Integration 2 Moreau FYE Professor Retartha 3 December 2021 Integration Two As I sit on the South Shore Train, on my way to Chicago for Thanksgiving with my family from South Bend, I have had time to reflect and realize that my first semester at college has gifted me with opportunity, perspective, new relationships, as well as the ability to discover a new sense of self. While the journey from Salt Lake City, Utah was anything but easy in the beginning, learning to be independent in South Bend has enabled me to uncover many different facets of my personality that I never knew existed. I feel more confident in the person that I am, and I am learning to love all the many different parts of myself, both good and bad. Going into my senior year of high school, I was unsure of what I wanted in life, as well as the person I wanted to be. I did not forge genuine relationships with others because I did not love myself enough to love others as much as I should have. Because of this, I found myself missing out on opportunities and people due to fear of standing out or not fitting in within the high school bubble. In order to cope with this, I started running. Running was my outlet, a passion that enabled me to feel free and untouchable. Whenever I ran, my mind was at peace with who I was, and I was gifted with a sense of clarity that I was unable to see in my everyday life. After this discovery, I used this passion to help me through my senior year of high school. I joined the cross country team, made connections with people that will always hold a special place in my heart, and I was able to do what I loved every single day of the week. I finally felt like I was learning about who I was, as well as who I wanted to be, until the time for college decisions began to appear. I am not going to lie, until October of 2020 I had never thought about going to school at Notre Dame. My mom is from Chicago, so I always thought about going to school in the city and decided that I wanted to tour the many different Chicago schools. After looking at Loyola Chicago, Northwestern, and DePaul I was upset because I did not get the “feeling” that I had always imagined in my mind. When I stepped foot on campus, I didn’t feel like I belonged and I worried that my attention was focused in the wrong direction. That was when my mom decided to introduce the idea of taking the train down to South Bend to visit Notre Dame. On the way there she looked at me and said, “Nettie, I feel like this is your place.” When we arrived in South Bend, I stepped foot onto campus, looked straight in my mom’s eyes and said, “this is where I need to be.” Notre Dame became my dream school, and the place that I pictured my future. I knew that this was the place I needed to be even though it didn’t originally belong in my plans. Because of this, I decided to apply early action in the hopes of getting in early and sealing the deal. After getting deferred in December, I was crushed to think that I wasn’t going to end up at the place that felt the most home, but I wasn’t going to give up that easily. I wrote my letter of interest hoping that I would get into Notre Dame regular decision, and I felt confident knowing that God had a plan for me. On decision day, I opened my computer, refreshed my portal, and was devastated when I didn’t see the “Congratulations on getting into Notre Dame” message pop up on my screen. I shut my computer and tears began to flow down my cheeks like a raging waterfall. My mom was with me and her words still echo in my mind, “Wait Nettie you didn’t get denied.” That was when I decided to begin my Gateway journey. After reading the week 9 material titled, “Encountering Dissonance,” I easily related to Elizabeth Cox and her explanation of imposter syndrome. Going into Notre Dame as a gateway student has not been the easiest. Oftentimes, I find myself feeling like I don’t belong, falling victim to the imposter syndrome that Cox describes in her TED talk. She explained that impostorism prevented people from sharing their ideas with others due to feeling less than the people around them. When reflecting on my first semester at college, I have realized that I am not the only person who feels this way, and I should not let my feelings get in the way of expressing who I am as well as my beliefs and opinions. Moving into week 10, reading the article about teaching critical race theory in Catholic schools, I realized how lucky I am to be able to attend a Catholic university. Through my unique and lucky opportunity to practice Catholic Social teaching, I am provided with a powerful resource that enables me to move forward changing the narrative and aligning with the theological principles that direct me on the best direction and path towards unity with God. It is crucial that we are willing to have those hard conversations as a school, as well as a society, in order to slowly change the world for the better and open the minds of others to appreciate and respect all people. The material in week 11 enabled me to realize the importance of community. The reading stated that “when we treat community as a product that we must manufacture instead of a gift we have been given, it will elude us eternally.” Oftentimes, it is easy to forget how lucky we are to go to a Catholic school, where our peers as well as our professors have our best interests at heart. Because of this, we often go about our everyday lives nonchalantly trying to meet people, so that we can get invited to a certain party, or just have someone to know in a class. While getting to know people this way is not always a bad thing, most likely, the relationships will not be as genuine and meaningful due to the fact that they have been derived or forced on the basis of needing something from another. If we can go about our everyday lives focused on maintaining and establishing mutual relationships that make both parties better, then one can create a genuine and lasting connection that will further their community and last a lifetime. Last, but certainly not least, the material in week 12, C.S. Lewis’s Screwtape Letters enabled me to take a step back and think about the choices I am making as I journey throughout my college experience. Oftentimes, “the enemy” that Lewis so often talks about can make it easy to be lured into doing something at a party, giving into the temptation, and then feeling abandoned and guilty later. This is a vicious cycle that continues so long as I do not take a step back and truly view my morals and think about how my actions have consequences. If I can work to resist temptation, growing in both faith and hope, then I will live a life centered around God and the just life that he has planned out for me. Going into my second semester, I need to be grateful for where I am at, remember that I belong, and make decisions that will benefit me in the long run, ultimately leading me closer and closer on the path towards unity with God.