Gottemoller 

Professor Whittington 
Moreau FYE- 64
3 December 2021
Authentically ND: A First-Year Reflection
	Nearly four months ago, I sat in the back seat of my parent’s car as we drove by cream colored buildings and Welcome Week committees of screaming students waving neon signs and excitedly running up and down the sidewalks of North Quad. I desperately wanted to freeze time so that I didn’t have to get out of the car, unpack my suitcases, meet hundreds of new people, and begin my new life. I didn’t know what I would encounter, but I thought it couldn’t be any more loving or accepting than my family. Here, I have encountered disappointed expectations, brokenness, and imperfection. Here, I have experienced love, acceptance, and community. I have responded with varying emotions, but most importantly I have responded by meeting every challenge which has been thrown at me. 
I spent the majority of the first half of this semester counting down the days until I would be back at home. I just had to make it until fall break and then everything would start looking up. What I did not realize is that the beginning of my fall break was accompanied with the release of midterm grades. When I first received the email from the registrar, I was filled with immediate apprehension. This was the first grade I received for some of my classes and encountering this clear signal of how successful my first few weeks had been seemed daunting. Finally, I built up the courage to look at my grades and although all of them were good, I found myself being disappointed. I had not expected to be challenged at Notre Dame and my grades reflected the fact that I was indeed being challenged. After spending a few days reflecting on the first half of my semester, I realized that my expectations for perfection had robbed me of the opportunity to be proud of my accomplishments. Though I encountered disappointment, I found myself following the advice of Julia Hogan who suggested that, “Instead of letting your life be ruled by the expectations of others or your own expectation that you have to be perfect, what if you just did your best?” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit”, by Julia Hogan, Moreau FYE Week 9) Throughout the final weeks of this semester and in the rest of my college career, I hope to avoid creating expectations and simply practice being proud of myself. 
Some of the things that I encountered in my first semester were expected. I expected to be lonely and tired and homesick, but I wasn’t expecting to encounter brokenness. In my courses, we talked about the brokenness of the Catholic Church, American government, and the brokenness of generations of oppressed peoples. I felt weighed down by all this brokenness and pain, but I didn’t know how to identify the problem I was facing. In week ten of this semester, our section pondered the theme of “encountering brokenness.” Finally, I found a name for what I was facing- brokenness. Within that module, we not only learned about brokenness, but we were taught how to react to it. With the help of this Moreau course, I learned to take time to ponder the brokenness of the world as the students of kintsugi do. “They learn that the things that they’ve experienced — the good, the bad, the ugly, all of that — have made them this beautiful, dynamic, interesting person that they are today. And that that person is worth celebrating and honoring.” (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop,” by Kirsten Helgeson, Moreau FYE Week 10) Encountering brokenness in the beauty of Notre Dame was scary, but the realization that the world is better and stronger for being broken has taught me to see my life differently. 
Not everything I encountered was negative. I also encountered success. I received unexpected good grades and made surprisingly good friendships and I learned that just as I share my defeats and disappointments with my community, I also must share my triumphs. I learned that “The self-sufficiency I feel in success is a mirage. I need community—and, if I open my heart, I have it.” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community,” by Parker J. Palmer, Moreau FYE Week 11) I put this into practice by making a tradition of grabbing gelato from Hagerty Family Cafe after psych exams with my friend Maria. Small traditions such as this have encouraged me to share my successes with my community at Notre Dame.
Although I expected to encounter opposing opinions in my time at college. I was confident that my anti-confrontational personality would help me to keep my distance from these conflicts. I was quickly proven wrong when I was challenged to write essays for Comparative Politics which accurately portrayed the counter arguments to all of my beliefs. Notre Dame has followed in the tradition of Fr. Moreau who wrote, “It was simply essential for the next generation of Christians, including teachers and religious, to be conversant with modern theories and philosophies, even those they opposed.” (“Holy Cross and Christian Education,” by NDCampus Ministry, Moreau FYE Week 12) I learned that by critically addressing those who disagree with me, I can encounter truth and do so in a peaceful manner. 
Encountering challenges, brokenness, success, and opposing opinions have all been part of my Notre Dame Journey. Through the help of my community and this course, I have learned how to react to all of these encounters in healthy ways. At Notre Dame, my community has driven me to share my successes and failures and it has challenged me to grapple with brokenness and conflicts. From the classroom to the dining hall, every step of my Notre Dame journey has harbored a new experience. The combination of negative and positive experiences which have characterized my first year journey have shaped who I am now. Waking up every morning knowing that somehow I am a part of this institution which defines so many aspects of my life has been exciting and daunting. As I look ahead to these next four years, I hope that they will provide me with a more complete understanding of who I am and how I relate to this place I call home: Notre Dame.