Donata Carinato Integration 2 Donata Carinato Moreau First Year experience Integration 2 Over the course of my time thus far at Notre Dame, and in Moreau, I have been able to look closer at my feelings and ideas regarding certain topics. Some topics were daunting at first, or seemed very grey and blurry, however with time and through looking at resources they clarified. On the other hand, some topics started off straightforward but proved to be more complex the more time spent on them. Additionally, some topics were difficult to face because of the emotional attachments that accompanied them, yet time spent on them showed to be valuable and helped me to grow and heal. A lot of important questions were posed this semester, and many of them have recently been centered on community, and the whole of the Notre dame student body, or greater human population. One question I looked at week 11 was “When the ideas of community, oppression, and multiple stories all feel very large and overwhelming, what is a good way to think about them and acknowledge them?”. By looking at the different resources and stories, I was able to see that community is important, but learning to care about everyone in the community and fostering the best community possible comes from listening to the individuals, and respecting them. As the video said, “Understanding it begins with listening. Every story is a testament of personal truth. And each must be heard as part of the larger story” (With Voices True by The Klau Center Archive on Race- Moreau FYE Week 11). Looking at the larger community without considering the individuals that make it up can lead to marginalizing and generalizing, and can be an overwhelming way of creating a community. By starting small and listening to every individual, the community will be better equipped to foster respect and strong relationships. https://voicestrue.nd.edu Community also connects to some of the other questions asked, including how to remain hopeful and deal with brokenness. Both of these questions had very complex answers, but they also both connected to being able to lean on others and find strength in the community. Surviving and thriving in isolation is much more difficult than surviving and thriving surrounded by people who love and support you, and sometimes the best way to fight against the biggest obstacles is to ask others to fight with you. Community was also an important part to answering the question, “How can I deal with feeling unworthy and overwhelmed when it comes to school, and what do I do if I am feeling alone about those thoughts as well?” Since coming to campus, it has been difficult to adjust while also meeting tons of new people. On top of that, balancing a new school curriculum and way of learning. All of this leads to many feelings of imposter syndrome and feeling like I don't belong or fit in. One of the greatest takeaways from learning about imposter syndrome was, “Feelings of imposterism aren't restricted to highly skilled individuals either; everyone is susceptible to a phenomenon known as pluralistic ignorance, where we doubt ourselves privately, but believe we are alone in thinking that way, because no one else voices their doubts” (What is imposter syndrome?, Elizabeth Cox- Moreau FYE Week 9). One of the biggest steps to fighting obstacles like imposter syndrome and feelings of inadequacy is to realize that everyone is in the same boat. So many individuals experience these feelings, and talking about them can help everyone to realize they do belong, and they are doing an amazing job by just doing their best. When I started actually talking to my friends about my feelings of inadequacy was when I felt the most like I actually did fit in and belonged at this school, and I believe they felt the same. Looking for support through the community again helps to battle these feelings and anxieties, and will make the whole of the community stronger as a result. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo Also through my time in Moreau this semester, especially very recently, some ideas have become much more clear and developed into more complex understandings. For example, the idea of hope, which can be so abstract and grey, became much more understandable after considering the question, “How can I keep up hope when things feel very hopeless, and there is nothing to grab hold of?”. Hope is not always easy to keep up, but it is an important part to moving through life and moving through it enjoyably and successfully. After looking through the articles, I was struck by the line in the screwtape letters, “As long as he lives on earth periods of emotional and bodily richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty.” (The screwtape letters, C.S. Lewis- Moreau FYE week 12). While the screwtape letters have a certain amount of satire and irony in them, this statement is very important to the human condition. This sentence points out the facts of life, and one of the hopeful facts in my opinion- nothing is unchanging. Life is constantly in a state of dynamic change, so no matter how hopeless and dark things can get, they cannot remain that way forever, and there is always hope that things will change for the better. My favorite lesson from the second half of the semester, and the one that has stuck with me the most, has been encountering brokenness. I think every person has some level of brokenness within them- something they are working through or working to improve, or something they struggle to remember. I certainly have my own level of brokenness, and I tried to avoid thinking about it, and was somewhat ashamed of it. In week 10, I learned about the beauty of brokenness. From the video of the kintsugi workshop, I learned, “The things that they've experienced, good the bad the ugly, all of that, it has made them this beautiful dynamic interesting person that they are today and that that person is worth celebrating and honoring.” (Women find healing through Kintsugi workshop, Grotto- Moreau FYE Week 10). The healing https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/25086/files/192658?module_item_id=109471 https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ these women did, taking broken things (both physically and within themselves) and making them shimmer and glow with beauty, gave me the strength needed to realize I too am beautiful not despite my experiences, but because of them, and because of the strong and complex person I have become by going through them. The pottery was not just fixed, it was transformed into something arguably better than it was before, just as each of us are better for the experiences we have faced and learned through.