Cox 1 Professor Pruitt Moreau First Year Experience 29 April 2022 On a Mission to Live Well This semester’s Moreau experience prompted me to consider how I will live my life well and what it truly even means to pursue a life well-lived. One such way to begin to discern these questions is to create a personal mission statement to define your values and hold yourself accountable. In week 13, the final week of Moreau, we were asked to write our own mission statement. Mine reads: “I, Jacqueline Margaret Cox, as a young woman in an ever-changing world, pledge to uphold my values in order that I may best serve myself, others, and society. I use my passion for media, art, and performance to contribute to my own personal wellbeing, as well as give me additional skills to use in my career. I attempt to play every role in my life wholeheartedly, with confidence and grace. For my younger sisters, I am an example of a capable, kind woman that they can look up to. For my parents, I am grateful and will give back what I could never repay to them by making them proud, and by someday caring for my own children with the same love and resolve that they did for me. For my friends, I am a source of help or advice in times of need and a fun-loving companion in times of joy. For myself, I am continuing to work hard in order to achieve my goals. Although I may not yet be aware of every specific goal, I look at my life with the perspective that although I can always be better and do more, I still today, am enough” (Personal Mission Statement by - Moreau FYE Week Thirteen). Cox 2 I feel as though my mission statement encapsulates my idea of what it is to live a life well lived. To live well, I believe you should treat yourself well and treat others well. For the next three years of college, I hope to carry out this mission statement by staying true to my values, cultivating my talents, and balancing my own life in order to be both successful and happy, as well as playing all the other roles I play in my life – whether that be a sister, daughter, friend, peer, student, or even stranger – to the best of my ability in order to best serve myself and others. Previous to college, in high school, I used to think the best way to live a good, satisfactory life was to be happy all the time. It is so easy to fall into the mindset that if you’re never sad or stressed or upset that somehow your life will become more fulfilling. Yet this simply isn’t true. In week 6 of Moreau we watched a video in which a man named Dr. Jihoon Kim tells his story of how the accident that paralyzed his entire body has changed his perspective on suffering. He says, “The purpose of my life is not simply about overcoming suffering. Suffering is part of our lives. It is always there, but it is about how to respond to suffering” (“5 Minutes” by Aria Swarr - Moreau FYE Week Six). There have been many times in college where I have felt overwhelmed or very upset. People say college is supposed to be the best years of your life and when it doesn’t feel like that it can make you feel confused or resentful. I feel like I never get enough sleep and when I do go to sleep I my head on the ceiling every night because I live like a sardine in a shoebox. I find it so difficult to eat three good, hearty meals in the day and when I do it takes three hours total because of the chaos of the dining hall. I always have too much work and once one assignment gets done another comes along. One of the ways I combat these negative aspects of college is by trying to have perspective and gratitude, as Dr. Kim does. Stress and anxiety and sadness are normal. They will continue to reappear in my life Cox 3 even if I can overcome them right now. Therefore, I think to myself, how grateful am I that I get to be at this school and receive this education. Despite the stress it brings me, it will also bring me knowledge and discipline. How grateful am I that I get to live in a dorm community of all women where I have met my best friends, even if its crammed, we’re all in it together. By doing this, I face my negative emotions head on and progress emotionally towards living a better life. In the future three years of college, in order to treat myself well, I hope to take it one step at a time, remember that negative emotions are normal, and that I am capable of overcoming the problems that I face. Sister Aletheia, another figure we read about this semester, would likely agree with Dr. Kim’s sentiments. In week 3 of Moreau we read an article about Sister Aletheia – a nun who has turned the concepts of death and suffering into a religious practice called “moments memori.” In describing her practice, she says, “Suffering and death are facts of life; focusing only on the ‘bright and shiny’ is superficial and inauthentic. We try to suppress the thought of death, or escape it, or run away from it because we think that’s where we’ll find happiness . . . But it’s actually in facing the darkest realities of life that we find light in them” (“Meet the nun who wants you to remember that you will die” by Ruth Graham - Moreau FYE Week Three). By encouraging people to think about their death she reminds them to appreciate the present. One of the primary lessons college has reinforced for me is the fleeting nature of time. There is never enough. I go to pick up coffee and suddenly an hour has passed. I go to study and suddenly it is