the artists and writers themselves. I wholeheartedly agree with CST philosophy and I began thinking about the factors that allow me to explore this aspect of my faith. Before this, I never gave much thought to the idea of community because I regard it as something important, but that has changed completely. My encounter with community vastly shaped my perspective on how I should serve others and God. It made me question my beliefs towards homelessness, drug addiction, and recovery. I now try to approach social issues through a CST lens. Because of this experience, I will be participating in an SSLP so that I can further explore and challenge my existing beliefs. The conversation about race is another that I believe would be productive to view from a CST perspective. Christopher Devron shares this belief and argues that "Francis and C.S.T.'s [...] approach to systemic racism is similar: White people don't get a moral pass by simply refraining from overtly racist acts. Rather, they must examine racial biases within systems; reflect on how they participate in and benefit from these biases; and then take deliberate action to change them." ("Should Catholic Schools Teach Critical Race Theory?" by Christopher J. Devron - Moreau FYE Week Ten). I especially like how he encourages us to question how we benefit from racial biases. Simply having a conversation about the existence of racial biases is not nearly enough. Too often white students act sympathetic while not at all considering whether they can be the source of discomfort for people of color. Since attending Notre Dame, I have become wary of these conversations because I think there is a palpable fear of being seen as racist and so 4 sometimes people overcompensate. One of my favorite opportunities I have participated in was the Braiding Sweetgrass book club because I think the discussion we had about Notre Dame's approach to racism and diversity was very honest. We talked about times when we felt uncomfortable as well as when we felt like the school did support and protect us. There are flaws but there are a lot of professors who are willing to do what they can to make this school a good learning environment for all students. I really liked the book club and I hope Notre Dame puts on more events like it. Since coming to Notre Dame, my perspective on race has grown more complex. In high school debate, I almost strictly only read critical race theory and I thought I had a good understanding of it; however, reading about something is vastly different than living it out yourself. I never felt out of place because of race in my entire life so it was a very odd thing to encounter here. I plan to respond to these experiences with reasoning and logic. I am getting better at brushing off microaggressions and knowing that I do not need to waste energy over-analyzing them as anything more than ignorance. Lastly, many of my thoughts this semester have been about how to improve myself and become the type of person I want to be. C.S. Lewis' writing seems particularly relevant. In The Screwtape Letters, a demon tells his nephew that God " wants [humans] to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." (The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). I want to fully embrace what God calls me to do. I am trying to keep this in mind while making decisions even when they seem insignificant. The situation Lewis describes — when you cannot 5 find a trace of God — is an extremely difficult one. Choosing to remain faithful when there does not seem to be a point is one of the hardest things we can do. One significant notion I have come upon is that many times the effort it takes for me to do something is easily surmounted by the amount of joy it brings someone. One of my friends is in the concert band and whenever she has a performance coming up, she only briefly mentions it. Our friend group has managed to make sure there are a couple of us attending every time she performs even though it did not seem to be a big deal to her. The other night she and I were talking and she told me how much it meant to her that we have always been there to watch her. I think these are the kind of small decisions that are very important. If I want to love my friends as God calls me to, I need to decide to be there for them even when it does not seem important. I think I neglected these things too much with my friends in high school. These are the stumbles that have to happen for us to get better. My friendships have grown in importance to me because I see how much they can affect others and how easy it is to bring happiness to other people if you just put in a little effort. My first semester of college has been full of unexpected encounters but I am grateful for all of them because they are allowing me to grow and learn to become a better version of myself. I hope to continue this self-reflection process into my second semester and keep challenging myself to answer difficult questions.