Moreau Integration 2 Professor Thigpen Moreau First Year Experience 3 December 2021 Continuing on the Journey of Self-Discovery and Self-Worth My first semester at Notre Dame has brought me plenty of new experiences, new people, new challenges, and new perspectives on life. It has forced me to dig deeper into what I want my future to consist of and how I can get there. Most importantly though, it has forced me to realize the significance of working on myself and practicing self-confidence. Being surrounded by so many people and possible relationships brought me to the realization that there are some things I need to overcome in order to completely be myself around people and make important decisions regarding those relationships. In my Integration One, I focused on finding who I am and using that in building stronger self-confidence. I made a point that I wanted to turn away from comparing myself to others and practice more activities where I focus on myself. One of these activities that I listed was journaling, and I have journalled every night before bed, except for a few where I was not feeling well and needed to get sleep. Putting my thoughts of the day down helped me evaluate things that I wasn’t sure about, or things that had happened earlier in the day that I was overthinking. Writing down my worries for the future seemed to take some of the burden off of me. Writing about missing my family sometimes left me feeling emotional, but overall was a rewarding experience to see how much they mean to me. However, sometimes I felt as if I was repeating myself in my journals. I think I can improve upon this by searching for journal prompts and asking myself deeper, more thought-provoking questions. The biggest struggle that I am currently encountering is finding things that I am passionate about, and not letting the thought of what others may think of that affect my decision on what I want to do. In Week Nine, I commented on the following quote: “Trust yourself. Don’t look to others for approval or for directions for how to live your life. Look at all of the options out there for living life and pick the ones that you feel called to” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). I stated that I wanted to incorporate this quote into my life, but it is one thing to say you’re going to do something and another to actually do it. It isn’t easy to change a mindset that you have had for most of your life, but I hope that continuing on my journey to trusting in myself will help me achieve this. One way to take steps towards trusting myself and not worrying about others is to step outside of my comfort zone and try new things. One regret I have during the first semester of school is that I thought I would be too overwhelmed with clubs and only participated in two that don't require a lot of time (Society of Women Engineers and field hockey). In Week 12, I looked into the following quote: “The contemplation of new ideas and needs beyond our comfort zones requires a sacrificial willingness to put at risk everything that we think we already know. We need to have hope in that process to stick with it, to believe that what is born of questioning beliefs previously taken for granted will lead us to a new and better understanding of our https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/career-and-finance/how-to-find-your-calling/ https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau vocation as citizens in this world and for the next” (“Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Rev. James B. King - Moreau FYE Week 12). I want to focus on the first part of this quote, where stepping out of our comfort zones is difficult but rewarding. I am apprehensive about joining clubs because I am putting myself out there, alone, without the support of a friend to come with me. However, I know that pushing beyond the limits of my comfort zone, even if it is a small push, gives me a boost of confidence, as I have experienced this in instances this semester. For instance, I was nervous about attending an SYR dance that I was invited to, but decided to go, had a good time, and felt proud of myself for deciding to go. If I start to make these small steps, I hope to boost my confidence while also trying out things I am interested in to learn more about myself and my passions. When speaking to someone new, or someone that I don’t have a strong relationship with, I often overthink what I am saying to the person and if they like me. It’s almost as if I am forcing myself to act so I can be liked by everyone, working to please other people rather than myself.. In Week 11, I mentioned the following quote: “When we treat community as a product that we must manufacture instead of a gift we have been given, it will elude us eternally. When we try to “make community happen,” driven by desire, design, and determination—places within us where the ego often lurks—we can make a good guess at the outcome: we will exhaust ourselves and alienate each other, snapping the connections we yearn for.” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week 11). Although I am not building community out of my ego, I am treating community as a product that I manufacture by putting so much effort in how I present myself to others. I feel as though I need to relax and let what happens happen. If I am treating creating a community as a chore, then I will not feel motivated to talk to others, and therefore I will be acting counterintuitively. Instead, I should work on what type of people I enjoy being around and not worry about if others are enjoying being around me. One thing that I think about when worrying if others are enjoying talking to me is if I am boring, or uninteresting to them. I often talk about school, but when the conversation flows to my personal life-where I come from, what I like to do-I feel as though I feel more comfortable and a deeper connection is formed. I feel as though I stand out when I talk about the small town where I am from and I love talking to my friends about my family and the things I used to do in my childhood. The following quote in Week 10 made me feel even more comfortable in sharing what makes me, me: “The things they've experienced, the good, the bad, the ugly, all of that- it has made them this beautiful, dynamic, interesting person they are today. And that that person is worth celebrating and honoring.” (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop”by Grotto - Moreau FYE Week 10). This quote allowed me to add something to my core values: everyone comes from different experiences and every aspect of those experiences should be celebrated and appreciated by others. While I embrace my past, I look forward to appreciating others’ stories when they tell them to me because of my newfound recognition for the importance of our experiences. Each topic in Week 9 touched a part of me that I could relate to. I feel like I have imposter syndrome for being at Notre Dame, but have learned to be proud of the fact that I got in http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ and recognize that although there are very intelligent people at this college, that doesn’t mean that I am not worth the same as them. Week 9 was also comforting through the video about being a lonely college student. Seeing my friends from high school have large friend groups that they hang out with made me feel that I was doing something wrong because my situation wasn’t the same as theirs. After watching the video, I realized that everyone’s experience is different, and I am going through college in my own way; it may not be the exact same as my high school friend, and that’s okay. Occasionally, I question what I am doing at Notre Dame. If the tuition is worth me pursuing an engineering degree, something that I am unsure of if I will enjoy. While I’m still figuring out where my passions lie and what I want to do for my career, I have doubts on if I am doing the right thing. I wonder what others would think of my future choices. Would I be living up to their expectations? Would I be living up to the expectations I have for myself? The article in Week 9, Why letting Go of Expectation is a Freeing Habit, helped me see that I need to let these expectations go and trust in myself to decide what I want to do. It also told me that nothing has to be perfect right now. Instead, I can start on something that I think is right for me now, and then adapt later. Currently, I recognize that going to Notre Dame is a rare opportunity and an engineering degree is a way into a broad selection of jobs. My future doesn’t have to be set in stone, and that is something I am learning to appreciate and work with. The articles and questions that I encountered through Moreau have always connected to the experiences that I was going through during my first semester of college. This has helped me learn more about myself and what is important to me. I look forward to using some of the sources, such as Brene Brown’s video from Week One and all of the articles in Week Nine, throughout my entire college experience and life. My first semester has prompted me to look into what I value, who I am, and what I can work on. I am excited to continue this journey and see where I am, as a person, at the end of my first year at Notre Dame.