already 2 am. I walk into my friend’s room for a conversation and only emerge three hours later, accidentally of course. Especially at a place like Notre Dame, there are infinite opportunities and events to attend. There just never seems to be enough time for all work and rest and social interactions I need. This becomes really overwhelming at times. This year, one of my New Cox 4 Year’s Resolutions was to try to be more present. Although I still struggle with this every day, I find it truly does make my life more fulfilling. In the next three years of college, I hope to be more present. I can’t believe freshman year is already over, so I know the time will fly by. When I practice being present often, I hope this will lead to an overall life-well lived in the future. In thinking about the future, I often think about what path I will begin on in the years after college. All the different aspects of our lives contribute in some way to an overall well lived life. Yet one major attribute is our career. I believe that having a successful and fulfilling career is necessary to living life well. I will be expected to provide for myself one day and I can imagine that if I didn’t like my job, I wouldn’t be living out my purpose to the happiest extent. Yet I feel the pressure even as a freshman to have everything figured out — what majors and minors to pick up and therefore what career paths will be available to me. In week four of Moreau, we examined some resources from the Career Development Center in which they acknowledged that “there seems to be this commonly held belief in our society that a major equals a certain career path” (“Navigating Your Career Journey” from Meruelo Center for Career Development Undergraduate Career Services - Moreau FYE Week Four). However, they also reassured us this isn’t necessarily true. Just a few months ago I declared my major as marketing and felt really happy about it. I have begun exploring the different paths Notre Dame offers in the marketing major and it has reaffirmed this idea for me that my one major doesn’t dictate a specific career path. I hope that my excitement about it as well as the flexibility in the major and someday my career will help me lead a fulfilling work life. In the future three years of college, I know I have the resources available to me to try many different subjects and learn a lot, Cox 5 regardless of what minors or majors I chose to add – which is also something else I hope to figure out. A lot of the content this semester focused on self-reflection and introspection. Another crucial aspect of attempting to live life well is being aware of what is and isn’t positively contributing to your life. Sometimes, certain things can fit into both of these categories and make it hard to distinguish where to draw the line at which something beneficial turns into something harmful. For myself, I personally think of technology. Having a social media and cell phones allows for instantaneous connections and updates from those we love. I feel as though I have begun to appreciate this in a different way since coming to college. Staying close to my best friends and family at home is easier than ever when we can argue over who did the Worldle the best in our family group chat and my best friends can FaceTime me quickly in between classes. However, in the first week of Moreau, we read an article about the importance of slowing down especially when it comes to technology. “The one thing technology doesn’t provide us with is a sense of how to make the best use of technology” (“Why we need to slow down our lives” by Pico Iyer - Moreau FYE Week One). Despite the ease with which I can share my life and stay in touch with those I love, my phone can be toxic and addictive, distracting me from what is important and consuming far too much of my time. Technology has made the world more amazing, innovative, and efficient, but also in many ways more stressful. I find myself using my phone as a distraction or a coping mechanism, but it never makes me less stressed. Throughout the rest of my college career, I want to learn when to put my phone down and how to do my work more efficiently without it as such a constant distraction. By keeping this in mind and remembering to recenter myself and make the best use of technology, I hope to keep it in line as something that contributes positively to my life. Cox 6 One of the most essential aspects to a life well-lived as well as the second half of fulfilling my own personal mission statement involves good relationships with others and doing your part well in all the roles you play in these various relationships. You can have a good life, but how good is it truly if you have no one to share it with? I personally think some of the greatest joy we can experience comes from loving and serving others. In week five of Moreau, we were instructed to have a conversation with someone close to us who knows us well enough to help us discern what a life well-lived is. I chose my mom. When I asked her what she thought I valued most in life she said she thought I valued my relationships. We talked about how trying to understand others as well as being understood gives purpose to one’s life (Discernment Conversation - Moreau FYE Week Five). Especially at college, what brings me some of the greatest joy is the friends I have made. There are many fun activities and educational