Integration 3 Feix 1 Tony Polotto Moreau 4 March 2022 Integration 3: My Eulogy Dearly beloved, We gather today to celebrate the life of Bianca Victoria Mercado Feix. She was a loving daughter, sister, cousin, and friend. Bianca always strove to brighten the lives of those around her. She wanted to make the world a better place, and tried to make a difference everywhere she went. This selflessness was not only noticed, but appreciated by all those around her. To remember Bianca, I want to reflect on some lessons that she lived by. “Half the confusion in the world comes from not knowing how little we need.” (“Why we need to slow down our lives” by Pico Iyer - Moreau FYE Week One). Humans throughout history have survived with much less than we have now, yet there is this constant want for more, which results in extra waste that only continues to grow. Not only does this need for more prevent us from fully realizing ourselves and finding a “good” and fulfilling life, it affects the world around us. This sense of awareness of how lucky we are to have all the opportunities we have in life was an essential part of Bianca’s attitude towards life. For those of you that do not know, a lot of Bianca’s family is in the Philippines. Because of this, she was exposed to the effects of poverty from a very young age. She developed a sense of duty to those who suffer around her and an appreciation for all she was blessed with. Bianca recognized that she was the culmination of all those who came before her. Her opportunities in the United States made the suffering of her ancestors worth it. It was her duty to make it in life for them. “At a university, you can’t censor ideas if they don’t agree with your own.” (“Hesburgh” by Jerry Barca and Christine O’Malley - Moreau FYE Week Two). Bianca sought to live with an open mind. In modern times, we are taught to only listen to those that agree with us, and silence those who do not, which only leads to greater polarization amongst our populations. The world only seems to be moving further and further towards extremes, and away from striking any sort of balance and harmony. Bianca wanted more people to be like Father Hesburgh, a priest from her alma mater who fought for what he thought was right, even if it went against the Church or anyone else’s idea. Bianca firmly believed in the dignity of every human being, and thought that we should treat each other with respect. Bianca was an advocate for being more curious, and less judgmental. After all, if we cannot be open to others’ perspectives, how can we expect them to be open to our own? “We try to suppress the thought of death, or escape it, or run away from it because we think that’s where we’ll find happiness. But it’s actually in facing the darkest realities of life that we find light in them.” (“Meet the Nun Who Wants You to Remember You Will Die” by Ruth https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-need-a-secular-sabbath/ https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-need-a-secular-sabbath/ https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=10159379-7eca-4549-8581-ab9500c9ecd9 https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/14/us/memento-mori-nun.html Feix 2 Graham - Moreau FYE Week Three). To live your best life, you have to realize that it is short, so that you can make the most out of it. Bianca realized the gravity of death from an early age. She lost many family members throughout her childhood, and, at one point, even came to terms with her own possible death. When Bianca was in high school, she found two tumors in her breast. Cancer took her grandmother and affected most of her other family members, both living and deceased. This experience showed her that it was time to live her life with no regrets. Her dad told her: “when you’re on your deathbed, you won’t be thinking, ‘oh I wish I worked more or did more homework,’ you’ll wish that you spent more time with your family, or spent more time doing what you loved.” It may sound morbid, but it is a reality of life. It’s important to spend your time the best you can, while you still can. “Every experience shapes you in some way, whether you realize it at the time or not!” (“Navigating Your Career Journey” by the University of Notre Dame’s Merulo Career Center - Moreau FYE Week Four). Bianca found fulfillment in all her experiences. One of the most defining experiences of her life was when she went to the Philippines to play for the U14 national soccer team. It called into question her identity, her feelings of worth, and what she truly valued in life. In the end, Bianca did not play for the team, but she earned several valuable lessons that would shape the way she experienced the rest of her life. She realized little by little how her interracial background influenced the way she approached the world, and she was grateful for her ability to see both sides of a situation, even though she sometimes felt alienated, never completely belonging everywhere. She was thankful for her siblings, who had similar experiences, and wanted them to know that they would always belong in the “space between,” right there with her. Bianca’s friends can attest to the kind of person she was. For her discernment in Week Five of her Moreau FYE Course at Notre Dame, Bianca’s friends talked about how selfless she was, almost to a fault. It was clear to everyone but Bianca that she was a fundamentally good person. She never thought she did enough for others, when her closest friends wanted nothing more than for her to simply take care of herself. She always saw the best in people, to a fault, which would cause her pain, but she never seemed to let that change how she approached other people. She always gave her all in whatever she committed to, and often committed to way too many things. Biance strove to be a bright light to all those she encountered. “We can spend endless amounts of time in self-reflection but emerge with no more self-insight than when we started.” (“The right way to be introspective (yes, there’s a wrong way)” by Tasha Eurich - Moreau FYE Week Six). Another major aspect of Bianca’s outlook on life was self-reflection. It can be so hard to truly look at yourself and your life from an outside point of view. For those of you that knew Bianca, you would know that she was very indecisive. She would spend hours or even days contemplating some decision and would come out feeling just as conflicted as before. She honestly got so good at lying to herself to make others feel better that she couldn’t tell what she truly felt anymore. This is why Bianca wanted to let you all know https://undergradcareers.nd.edu/navigating-your-career-journey---moreau/ https://ideas.ted.com/the-right-way-to-be-introspective-yes-theres-a-wrong-way/ https://ideas.ted.com/the-right-way-to-be-introspective-yes-theres-a-wrong-way/ Feix 3 that you do not have to be perfect. You have value simply because you exist, so you should recognize your own worth and trust in yourself. “We all need each other, none of us is an island, an autonomous and independent "I," separated from the other, and we can only build the future by standing together, including everyone.” (“Why the only future worth building includes everyone” by His Holiness Pope Francis - Moreau FYE Week Seven). The reason Bianca felt such a duty to love her neighbors was because of this Catholic idea. She knew that a better future could only come by genuinely caring for one another, and collaborating to build a better future. In this way, Bianca tried to emulate her grandmother, Violeta. She always wanted to be just like Violeta. Known for her incredible kindness and unending care for others, Violeta had a great impact on Bianca’s life in the short amount of time Bianca knew her. Stories about Mama Violy’s life inspired Bianca, and played a big role in shaping who she became as a person. Although she was taken from this Earth before she got to do everything she wanted to do in life, most would say that Bianca was the best kind of person, caring for others before herself, and loving everyone, even strangers, with a vulnerability and unconditionality that often resulted in pain for her. Despite this, she never ceased loving others. To conclude this eulogy, I want to leave you with some words Bianca left for her family, who she valued above all else. “To every single one of you, I want to say thank you. Words cannot express my love for you all. You are my everything, from the day you all became part of my life to my end. I do not know what kind of person I would have been without you. I do not know where I would be in life without you. I want you to know that I love you more than anything this world could ever give. It was your love that allowed me to love others, that pushed me to be the best version of myself. I wanted to be the best for every one of you. I know that I could sometimes take this a little far, and I apologize for any times I ever made you feel less than your worth. Because you are all more worthy than I deserved. I take with me all the lessons I have learned from each and every one of you, and I hope that you can learn something from what little life experiences I had. Most importantly, I want you to know that I regret nothing. I could never regret having you as my family, and I most certainly would not have wanted my life to go any other way. You all inspire me, and I know you are doing/will do amazing things in this life. I’ll be waiting for you with Mama, Uncle Luis, Auntie Gasing, Lulu, Auntie Pudin, Travis, and all our other loved ones. Kocham cie! Wo ai ni! Gihigugma tika! Until I see you again, Your Doodlebug.” https://www.ted.com/talks/his_holiness_pope_francis_why_the_only_future_worth_building_includes_everyone/transcript