Encountering More of Me
	
I’ve been thinking about the concept of time and how we cannot find a home in time in the same way we can find a home in space. In other words, home is a space we can inhabit and are free to return to but also leave whenever we want. With time however, you cannot go back in time nor can you go forward, you must stay within the present and only reminisce or reflect on time that has passed or time that has yet to come. Having this idea of time in mind, when I look back at the past 3 months, it feels like a blur. So much has happened in so little time, and I have encountered so much. I’ve encountered so many new ideas, new experiences, new people, formed new habits, new beliefs, and in some ways, a new outlook on life. In fact, this newly developed understanding of time came from the content that I’ve been learning from my God and the Good Life class. 
I wasn’t able to take philosophy classes in high school, so coming here I was nervous about taking it. I don’t really consider myself a philosophical person, but I was ready to learn new things. Needless to say, it has been extremely rewarding. Compared to the general classes I have to take for my major, I genuinely believe that taking this philosophy class has helped me encounter beliefs that make me question my own. I’ve been able to witness the university’s goal of “cultivating the heart [so that] we develop in virtue...for the sake of our most deeply held beliefs and hew to a higher standard of justice’’ (“Hope-Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Fr. James B. King, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week 12) Every Monday night, we get to go to dialogue groups for GGL and discuss controversial questions. Our dialogue leaders make sure that we pick a side and use what we learn to defend it. I remember at the beginning of the year we had goal setting meetings with our dialogue leaders and one of the goals I set for myself was to be able to take a stance and defend it. The quote above connects with this goal I had set for myself because I can defend what my heart truly believes with the philosophical ideals that I have learned in class—something that I could never have imagined being able to do before coming here. Looking towards the future, I cannot wait until I can take more classes that are interdisciplinary and can be applied to all facets of my life.
Another thing that I have encountered about myself is how much I treasure social connections and making friends. Every week, a group of us Walsh girls go to lunch together and just detox from the fast-paced environment of school. It’s really the one time a week where we allow ourselves to really enjoy lunch and not rush it. Sometimes we sit there for over an hour talking, even if we’ve finished eating. All the girls that I get to spend a majority of my time with are people who make my life richer, and people that I never expected to meet. In Week 9 of Moreau, we read an article that summed up how I felt about all the people that I have met here at Notre Dame “One of the great things about going away to college is the chance to meet people who are not the same. I learned to cherish each relationship for its uniqueness, for the different perspectives and ideas it brought into my life” (“Advice From a Formerly Lonely College Student” by Emery Bergmann- Moreau FYE Week 9). No one that I’ve met here and connected with is like anyone I’ve met before. I came into college feeling like I had to find someone who was like the people I knew at home as a replacement and also for comfort, but what I’ve realized is that you cannot set these unrealistic and unfair expectations on someone just to supplement your own needs. On my Notre Dame journey so far, I’ve found the importance of keeping myself grounded through the new friends I make here, especially since they bring a lot of comfort when I’m so far from home. However, I also have to remind myself to keep in touch with everyone back home, since those are still relationships that are important to me. I think that I’ve done a good job so far at this, and interacting with people comes easily. As I continue to meet more people, I hope that I can also find the space to have harder conversations about uncomfortable topics and ideas. 
In my Moreau class, we talked about worries that we had expressed at the beginning of the year and where we were with them now. One of the common themes that came up was how surprised we were at the amount of support that was available around us if only we just asked. There was support from our communities, but also many university resources widely accessible. Knowing the amount of support I have, it reminds me of what we read in one of the Moreau readings:  “I need other people for comfort, encouragement, and support, and for criticism, challenge, and collaboration. The self-sufficiency I feel in success is a mirage. I need community—and, if I open my heart, I have it.” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer- Moreau FYE Week 11) I fully agree with this, I would not make any progress at Notre Dame or really in life if it weren’t for other people. Right off the top of my head I can think of at least five people that have directly contributed to my happiness and success. My mom, who I call everyday so that I can share my success and also my concerns with. My Walsh friends who I laugh with to ease the stress of studying for exams. My RAs who have quickly become some of the people I trust the most. I have so much support immediately available. Beyond that though, I have some other forms of support that I’ve found on campus. My Building Bridges mentor Kristi Lax-Walker always shares good advice and connects me with professors who will help me with the future of my career. Geddes Hall, which gives me that little caffeine boost in Father Bob’s kitchen when I’m a little tired after my morning classes. It’s knowing that I have these people and places to lean on that get me through. I hope that as time goes on, I never forget the collaboration it took to get me to where I am and where I will be.
Despite all the positive relationships I’ve cultivated here, I’ve come to realize that many relationships are complex as well. I hold so much love for some people but sometimes that love can hold so much anxiety. At the core of it, “each human being has a deep spiritual, psychological, emotional longing for love,” and I always have to remember that people crave love just as much as I do (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C.- Moreau FYE Week 10). What I would like to think of as black and white is unfortunately not as simple as I want it to be. Whenever someone does something that bothers me, I always have to remind myself that sometimes people just want to be noticed, and that they always have a reason for the things that they do. I hope that I can work to be a more empathetic and patient person, and recognize that there is always more to the story.