WK 8 MYFE Integration Emily McDougall Oswald MFYE Integration 15 October 2021 TWO PATHS TO EMILY I believe that I grow by embracing discomfort. In my life, I think that there have been many forks in the road where I could have easily taken the easier path, and instead chose, out of wisdom or sheer stubbornness, the less simple route. One of those decisions was choosing Notre Dame. I felt that with my other options for college, I would have been choosing the comfortable, safe route. But even though ND was the best choice, it was a decision to choose the more uncomfortable environment: 800 miles from home, only two other friends from high school, and a pool of peers who were the top of the top. It was an incredible exercise in the vulnerability Brené Brown addressed in week one. In her Ted Talk, Brown points out that vulnerability is at the core of both fear and belonging; you cannot have one without the other, as uncomfortable as it may be (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week 1). I felt like I made the most authentic connections when I tapped into vulnerability and opened myself up to potentially uncomfortable situations. Even when I failed, or I tried to reach out and the potential friend was just not having it, I honestly didn’t get too discouraged. To be honest, I found that most of the time, people wanted to build relationships and connections. And if they weren’t, then I was okay with that. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but as Father Kevin Grove said, “there is no failure that grace cannot transfigure into a blessing” (“Two Notre Dames: Your Holy Cross Education” by Fr. Kevin Groves - Moreau FYE Week 5). My failures were not only limited to social snafus; I struggled at first to get used to the academic environment, and I was off balance with my schoolwork at the beginning. It was a tough adjustment academically, and I was again faced with two choices: give into the doubt that was creeping into my mind, the fear that I had somehow gotten in by mistake and that I wasn’t really meant to be here – or use the discomfort to get better. I chose the second. I’ve spent some late nights in the library, chosen to stay in or sacrifice the fun for assignments, but in the end, I think choosing to be uncomfortable with where I was at academically has laid the foundation for a better work ethic overall. Whether it’s socially or academically, embracing discomfort has given me some of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I believe that I am at my best when I am myself As we moved into the second week of the semester, I found that I not only had to choose discomfort, but also make sure that I was choosing to be authentically myself. When I went to the SAO activities fair, there were as many booths as possibilities for who I could be; I could be a singer, or a dancer, or someone who was really into Texas-related things (unlikely, given my Oklahoma roots and the deep-seeded rivalry, but I digress). I signed up for so many listservs I think my email groaned when they started rolling in. My eagerness to sign up – and to belong to something – reflects the dichotomy between the Adam I and Adam II referenced in David Brook’s Ted Talk (“Should You Live for Your Resume or Your Eulogy?” by David Brooks - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&feature=youtu.be https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=859bc1a8-0d0f-4eb4-a1c1-d0a45c429187 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM Moreau FYE Week 2). There was plenty of opportunity to live for my resume – the ever-growing list of clubs that have caught my eye and my email inbox prove that. But I also thought a lot about what attracted my heart as I walked around the stadium, collecting stickers and free pens. I eventually have started to work out how I want to dedicate my time in a way that best balances the two Adams. One of my favorite things I have joined I feel actually balances the two well. As one of the newest FLIPpers on the Student Union Board, I have the Adam I part down. I’m a planning, organizing, brainstorming machine when it comes to SUB events. But I’ve also found that I’m excited to go to meetings, to find philanthropic angles, to build new connections with the other SUB members. It’s the Adam II part of me that finds the SUB community, and the other communities that I’ve joined so fulfilling. But the concept of ‘myself’ is more than just Emily I and Emily II. My faith is a large part of who I am that I wanted to develop here. I found a deeper relationship with God, but I wanted to give definition to that connection in college. I found so many places to deepen my faith in these first few months, but I found myself feeling the most connected on my late-night pilgrimages to the Grotto. At least twice a week, I find myself antsy and restless in my dorm room, so I tell my roommate goodbye, and walk to the Grotto by myself. Those walks remind me of the quote from week 3: “faith, hope, and love adjust the lighting of our life so that we look beyond ourselves to see God” (“Faith Brings Light to a Dark World” by David Fagerberg - Moreau FYE Week 3). By tapping into what my heart and my faith were telling me by going on those grotto walks, I was putting myself aside to talk to God and illuminate what I needed to hear like the candles of the Grotto lighting up the night. All of these pieces – faith, community, connection – are parts of myself that I actively choose to nurture and develop. I believe that I am responsible for taking care of myself and others Now that I have chosen who I am and the parts of myself that I want to grow, this leads to my third belief statement about my purpose. I think that we all have a responsibility to care for the people around us. Where I’m from, there is a sense of hospitality and neighborly care inherent to the community. As I talked about in the Where I’m From poem from week 6 inspired by George Ella Lyon, I wanted to express how more often than not, I am in the middle of everything; I’ve found at ND this especially applies to the middle of my relationships and support for others (“Where I'm From” by George Ella Lyon - Moreau Week 6). I’ve already spent some of my night here talking through struggles or lending a helping hand with new friends who are going through a tough time. We’ve sat on the lounge couches of JFam till early in the morning trying to figure out how we can fix this problem, help that person who’s struggles, or how to move on from that guy or toxic friendship. My roommate struggled this semester with a toxic friend who was drinking way too much, but because they were from the same hometown and he said it was “just part of the college experience,” she didn’t know how to address it with him. I actually found the “5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship” article we discussed in week 4 super helpful in this situation (“5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship” by Olivia T. Taylor - Moreau Week 4). Even though I’m not close with him, I still felt responsible for helping my roommate figure out how to identify the unhealthy parts of their relationship, and be able to move forward in a better way. However, in order to take care of others and myself in a way that is compassionate and not condescending, I have learned that I need to check my implicit biases like we discussed in week 8. If I can check my assumptions, I can form better relationships and be able to see people for https://grottonetwork.com/keep-the-faith/belief/faith-brings-light-to-dark-world/ http://www.georgeellalyon.com/where.html https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/ who they are, not just a single stereotype I’ve been exposed to, like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie talked about in her Ted Talk ( "Danger of a Single Story" by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Moreau FYE 7). Meeting so many people from different backgrounds and places here has especially helped me realize to be mindful of everyone else’s experiences, in little funny ways (“you don’t say y’all?!) to bigger identity-based ways. My roommate is adopted, and we’ve had lots of conversations about where we’re from and how it’s shaped up. These skills are tools that I can use to help the instincts I already have – to help others be the most authentic and healthy versions of themselves. I’ve always found myself reaching out to support others, and I believe that I am good at giving people the kind of support they need most, whether it’s a hug, a distraction, or just someone to talk to. I am also trying to work on being that person for myself, and giving myself the kind of support I would wholeheartedly give to someone else. So at this point in the semester, I am again standing at a crossroads, but one with so many possibilities and paths going forward that I don’t know where to begin – but I know it will be amazing. https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story