Integration One- Mullery 1 Theo Helm Moreau First Year Experience 15 October 2021 My Journey of Self-Reflection In the first two months that I’ve been here, I feel like I have learned so much more about myself and the way I think than I could’ve possibly imagined. The combination of being independent from parents, having to take responsibility for what I do in all actions, and balancing everything else that comes with school has caused me to reflect on myself in so many different ways. And although this hasn’t been an entirely easy journey so far, I’m glad to be on it-- part of life is the struggle, and I truly believe that I am a better person for it. Now, with this increased self-knowledge, I am able to solidify my true beliefs and how I have come about those beliefs. To start, I believe that everyone needs to have the ability to be completely honest and vulnerable with themselves at the very least, and oftentimes with other people as long as they trust them. As Brené Brown says, “You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other effects, or emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then, we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle” (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week 1). I really love this quotation from Dr. Brown because it shows how important it is for us to stay in touch with all of our emotions, not just the good ones. Often people (myself included) fall into the trap of sulking in their bad emotions, but equally as bad can be trying to deny when something is wrong. Obviously being positive for the most part is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0 Mullery 2 good, but many times in life require us to tap into another mindset instead of just pretending everything is okay. Overall, I really enjoyed Dr. Brown’s TEDTalk and thought it gave great insights into how embracing vulnerability can help people become more whole. Especially at our age and this stage in our life (with college beginning), everyone is going through different triumphs and struggles-- both of which are important. Another great quotation about vulnerability comes from our week 2 module: “The internal side of our nature is a moral logic and often an inverse logic. You have to give to receive. You have to surrender to something outside yourself to gain strength within yourself. You have to conquer the desire to get what you want. In order to fulfill yourself, you have to forget yourself. In order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself” (“Should You Live for Your Resume or Your Eulogy?” by David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week 2). This statement from Brooks really made me think about the changes all of us went through during the pandemic. When I look at myself now, I feel like a completely different person compared to who I was a year and a half ago. Brooks here was spot on: I would say I almost completely lost myself during those times, but doing so helped me emerge as a better man and as someone who understands his purpose in life much better than I ever did before. I honestly do not think I would have been able to adjust nearly as well here if I hadn’t gone through all this self reflection and struggle during the pandemic. Lastly, for my belief about being honest and authentic with yourself, Father Pete has some great insights: “The greatest journey you will ever go on is one of self discovery. On this journey, success, productivity, and failure are an afterthought. What truly matters is authentically responding to the best of your ability as the person you know yourself to be, the person that God has created you to be” (“The Role of Faith in Our Story” by Fr. Pete McCormick, C.S.C - Moreau FYE Week 3). Father Pete’s entire video reflection was very encouraging for me as I’ve tried to navigate the craziness of the https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZMeqWWOIs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZMeqWWOIs Mullery 3 first couple weeks of college. With everything going on, it’s extremely easy to get caught up in spending time with friends, studying, and other activities and not leave time for both myself and for God. Father Pete reminds me that though these are all good things, finding who God really wants me to be is most important, not only here, but as I move into other stages of my life. I am a student, athlete, leader, brother, son, and many other things, but above all I am a child of God. Another thing I believe is that the people who surround you are extremely important in helping you along your journey. Everyone wants to have good people around them, but sometimes we can get caught up in toxic relationships, as discussed in week 4: “Nothing feels worse than being used in any relationship. Usually, our red flags start going off when we start to notice our friend is taking more than giving, but sometimes we don’t want to admit it to ourselves” (“5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship” by Olivia T. Taylor - Moreau FYE Week 4). This quotation from the “5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship” article struck me because of how applicable it is to where I am as a college student. Going in, I wanted to think that everyone here was my friend and no one had any ill-intentions. However, even at a place like this, there are still people that want to take advantage of others and use them for some ulterior motive-- whether that’s money, other friends, or so on, we all need to watch for the warning signs. Another thing that struck me from the article is that toxic relationships are not limited to romantic ones-- it’s just as easy to get caught in a toxic friendship. I feel like many people only talk about bad romantic relationships (and don’t get me wrong those are a huge issue), but toxic friendships can hurt so much, especially on the mental side of things. It’s extremely exhausting to care so much for a friend, only for them to ignore you, manipulate you, talk down to you, etc. Overall, surrounding yourself with good people who care for you and will always be there when you need them is absolutely crucial in navigating college life and staying happy. Another key in https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/ Mullery 4 surrounding yourself with good people is becoming part of a community with many perspectives and viewpoints, as illustrated in our week 7 module: “I've always felt that it is impossible to engage properly with a place or a person without engaging with all of the stories of that place and that person. The consequence of the single story is this: It robs people of dignity. It makes our recognition of our equal humanity difficult. It emphasizes how we are different rather than how we are similar” (“The Danger of a Single Story” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Moreau FYE Week 7). I’ve watched the “danger of a single story” TEDTalk many different times in the last couple years, but I feel like every time it still hits home. It is so crucial that we surround ourselves with diverse forms of everything: news, people, communities, etc. That’s what I think is so great about our community: we have so many different perspectives around campus even though we generally have similar goals and visions for the future. Even with this community, though, we must still be willing to branch out further instead of trapping ourselves in a bubble. Only then will we truly be able to have broad enough influences to understand the world as a whole better. Lastly, I believe that it is absolutely crucial that we all remember where we come from. In week 6 when we wrote the poem, I thought a lot about how my upbringing influenced the person I am today. Likewise, in week 5, I thought about where our school comes from: “This college will be one of the most powerful means of doing good in this country…dear Father, you may well believe that this branch of your family is destined to grow and extend itself under the protection of Our Lady of the Lake and St. Joseph. At least such is my firm conviction; time will tell whether I am deceived or not” (“Fr. Sorin Letter to Bl. Basil Moreau” by Fr. Edward Sorin - Moreau FYE Week 5). I find it crazy that all the way back in 1842, Father Sorin had such a vivid vision of what Notre Dame would become, even with barely any of the land in the area being https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story https://drive.google.com/file/d/1o56woQDq3QrRkziT8eYrvYly5CQaP2Vb/view Mullery 5 developed. I’ve always been a big history guy, so reading stuff like this and seeing old pictures of our school really interests me. More than just being able to imagine physically what it would become, he also knew how powerful our mission would be and worked as hard as he could to ensure it would continue on long after he was gone. Now, just as Father Sorin dreamt of doing big things here, I am doing everything I can to make an impact and better myself and others. As I reflect on how my story relates to the mission of Notre Dame, some recurring thoughts I’ve had over the last couple weeks come to mind. At times, I’ve felt like I’m not doing enough compared to my peers-- I feel like other people are constantly talking about how many clubs they’re joining, service work, sports teams, etc. Meanwhile, I’ve signed up for a couple things but have really only been focusing on school right now. Though I originally had feelings of inadequacy, I now realize that everyone’s journey to be a “force for good” is different. Obviously, being involved in a lot of clubs and activities that will help people is nice, but just because I’m not there yet doesn’t mean I haven’t still been doing what I can. Right now, maybe my way of being a “force for good” is being there for friends whenever they need me. My goal will always be to keep doing more, but for right now, I’m happy with where I’m at and how I’ve tried to live out our mission.