Integration Two Integration Two What have I encountered and how will I respond? The Journey to Change Since I have arrived at Notre Dame, I have gone through many transformative experiences. I have learned a lot about myself and others. I’ve questioned my sense of belonging, grown in my faith, learned about the lives of others, and explored different ways to heal and deal with pain. All of these experiences share a common thread: change. I have changed a lot since I have been here, and I am grateful that I have evolved into a better version of myself as a result of my Notre Dame journey. One of the most important questions I’ve asked myself this semester is: Do I belong here? Moving across the country has admittedly been difficult. My biggest struggle has been making new friends. I started the semester with friends I met online. When we arrived on campus, though, they all made their own friends. I felt like the only one who was having trouble connecting with new people on campus. I didn’t (and honestly still don’t) really feel welcome in my residence hall—everyone seemed to have formed friend groups early, and I felt as if I had been left behind. Now, however, I know I am not the only person who has felt this way. It is important to know that “loneliness is not failure, and that you are far from being alone in this feeling” (“Advice From a Formerly Lonely College Student” by Emery Bergmann - Moreau FYE Week Nine). Many people here feel lonely: this is to be expected after leaving close friends behind and joining a new community. I don’t have many friends yet, but that is okay: it is only the first semester here. I know I will find my people eventually. Feeling lonely does not mean that I do not belong here—I know that Notre Dame is where I am supposed to be, and I know I’ll find a community within it. Additionally, I have also felt doubt in my place here due to expectations: those of others as well as my own. In class, we learned that “you can’t live your life according to the expectations of others. When you do, you aren’t living your own life — you’re living someone else’s life” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Jolia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). I’ve experienced imposter syndrome since I have been here: I’m struggling in subjects that I did well in during highschool. Getting lower grades after graduating at the top of my class has been difficult to accept. I feel as though I am not living up to expectations for my education, but this simply isn’t true. No one expects me to be a 4.0 student at a top 20 university; I realized that I was the only one putting this pressure on myself. It’s okay that I find my classes difficult: they are not supposed to be easy. Getting a grade below an A in a class doesn’t mean I don’t belong here. I know I am smart, and I won’t let my own expectations make me doubt my place at Notre Dame. Despite the struggles I have had since I’ve been here, I know that I belong at this university. Throughout my Notre Dame journey, I have seen my faith grow stronger, and it has become much more important to me. Throughout my middle and high school years, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau I was disconnected from my Catholicism. Two years ago, however, I reconnected with my faith, which has led me to Notre Dame. Attending a university that values faith has led mine to grow. There are so many resources available to us to develop our religious beliefs. In the beginning of the semester, I opened an email from Campus Ministry that told people interested in becoming Catholic or making confirmation to fill out a Google form. I joined Short Course: a program dedicated to preparing students to make confirmation if they did not do so in middle or high school. This class has been instrumental in reconnecting me to my Catholic faith. I have learned so much about my religion that I never knew. Campus Ministry says “whenever we have to shed old ways of thinking, viewing, or perceiving the world around us and ourselves, a conversion of both heart and mind must take place” (“Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Campus Ministry at the University of Notre Dame - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). My faith has done this for me: I have learned so much about Catholicism and Christian perspective, which has led me to grow in mind, heart, and faith. The Screwtape Letters, additionally convey that “if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles” (“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). While this source is satirical, it contains truth: as long as we have faith (even if we struggle and doubt), we grow with God. Throughout my confirmation class, I have experienced highs and lows in my faith—I don’t agree with every belief the Catholic Church teaches, and this has been difficult for me to accept. Even so, I know God is with me. While my faith has grown immensely overall, this has not been a strictly upward trend. However, God has been with me the whole way, and this allows me to think through my beliefs without abandoning them. Throughout my time at Notre Dame, my faith has grown in both strength and importance, and this has made me a better version of myself. Before arriving here, my perspective on the lives of others was immensely different. Exposure to new people of different backgrounds has shown me that everyone’s experiences and struggles are unique and complicated. I live in a predominantly white town in northern New Jersey. Most people in my town are wealthy. This lack of diversity created a bubble—I wasn’t really exposed to people of different backgrounds. Since coming here, however, I have not only learned about the importance of diversity, but I’ve felt it: I have met so many people with unique stories and have tried to learn as much as I can about places different from my hometown. I have learned that “exposure and access to different view points & life experiences offers insight and changes biases” (“Diversity Matters by Agustin Fuentes - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). Learning about the lives of others has broadened my perspective, and I am incredibly grateful for this change. While Notre Dame still can be considered a bubble of its own, it is much more diverse than my community at home, and this has taught me a lot about the world and other people. Learning about diversity has also broadened my idea of what a community looks like. It is important to try and learn about others because “long before community can be manifest in outward relationships, it must be present in the individual as ‘a capacity for connectedness’” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking https://campusministry.nd.edu/assets/105621/ https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28222/files/189463?module_item_id=106234 https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=d14a0472-9c0e-44ea-bd39-53c67ee1d436 http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). In other words, we cannot form a community with hatred preventing us from connecting to each other. Learning about the struggles of others here has increased my capacity for connectedness. While I still have so much to learn, I am glad that Notre Dame has sparked the beginning of this journey. Throughout my time here, I have also learned that there are different ways to heal from pain we experience. Recovery is not linear, and every person has a unique approach. Since middle school, I have struggled with anxiety. I felt as if it impacted every part of my life, from my relationships to my physical health. Since I arrived here, I have found that there are several ways to deal with my anxiety. My friend got me into weightlifting, and it has been life changing. Lifting weights gives me a sense of control and an outlet for my anxiety. While it doesn’t remove it from my life, weightlifting helps me manage it. I never would have considered lifting weights before I met my friend here. There are so many different ways to heal and deal with pain. For example, we learned about women that heal through kintsugi, the Japanese art of fixing pottery. Their art is a reflection of themselves: “I want people to also know that their hearts are breakable, and it’s a very good thing, that it’s worth celebrating because it allows you to grow and expand. And you get to put your heart back together” (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” by Grotto - Moreau FYE Week Ten). Like this pottery, we can heal with time and the right support and outlets. This has become clear to me since I have arrived at Notre Dame. Along with weightlifting, I also heal through my relationships with others. As stated by Fr. Jenkins, “faith can have a transforming effect on the world” (“Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement” by Fr. John Jenkins - Moreau FYE Week Ten). While this can be true in reference to religious faith, I also see truth in the idea that having faith in yourself and others is transformative. Love from others and their faith in me helps me deal with my anxiety. My best friend here at Notre Dame is so supportive and kind. Even if we help only one person through support and faith, we are changing the world. My experiences at Notre Dame have shown me that there are so many ways to recover, and each person heals in unique ways. Notre Dame has inspired me to change for the better, and I love the person I am becoming as a result. I can’t wait to continue my journey here, evolving into who I am meant to be. http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/