12/3/2021
Margaret Hnatusko
Moreau- First Year Experience

Embracing Uncomfort
Over Thanksgiving, I traveled to my new home for the first time. My dad picked me up from an unfamiliar airport in a new car, and I walked into a freshly-constructed house with empty walls, where I would be staying in the guest room. New school, new home, new friends, new places: I truly felt like a nomad. I was disconnected from anything that held the familiarity of home.
	In the beginning, I felt ready for the change. I dove headfirst into my new life, but as semester dragged on and the assignments piled up, I began to feel more and more overwhelmed and alone. From difficult classes to navigating new friendships to calling a new state home, I’ve encountered many challenges in my first semester. Amidst these difficulties, I’ve learned to trust myself and embrace the unfamiliarity of my new life.
	In high school, I was used to being considered one of the high-achieving students. I did well in my classes, and I helped to tutor other students. However, high school was much different than Mendoza. Here, I was out of my element: I was in a male-led major, and I had never even taken a business class before. I usually shrank back in my Accountancy class and let the boys answer my professor’s questions. Even later in the semester when I had gained some confidence in my abilities, I still experienced the same conflict in group projects. My analysis was questioned more, and it seemed as though one of my (male) group members needed to check my work, as if I was incompetent of coming to the correct answer myself. I had to fight harder to have my ideas heard. Experiencing discourse is common. We separate ourselves into groups by shared experiences, similar ideologies, or even physical attributes, and petty differences can often grow into large conflicts. As Father Jenkins said, “Two hundred and twenty-five years later, we are like actors following the script for creating factions: Develop strong convictions. Group up with like-minded people. Shun the others.” However, he also believes that this conviction used to divide can similarly unite: “If we can help solve the problem of hatred, we have a chance to come together and solve all the others” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr. John Jenkins - Moreau Week 10). Differences aside, every person deserves to be heard and respected. Experiencing conflict in the classroom, where I usually excelled, taught me the importance of focusing on my own work. I learned to advocate not only for myself, but for my other classmates fighting to have their voice heard.
	The community of Notre Dame is at its best when all facets of its students are appreciated. Professor Fuentes says in his TedTalk, “We cannot love the God we cannot see without loving the brother we can” (“Diversity Matters!” by Prof. Agustin Fuentes - Moreau Week 11). Notre Dame admits students from all over the world, and I’ve enjoyed meeting new people and hearing about their lives-- I even got some of my friends to try Wisconsin-famous cheese curds. The Holy Cross teachings of celebrating each other’s differences has created a diverse community that only enriches our academic learning. Coming to Notre Dame, I didn’t know a single person on campus. The unfamiliarity was daunting, but I encountered people who were excited to hear about me. I’ve been surprised by the amount of shared experiences that I have, whether it’s with my roommate from Louisville or my friend from London. I’ve felt bonds and friendships grow in importance the more time I spend at Notre Dame. True, it’s difficult to feel strong bonds with such new people, and I definitely have struggled with making new friends and finding my place in the community. There are times I feel overwhelmed by the many introductions, but each week I make more progress. 
	My biggest challenge at Notre Dame has been my question of belonging. As the semester continued, I found myself asking the same question more and more: do I really belong here? I look around at my new friends, who are effortlessly making new connections, excelling in their classes, and joining new clubs. They excitedly talk about their future goals while I think to myself, “how could we have started at the same time?” Here I was, struggling to meet new people, unsure of my major and my career, and not even sure if I was in the right place. In my mind, there was no way that I belonged with future doctors and perfect socialites. I wished that I was as confident in my future as they were. Impostor Syndrome is very prevalent among students, and I’ve been no exception. However, after talking with some of my classmates, I realized that a lot of people weren’t entirely in control either. People were transferring in and out of Mendoza, adding majors and minors, and experimenting in new classes. Though it didn’t change much, it was relieving to know I wasn’t alone in my worries. As Julia Hogan writes, “You can’t live your life according to the expectations of others. When you do, you aren’t living your own life — you’re living someone else’s life” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau Week 9). Sure, some of my friends have a path in which they know exactly where they’re going. My path zig-zags and turns as I try to figure out my destination, and that’s okay too. I’m excited about the detours I’m taking. Though it has its challenges, I’ve learned to embrace my journey, and I hope that eventually my destination will become clear.
	Hope: it stands as the cornerstone of Christianity and the Holy Cross education. Hope is one of the most powerful tools that faith gives you. “Still, the first four principles of mind, heart, zeal, and family, important though they are, would have little distinctive Christian purpose apart from hope in the cross of Christ” (“Hope - Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Fr. James B. King - Moreau Week 12). Hope serves as the foundation for all other virtues, and it shapes students and members of the Holy Cross alike. Having hope for the future means putting your faith in forces outside of yourself: in the universe, in God, in others. The idea of hope amidst adversity dates back to the beginning of Christianity; Jesus with his cross. He sacrificed himself so that we could be forgiven. In the worst of times, he gave us hope for our future. There are many things I am continually hoping for: for my academic and social success at Notre Dame, to find good people that I can rely on well past my 4 years, and my success later in life. With so much unknown about my major and my career, I have to put my faith in God and hope for success and happiness in my life. 
	In just a few mere months, my life has transformed into something completely new. I’m at a new school with new classes and new people. With so much unfamiliarity, it's easy to feel overwhelmed or insufficient. The only way to survive is to embrace the changes and have hope that it will work itself out. In a semester, I have experienced new classes, met new people, and become accustomed to a new life. I am proud of all that I have accomplished in a few months, and I have hope for all that is in store for me in the next few years.