Integration Two
Drew Espeseth
3 December 2021
How the Notre Dame Experience Has Shaped Me
	The first semester of college can be a freeing and informative experience for everyone, and the experiences encountered at Notre Dame are no exception. The welcoming atmosphere and strong emphasis on community at Notre Dame help to counter some of the difficulties that we face as freshmen in a brand new environment, but I have found that there are still difficulties we all face, from fitting in to belonging and feeling safe. I believe that the most important observation I have made in the past three and a half months is that each person has a unique set of struggles that they arrived with, but we are all in the same place. Each of us encounters different challenges, yet we all experience these challenges together.
	Week 9: Encountering Dissonance brought to mind the subject of Imposter Syndrome, that is, feeling like one does not belong somewhere or does not deserve to be there. This is a common theme among students at a highly competitive school such as Notre Dame, because everyone seems to have a brilliant mind and a perfect life. Of course, I know this is not true because I can look inwardly and see that life is not perfect, but this difference between my own reality and what falsely appears to be the reality of others can cause a feeling of isolation. It is difficult to be thrown into a pool of students that are of equal caliber, because it means you are average. An article in the Grotto advises, “Don’t look to others for approval or for directions for how to live your life” (Week 9, Julia Hogan, Why letting go of expectations is a freeing habit, the Grotto). Keeping this in mind, I have learned that encountering talented and brilliant people is an incredible privilege that can be taken advantage of in my education. If we look past the slight Imposter Syndrome that we all feel, we can appreciate each other more and harness the synergy that stems from this multitude of intelligent minds.
	 Another interesting dynamic I have encountered here in my first semester is the unique way in which I deal with brokenness and suffering. This is part of what makes me myself, but also does not define me, “the things they’ve experienced — the good, the bad, the ugly — it has made them this beautiful, dynamic, interesting person they are today” (Week 10, Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop, the Grotto). One particular experience I have had here caused me to spend a lot of time questioning myself, but eventually I decided that it is not my responsibility to understand the actions of others, only to focus on positively healing myself and learning acceptance. C.S. Lewis seemed to understand the ups and downs of life very intimately, writing about the human condition, “The dryness and dullness through which your patient is now going are not, as you fondly suppose, your workmanship; they are merely a natural phenomenon which will do us no good unless you make a good use of it.” (Week 12, C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters). This means to illuminate the fact that periods of struggle are a natural part of being human. I believe that since being human is beautiful, and being broken is part of what makes us human, it is safe to say that being broken is beautiful too. My experiences thus far have perhaps broken me in some cases, but have also built me up. There will always be more brokenness to encounter as well as more opportunities to build and grow, and it is simply because we are human. The grace we are instilled with that gives us the ability to interpret, respond, and grow from these ups and downs should be appreciated and admired, because it too is beautiful.
	The notion that I will naturally experience both difficulties and triumphs in life because of my humanity is comforting and actually brings me great hope. It implies that not only is everybody else struggling and succeeding by my side, but also that there will always be something better to look forward to. I think that it is a virtue to be excited and eager for the future, as it is an embodiment of hope and a sign of readiness for anything the world throws at us. Within the communities I have been a part of throughout my life, I have found that one of the strongest bonds is that of mutual hardship. “Hard experiences—such as meeting the enemy within, or dealing with the conflict and betrayal that are an inevitable part of living closely with others—are not the death knell of community: they are the gateway into the real thing” (Week 11, Parker J Palmer, Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community). Palmer points out that part of living in a community is experiencing conflict, and it is ironically this conflict that unites us, because it is a common struggle. This means that having diversity within a group is highly beneficial to the strength and unity of the group and each of its individual members. In college, we are automatically set up to live in a diverse community and experience common suffering in the form of school. Having a sense of community and believing in your peers is crucial to success in this setting.
	I probably have grown as an individual in more the past few months than in the several years preceding due to the vast diversity of people and opportunities I have encountered here at ND. Facing the realities of other people that maybe are not what I expected and the realities of how I fit into this community has shown me that dissonance can be a teaching experience. Brokenness can also be dissonant in the sense that it disrupts our usual rhythm, but when we learn to accept that brokenness is a part of that rhythm, we can make something better of the experience. The Notre Dame community is special to me because it has made me feel safe and loved despite this brokenness. Knowing that each of my peers thrive in the Notre Dame family because every person is essential to the community gives me hope. The challenges that we each face separately are not truly faced alone because of the support system we have built here.