Integration 


	Throughout my high school life, I would say that I was a man of little convictions. I lived a sheltered life, in a town without much controversy or struggle. I loved my family and my town and didn’t feel I needed much else. I’ve become aware that, at least to me, this was a problem. I do not wish to be a drifter, who goes through life not rooted down to any strong convictions. I’d say that my convictions are still budding, but since coming to Notre Dame I have begun the process of cultivating them.
	One conviction that I hold now, and hope to carry with me for the rest of my life, is that laughter and a smile can turn around anyone’s day or perhaps even life around. This conviction leads me to live a couple of different ways. Firstly, I value humor in those I surround myself with. This is slightly more subconscious because I myself tend to crack a fair amount of jokes, I tend to become closer to people who have similar senses of humor to me. Hearing someone's laugh because of something I said is honestly one of the most gratifying experiences I can receive. I love laughter. Secondly, I try to live my life as optimistically as possible, being as positive as I can when around others. I have been blessed, I know that, so in my mind it is my responsibility to live in a way that exudes happiness and hopefully will bring others happiness as well. My conviction drives me to stay positive even in situations when positivity is hard to come by. 
	Another conviction I’m trying to ground myself in, is to live life for a certain few people who are most important to me. Now this conviction is one that hasn’t completely formed yet, but I believe as I continue to grow closer to certain individuals at Notre Dame, this conviction will also continue to grow. I’ve been a people pleaser all my life. I cared about what every single person thought of me, no matter how well I knew them, or what kind of person they themselves were. I couldn’t handle it if someone didn’t like me, or did not want to become my friend. This made many friendships for me that were very superficial, and not long lasting. Recently I’ve started to shift into a mindset that cares less about what the herd thinks, and more about what certain people in my life think, and it is so freeing. At the start of college, there were many times were I couldn’t sleep even if I was tired because I thought I’d be missing out on what other people, who I hardly knew, were doing. I suffered from major FOMO. My mental health suffered from not being able to appease everyone, and spending enough time with every person, there just wasn’t enough time in the day, and that stressed me out greatly. I was lying in bed one night listening to music going on outside in a room next to me. I didn’t really want to go, but I felt that I needed to in order to stay relevant in everyone else’s eyes. Just as I was planning to push myself to go, one of my best friends FaceTimed me. I was relieved to have an excuse not to go out and be able to stay in my room. The night went by so fast, and I ended up staying on that call for more than 3 hours, and I know I had a better time just talking than I would’ve had I tried to go out. After that night, I reflected on my life. Looking back, I realized that the highlights of my life were made when I was surrounded by a few certain people. Don’t get me wrong, I love humans, and people in general, and I will always be a people pleaser at heart. I don’t think I will be able to ever completely get over caring about what everyone thinks. However I’m able to put these thoughts on the back burner, in order to spend time with the people that mean the most to me. I am going to put as much effort into making sure that my “choice few” have the best life possible, and will spend what I have left on others. This conviction is one that is vital for me to live a happy and healthy life, and as I grow, I hope this conviction grows with me.
	It may seem contradictory to my last conviction, but one more conviction vital to me as a person, is to live life being as supportive as possible to all of those around me. I do not need to be a main character. For the longest time I thought that I had to do something huge to change the world. This is simply not true. The people around me, to me, are my world. If I can help them to accomplish whatever they desire, I will be just as happy as if I had done something big myself. When I say supportive, it sounds as if I will be just a follower who helps from the background, but this is not necessarily true. Taking into account Deresiewicz’s statements, being a leader is one of the most supportive roles one can take. If I need to take charge in order to help someone I will, but I’m also okay with living life helping in smaller ways. Some of my greatest pleasures come from doing the little things that no one sees, whether that be service Saturdays, or dropping off small gifts expecting nothing in return, or just being there for someone in their time of need. I love helping people, and I hope to live my life helping as many people as I can, while of course still holding to my other conviction of putting the few closest friends and family first.
	As said, I my convictions are still growing, and I hope to obtain new ones as I grow, but for now I am content with having few convictions. My convictions all involve bringing joy into others lives, which in turn will bring me joy. I hope my convictions will lead me on a path that allows me to be a light shining through the cracks of others lives.