Moreau 
11/29/21 
Integration Two 

Climate of Change

	During the past few weeks of Moreau we have been challenged to reflect on the challenges that we have faced thus far this year and analyzed how we have responded to these challenges. One of the most important things that I have learned as we near the end of the first semester and reflect is that many of the things that I tried to predict and control are often the things that I cannot predict and control. 
	After coming out of high school, I felt like I had everything under control. I had just gotten into my top school, I had a great group of friends, and I had a lot of free time to do the things that I wanted to do. Although I was very comfortable with high school, I still felt like I was ready to move onto college. Although it had taken a while for me to find my place at my high school, almost three years, I felt that I was more than ready to face anything college threw at me. I figured that many of the same things that I faced in high school would be the same challenges that I faced in college. As a result, I felt completely comfortable tackling these problems such as making new friends. Similar to the reflection in week 9, “I had been a pretty social person in high school and I fully expected to make great friends right away when I got to college” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” Julia Hogan - Moreau Week 9). However, very similar to high school, I had trouble getting to know my fellow classmates. There were a lot of people that I had met in the beginning of school but not too many people that I would have really considered good friends. For the first few weeks I hung around a few guys but ultimately knew that unfortunately these were not people I felt comfortable around. Although they were all very nice people, we had different expectations for college. My view of college as a strong balance between the classic work hard, play hard motto, conflicted heavily with a lot of their school first mentality and made for a lot of boring weekends.  Although I didn’t want to give up the friends that I had already made, I knew that I needed to push myself to get to know other people. Although this is still an ongoing process, I am happy with the way I’ve responded to a unique challenge in college this far. Although I expected the challenge to be very similar to high school, where it simply took me a long time to get to know the people who would eventually become my friends, this challenge was unique because I needed to push myself to meet new people. 
	One of the additional challenges that I faced during this semester was a failure to recognize that college was a time of personal growth. Before leaving for college, my high school friends and I joked that we had already fully developed as people and were not going to change at all during college. Although we all said this sarcastically, I feel as though I may have taken it a bit too seriously. In high school, one of the things that prevented me from really feeling like I fit in was my inability to be vulnerable around new people. Likewise, the same thing happened here at college. I’ve found that I’m continuing to close myself off to new people. Although I know that vulnerability is necessary to make better connections to those around me, I’ve had trouble opening up. I’ve developed the expectation that others will open up to me first but so far this hasn’t really been true. This challenge is similar to week 10’s message where Father Jenkin’s stated that “Most everyone would prefer there was less hatred in the world, yet there seems to be more — which is indirect proof that no one apparently wants to give up any of their own” (Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement- Father Jenkins Moreau Week 10). I kept expecting other people to change and never turned inward to see what I was doing wrong. I think one of the most important things so far has been recognizing this which will help me to be more vulnerable going forward. 
	Another one of the challenges that I wanted to take on while coming to Notre Dame was to encounter a more diverse group of people. Whether that is people or different beliefs, I wanted to expand my horizons. One of the ways that I’ve addressed this challenge is by forcing myself into conversations with people I may not agree with. Just like in week 11, I found that “Hard experiences… are not the death knell of community: they are the gateway into the real thing” (Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community, Parker J. Palmer Moreau Week 11). I have found that the difficult conversations that I have had with people around me have actually brought me closer to them. 
	The last challenge that I’ve really focused on while in college is my faith. While in college, it's easy to lose your faith as you are no longer required by anyone to keep going to mass or pray. However, as we are reminded in week 12 “A Christian is compelled then to be zealous for union with God and direct his or her thoughts and actions accordingly” (Holy Cross and Christian Education James B. King Moreau Week 12). By surrounding myself with people who share this goal with me, I’ve found that it serves as a support system to encourage me to stay faithful. I’ve also learned that my faith is not only expressed by going to mass and praying but also through the individual daily actions that we do. One of the things that I’ve tried to do, although simple, is just asking “What would Jesus do”. During the first semester, I’ve had a lot of difficult decisions to make, but taking time to sit back and think has helped me stay aligned.