Moreau Integration Three Was She Reserved, or Was She Just Thoughtful? I think one of the few days you look back and remember how impactful someone was on your life is the day they leave. I’ve acknowledged so many inspiring people who have walked this Earth, entered my world, and left, yet I believe every single one of them has met me for a reason – it’s either I’ve changed a small part of their life, or they’ve changed a small part of mine. Callie was like them – she changed mine – yet she was one of the very few people who’ve left a great impression on me. Sister Theresa Aletheia Noble once mentioned, “We naturally tend to think of our lives as kind of continuing and continuing” (“Meet the Nun Who Wants You to Remember You Will Die” Ruth Graham – Week 1). This described and didn’t describe Callie all at once. She’s always anticipated death; death is a natural phenomenon that she knew she would have to face one day, but she also continued to talk about her life as if she had so much to do and look forward to – she never had a final or an end goal. After she accomplished something, she would create another goal – an even bigger and brighter goal. She would ask me if I believed in life after death one second, and then talk about how she couldn’t wait for a positive future to come the next. She was extremely curious; this was a trait I’ve always admired. She would ask the most random questions in the middle of the day; questions like “Do you ever see yourself in the future and having regrets about how you’re currently spending your college years?” By the time I’m answering, she’s already thinking of another question. I don’t think there was a single second where she stopped thinking or reflecting, which makes me believe that she had so much to say despite her more reserved nature when interacting with acquaintances. You heard that right. She was reserved, but reserved in a way where she was respectful and kind. She was trustworthy and knew how to read the room. A lot of people respected her that way because she knew how to provide us with insightful advice yet knew how to keep things to herself. The quote “And while you are the author of your story, it is often helpful to involve those you trust” (“Discernment Conversation Activity” – Week 5) reminds me of her. I want my life to be lived a certain way, and I want to steer my own wheel, yet I don’t think I could’ve done it without her. I’ve spent so much time talking to her about my problems, my feelings, and decisions that I made, that my life would be different without her. If there was a person I needed to talk to, it would be Callie I ranted to first, and she’d never tell a soul. She was an open book, yet she’d never tell me anyone else’s problems – that’s how I knew my secret was always safe with her. Ann Landers told Father Hesburgh, “I don’t know another living soul that I would talk to on the phone as long as I talk to you. I always learn something, and you are immensely supportive in the areas where I need it – whether you know it or not.” (“Hesburgh” Ann Landers – Week 2) Like I’ve implied, Callie was someone I could talk to whenever I needed to. She never forced me into doing something I didn’t want and never tried to take control of my wheel. She was supportive and respectful of my decisions, fully knowing that she would want me to do the same if she was in my position. Even though she may come off as “boring” or “quiet and shy” to some people, she was full of life and joy. She’s always made efforts to bring a smile to my face and she knew when to crack jokes – this was a form of vulnerability, knowing that she’s breaking down her walls and finally showing a part of herself she doesn’t typically show other people. She was quiet when she only needed to be – and this means being quiet around people she doesn’t think are important enough to reveal her vulnerability to. “The places that move us most deeply are often the ones we recognize like long-lost friends; we come to them with a piercing sense of familiarity, as if returning to some source we already know.” (“Why We Need to Slow Down Our Lives” Pico Iyer – Week 1) We always have someone that we turn to because they’re familiar – they’re the person we run to when we want someone to come home to or the person we want to talk to when we don’t feel like talking to anyone else. Callie was like that to a lot of people – I think people just felt comfort in knowing that she remembers a lot of people’s struggles and tends to comfort them anyway she can. I personally felt my best around her because she uplifted my mood and she never made me regret my choice to confide in her, even during my darkest moments. She pays attention to each and every single one of the people she cares about and never brushes anyone off. “So if God is good, why does he allow suffering into my life?” (“5 Minutes” by Aria Swarr - Week 6) is a question Dr. Kim posed. Rather than the question, why does He allow suffering into my life, I tend to question why He allows suffering into the lives of people who are good. Everyone has their fair share of burdens and struggles, and I’m not saying that other people deserved the troubles they had upon them, but I questioned the specific struggles that came to Callie. I wondered why so many people turned against her when she was so good to them. I wondered why it was hard for her to find people who appreciated her for who she is, when she never openly judged anyone else. But in the end, I know one thing for sure – despite the problems she’s encountered in this life, her only mission was to be good. Not for the world, not for others, but to have good intentions in general. “Every experience shapes you in some way, whether you realize it at the time or not!” (Undergrad Careers Website - Week 4) She embraced every obstacle she encountered with courage and knew that whenever she encountered a bad experience with a person, it was because she knew she had enough willpower to overcome such an experience. She grew stronger with every single one, and that’s what I appreciate the most about her. She teaches other people to be strong, but doesn’t forget that she herself is also strong. Lastly, I would like to quote Tattoos on the Heart, “Our sphere has widened, and we find ourselves, quite unexpectedly, in a new, expansive location, in a place of endless acceptance and infinite love.” (“Tattoos on the Heart” by Fr. Greg Boyle, S.J. – Week 7) One thing Callie never forgot to remind others is of how much room we actually have in our hearts and how we should not reserve those rooms for factors we can’t control – race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, etc. As an Indonesian, Callie had always known what it was like to be a Southeast Asian living in a predominantly white area. She also knew what it’s like living as a non-native Indonesian in her country – it wasn’t easy to accept that she seemed to always be part of a minority. However, she still made sure to embrace every single person with the same amount of love – she tried not to discriminate. All in all, a lot of people never knew Callie the way she would have liked to be known, nor did they remember her the way Callie would’ve liked them to remember her. Knowing her, I don’t think she would want me to explain every single good thing she’s done in her life nor try to convince you that she was a good person. But she wants me to let you know that she’s only ever been genuine – she only talked to people she knew were good, she only spent her time on people she knew were worth caring about, and every single person who she’s ever talked to was due to her genuineness. She had her own moral values that not everyone agreed with, but she was respectful and kind whenever she could be. She left our world with amazing memories that I don’t think I will ever forget nor would I ever recreate with anyone else – not that I would ever want to.