Integration 2 1 Dec 3, 2021 Prof. Bryan Reaume Integration 2 Learn Through Hope We all know that we can tap an inner well of power by being conscious of our reactions. It can’t hurt us if we don’t let it. Sometimes, we need to stand our ground, brace ourselves and let the negative emotions crash into us. We know that we honestly can’t appreciate the sunshine without weathering the storm. Whatever we become out of life is not defined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re responsible and able to sustain to reach us to those good feelings. When I started my college application, I was so vulnerable to people’s opinions that I hardly realized the value of joy. But the same vulnerability was my source of joy when I got accepted to the University of Notre Dame. It reminded me that I think vulnerability is a characteristic that God makes us strong and learns from our mistakes. When I realized that God had gifted his blessings upon me and gave me the power of uniqueness, I started to feel happy and cheerful. As a result, I could use positivity in my life. Being our authentic self is what we all are looking 2 for and what God wants every one of us to seek. This is where self-worth grows when you try to accept your vulnerability, and I learned it from my own life. I consider that self-worth doesn’t depend on the endorsement of others. Awaiting someone to measure your accomplishment is not a way to live your life. This is a stressful and depressing way to live. According to Elizabeth Cox in Ted-Talk, “None of us is complete. We all make mistakes. We will disappoint people. We will disappoint ourselves. But the world doesn’t have to end when that happens.” (“What is imposter syndrome and how can you combat it?” By Elizabeth Cox, Moreau FYE Week Nine) Rather than letting your personality be governed by the expectations of others or your expectation that you have to be accurate, you do your best. I learned this lesson in a difficult way. My life took an exciting turn at the University of Notre Dame when I heard of a competition in Notre Dame called “Mr. ND,” where males from every residential building fight to be the best. I decided to put my name to that. But the fear of failure, also known as imposter syndrome, was always stopping me from dreaming big. The insecurity that I could not get the title held me back. Someone told me that all the previous winners were Whites and rich. But since I am not in any of the categories, I do not have any chance. I was very close to putting my name off the list. But my inner self was telling me that something bigger was going to happen! Then I heard that I got selected to represent Keough Hall in the Mr. ND https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo 3 competition. My courage started to build up. However, since I was fighting against all other dorms, I was anxious and fearful. This feeling became worse when I realized that voters had to vote for me and donate my name. It seems like an impossible task for me because, first of all, I did not come from a wealthy family. Second, I am a freshman asking someone to vote was out of my comfort zone. I was asking myself, “What should I do?” or “What would my friend/parents expect me to do?” and got discouraged. Then I scheduled a meeting with my rector about this psychological pain. He suggested that I rethink the type of question I ask myself, “What do I want to do?” and “What do I think is best?” He advised me to trust myself. He said, “Don’t look to others for approval or for directions for how to live your life. Look at all of the options out there for living life and pick the ones that you feel called to.” His words of wisdom empowered me to get out of my comfort zone. I launched a successful campaign, and eventually, I won the most exclusive title for a male dorm to have, the title of Mr. ND! Looking back, the sixteen-hour days for the campaign in the early stages were well worth it. Life is not always an easy road, and I know it’s essential to plan, work hard and see our goals to achieve success. However, it is not too easy to get away from our problem. We sometimes get sad and depressed. But we often forget that it is normal for feelings of sadness or grief, and it helps to develop in response to such situations. According to Kirsten 4 Helgeson, who helped many women to get through their pain through a Japanese art Kintsugi, “Everybody who walks away with this greater connection to who they are that they learn that the things that they’ve experienced — the good, the bad, the ugly, all of that — it has made them this beautiful, dynamic, interesting person that they are today. And that person is worth celebrating and honoring.” (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop by Grotto,” Moreau FYE Week TEN) It made me realize that we are not unbreakable. It is ok to get sad and mad. We have to accept the way we are. Mr. ND competition taught me this lesson. I may not be wealthy, but I am confident and versatile, and, most importantly, unique. I have realized that obstacles are part of survival. Our uniqueness will guide us through the process, and we will get to know our inner self. We all deal with individual enigmas, families have family issues, and communities have community obstacles. Communities must come together to solve their obstacles, just like families. I learned that lesson from a fulbright point of view after meeting with my rector Mr. Gabe. He taught me that the difference between acknowledging a problem and finding its root cause is similar to a doctor prescribing the indications of a disease and curing the disease. Once a condition is understood well enough to improve, it is often understood well enough to prevent or eliminate. https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ 5 Similarly, once we know the root causes of a community problem, we may be able not only to solve it but to secure systems or policies that prevent its return. According to Parker J. Palmer, “community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received. When we treat community as a product that we must manufacture instead of a gift we have been given, it will elude us eternally.” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer, Moreau FYE Week Eleven). I learned the value of community after coming to Notre Dame. When I need help with anything, I go to my rector, Mr. Gabe, who always helps me out with it. Indeed, I can say that Notre Dame is where I can call home. We all know that life is complicated. There are many obstacles on the path with inevitable twists & turns, and just having goals is not enough. A Brief Introduction to The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis said it clearly: “Life is suffering.” (The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, Moreau FYE Week Twelve). Life is meant to be challenging, and living requires consistent work and review. By default, life is difficult because we must strive to earn happiness and success. Hope allows people to approach problems with a positive mindset suitable to success, thereby increasing their chances of accomplishing their goals. Hope always helped me out in any situation I needed help with. When I came to the campus, I was so anxious about coping with the new community. But after a while, I got to know them and felt at home. Home is not just where you live. It is where good memories http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ 6 are born with those people that will always help you out no matter what circumstance you are in. Notre Dame gave me the home where I feel confident and can learn and thrive. We often face our destiny on the path he takes to dodge it. When I started my college application, I never thought I would ever get into Notre Dame, but now it feels like destiny. We are all intended to do great things; we must defeat whatever holds us back and more toward that largeness. We are too concerned with what occurred and what will be. There is a famous saying that yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present. There is no charge for awesomeness or attractiveness. We all are fantastic in every way. We have to nourish this feeling and have to be happy.