Moreau Integration Two Tijerina, 1 Robert Tijerina Megan Leis Moreau FYE 3 December 2021 How I’m Getting to Know Myself Better Moreau, a place to become vulnerable and speak our minds, has given me my first step in my own discovery. The topics are insightful and introspective and touch on what truly matters in the life of a Catholic, student, and human being. But, things this semester haven’t always come so easy. Lines have become strewed trying to decide what’s good or bad, worth it or not, and what matters the most. I’ve tried throughout the semester to expose myself to as many different opportunities as possible. So far, here is what I’ve learned. There has been a newfound respect for personal liability. I have no one to blame but myself for mistakes and lack of organization. At the very best, I can hope to sympathize with another student about First-Year struggles; they neither have the time or capability to compensate me. There is also always the temptation of skipping class and the reward, come to find out, is short-lived. However, I’ve reconciled this part of me, and figured I pay for every second of class time regardless if I show up or not. I might as well plant myself in the front row and follow through with what college is all about: learning. On top of that, I am noticing my discipline becoming increasingly strained and not what it once was during high school. I supposed it was due to the fact that I hadn’t made it to college, and now that I have, I’ve achieved my dream goal with none other in mind. The experience of this past semester has taught me to deepen my search and plan broadly into the future, paving multiple ideas and accomplishments I wish to achieve. By personal liability, I also mean the actions I take for self-care. How I eat, sleep, and recover Tijerina, 2 impact my entire week. In response, I’ve tried to get at least two meals in with a sprinkling of snacks, 7 hours of sleep, and/or take a weekend off if I have to. The benefits have led to a steady schedule that gets me from one day to the next. Yet some days, everything has gone against me including but not limited to a faulty alarm clock, popped bike tire, and lost wallet. But, I finished out the day and that’s all that matters. It was a testament to my Fr. John Jenkins’ Week 10 quote, “There is no law of motion in the physical universe that guarantees that you would end up where you are today. More likely, the many demands of life were pushing you in other directions, and you pushed back” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Speech” by Fr. John Jenkins - Moreau FYE Week 10). This quote resonated with me then and will continue to because, quite frankly, college is not easy. Setbacks are guaranteed to happen, but what matters most is how I get up and keep moving forward. I have encountered communities far different from the ones in my hometown. Whether through informal or formal meetings, the diversity of personalities, opinions, and perspectives have altered the way I had perceived the world. Albeit, the majority of my interactions have been through a party or two, but who is to say that’s not what everyone else does? To paint the picture black and white, there are clear partiers and studiers; extroverts and introverts; friends and not so friendly friends. I always thought I would have to pick between the two (minus the later) and forever abide by my decision. However, I’ve found there is a balancing act between my choices, and there have been weeks where I combined the two or gave up on one entirely. Luckily, I have made friends who know what’s best when I don’t. Taking Screwtape’s logic, “We can drag our patients along by continually tempting, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better”, into consideration, we have to be open to intervention when seemingly at a loss (“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week 12). My Tijerina, 3 decisions are oftentimes made under temptation or pressure, leading to irreversible effects. I now try to preemptively make my decisions to mitigate collateral damage felt later in the day or week. I can then present my best self in the classroom or with other students and never feel like I’m trying to catch up. This is not to say all weeks are perfect, and as mentioned previously, there have been setbacks. But there have been fewer because of my friends, and slowly, I have started to make choices that have benefited me in the long run. Keeping the door open, both metaphorically and literally, has led to opportunities interacting with students, professors, and associates of the school. Literally, in my dorm, I always leave my door open. Multiple instances have occurred where Carroll Vermin curiously stroll in, leading to hours of conversation and relationship building. Metaphorically, in the hopes of walking through an open door, I have made myself available – we never know when opportunity will strike. This has led to me making friends outside of Carroll, familiarizing myself with professors, and knowing of campus opportunities. As a result, I have come to find out college, Notre Dame specifically, is a once in a lifetime experience and I want to make the most of it. In Palmer’s words, “Community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week 11). Notre Dame and the chance to be in college is a gift I’m slowly unboxing. Yet sometimes, it feels like I’m tearing it apart too fast. College isn’t a checklist, but it certainly felt like one this semester. I was constantly in pursuit of something I thought I wanted when in reality, those things contradicted who I fundamentally was as a person. I was doing things to feel accepted, not to be appreciated. Now, I’ve learned to take the right things as they pass and not rush into them just because it’s something to do. I had a definite fear of missing out and it had made me regret some of my Tijerina, 4 decisions. What is now clear is that college is a journey with endless stepping-stones to an unmarked destination. The decision to pull back is slightly unnerving. Who doesn’t want to be in control? But, honoring my rhythms and habits is more important. Not everyday can be a step forward. I cautiously trudge through my days taking the time to decide whether things benefit me. This holds especially true with my friendships, and I can now relate to Bergmann’s conclusion that she herself “wasn’t interested in forging fake relationships out of necessity” and “wanted genuine friendships that I could treasure” (“Advice From A Formerly Lonely College Student” by Emery Bergmann - Moreau FYE Week 9). There have been unforgettable moments in my college career so far, and I stay excited for the next day, week, and four years. My self-knowledge has continually grown through a variety of learning experiences. The good is to be taken with the bad and I’m starting to know what I want and what I don’t. Emotions have gone through a range of phases and no longer reside on opposite ends. Decisions are no longer black and white and are now considered within the context of my week. What I sought after, attention, acceptance, and approval, no longer guides me, but serves as clear indicators that I am pushing myself too far. Over these past few months, being away from home has led me to evolve past my comfort zone and explore the possibilities of what my life could be if I stick to my rhythms and passions, work hard, and dream big; all things accomplishable through the University of Notre Dame.