Taylor Kelly
Moreau FYE
3 December 2021
Encountering What I have Encountered
	Throughout my life, I have learned that I must enter into new experiences with an open mind and be willing to adapt. In a world that is ever changing, we must understand the importance of opening ourselves up and asking questions. This semester has taught me that it is okay to ask questions and change. I now understand that I do not need others' validation to succeed and it is up to me how I respond to things I have encountered. As human beings, we are constantly changing. Knowing yourself is an ongoing process. The misconceptions we have of ourselves affect the way we live. Notre Dame and this course has changed my perspective on life and highlighted what it means to be a person. Many things have grown in importance: life-long relationships, hope, love, faith. And many things I used to hold high in my life have seemed unimportant. Therefore, I have encountered personal development and I will respond by being the best person for myself for now and for the future. 
  	I went to Catholic school all my life except for three years. During these years I attended the public school in my area. Since it was such a big class I felt like I could not stand out and be myself. I did everything in my power to be like everyone else. I stayed very quiet in class, I stopped playing sports, wore what everyone else was wearing, and lost touch with God. I sadly believed that being in touch with my faith would make people who never seemed to be religious not want to be friends with me. I had so much trouble making friends and I never understood why. Looking back now it was probably because I was not myself. When I started to depend on validation from others I was not true to myself and this is honestly because I did not know who I was. During this time in public school I thought I had to be very “girl like” and fit into the same mold as everyone. 
All of this now seems so silly to me. Why did I care so much about what others thought? My journey at Notre Dame (just within the past three months) helped me understand how little others' opinions of me matter. Week 9 showed me that I cannot “. . . look to others for approval or for directions for how to live . . .”  my life ("Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit" by Julia Hogan- Moreau Week 9). It is not a bad thing to have goals but it becomes toxic when we rely on others’ validation from these expectations.We must start doing things for ourselves in order to get the most out of life. However, I must understand that everyone faces these realities, thus we need to not continue to be so hard on ourselves or others. In the end this mentality will create relationships that matter. Everyone should feel welcome in any community they believe they are meant to be a part of. For me that is Notre Dame. Which is why embracing diversity matters ("Diversity Matters!" by Prof. Agustin Fuentes- Moreau Week 11). I believe to strengthen my bonds with my community I need to create a space that welcomes everyone. Because, in the long run, everyone involved can learn something. We learn the most from those who are different then us and communities filled with people with different experiences can actually be the strongest kinds. I am not less capable than the people around me and I am worthy of the things I have accomplished. 
In my sophomore year of high school I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety ultimately taking a major toll on my life. It was a never ending cycle. I was sad because of my life but then I was sad because I was sad. I often found myself isolating from others, wishing to be one of the popular girls, and posting mean things about others who hurt me. When I took the time to step back and look at the person I had become, I realized that it was okay to not be okay. When we recognize that we must heal and create positives out of failure, we live our best lives. The stories told by all the women in the week 10 video helped me understand this fact. It is okay to struggle and be broken (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” from Grotto- Moreau Week 10). However, it is our willingness to change that makes us strong. Since being diagnosed I have spent time in therapy and re-evaluated the person I wanted to be. This reminded me of what Palmer said in week 11 about “inner-work” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer- Moreau Week 11). Receptivity allows us to have a more in-depth view of reality, adjust our perspective, and perceive the big picture. Being receptive allows us to take a break from the battle of trying to force anything to happen, and it allows us to get some positive energy and understanding. My journey at Notre Dame thus far has shown me the importance of encountering brokenness and responding in a way that builds strength and community. 
This school provides each of us with an opportunity to get to know ourselves better. I can only know that much of myself which I have had the courage to share with you and I am getting to know myself better. God let me be here now for this purpose, and it is through hope and love that I live faithfully. Hope and faith is something we can carry throughout our lives. As our faith teaches us, one does not have to be perfect in order to live a good life. Exam results or GPAs do not determine a person's capacity for lifelong discipleship, no matter how well formed he or she may be. Life is a working process and it is that that makes us strong. I know that I must be willing to take risks and hope for the best. As the Screwtape letter pointed out, it is in our tough times that we are formed into the person God wants us to be (“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis- Moreau Week 12). God will always love us, therefore, it is in our hands to be hopeful. We just need to have hope in God’s plan. “Love is the greatest commandment — and hatred is at the heart of the greatest sins” ("Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address" by Fr. John Jenkins- Moreau Week 10). This quote reiterates my new found importance for love and believing in God. Since I have been at school, I have made it my goal to go to mass once a week. So, on Sunday mornings I head to the Basilica with my friend Julie. From this I have not only engaged in my faith, but have seen the importance of letting go and doing so with love. We must let go, and let God. If I want to continue to live this faithful life I am building I need to have hope: hope in myself, hope in others, and hope in God.
In conclusion, everyday is a new day. ​​I have encountered personal development this semester and will bring it into the following semesters. I now know how to respond to life's hardships and have been inspired to become the best person for myself for now and for the future. I will make it my mission to do more things for me and create a safe space for everyone. I will also make room for God and trust the process (go sixers). All I have to do is be open with myself and perhaps I will see for the first time in a long while how good I really am.