Several Existential Crises Later, I Believe I Need Meaning.
Integration 1 – Due October 15

I believe that I pursue truth by speaking honestly, asking questions, being open to alternate perspectives, and encouraging honesty in others. 
I developed this belief because of my value of honesty. I’ve known for a while that honesty is something that I consider important and prioritize in my interactions with other people, and I know that I want to be honest not only with them, but also with myself. I think that this belief certainly influences the way that I interact with other people; it can sometimes come at a detriment to me, though, when I would rather tell the truth even if it isn’t what someone wants to hear, and I have to choose whether to uphold this value or to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings (or to just not respond). Though all of us at Notre Dame are seeking truth in some form or another – whether it be through religion, academic knowledge, or some other truth – I think that pursuing truth is not only about getting it from others; it is also about finding it within yourself. I try to encourage myself to be honest as well as seeking out knowledge and true information. Part of the truth that I try to pursue is that of an existence of God or some divine being – this is something that I like to discuss with other people and hear different perspectives on. As I try to search for this dimension of truth, I am challenged by something that Father Pete says in his video: “resist the temptation to compare yourself against what others profess to know and believe” (The Role of Faith in Our Story by Fr. Pete McCormick, Moreau FYE Week Three). This temptation challenges me to abandon the way that I search for religious truth, because it makes me feel as though I should already have some answer to the question of an existence of God because my peers may already have an answer which they consider truth, like in the “Student Reflections on Faith” from Week Three. I think, however, that it is good to be in this type of situation because I am able to ask questions about people’s beliefs and how they developed them, from which I can reach my own conclusions about religion. In the future, I can more actively seek out these conversations, rather than solely being open to having them when they occur; if I actively pursue truth in this way, I can make this belief a more integral part in my life.
I believe that I am searching for a way to make my life most meaningful and connections with others. 
I believe this because of my experiences in the past few years. During the first quarantine, prompted by an episode of The Good Place and an existential-crisis-influenced dream, I started the search for both things, and that is how I developed this belief – I started thinking about life and how limited our time is, and I decided that it was critical to search for meaning which would make it worthwhile. This search makes me think about the resume and eulogy virtue distinction and the contrast between success-driven Adam I and the virtue-driven Adam II (“Should You Live for your Resume or Your Eulogy?” by David Brooks – Moreau FYE Week Two); I feel like meaning is not found in the resume virtues, no matter how far that gets me in my life. I think that meaning is created in a way that can be taken to the grave with you, not in a way that can be succinctly described on paper. I’ve been hoping to find meaning for a while now, and I think that it is found to some extent through other people. This belief shapes my actions in that it makes me more open to meeting new people and taking on new opportunities; it also drives me to try to look for things that both make me happy and contribute to things beyond myself. Since I started believing this fairly recently, this particular belief hasn’t come with many challenges; currently, I am fairly resolute that these are things I am searching for. Although sometimes I wonder about what kind of connections will help me feel the most fulfilled and happy, I don’t doubt that this is something I am searching for. Looking back on the talk by Dr. Brown about vulnerability and “wholehearted” people (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One), I note that I want to be this way with this belief; I want to be unafraid to make these connections that I search for, and so far, I’ve been mostly successful with this while at Notre Dame, though I am sometimes intimidated when trying to connect with new people. She says that these people have a “willingness to do something where there are no guarantees,” mainly in reference to relationships, but I also take this to be significant in reference to finding ways to make life meaningful. We have no guarantee that the meaning we find in our lifetimes (if we find it) means anything; for all we know, when we die, our consciousness dies and we just stop existing, which would mean that the purpose and meaning we’ve worked for has no real significance (that or our soul goes to a different body after we die, if we want to think about philosophy). I still believe it is worthwhile to search for meaning, even though we have no guarantee that there is some outcome in the universe, whether we think about that as heaven or hell or some other non-place. To return to my search for connections with others, this also became a pivotal part of my search because of the isolation I felt in quarantine. This search drives me to be more introspective and investigate the kind of friend I want to be and the kind of friends I want to have. Because of this, the articles we’ve discussed about relationships were striking to me, and I think that they have resonated with me in the time since we read them as my friendships have become closer. Because I am searching for worthwhile relationships and connections, I must consider the characteristics of toxic friendships (the issue that has come up for me the most recently is the constant negativity, which I have to either dissociate from or bring it up directly). This root belief of mine means that I have to be more active in being the type of friend I want to see in the world, who is less negative, a good listener, and dedicated to the friendship, unlike toxic friends (“5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship” by Olivia T. Taylor – Moreau FYE Week Four) I think that, in the future, I can more specifically act with this belief in mind by taking advantage of more opportunities to help other people, like service projects, and to work on introducing myself to more people in my classes to try to make friends, and I can reflect on my interactions with others to avoid being toxic. 

