Week 8: Integration Assignment #1 Julia McGibbon Integration Assignment A Vulnerable and Examined Life Worth Living I have changed in more ways than I thought I would over the past couple months here at Notre Dame. Being away from my family and balancing my life without the stability of my well traversed life at home has been challenging. Still, being in such an unfamiliar environment has allowed me to explore some of my root beliefs. I believe that I form human connections through vulnerability, I believe that I grow and pursue truth through experiences, and I believe that I am responsible for my own actions and that I learn to be a more compassionate person through them. The first root belief that I have clarified during my time here is that the best way to form human connections is through honesty and vulnerability. As Brene Brown states in her video, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, and you are worthy of love and belonging” (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau Week One). I’ve realized this is true through the love that my family and friends have shown me when I have been vulnerable in the past. My relationships with other students here have also deepened the most during times of difficulty, whether it be for me or them-- for instance, after I did terribly on my Physics exam, my friend Cece helped me talk me through it and we are far better friends for that. The human desire to comfort someone when they are in distress helps bring friends closer together. In contrast, a fear and unwillingness to be vulnerable actually limits our ability to form quality relationships. While it is not easy to open up to others, vulnerability is actually an attractive trait as all people can relate to the hardships of life. That being said, sometimes there are individuals that will try to heighten your insecurities. These people are not true friends and are almost always deeply insecure themselves. In contrast, “the best kind of friendships are the ones where you leave with a smile on your face, knowing you’re both growing to be better people and that you’re helping each other get there” ("Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationships" by The Red Flag Campaign - Moreau Week Four). There are only so many hours in a day and time is precious, so why waste it with people who don’t improve your quality of life? If you are honest with someone in a relationship and that person shames you for it, that is not a reflection on you, rather on them. Fear should not limit one’s exploration of friendships and instead one should accept the beauty of a true vulnerable friendship. My second root belief is that growth and truth come through life experiences. As Socrates once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” This belief comes from the fact that, when I reflect on when I have learned the most in my life, it is always during specific experiences: transferring schools, dating my first boyfriend, or failing my first test. While all of these experiences meant serious hardship for me, I also found that, as Father Pete said, “The greatest journey you will ever go on is one of self-discovery” (The Role of Faith in Our Story by Fr. Pete - Moreau Week Three). I love knowing that, even if I experienced something difficult, I walk away from that experience a wiser, better version of myself. However, I’ve found that David Brooks speaks directly to an issue I encounter when I, in this process of learning, sometimes I prioritize “external success” over “internal value” (Should You Live for Your Resume or Your Eulogy? by David Brooks - Moreau Week Two). This “perpetual self confrontation” that he addresses ultimately stems from human selfishness and the desire to achieve material success https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&feature=youtu.be https://drive.google.com/a/nd.edu/file/d/0B93cIKOnINCLS1JpUzZ5Q1JseGs/view?usp=sharing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZMeqWWOIs&feature=youtu.be&ab_channel=UniversityofNotreDameCampusMinistry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM over the achievement of something deeper and more virtuous. Sometimes, when I learn something new through an experience, it comes with a kind of arrogant superiority. I have to resist this temptation and focus on “resume virtues” and instead shift my attention to the aspects of my life that truly matter, such as my faith and relationships with loved ones. Finally, I believe that I am responsible for my actions and that I can learn and become more empathetic through them. These actions include how I behave towards others and myself. As Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie states in her Ted Talk, “Power is the ability not just to tell the story of another person, but to make it the definitive story of that person” ("Danger of a Single Story" by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Moreau Week Seven). This line spoke to my root belief and has made me rethink how I talk and even think about others. While I was always taught from a young age to take responsibility for my actions, I never quIte considered how much my assumptions could affect others. Adichie explains that, just like stereotypes, single stories are not problematic because they are necessarily untrue--rather, because they are simply partial truths. They lack the nuance that life demands. I have noticed this particularly over the past few weeks as I have dealt with people who I had heard negative things about. However, after spending more time with them I realized that there truly are many sides to a person and that it is better to withhold judgement for as long as possible. Empathy is critical when engaging with others because we all have different stories. Along these lines of being responsible with my thoughts and actions, I also am reminded that “we cannot love the God who we do not see if we cannot love the brother that we do see” ("Two Notre Dames: Your Holy Cross Education" by Fr. Kevin Grove, C.S.C. - Moreau Week Five). I was reminded of this quote as I have been exploring my faith more here at Notre Dame. Thus I find that the best way to further my relationship with God is to better my relationships with my friends and be as kind and compassionate to others as I can. Referring back to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s talk, empathy is critical because we all do have different stories and so it is critical that we remember we are all individuals and not stereotypes others have made about us. Ultimately, I believe that my purpose is to get as much out of life-- in my education and relationships-- as I can through my interaction with the rest of the world. Over the past few years of my life, and the past couple months in particular, I have come to terms with the conflicting emotions that come with change, from discomfort to excitement. Fundamentally, however, change is necessary for growth and is an unavoidable part of the human experience. In Moreau Week 6, I wrote my “I’m From” poem describing all of the places that formed me, from my grandparents’ small apartment on Bleeker St. in Greenwich Village or to the Catskills where I would build fairy houses (“Where I'm From” by George Ella Lyon - Moreau Week Six). These places and my experiences in them have turned me into the person I am today and remind me of my individuality. My goal is to do justice to the life I have been blessed with through careful examination of the world and compassionate interaction with those around me. https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=859bc1a8-0d0f-4eb4-a1c1-d0a45c429187 http://www.georgeellalyon.com/where.html