lessons that have made my life better, but sharing it with the people around me — helping my friends with homework, ranting over boys, getting every meal together, learning things about them and telling them things about me — is the most meaningful part. In week 9 of Moreau we discussed the concept of accompaniment and what it means to accompany someone. I think this idea nicely compliments the “treating others well” aspect of my overall idea of living life well. It may not be just enough to have good relationships or treat everyone kindly, some relationships are truly those of accompaniment - ones in which both parties teach something to the other and change each other’s situation or perspective in a meaningful way. In his writing about teaching accompaniment, Steve Reifenberg includes a quote from Fr. Gustavo Gutiérrez in which he says, “‘Solidarity with the poor means not to try to be the voice of the voiceless . . . This is NOT the goal. The goal should be that those who have no voice today will have a voice and will be heard’” (“Teaching Accompaniment: A Learning Cox 7 Journey Together” by Steve Reifenberg - Moreau FYE Week Nine). One way to attempt to treat others well and to carry out my own mission statement would be to give or serve those less fortunate than us. However, as Fr. Gutiérrez warns, when helping the poor or impoverished, many people take on a sort of savior role. True, doing things for others is a joyful thing; it can bring our life meaning, but it can also make us feel good about ourselves. Therefore, it is important to remember the inherent value of service. True service that will benefit both parties to others comes from a place of compassion. You can go on the parish service trip because your mom made you and still probably feel good about it after, but when you truly desire to help others out of love, you will do the best work. Likely, you will learn that those you are serving can also do a lot for you in return, whether that comes in a returned favor or the lessons you learn through helping. From this true type of service comes solidarity and accompaniment. When you approach accompaniment from a place of humility, you find things in common with those you accompany. Another way to be an active participant in lifting up others and staying true to your values is through politics. College is usually the first time most people start to vote for the first time. I haven’t had the opportunity to vote in a real election yet, however as the time approaches, I have found myself thinking more about my political beliefs this semester. In the past, I have had kind of an aversion to politics simply because of how polarized the country is, but also because of how ignorant and facetious people are. Most people – and sometimes myself included – are quick to believe everything they hear. In the podcast Hidden Brain Media, Eitan Hersh remarked, “It seemed to me that the way that people are doing politics is much more similar to a hobby than to what I think of with politics, which is, you know, acquiring power” (“Passion Isn’t Enough” (Hidden Brain Media) by Eitan Hersh - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). Although people Cox 8 think that it is their civic duty to stay informed, they unconsciously treat politics as entertainment. By following along and feeling extreme emotional ties to “their side” they believe they are engaging passionately, but their contribution has little to no consequence and actually contributes to some of the most prevalent problems with politics today. In week two of Moreau we watched the Hesburgh movie — an overview and testament to Father Ted Hesburgh’s life. Within the movie he is described as extraordinary, however, “[w]hat made him such an extraordinary figure was that he really didn’t really belong to any one side. He belonged to the side of decency . . . and a fundamental belief in the redeemability of mankind.” ("Hesburgh" produced by Jerry Barca and Christine O’Malley - Moreau FYE Week Two). Ask anyone at Notre Dame and they would likely tell you Father Hesburgh was an example of a life well lived, meeting some of the most influential people and fighting for civil rights. Following Hesburgh’s example, I think it is important to remember to choose goodness and decency all the time, regardless of “sides.” As cliche as it sounds, one of the most imperative parts of living life well is being a good person and showing love to everyone regardless of their “side” or status. Personally, when it comes to politics, I like hearing both sides of situations and find it difficult to completely side with any one political party and adopt all of their stances on issues. I have a lot of opinions, but I also find myself hesitant to vocalize my opinions on issues that I don’t feel well-educated about. In the next few years of college, I hope to follow my own values and strengthen my personal political beliefs, while attempting to engage with others in meaningful dialogue in order to expose myself to many opinions and perspectives. In week 10 of Moreau we examined the concept of race as it is perceived and affects us socially. I really enjoyed the reading that week because I thought it provided an interesting perspective of a necessary way to think about my own racial identity. In order to fully accept Cox 9 and uplift all people as I want to do, I have to first be aware of implicit