12/3 Integration 2 Essay Kian O’Connor Moreau FYE December 3, 2021 A Second Wind Coming to Notre Dame, I knew that my college experience would differ substantially from my high school one. The increased presence of religion, higher academic rigor, and the new beginning away from my home and friends combined with having to forge new interpersonal connections on campus has culminated in a novel experience that changed my perception of certain ideas. Throughout these past months, in and outside of Moreau, I’ve been prompted to ask myself important questions regarding my values, relationships, and priorities that will shape my future at Notre Dame and the rest of my life. When I first arrived at ND, I believed that grades should be prioritized above all else. Despite being warned that “not everyone can be valedictorian here the way they were in high school”, I remained steadfast in the belief that maintaining a high GPA would distinguish me from my peers and land me better internship opportunities and ultimately a job. While I do still hold this belief and strive to get the best grades possible, I’ve realized that I took this mentality to the extreme at the cost of my mental health and my relationships. With my tunnel vision focused on grades, I neglected reaching out and making new friends. I skipped dorm activities to study and stayed in finishing homework while other people went out. I underestimated what it took to make new friends and thought that I could balance school and friends the same way I did in high school, neglecting the fact that my relationships in high school were forged over years. Ultimately, I came to realize that “expecting close relationships like the ones that had taken years to develop was unfair to myself and the people around me” (“Advice from a Formerly Lonely College Student” by Emery Bergen - Moreau FYE Week 9). From now on, I plan to balance my studies with interpersonal relationships by making a more active effort to talk to the people around me through attending more dorm activities like mass and hall government https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html meetings while also being more open in my classes. If done correctly, I’ll be able to grow socially while still working hard towards my academic goals. My time at Notre Dame has also made me reevaluate my career goals. Initially, financial stability was the driving force behind my career goals. I wanted money when I graduated so that my family and I could live comfortably while enjoying more of what life has to offer. However, there was always a voice in the back of my mind urging me to do something more. I realized that I was lacking conviction, something that “is indispensable to every good deed. It defies the forces of inertia- the prevailing winds and currents that fight to keep everything the way it is, or worse” (“Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement” by Rev. John Jenkins - Moreau FYE Week 10). I realized that I wanted to combine a career in finance with my goal of facilitating the globe’s transition to clean energy sources. I quickly realized that this was a very feasible career path after seeing opportunities from the Wall Street Club with firms like Marathon Capital, an investment bank that specializes in investing in renewable energy. I’ve also joined Unleashed Social Ventures, a business club on campus that collaborates with firms to create monetary and societal benefit. Going forward, I plan to minor in Energy Studies in addition to majoring in Finance and International Economics to give myself the breadth of knowledge necessary to pursue my new career path. I plan to apply to lead an Unleashed project in upcoming semesters and continue to scout and pursue opportunities that combine finance with renewable energy. Notre Dame has also forced me to combat some of my more deep-rooted, implicit biases. In high school, I witnessed first hand how racism can plague communities. My high school made national headlines for multiple instances of racism and I lived a mere 30 minutes from where George Floyd was killed. Admittedly, I liked to believe that I was more of an activist than I actually was. Despite saying that I supported the cause against institutionalized racism, I did very little to actually try to change it. Here at Notre Dame, I was forced to come to terms with my performative activism and my implicit biases when I found myself being slightly envious at certain diversity initiatives that I couldn’t be a part of. I failed to recognize that “[Racial https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ Differences] are due to social, historical, political, economic and experiential contexts” (“Diversity Matters! by Prof. Agustin Fuentes - Moreau FYE Week 11). Rather than being jealous, I should have recognized my privilege. In the future, I plan to use my Notre Dame education to help those less fortunate than myself by volunteering at the Lab of Economic Opportunities, where I’ll assist non-profits to make them more effective at accomplishing their goals. I’ll also strive to be more introspective and recognize my implicit biases when they influence my decisions to limit their impact. Lastly, Notre Dame’s unique standing as a highly regarded academic and religious institution has led me to question my stance on religion. It was inevitable that a school that mandates that its students take theology courses would cause me to reevaluate my stance on religion. Entering the school, I was a Catholic moreso in deed than belief. I went through the sacraments and occasionally went to Church, but I couldn’t honestly say that I believe in God. Right now, that still mostly remains the case. However, theology taught me that my doubt indicates that I care enough about my religion to think it through rather than blindly following it, which was comforting to hear. Additionally, I’ve come to better understand the theological reasoning for why God gave us free will. God wants “the creature to stand up on its own legs- to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish” (“‘The Screwtape Letters’ Chapter 8” by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week 12). I’m glad that regardless of what I end up believing, I was gifted the opportunity to choose for myself. I hope that my good deeds are motivated by me as opposed to a desire to get into heaven and that my morals remain strong regardless of my religion. On another note, seeing respected academic figures, like my rector Fr. Bill, devoting their lives to God has prompted me to further examine religious texts and beliefs. In the future, I hope to further my journey with religion by more consistently attending mass and taking my theology and philosophy classes as seriously as I would a course that’s in my major. Ultimately, this semester has been one filled with many changes. Changes that have altered my views and changed the way I perceive the world and my place in it. I’m thankful that I https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=d14a0472-9c0e-44ea-bd39-53c67ee1d436 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28311/files/188887?module_item_id=105691 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28311/files/188887?module_item_id=105691 had my Moreau class to help guide me through this turbulent time and I’m comforted that I’m not alone. I look forward to applying the lessons I learned this semester in the next one, and I know that when I struggle going forward, reflecting on the lessons that I’ve learned this semester will provide me with a second wind to face the day.