I believe that my purpose is to help others in ways big and small, to use my gifts and abilities for things beyond myself. 
I believe this because this is what makes me feel the most fulfilled; when I can act in this way, I feel proudest of myself and feel like I am working toward some greater meaning in life, though, of course, I don’t know what specifically that meaning is. For me, this belief originated as I did the actions that make up this purpose. As I used my abilities to help other people, I realized that this makes me happier. Things as small as having an oddly specific memory of a concession stand on gameday when a friend was looking for that exact stand make me feel happier and fulfilled, which is why I believe this. This belief is challenged when I have a choice between helping others and benefiting myself – I might have limited resources and time, so I am forced to decide between doing what may work best for me and what would be beneficial for everyone.  This belief implies that I ought to prioritize the well-being of others over myself and that it should be my goal to develop my talents such that they will be the most useful toward this purpose. I can consider Carla Harris’s speech with reference to this belief: she describes that “we should… be extremely intentional with our time and spend it in a way that we get the largest return on our time.” (“2021 Laetare Medalist Address” by Carla Harris – Moreau FYE Week Five). I can use my gifts in such a way that gives me what I consider the largest return on my time – through helping other people. I feel like I am contributing to some greater purpose, which is why I consider this a purpose of mine. Moving forward, I think that I can apply this belief to more situations, however small, and make sure that the contributions I can make are heard and acknowledged. 
I believe that I grow by learning from others with different experiences and facing challenges. 
Like with my other root beliefs, I developed this belief through the actions listed in the belief. It was through facing challenges and talking with different people that I discovered that this was something that helps me improve myself and grow. I don’t typically doubt this belief, but there are instances that I struggle to see this light at the end of the tunnel, especially when facing challenges. When I wrote my “Where I’m From” poem (Moreau FYE Week Six), I had to look back on the challenges that I’ve faced that brought me to where I am today. Looking at them in retrospect, it is interesting to see the way that I’ve changed and grown, and I can see how I’ve changed; however, at the time, they were difficult periods for me during which it felt as though no good would result. For example, in my poem I mentioned how quarantine was difficult for me; though I initially thought that it would be nice to stay in, it was very isolating, and I went months with very minimal conversation with my friends. At the time, I thought there would be no good to come from it, but as I realized the difficulty, I developed a new appreciation for the people in my life and made sure that I actively searched for good things in each day. As such, this belief encourages me to persevere in the face of challenges. It also drives me to make sure I am open to hearing from people from different backgrounds. I thought that what we’ve learned about different backgrounds and how we shape people’s identities was important – like in the “Danger of a Single Story,” our identities are shaped by the things that we hear most often (which I’ve learned about in my sociology class as well, interestingly enough) – “show a people as one thing… and that is what they become” (“Danger of a Single Story” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie – Moreau FYE Week Seven). Content like this further encourages me to seek out different people and hear their stories before making judgements; because I know that hearing stories firsthand helps me to understand others better, and consequently, to grow and improve. I can seek out more opportunities to meet people with different experiences and backgrounds while I’m here, given the abundance of people with various backgrounds.

In general, I’ve developed these beliefs throughout my lifetime, both through good experiences and challenges. In the future, I want to make sure I actively integrate these beliefs into my life and ensure that each day, I become a better person than I was yesterday.