biases in my own life. In the article, Dr. Robin DiAngelo says,“Race is constructed as residing in people of color, whites don’t bear the social burden of race. We move easily through our society without a sense of ourselves as racialized.” (“Why It’s So Hard to Talk to White People About Racism” by Dr. Robin DiAngelo - Moreau FYE Week Ten). According to the essay, white people are taught to see themselves as individuals rather than a part of a racial group and that makes us unconsciously neglect race issues. The essay also talked about the “deeply internalized, largely unconscious sense of racial belonging in U.S. society” that white people experience. I find that to be so true that I almost don’t even notice it, which is exactly the problem. I think about racism and believe that I am not racist, but I almost don’t even see myself as a “race” because I don’t have to be based on the society we’ve created. In the future, being more educated and aware of issue like race relations and the social construct of race in our society will allow me to fully embrace the background and diversity of others in a way that uplifts everyone. In addition to being aware of these issues, in order to fully embrace and uplift others we also need to make a conscious effort to get to know those different from us. In his article reflecting on racial conflicts from the summer of 2020, Dean G. Marcus Cole says, “One thing that each and every one of us can do is to end the cycle of hate by ending the separation that leads to it. This racial separation and violence will not end until we stop waiting for African Americans to enter our circles. Each of us needs to get to know people who differ from us. We must all make a conscious decision and effort to expand our circles” (“I am George Floyd. Except, I can breathe. And I can do something.” by Dean G. Marcus Cole - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). I liked that Cole gives a real objective that every person can try and accomplish in their own lives in order to continue the process of ending prejudice and injustice – be open to Cox 10 others and actively try to expand your perspectives or inner circle. For example, the best experiences I have had learning about concepts such as race or religion in college have simply been in conversations with people different than me. I will take this advice and try to make more of a conscious effort to be kind to and learn even more from those different from me. However, sometimes in tough situations or facing serious issues like race, it can often be difficult to find the resolve to act and make a difference, knowing that you will face backlash, retaliation, misunderstanding, or even threats from those who oppose you or do not understand. This is something that we all must struggle with, but I find it especially prevalent in group settings when a sort of mob-mentality takes over and people feel more pressure when focalizing opinions that might go against the general nature of the group. However, in order to fulfill the stay true to my values aspect of my mission statement, I know that I will surround myself throughout college with people who are strong and share the same mindset as me, wanting to make a difference and stand up for what is right when we have to. Pope Francis is someone we read about this semester who exemplified similar ideas to Dean Cole and Father Hesburgh. He says that “Happiness can only be discovered as a gift of harmony between the whole and each single component” (“Why the only future worth building includes everyone” by His Holiness Pope Francis - Moreau FYE Week Seven). Lots of people think that in order to live a meaningful life you must change the world. I personally don’t think this. Pope Francis brings an important perspective that to truly change the world and bring more love in our lives, we have to treat everyone in this way, not just those closest to us. In his TED talk Pope Francis also says, “When one realizes that life, even in the middle of so many contradictions, is a gift, that love is the source and the meaning of life, how can they withhold their urge to do good to another fellow being?” Indeed, by loving those around us and Cox 11 recognizing that this is at the core of what makes life meaningful, we make the most important difference. If I died tomorrow, would I look back and consider my life well-lived? It is hard to say because I know I have so much more ahead of me. There are many people to love and places to visit and experiences to have that I haven’t gotten to yet. To conclude, I think I would define a good life as being that someday I will be able to look back on my life and be happy, satisfied, and proud of how I acted and what I believed in this world. However, I don’t think there’s any one specific “formula” or recipe to live life well which makes it difficult to always know what to do. I’m still figuring out how to live on my own in college so it might be a little more time before I decide if I am living truly well. If I had to make an assertation on it, I would say it is by treating others and yourself with kindness that we best attempt to live well. Throughout the rest of my college experience, I hope that by treating myself and others well, I can fulfill my personal mission statement, being the best version of myself and playing every role that I play in my life to the best of my ability.